Best Hot Dogs of 2025 - Merritt K 🌭 (Patreon)

Just like we do every year, 1-900-HOTDOG is taking the very best articles by the very best people and making them free. Just like every year, this is our holiday gift to you and the world. And just like every year, you and the world got us jack fucking shit. So make it up to us by spreading some of these free articles around, or sharing the entire free category of the site to your friends, family, and enemies you still kind of want to bang.

Merritt K is the only Hot Dogger in legitimate competition with Seanbaby for Most Cursed Library. She seems to have a terrible portal into a universe full of maniacs, from which she’s able to pluck absurd media you swear doesn’t exist, even as it’s right in front of you. She calls this terrible portal into the maniac’s universe: “Canada.”

Zolar: The Roleplaying Game 🌭

It’s Zolar! Beloved Zolar, who you definitely know. There’s no reason to recap the Canadian made-for-TV movie about that infuriating blue alien, Zolar, whom everybody knows and loves. Let’s jump right into making it a role-playing game about the many failures of Zolar! Beloved, infuriating, shitty Zolar!

White Cobra Diamond Fox vs The Golden Eye 🌭

White Cobra Diamond Fox vs The Golden Eye is about fuck off, we don’t even have a guess. There are fat asses and snake demons, cheap CGI lightning bolts and lovely hairless mystery wizards. If you can explain what White Cobra Diamond Fox vs The Golden Eye is about, please do so in the comments and leave your full name and address so we can get you the help you need.

Quantum Language (of law) 🌭

Under arrest? Smug court-appointed attorney telling you anyone who represents themselves has a fool for a client? Already took a swing at the judge in the parking lot and feeling doomed? Good news! Simply employ the mysterious legal art of Quantum Grammar to (), :, and – your way to freedom!

Cosmo Meets the Foreskin Justice League 🌭

If you’ve been driven insane by a septic infection from a botched childhood circumcision, there’s only two ways for you to find justice: Taking a shit on the hospital admissions desk, or inventing a team of foreskin-based superheroes and writing a comic book about their adventures. You know, there’s a certain quiet dignity to shitting on a hospital desk.

Peachtree Carinivore for Merritt 🌭

This one’s about meat and fucking.