Behind-the-Song: I'm Here pt.3 (Patreon)

I decided to jump to the bridge (we don't need to burn all the bridges, right...? If we're familiar with them?)

I decided to skip the second verse, since I think I pretty much covered it with the first one. I do want to address, though, that both verses include lines that describe more serious/worrisome situations (ie. "you're tired; on the brink of giving up" & "when you're hurting; and you start to lose hope"). I have had many people call me in times of crisis. And I will always take that call if I can, but it is...a lot.

Getting a call like that is terrifying and emotionally exhausting, and no one knows how to appropriately handle that on their own. And you know the whole time that if you say one wrong thing, which could be anything, that could have very serious consequences.

So I just wanted to say that if you're ever in that position, or have been, nothing that happens after that kind of call is your responsibility. You are not equipped to take a call like that. You did more than your part just by answering. No matter what may come, it's not your fault. That was too much to ask of you. Answering that call may have given a few extra minutes or hours. Taking that call let that person know that there's someone who cares enough to answer when they call. That's more than enough.

In an ideal world, in that situation, the best thing to do would be to direct them to a professional. But, from my own experience, that might reinforce the impression that no one in their life cares about them. So you could call emergency services in their area, but in this day and age when we have so many online/long distance friends, that's not always an option. There is no right answer. You could come up with a million "I could have done more" scenarios. But you were put in an impossible situation. And that was never your responsibility. And you can't be expected to know what to do. And we all know that our judgement and thinking can be impaired by stressful situations. Whatever happens, it's not your fault.

I have personally not lost a friend after one of these kinds of calls, but that doesn't mean I'm not terrified of it every time. So I think, at least for me, it's a marginally helpful reminder. I don't think it would honestly make me feel better, and it doesn't make me less stressed in the moment... but it is the truth. And hopefully none of us ever need to hear that, but... just in case.

ANYWAY... onto the actual song breakdown 😅🫣

I don't need "Thank you", but don't ask me for "sorry" / I'm not... I'm not / Made to feel guilty; I've done nothing wrong / But I'll always be here, just broken inside / Yeah, I'll always be here pretending I'm fine

              I wrote this bridge to talk about what actually prompted me writing this song 😅The rest of the song leading up to this was very much my way of processing the feelings around trying to be a support for everyone all the time, but not feeling that reciprocated at all. Feeling alone when I was the one who needed support.

This, though...this is about people expecting me to constantly go out of my way to be a support for them no matter what I was dealing with. I wrote this song when I had a friend genuinely talking shit about me behind my back exclusively because I wasn't actively reaching out to them and they didn't see my presence as much as they wanted to... to the point where there were actual consequences for me because of whatever was said.

We talked about it and we're okay now; that friend eventually went through a similar time of not being able to reach out to people or be as responsive as he'd like to be because of his own struggles, which sucked, but they reached out to me in that time because they finally understood how unreasonable it was to expect that from me 😅👍

This has honestly probably happened to me a number of times, but it's happened a lot in the past couple of years, honestly. Not that people talk about me behind my back and cause consequences for me, but just that they get upset with me for being less present than they would like. And I get it. I know that when you're struggling, it's hard to think about what someone else is going through. It matters less to you. Especially if you're in crisis and you really need to hear from someone who cares about you.

But I can't read minds. And also, I am struggling increasingly more year over year just to pretend like I'm kind of keeping up. Maybe that's a K-Tea for later 🙈 But my ability to reach out has diminished a lot. I do my best, but it's tough sometimes... most times, honestly🫣

Anywho, I've gotten side tracked (shocking, I know) 😅 The gist of this bridge is: I don't expect anything in return for offering support. I really don't. But it's really hard, especially when you're already feeling pretty used up, when you then are receiving animosity just because you weren't there enough for someone. We all have our own stuff going on, and sometimes it's too much to expect someone to actively reach out to a friend just because they know that friend is going through something, too.

But I am who I am, so I'm still going to do what I can, within my new boundaries (usually) - booyah, to be there for people when I know they might need a little extra support. And I will happily put my own needs on the back burner when I reasonably can 🤷‍♀️