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828 - 59’33” feat. Alex Nichols (4/29/24) (Patreon)

Published:
2024-04-30 05:19:34
Imported:
2026-06

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Content

Alex joins us again to catch up on the ongoing pro-Palestinian protests and the range of responses to them, from blatant attempts to provoke the protesters, to complaining about encampments ruining your teaching of silence. Then, Kristi Noem killed her dog, the defrocking of an AI priest, and Trump expressions that live in our heads.

Tickets to Will & Hesse’s Movie Mindset screening & talkback of Death Wish 3 in NYC on May 4: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/chapo-trap-houses-movie-mindset-screening-of-death-wish-3-w-will-hesse-tickets-877569192077

Files

Comments

Jon

First

Aedan

F u

Elliot Matheny

Own the libs by killing your family pet

SuperDutchoven

Thank you for another Alex episode. An absolute GOAT.

Scoot

Fuck greg abbott

Waffle Poet

Alex is so god damn funny.

Tristan Clark

The next right meta of full on serial killers is shaping up already

Austin Lee

We ask for more Alex we get more Alex

Gage

Chat, I lost my job. Gimme love and support.

SeymoreButts

Alex goat guest every single time

chronye

bro is hilarious

Jonathan Nathan

Every once in awhile there’s a story and I hope Chapo’s gonna talk about it. And then there are stories that I know beyond any doubt they’re gonna talk about, like Kristi Noem murdering two pets in one day

Jay-Z Pants

Alex Nichols kills me every time

Last Years Man

The fact that Astronauts don't do anything was like the main theme of Philip Kaufmann's The Right Stuff adaptation

Dustin Nelson

We should be bombing rural communities where things like that happen, idk how someone tells you they did that with your pet and you don't pounce on them and bite their throat out

Tristan Clark

Same. Love, support and solidarity.

Ale

I 100% believe that John Cage would have loved Three 6 Mafia

plainwrap

The fact that the Columbia protests have been so successful in thwarting all of the attempts to undermine their messaging leads me to predict that sometime this week the ruling class will once more deploy Ol' Reliable: Barack Obama is coming to campus.

Schwartz666

My Great Big God has risen again! (and yes, my penis is also named Alex)

Slily

Not the ultimate liberal boss 💀

Muovi

I don't know how someone can be this funny. Alex is just the goat

Peen Israel

I hate the cat story so fucking much. What the fuck.

Schwartz666

Wait, aren't they forgetting "Bye bye" as their most used Trumpism? They literally do it every ep, and basically in his accent.

Schwartz666

Damn it, I listened to all of 4'33" at the end and not one obvious fart to speak of. And they applaud at the end?? Utter psychos.

Ricky Dik-dik

gonna have a conservative dream team of Kristi Noem, Catturd, and Blumpo Huckabee(or whatever his name is) going on a tour to increase the number of missing pet posters in American suburbs

Max

Alex Nichols should be promoted from guest to full time Chapo. But none of this glorified crew shit. If he's gonna be a Chapo he's gotta get his finger pricked, there's got to be a sword and gun on the table. Either it has meaning or no meaning.

Watermane

I was thinking about this, but I was too afraid to speak out

Jon Lyons

The reaction to the Kristi Noem dog thing is really throwing me, I guess it must really just be a rural/farm/hunting dogs thing—Every authority figure, as soon as I was old enough to handle the dog chores, basically sat me down at some point and said that if any dog ever bites a human you have a *solemn obligation* to get them euthanized immediately because it is impossible ("Yes, IMPOSSIBLE," they'd emphasize) to train them out of it and their violence will only escalate, in the same "Now listen to me very, very carefully" way they'd tell you to like treat every gun as if it is loaded at all times, and then they'd share a tale of some kid they knew growing up who got mauled or killed by a beloved dog whose family wouldn't put them down after they started biting people. It's not a conservative thing, either—My family and teachers are exactly the kind of people Kristi Noem no doubt imagines are trying to kill God and make everyone trans. Fortunately it never came to euthanizing dogs for me or anyone I knew more than the name of, and maybe like dogologists have come to a new consensus about dog safety since I was growing up outside of Minneapolis/St. Paul in the '90s, that I just haven't heard about yet, or this was exclusively in the context of working/hunting dogs instead of literally-has-your-last-name pet dogs, but hearing everyone be shocked about this feels genuinely surreal to me, like hearing that this whole time you were the only person who thought you had to get a swollen appendix removed or stop drop & roll if you're on fire. Doubly so because in the intervening years it would come to mind occasionally and I'd think "Man I bet that'd really suck to have to kill your dog if they bite someone even one time, but that's the hard-won knowledge the dog experts have arrived at, I guess" but apparently it's not, maybe? Huh, dang.

