Hot Dog Appreciation Day: Regret Snakes (Patreon)

Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we are fated to devour one another for eternity as part of a primitive culture’s sunrise mythology.

But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!

First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where if you get married in a truck you get free couple’s shower tokens for a year!

Poor Sissyneck is having a rough one. He’s only just now realized 1900HOTDOG is a single tax filing status away from suicide cult.

And now he’s caught up reflecting on his greatest failures as a man.

Now let’s move on to the Comments, where Olwatty didn’t read the NO NARCS section of the Hot Dog EULA.

At least Simon Fastwinder finally thanked us for creating 1900HOTDOGwithspecialgueststarthefonz.com, as per his request. It was starting to feel a little rude.

Grey asks the question that quietly haunts every Hot Dog article…

While Kathryn gives the only answer we want to hear.

Joshua Graves finally got it, too.

All this time the Tidbits theme song has been a call and response. When Seanbaby asks if you’re ready for some tidbits, the correct answer is “NO.”

We’ve mentioned before how our favorite part of the Hot Dog community are the fun bonus facts they dig up after we publish an article. Take Handsome Paddy here!

Okay, that seems only sort of fun. Surely Jack will bring us back to the light.

Let’s all agree to stop looking things up. Nothing good ever came of being informed. And in that spirit, here’s your monthly contextless madness. Knowing more about what any of these Hot Dogs are saying is not only unnecessary, but in some cases, illegal.

This month Merritt brought us Skunny, the nonspecific video game mascot with nonspecific attitude. What in the fuck is a “skunny?” Call Cobbs had a good theory.

But Matt had the correct answer.

Gozan and Scoot, we hope you’re not slowing down because this is how you get a greenlight, baby!

We don’t often offer apologies here at 1900HOTDOG. We’re more of a grand romantic gesture kind of business. So with that in mind, Cassandra, we know we’ve upset you. But if you take a look in your underwear drawer you might find a special little something from us…

Okay, Loren, we’re not buying multiple apology mice. You can get in on this with Cassandra.

Look, Morri, we’ll level with you. The pet store is out of apology mice. Best we can do now is regret snakes.

They actually have plenty of regret snakes left. Good thing, because Seanbaby’s Larry Wilde retrospective really upset a lot of folks, too. Folks like Derkis-

Even Sissyneck found it in bad taste, and he’s eaten more processed pig assholes than any man alive.

We’re not sure how to make this up to you. Straight up: It’s probably going to be snake-based. But Chris “Ace” Hendrix did have a suggestion for Larry Wilde.

Now on to the Discord, where Schlessel and Chloe are trying to figure out what the horror kids keep talking about.

Abit Ornot and IonianBlue played matchmaker.

Badger never stopped believing in Shane Black. The man did Last Action Hero - we should’ve given him the benefit of the doubt from day one.

Mo is just out here doing jazz with biology. You know what they say about jazz biology - it’s more about the holes you don’t probe.

We’re not sure what Slampire was talking about below, but the whole monologue is worth remembering maybe once or twice a week around these parts.

Delta may have just put together our new favorite combo. Move over, “health insurance executives and hungry sperm whales.”

Speaking of Bigfeets, we recently learned that every surviving cast member of Mountain Monsters lived through COVID. If there were a stock market for human lives, we would have shorted at least Buck and Jeff. Maybe Huckleberry. The Discord couldn’t believe it either.

Hot damn. Anybody else feel a little tickle in their throat? Maybe no one on the AIMS Team got COVID, but COVID can get it.

Abit Ornot built this charming monstrosity for his son.

He’s kind of lovely, in his way.

Yes. Okay. We love him. Let Eric Andre voice him and he’s our new favorite character. We’ll root for him forever, or until he is savagely beaten to death by a child.

He may be as dead as any creature ever has been, but he’ll live on in our hearts.

…

No? The child has found the hidden compartment in our hearts where we secreted away the last of his memory, and has also bashed that to shit? Fantastic. Few things are more Hot Dog in spirit than spending days building a loveable monstrosity just to beat it to death with sticks.

For that, Abit Ornot, you win custody of the most precious photo in existence. This photo of Billy Corgan having a blast on his little train.

Look at him with all of his buds. All aboard the Best Friends Express, right Billy?

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll spend days building them up and then, when they couldn’t be happier to be alive, we’ll bash them to death with sticks.

You can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM