Unfinished Song Vault: Here's to Another (Patreon)

I think with "I'm Here" being the current Behind-the-Song series, this one feels extra appropriate right now.

I actually don't love this piece, but it gets the message across, I suppose 😂

I wrote this piece a couple years ago now, at a time when I was withdrawing again... but back then I really felt like I had no one to turn to. And while these days, I have wonderful people from my incredible community checking in on me even when things may seem fine, that wasn't always the case. And there were many times when I had lots of closer friendships, on and off twitch, but never had anyone reaching out unless they needed something. Or they just only wanted to talk when things were good.

And when you're someone who often avoids talking about their own problems because a) everyone is already going through so much of their own and you don't want to add to that, and/or b) you don't want to be a burden because you were taught that your struggles were nothing more than an inconvenience to others and you need to focus on keeping everyone else happy because the alternative is unsafe... Reaching out on your own can be... tough 😅 Not that I would know...🫣

These days, I notice when I'm withdrawing and will allow myself the space for a short time, but will make an active effort to reach out to friends if it continues. But when I wrote this...

The last line refers specifically to the overwhelm I feel with messages sometimes 🙈 I get a lot. And pre-Twitch, I was someone who would consistently message one person, and casually message others like... a couple times a week, if that. And now... 😅

Again, it's something I've been better at recently, setting boundaries and respecting my space and energy, but I've struggled with it a lot. And at the time I wrote this piece, I literally threw my phone at one point because I was so stressed by notifications continuously pouring in 🫣 so... needless to say, my phone was a very overwhelming thing at the time 🙈

Lyrics:

Here's to another broken soul

Here's to feeling all alone

Here's to the ones who have it all together

While I can't pick up my phone