Health Update: Ahhhhhhhhhh (Patreon)

You know when you've been doing too much / going through too much overwhelm/overstimulation for a while and then you finally take a day off (because you physically have to) and your body and nervous system both attack you out of spite...? Me neither... 😅💀

Being a chronically ill little spoonie, I got very used to my body and my brain hurting all the time. Actually...in proper truth, it took me years of my childhood to learn to stop complaining all the time. Turns out, people don't want to be around someone who's in pain all the time. ✨And they also don't believe you!✨ So... after years of being told I was faking it, or I was being dramatic, or I was a cry baby by the adults in my life 🫠 I learned to mask it.

Which is also maybe why I'm still learning about all the things that have been wrong with my health all my life... 😅👍

Anyway, over time, my body gets more and more worn down - like anyone's does, but just...in different ways and a little faster than average 🫣 And so it feels like I am constantly learning to adjust to changes and new problems. I low-key kinda feel like a granny...at the ripe old age of 29 😂

But I learned a long time ago that everything is exhausting. And if I keep pushing myself to do everything all the time, my body fights me about it 💀 Sometimes it's just mildly unbearable/perpetual exhaustion, sometimes it's pain, sometimes both. Like how most people would feel after a super long day at an amusement park or a sporting event, putting their bodies through a lot over the course of a long day, but like... Because I did the dishes and showered 😂

It's kind of like if you were to overuse a muscle, right, then it would hurt and you'd have to rest it...but then you kept doing things to interrupt that rest, and so it sometimes got worse 😅😬 Because your body is like "hey, um, remember how you have this injury?? It did not magically disappear, my guy. Please let me fix it before you go making a mess again!" And as with most recovery tragectories, the goal is never to stop doing everything, it's just to do less... I am not good at doing less (shocking, I know 😂).

That - my body retaliating - I am accustomed to. And I swear I'm doing a better job at resting this year, kind of 🫣

What I'm not used to is the same from my emotional brain. And honestly I think maybe it's not new, but I just masked it better before and didn't understand why it was happening. But I'm realizing that my nervous system freaks out much more when I've been doing a lot, too. And I end up with frequent, unprompted anxiety attacks for days 🫠

In the past, I had a lot of breakdowns, so maybe that's what that was 😂 But now I'll just be like "Okay, I need to actually take some time to let my body rest" and my brain goes "Oh, you're finally stopping? You're gonna listen to me now, butthead! Stay the heck down 😡" So I'll just be minding my own business, laying in bed resting, and then my blood pressure and heart rate will spike and I'm just along for the ride.

✨Weeeeee✨ 😅

So anyway... Bed gremlin days have become quite the adventure for little Myrna and I 🙈