Unfinished Song Vault: I'm Not Crying, You Are... (Patreon)

Not me losing track of days now that I'm not streaming 😅😇

I love the times when I can tell I decided to just record while I ran with an idea with no idea where it was going 🙈 I think this one did actually turn out pretty decent, though, despite being able to hear my hesitation trying to figure out where to go.

I wrote this one from bed one day during one of the many low times of feeling more apathetic than sad. I've written a handful of pieces about feeling just... empty. It took me a while to realize it was apathy. I used to avoid writing during those times. I felt nothing; what's there to write about? I mean, I usually write when I'm overwhelmed by some emotion; I write when I'm driven to it. But I felt utterly uninspired and had no desire to write.

But at some point I started to think "what if there's other people out there who feel this way, too? What if there's people who can relate who might benefit from maybe feeling a little seen, if nothing else?" So I started more actively trying to write in these times.

The only time I've ever really finished something on this was "Weightless", when I was writing during a time I wasn't actively experiencing it, and was just recalling the experience. But although I haven't finished one that I've written while feeling that low, that empty, I think these ones feel more emotional...?

Anyway, here's another piece about apathy 😅👍

Lyrics

These tears don't feel like mine

Falling uninspired

Another force of nature

Oh just following a tide

Another life without a guard (get it? tide... life guard... 🫣)

Am I too far gone?