Fingerless

the Australian War Memorial released an AI Gallipoli veteran for ANZAC day, and within 24 hours it went rampant (praising hitler)

Jenkum Terry

I hate 4 33 I hear it everywhere I go

Grant

The international Jew comment wasn’t that fucking funny, make a new episode, this one sucks.

Poppy Chulo

It's ok, there will always be another job. Watch the Molly Maguires with Sean Connery, it encapsulates perfectly the reality of the working man. I'm in hell with my job, I would love to get out but I need the health insurance. I hate it and don't know what to do.

Poppy Chulo

First to bust the last to...bust.

Poppy Chulo

Beat off and now it's too late and I'm too tired to shower. Thank God for paper towels. Hope I don't wake up.

Alexandr

It also went full Jar-Jar. You never go full Jar-Jar.

Patrick Banks

Couple of smoke detector chirps, though

dingbat44

Shut the fuck up old man

dingbat44

Wtf happened at the 11:23 mark?

misterr

Please have Alex Nichols on as often as you like, he’s so funny

Tim O'

Havana Syndrome

Tom

I’m not gonna read all this. So congratulations or I’m sorry.

William

Can’t believe the arbiter of what is and isn’t funny is in these very comments. What a special moment this is

William

I hope so too

William

Why not a try bi partisan team and include mayo pete

Ricky Dik-dik

because this calls for a team of people who are passionate about killing dogs, there's no room for people who kill dogs with 0 passion

Eric Plaisance

Genuinely fucking horrifying, her father was an actual monster

etienne

it murdered me *dead*

Nate

I said this to my wife when we finally got married. She left me.

BigBodyBails

And she was killed by… spaaacee juuunnk

Podcast subscriber 78

Under 3min in and laughing my ass off at this Alex guy. He’s good!

Blank

Google John cage 4’33

Doug Cartel

Love how Alex can just deadpan a joke on here or ChapoFYM and just make everyone lose their shit "I dont remember the 90s I was lezzing out"

Michael S. Judge

Unfortunately I am here to inform you that the Catholic priest's main job is not answering questions

T

John Cage's 4.33"

Doug Cartel

Fuck!!! Forgot about that old ass goat!!! Better fucking blow its brains out. Hurry!!!

Michael S. Judge

One time there was a "4:33" performance for my 2nd music history course in college, without any introduction or explanation of the piece, and there was this awful loud old woman in there who complained about everything sounding "terrible for crazy people." We got maybe 4 minutes into "4:33" before this old woman stood up and said "NOW WAIT A MINUTE" and it was a top 5 lol of my life

Michael S. Judge

"4:33" is fun because you can stage it any way you want, especially if the audience doesn't know what it is. You can get a 100-piece symphony orchestra, or one ancient Russian woman with a theremin, or identical water-blooded quadruplets with albino hair and translucent faces and no instruments, and you get to watch the audience figure out what in the fuck The Big Reveal is gonna be

v

the dead air at the end really did it for me thanks yall

Cameron Beaujon

Idk the “not enough sex” theory might be right on, as a great man once said “Its lack of pussy that fucks countries up”

Sifl and Olly

4:33 makes me think of the South Park episode where they’re sipping their own farts

Daffy

Levels of evil Cormac McCarthy wrote about. Sounded exactly like King Holden and his fool at the end of their story.

Daffy

I'd probably be in prison if a coworker or boss pulled that with even one of my ex's. People like that are asking for a date with a potato shoved on a pistol.

