Hot Dog Appreciation Day: The Gang Bang Memorial Taco Truck (Patreon)

Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we sleep together in bunk beds we’ve modified to sit side-by-side. There should be a word for that.

But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!

First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where the only difference between a skin condition and a snack is how hard you pick it. This week Sissyneck is delving into body horror, kind of a truck stop Cronenberg.

Now let’s move on to the Comments where you celebrate… us! Our favorite thing to celebrate, aside from the impending death of tyrants.

Stephan knows when he’s being pandered to.

Chris should know better than to click on the links. It’s like saying you don’t trust us.

And John Smythe should know better than to trust us.

Oh, but Surly fucked up the worst this month.

Quicksilver appreciates Dennard’s sacrifices.

WebWombat does not.

Chris “Ace” Hendrix wasn’t bluffing, all British people are part of a ridiculous, adorable hive-mind. Goat Face is proof!

One of our favorite things about the comments is how much you guys add to the articles, which is weird because you’re usually begging us to stop by the end.

Real Wieners know who the most hated Hot Dog writer is. Novices say Sissyneck, because of the controversies. Most say Brockway, because of the betrayals. The true answer is Lydia Bugg: She has more nemeses than all of us put together, they all keep finding the site, and none of them will shut the fuck up.

What long-winded nonsense, it’s like somebody hit their brain’s gag reflex and-

Okay, well if you’re going to be crazy you may as well be a lot of it. Still there’s-

Good lord. This was all a book plug? Brockway has some shit to learn.

Next it’s time for Weekend Updape with Gellaho! Let’s introduce ourselves (no eye contact, butt elevated in submission) to the new apes Gellaho wrangled for us this month!

It’s Mine Ape!

The albino gorillas got the spotlight in Congo, but who do you think dug all those diamonds up in the first place? It was an ape-based economy from top to bottom.

Now on to the Discord, where context does not help.

Slampire is one of those fortune tellers who only sees how you die.

Henry and Dan B have thoughts, and orbs, what if they put them together?

Boner Pill has chicken and headbutts, what if he put them together?

The whole Discord joins in to celebrate a simple spring miracle.

Look, we know we should’ve turned it off and we’re selling our souls to thirsty robots, but it’s too much fun to poison the Discord AI with Hot Dog nonsense.

Vinegar Tom brought first-hand experience to Martin Kove Month!

We would have expected – no, demanded nothing less of Martin Kove.

But that’s not the only inside dope we got on a Hot Dog subject this month. Amy Jean Nobles left a comment telling us she’s the daughter of the maniac behind the Curt Hiss Cinematic Universe.

Of course Brockway couldn’t leave it there. He demanded answers, preferably insane ones, and Amy happily obliged.

That is simultaneously heartbreaking, hilarious, and terrifying. A tour-de-force, Amy. You are unquestionably the winner of this, the only existing photo of Billy Corgan having a blast on his little train.

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll drop some X, hop in a Trans Am, and seatbeltlessly floor it over there to beat some ass.

You can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM