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Script rework? (Spoilers!) (Patreon)

Published:
2022-03-05 19:46:40
Edited:
2024-01-01 22:19:19
Imported:
2026-06

Content

Ok, I think I've had a revelation with regards to my script for the current chapter. 

A lot of you might remember that I've struggled with this script. There's so much to write down and so many monologue scenes where it's JUST faces, and the chapter was looking at being a billion pages. I've tried to trim and rewrite and all sorts multiple times, but each time walked away feeling unsatisfied going 'I'll revisit when it's closer to the time'. 

Welp, this weekend was gonna be my revisit moment and I've had a sort of midnight revelation. Mostly focused around 'what are the parts of the current script I'm most excited to get to'? and 'how can I get to them quicker. '

There are spoilers here, so only give this a glance if you've read the 80% script. Then maybe let me know what you think! I hate to rework and rewrite SO much, but I think this might be better? Maybe?

---

My outstanding concerns, and lingering 'this needs work'...

- Nick has a monologue, Owen has a monologue <-- tough to draw and not be tiring to read.

- Judy's KO'd for the convo (even though I planned to loop her in at the end), and if it takes me another year to finish the chapter, it'll 'feel' like she's been left out of the consenting-loop-discussion for too long.

- I will be working on this chapter for a million years if I'm not surgical. 

---

With that in mind, I'm thinking of changing the flow from:

Owen and Nick start a conversation 'tell me how you want me to fuck you up' --> Nick says he wants MORE  --> Owen says hell yeah --> surprises Nick with 'rules and orders' lots of talk --> Nick tentatively cleans up Owens tied-gooey mess after an intense order --> Judy wakes up in surprise --> They loop her in and we have some fun aftercare.

To:

Owen and Nick start a conversation 'tell me how you want me to fuck you up' --> Time passes, we don't immediately know what's been said --> Judy wakes up in surprise finding Nick tentatively cleaning up Owens tied-gooey mess --> Owen and a messy faced Nick loop her in on what she missed --> instead of the whole convo between Owen and Nick I can now cherry-pick and sample some choice scenes --> Judy's delighted and we end on some happy aftercare. 

The end result?

A bigger rewrite. Less Monologue. More of what I WANT to draw and sooner; (gooey-faced Nick licking up that mess). Judy's looped in earlier and acts like as our avatar/listener for some flashbacks. Things we lose; some slow build-up moments, and bull-talking-to-cuck-wriggling intensity. Shorter more manageable chapter, hopefully. 

Thoughts on this idea my higher-tiered friends? (Not looking for fresh ideas at this time; as I don't want to derail or feature creep - just looking for your 2 cents on my idea!)

Comments

Moobere

Rewite has more potential to me.

Tigerchris

Im all for this along as everyone is happy

AngelOD

I think it's an awesome idea and I absolutely think you should run with it. Not only will it keep it fun and interesting for you, it'll also keep the story's pace up, as you mention yourself. ❤

Diego P

This is a pretty clever way to move along! I like it I love big heart to heart conversations but I know comics need to be a bit more agile, I like this idea a lot

Bucked!

This was the solution to the problem. I learned both the hard way and studying the works of others that a great comic is one you can grasp what is happening, even the gist of what is being said without any words present. A I've done pages with too much dialogue before and it puts folks to sleep, it looks awful and just drives em away. The most important is it's LOOSE. The reader doesn't actually need to know every detail and every limitation of what was hashed out only that they hashed it out. Doing so allows you to define while being indefinite. As you continue the story and have further revelations those revelations become one of the desires or rules that was hashed out. You call back to that moment and bam, it fits together. This is key as it a: avoids you writing yourself into a corner and b: prevents you from needing to know everything about your characters all at once. As I stress characters tell you who they are over time!

Amadose

Right? I love what I've written and it works great for a book, where you can read the whole thing in a few minutes. But for a comic? That updates slowly? Maybe not! So glad it's vibing with you!

Amadose

=D =D =D Thanks AngelOD! I'll be excited to dive in and see where this line takes me.

Amadose

So much of what you're saying resonates with me! Putting words to my 'feelings'! thanks Bucked - so glad you like this fresher idea. Now I just have to sit down and see how it types out.

Danielfox

I’m thinkin it’s a good idea honestly. I reeeally enjoyed the slower progression and detail of the original dialogue when I was able to read it all in one sitting. But in comic page installments, I’m not gonna lie, my anticipation levels are rising quickly. And I think if you feel the same as an artist wanting to get to drawin the fun stuff, it’s probs gonna be a win for everyone. I’m loving the idea of a messy face Nick reveal. I’m imagining him looking up to respond to some dialogue from the others, cum on face with a happy/dumb expression, then a punchline in the form of a certain alpha’s tie finally giving way, resulting in Nick receiving an accidental thud to the face with a cum coated fox dick. 😅 Either way you go, I’m staying for this whole ride. (And after too hehe)

Radicalweegee

Oh man this rewrite has the potential to SHOW instead of telling. Like Owen just comanding Nick right infront of Judy showing of his new willing and ready puppy cuck. Hmmm yes yes yes the rewrite has huge potentail.

Saffy

Rewrite sounds great.

