Behind-the-Song: The Only Thing You Love pt.2 (Patreon)

I always think this first verse is a little ironic, because we all know my ex in fact did not even consider giving me flowers until I told him I would like them... Like 2 years into the relationship 😅

But it's a metaphor!

Once again, I will be leaving the descriptions for this song a lot more vague than most for trauma reasons. Also, as I have mentioned, this song is actually very much not just about my ex, so... too many specifics wouldn't really make sense anyway 🤷‍♀️

You promised me flowers / But all that you gave me were thorns from the roses / Sweet like a lily / But you're from the valley; you're poison

I think Bull's comment from the last Behind-the-Song actually, maybe unintentionally, touched on this part of the song 👀

But in a relationship with a narcissist, part of what makes it so difficult to identify if you don't know how to recognize it, is that they do in fact bring you up before tearing you down. And they do so repeatedly in a way that makes you feel like you must be the problem when things are bad, because "if you could just do/be ____", they'd treat you better. You know they would. You've seen it. Right?

So this verse is meant to illustrate how it always starts so positive. How it starts with love bombing. How they make so many promises and treat you so well when they're getting to know you, or when they think they might lose you. But it's all make believe. The promises are empty. The implied promise of a good relationship isn't real.

But it seems real. Because they make it seem like it could be. And it could be. If they weren't just in it to manipulate you to get what they want from you 🫠👍

I used Lily of the Valley as a metaphor here because it is literally sweet smelling and beautiful flower...but it is also: literally poisonous 😅 In fact, "lily of the valley plants are extremely toxic" 💀 So it's there to essentially say "this person is not what they seem". Especially since, in a narcissistic relationship, you tend to be the only person who sees their toxicity (more on that later).

Making me dizzy so I'm falling for it / When you call me crazy / Say I'm making myself sick

Fun fact: I actually googled the side effects of poisoning by Lily of the Valley for this line!

I probably didn't need to, but I felt like it would be fun and cheeky. Lily of the Valley causes a whole host of symptoms, but among them are: confusion, disorientation, drowsiness, and fainting. So in the case of the lyrics, "dizzy" was meant to refer to the confusion and disorientation.

This felt like an especially cool metaphor, because that really is how you feel in that kind of relationship. Not necessarily in an exact interpretation, but you end up being gaslit and emotionally manipulated so much that you don't trust yourself or your instincts.

So when you're told that you're the problem; when you're told that you're being crazy or overreactive or hysterical; when you're told that you are the reason you feel like crap because you're the reason you're being treated poorly... you believe it.