Unfinished Song Vault: In The Dark (Patreon)

Me? Write tragically sad lyrics? Never...

I actually don't love this one, but I wrote this bit about never asking for help. Plain and simple. It's just an exercise in voicing some of the thoughts that keep me from reaching out when I should, and maybe, hopefully realizing how...well, silly they are 😅 But still pervasive and difficult to silence.

I think the last bit in the recording is what probably a lot of us struggle with: What if I reach out, and even people who explicitly said they're there for you, just aren't. What if you're at your rope's end and you get let down again? Because that would feel worse than just not reaching out in the first place, right?

Ultimately, this is why it's best to call a professional or a help line if you're in crisis. But also, I think it's good to find spaces and people that are reliable, wherever possible. Even if that's just an anonymous forum where you can get things off your chest if that's something that's helpful for you.

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Truthfully, the saddest part of these lyrics, I didn't actually record. For the same reason I later wrote "Just Another Day" - They felt too far and too concerning, and they were too vulnerable to record and make real. But I'll include them in the lyrics below.

That bit is about getting to a point in not reaching out, that sadness turns to apathy, and the energy even just to struggle feels too much 🤷‍♀️ Where you feel like a husk and not a person.

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I think the pieces I write in this mindset are the hardest for me to finish, partly because they feel too far, too sad, but also partly because they feel devoid of emotion for me. The songs start to feel as hollow and empty as the mindset. And that's just ✨not the vibe✨

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Lyrics:

I'm too stubborn for assistance

Or too broken to reach out

What if you say you're here when I need

Right before you shut me down

I can't take one more downfall

~~not recorded~~

If I had it in me, I'd be screaming

If I had it in me, I'd be bleeding