K-Tea: I need thoughts and opinions... (Patreon)

Welcome, my lovely Sloth Priests, to your first "exclusive" K-Tea 👀 This won't be a regular thing, but I needed a wider range of opinions 🫣

...This is honestly really difficult for me to talk about and I'm not sure where to start. I suppose at the impetus.

A lot of people have been cancelling their Patreon memberships lately, which is fine, – and if you're planning to, that's very okay, too! There is absolutely no expectation that you stay! – but for the first time, someone filled out the exit survey with the responses "I didn’t like the benefits/rewards that I received from voiceunmuted, voiceunmuted wasn’t as active as I expected". Which is in fact two responses. And I feel like if they had selected one or the other, I could maybe understand or just convince myself that they just randomly selected...but they selected two responses.

Obviously, the reason I've been apprehensive about sharing this is...well, 2-fold. a) I don't want to make anyone feel bad about leaving/thinking about leaving, and b) I don't want to single this person out. So you can't let this influence your subscription here and this cannot get brought up in stream chat. Promise? 🫣

Anyway, ultimately, these selections on tandem really hurt to see. I won't lie, I did have a good cry about it 😅🫠 And there's a couple reasons for that (scroll to the bottom for the point)...


Rationale/Understanding
I genuinely just don't understand...

Sure, if they had left a month ago, I would have definitely understood that I wasn't posting really at all for a while, but they didn't leave until I'd been back to posting consistently on the original schedule. And, at least for their tier (sorry High Priests 🤦‍♀️❤️), since I've been back to posting, I've not missed a post. And I've posted exactly the content I was posting before, which is what's been listed in the member benefits.

So I just...I don't understand why they "didn't like the benefits/rewards"... I mean if they genuinely didn't like the content, I guess, but in combination with "voiceunmuted wasn't as active as I expected" it feels like it's not the content itself...

But then, at the same time, my page description (and you know...my public and private life) is very clear that while I want to do my best to post as consistently as possible, I am unwell...so even without other situational factors, sometimes I just can't. Which...is an outlined "what to expect" so...I don't know what more it is that's expected 😕

And that brings me to...


Expectations
I struggle with expectations...a lot 🫠 and that's a me problem, but this is all about why it hurt my feelings, so... 😅🫣

What were the expectations if you were getting what I think I laid out as what to expect, but you weren't getting what you expected?

I struggle so much with feeling like I'm not doing enough. I have such a hard time letting myself rest or relax, or being actually restful even when I'm resting because I spend all my resting time feeling guilty about it, and often end up just getting up and doing something else productive. And I don't say this for pity, or even understanding of my struggle. I say this to give a sort of baseline of understanding of why it hurts so much to feel like, or be directly told that... I've failed expectations.

It's obviously deeper than that. That guilt and hurt came from somewhere. But the roots aren't relevant. And again, I know it's a me problem. And I know I shouldn't care about other people's expectations of me, much less an essential stranger...but knowing the logic doesn't make it hurt less 🤷‍♀️

But I have been working so hard over the past 3 years to try to set healthier boundaries, and be better at actively setting more realistic expectations with people. To be kinder to myself, and also in part, to minimize my risk of being exposed to other people's disappointment with me 🫣 I want to set realistic expectations because it's so difficult for me to a) not actively try to push myself further and further to meet other people's expectations, and b) not feel like I've done something wrong, or like I suck, when I fail to meet expectations.

And I've been working so hard to have more realistic expectations of myself. To be kinder to myself and more understanding of my energy levels. And to not get upset with myself when I'm just not able to do something I know I should do or I'd like to do.

And so someone leaving specifically for the reason that I'm not doing enough, in their opinion, it shouldn't matter, but it's just really hard for me.


The whole point of this post

I have been debating posting a poll to all the Patreon members essentially asking if they're getting what they expect out of their membership, ie.

1. I am getting what I expect out of this membership
2. I am just here to support, and the content doesn't really influence that
3. I would like to see more content (comment what you'd like to see!)
4. I would like to see different content (comment what you'd like to see!)

Because I know that the one thing I've fallen behind on besides the apartment version downloads 🤦‍♀️ is comments, but I just can't commit to doing better with those... I'd love to, but as I mentioned earlier this week, it was already difficult, and now it's genuinely painful to type...so typing more than necessary just sucks 🤷‍♀️

BUT I don't know if doing that is crazy/stupid 🙈

Please tell me if you have thoughts/opinions on this. I'm open to whatever you may have to say. I won't be offended. I know I'm being silly. But I can't help it 😅🫠 Send help.