Captain_Rudderbutt

Hey hey. I am new and I would say that the rewrite sounds amazing.

Bucked!

I think what will help the most (I saw your post on twitter about scrapping a lot of work and starting fresh and I've been there, I know where your coming from) is keeping this loose format, leaning back and letting yourself fantasize a discussion between Nick and Owen and not fixate on trying to imagine Nick's limits, instead fixate on Nick's NEEDS. Example if they take things further and begin deny nick even the ability to stroke himself (chastity) what are his needs in such a scenario? What is the "relief" at the end of the game? Does owen have to take on the responsibility of fucking Nick? Is that on Judy to get a strapon? Or does his keyholder just have to keep an eye on him and regularly unlock him for an orgasm or at the very least a ruined one (some boys seem to prefer always getting ruined it seems.) In this example you start to see the needs begin to constitute the limitations. Say Nick and Owen are into teasing and denial play. What Nick needs to get off from this type of bdsm defines the limits. Like if you're going to cage a boy you should maintain a sexual atmosphere around him as to do otherwise would defeat the purpose and so on. In short in your fantasy start with "Owen.... I'd really love it if you did this to me / judy / us" and even if that doesn't become the actual dialogue it's the jumping off point where they can hash out a limit.

Amadose

Right? The idea of Nick doing a sheepish 'telling Judy what they'd talked about while licking his messy face-up, is a delight to me. I'll see how it feels as I hash it out. The original script is always there if it doesn't feel right =)

Amadose

Right? I can cut out so much of the hemming and hawing (which I LIKE when written), and just sort of nose dive into the meat of it. Bring Judy in and have the two boys tell her about their new 'ideas'. Just seems more... fun. I'll see how it goes tomorrow as I sit down with it =D

Amadose

=D Weeeeelcome! I'm excited to give it a go. Get that story rolling faster and sooner.

Retromancer

Anything that cuts the page count from, what, like 16? to something more manageable seems good to me. Also, as many others pointed out comics is a show not tell type of medium. Nick having a "messy face" as you put it definitely gets the message across

KinotheFox

That's actually a really good idea. I like that a lot.

Amadose

Legit excited to dive in now. Everyones been loving the new direction, so far =D

Rickochet

I wouldn’t have minded the build up but I LOVE the image in my head of Nick just appearing with a mess on his face and then having that lead into Judy discovering just how far Nicks in with what’s happening. It is really on point. I don’t see an issue of cutting what you want to get to and pasting it together as you need. Comics aren’t novels, and pacing can be a really difficult task to balance out. Your instincts are pointing you in a direction, follow what you’re feeling. 👍

Mikey

I think this is a great idea, and really enhances the story telling. It's gonna keep the reader guessing and on the edge of their seat just waiting to see what's in store. It almost puts us in the same seat as Nick in a sense. We're just as anxious as he is and it's wonderful!! Great idea and I can't wait

rasswar

Well. advantage of that approach is that u can put anything later on as a result of that talk even right on beginning of new page without having it appear in previous. Approve

Foxpelt

This is great so far! I love what you have done it is amazing work! The script you have come up with is very good. Do you plan on nick servicing Owen in the future? Also if it would be in chastity that would be very very hot i think. You’re doing amazing work take your time have fun!

Jouni Mustonen

I find dialogues between Owen and Nick very exciting. New restrictions for Nick are super hot. Owen taking more dominant role in the game. But I also appreciate Owens recognition that Nick would do everything on his own volation. “Attaboy” is really hot comment from Owen.

Kar da Waffle

I kinda like the original idea, cause I like that dialogue between Owen and Nick. But it seems like your idea for the rewrite still keeps the spirit of that, just kinda shifts it to a different point to make the storytelling easier. So I'm all for it!

jim

I like the rewrite, and I love the idea of Nick sheepishly telling Judy the new rules while Own smirks behind him interjecting as necessary. I say go for it.

Jackie Blue

This might going to become a longer test... I really felt like, even if Judy is in there, that this was a Nick-Owen Moment. A scene where it revolves around what Nick, and Nick alone, wants. How far he'd go, how far he wants it to go. This is something really important in my eyes: the content and consent from the submissive male. So many stories are about cheating turning cuckold, the female and the bull having the decisions and the Cuck being left out or under their feet, in any way without a saying. This, this here is different. And I really appreciate it. That said.. I know how much work it is and I want you to draw what you want to draw. Hm. You could go and let Owen explain to Judy after her coming back to senses and maybe, if you feel like, add the talk in a later bonus page if you feel like. That way, the base work you already did isn't wasted, you can smoothen the chapter etc..

Jackie Blue

Buuut doing so, it would maybe interesting to "follow" Judy here - means we fade out as she tilts and pick the story up when she gets back, to Owen explaining what happened - again supported by panels you already did but quicker than the "regular" form, and then having the option of making a bonus short comic

Amadose

I hear you on this. It WAS meant to be a Nick and Owen moment, and as I work on the other idea it has lost a lot of the intensity. BUT I've always been keenly worried that Judy being left out of the big decisions isn't fair to her, and that cuckoldry is a 3 person game. It doesn't hurt to explore this path a bit further and when I have two scripts maybe I'll put it to a vote or something.