Osborne MOCs

The boys really ham it up when Alex is on. Yeah he's funny but come on lol

ian

rarely hear felix laugh like that, good job alex

Alexander Cobb

Alex needs to be a permanent fixture

ploob

Yo fax

Doug Cartel

unless Alex was being ironic on FYM im pretty sure hes jewish

Zach H.

always fun when a generation that couldn’t stop passing the clap back and forth between burning bras and draft cards think the kids are mad because they’re not getting enough strange

Kevin Lindsay

Dear God is that Noem father story real???

Doug Cartel

there's probably better options at this point, I would wager

Matttttttt

I could not believe what I was reading with that john McWhorter essay. Just like a cornered cat twisting around to reason about the protests.

Well aged meme

patreon player time doesn't match episode time. Unsubscribing.

S

Shut up

S

Yeah, maybe on one episode a week or something and then a guest the other

drizzly_november

No, it's making you feel bad for having questions in the first place. Honestly, for anyone looking for salvation from a chatbot, that's what they need to hear.

Dee Rubes

I am sorry to tell you that this logic is just an excuse to kill mistreated dogs and nothing more. Basically it mystifies the dog’s socialization by humans and then concludes “if the dog is not behaving as you like, you need to kill it and get another and cross your fingers” rather than teaching/caring for the dog. Biting humans isn’t some kind of hard wired thing.

Rbfen

“Son if a dog growls at you, you need to take out a shotgun immediately and unload” The dog didn’t even bite her, if you read the article she says it “whipped around to bite” makes me think it was more of a snap than an attack. Either way I don’t think a 14 month old pup deserved a bullet to the head?

bruce

I nate silver and I'm starting to think that this whole politics thing is a bit of a popularity contest. Pay me $7 million to tell you who will win next election

Damen Irving

I like recounting that cat story in your memoir like it’s some homespun tale of down-on-the-farm shenanigans when it’s a horrific crime. Jesus man

Chris

I think it's cute

Tucker

not the smoke detector beep

Jordan

Very post modern ending , outro song is very introspective!

max

The boys gotta interview lay theologian Justin now

Jose Ordonez

Literally almost choked laughing so hard at Alex’s International Jew joke. Just make him a permanent host already

angel

The gentle vape hitting

MadamAjab

If it's any consolation her abusive "how to turn your child into a psychopath" dad died idiotically by jumping into a grain bin.

1 1

Outro is lit

JK

^^ 👍

Noah Mingus

The longest laugh I've heard! Way to go Alex!

Dildo Saggins

I'm constantly trying to find a way to work "famously, so called weapons of mass destruction" into my conversations.

Trey

Rural Louisiana town under 800 people lived my whole life here, the only thing close to that is a cat that kept attacking my cat in our yard I had to shoot one time because it wouldn't fall for traps. But nothing like what Kristi did which is basically cold blooded murder. That dog probably would have made a group of kids very happy on a playground somewhere, pointers have awesome energy and are very affectionate.

Scoundrel Babe

Chris Wade is GOAT producer, this ep proves it

Reece Coren

leaped out of bed like my sheets had an electric current when i saw alex’s name. it’s like when kd joined the warriors

LPO Crane Jefferson

When Deborah Birx said she had "a low grade fever over the weekend" and Trump just threw his hands up, walked away, and said "uh-oh." I'm always doing that.

I am become reply guy

He’s going to tell them they should have become plumbers 🤷‍♂️

Peen Israel

That’s actually nice to know. Thanks.

Alef Khoury

LMAOOO god damn it this episode is exactly 4:33 longer than it needs to be

James Roche

Between Alex, Josh, and Amber, we are in a golden age of rotating semi-regular hosts, but nothing can fill the Matt-shaped void in my heart. Prayers up, king 🙏

Twee247

Jeez every episode with Alex is so good

Joe

Outro is the sound in Chapo Reaper’s apartment

CatSculptor

I feel like "My class listening to 4'33" was disrupted by the protests outside" is accidentally incredibly profound, but not at all in the way that guy meant.

Iain Hood

That dad prank story might take the cake for most fucked up thing I've ever heard shared as a funny anecdote.

