Unfinished Song Vault: A Deep Cut 👀 (Patreon)

Fun fact: the reason I was adamant for so long that I absolutely could not write a song is because I have always had lyrics and music come to me at random. All my life. I just never thought any of it was ever good...and also I never finished anything 😅

*Low-key, I got so exhausted cleaning my apartment and forgot to prep this post before I got to bed...and I just did not have the energy to get back up to grab an audio file (for some reason I can't post audio files from the Patreon app) from my laptop for today's post, so we get a sneaky little baby KT blast from the past 🫣

I wrote this little tidbit when I was...maybe 15? 🙈

When I was growing up, I was always everybody's second choice. My best friend is beautiful and was much more personable than my little pre-masking autistic self 😅 And honestly, we were kids, so...mostly kids only cared about looks and lack of awkwardness anyway 🤷‍♀️ So I got very accustomed to boys asking our my best friend and when they broke up, or if she said "no", they'd ask me. Like I was some consolation prize. I was always runner up. And, particularly in instances when she had said "no", I would literally have been standing there, and would watch in awe at the sheer audacity as they turned to me and asked if I'd go out with them instead...like sir, what? No. That is not charming 😂

Also, I'm demi and at the time thought I was ace, but no one knew that but me and my best friend 😅

This piece being written when I was 15, this situation had long since stopped happening. But I honestly still to this day often feel like that little girl who was always everyone's second choice... 🤷‍♀️ And so I think that definitely played into my decision to be sassy about this one 😂

I'm sure you have probably guessed this, but I wrote this about someone who just went from relationship to relationship to relationship. And in fact, he did to my friend what so many before him had done to me growing up: he asked me out while I was with my friend. I said "no". And he proceeded to immediately ask out my friend standing beside me.

So I wrote this chorus about it 💁‍♀️

I just feel like people who relationship-hop in school-age days are generally not taking those relationships that seriously...they probably just aren't ready to 🤷‍♀️ They're babies 🤷‍♀️ They don't have the emotional intelligence yet 🤷‍♀️ And that's okay (as long as no one is being taken advantage of or hurt...then I cut them 😤) 😇

And yes, I absolutely shared it with my best friend and never deleted the evidence 😂👍

Fun fact #2: Because I felt so alien that I didn't have feelings for anyone, but was literally surrounded by portrayals of love and liking and what people are allegedly "supposed" to feel, I...pretended. And attempted many "love" songs or songs about wanting to be with someone...but I just didn't want to be alone forever because I was essentially told that being alone forever meant I had failed at life (which is very not true, but I was a kid 🤷‍♀️) and we all know how I felt about failing 😅😬

Will I ever share any of those? Who's to say...Stay tuned 👈😎👈