Matthew

Alex-haters doing a 4'33" this week 🦗🦗🦗

Sean

Nice touch with the outro music.

Will

I work in a boomer-intensive industry, and listened all morning to a few of them alternate between complaining about protestors and comparing their real estate portfolios.

m@tt

Egregiously long moment of silence for Orenthal James Simpson

Vincent W Troia

I’d be cool with Alex coming on the show permanently maybe. he’s smart and funny. Has good chemistry with the fellas

J.W.

ALEX FOR PERMANENT 3RD CHAIR UNTIL MATTY GETS BACK.

AbeLinkin

“Thank you ___, very cool!” Has entered my vernacular

AbeLinkin

Unfortunately, dogs aren’t able to go through cognitive behavioral therapy, so if its aggression is a result of past trauma, then it is highly unlikely that it will be able to recover. Ultimately, it comes down to the breed of dog. If a chihuahua has a biting problem then maybe just get a muzzle. If it’s a pit bull then it needs to be sent to the farm.

billbo

It's more of a dog hunter thing. They brag about how many of their dogs they have had to kill.

Trey

I get ya. Very funny that you have the exact same name as the choir director I know at a local church. We talk politics sometimes, lol

Shawn Hayes

catholic souls in outer space belong to the bishop of florida. True story.

Park

Inconvenience is Injustice!

Aram Fingal

He should be the new co host if Matt retires

Eric Plaisance

I couldn’t believe it myself, I’m hoping it was just a lie but pretending you did and telling your daughter is also fucked up

Dennis

Brilliant episode, chaps. 4’ 33” at the end was *chef’s kiss*

J Fitz

His riffs hit an even .500

james

Great tune at the end

Billiam

titus andronicussing my neighbor’s cat

manus

does anyone know where to find the video of the girl getting the silent treatment from protesters?

Agent Grange

I agree with Felix here, it's bullshit that we sent Captain Nagase to space when we needed her down here fighting Erusea. We need our pilots doing important shit like doing trench runs down the barrel of giant railguns, not floating around in the Arkbird with their dick in their hand. If Razgriz was there the day the Grey Men assassinated President Taylor it wouldn't have gone down the way it did, I can tell you that much.

Agent Grange

Also shout out to my boy Mobius 1 who never left the streets.

Harris Hord

Montana Tucker tiktok lol

Eric Plaisance

Did I miss a joke or did her ghostwriter steal it?

Eric Plaisance

It is an exact copy of a story from Falwell Sr’s memoir but I would not be surprised if her ghostwriter stole it

Michael

I looked around and it looks like Will made a mistake. That story doesn't appear to be in the book.

Elder

Sip sippin' on some sizzurp

Poppy Chulo

It's really obvious the guys are phoning it in at this point.

etienne

people have been saying that for like 9 years by now

Poppy Chulo

The last six months have been pretty awful.

T K

They should give him the old Virgil mic after sanitizing it

Colin Hubert

But they played it too loud. My ears hurt. On Sonic Youth’s Ciccone Youth “The Whitey Album”, they covered this John Cage tune, but they played it in the style of The Ram Ones, so it took only a minute 33.

etienne

manned spaceflight politics are so awesome because the nerds at Jet Propulsion Labs are always braying that for the cost of one ISS resupply mission they could send a probe to map out 17 different semi-viable solar system moons and a ground radar sat to provide invaluable commercial data to world agriculture and then there's always a Space Senator who says fuck you we need a human guy in space to do shape rotating for national pride because he grew up reading about Gemini in Life Magazine. The science is settled by now we know that being in space turns bodies to sludge, accelerating yet another Doctor in Plate Tectonic to orbital velocity isnt going to change this

Andrew Cross

uh more like ‘Killing in the Noem Of’

Gabriel M

Lol yeah I wonder why making quality comedic content the last 6 months would be especially hard to do…

K'caj

Alex starring as always

Poppy Chulo

Quality comedic content? This is a politics podcast, my gripe is with the lackadaisical coverage of the events of the last six months. Retard.

Park

That poor dog☹️

J P 3

"I've been walking around here for the past 2 hours and I am terrified" is very relatable to me. I also like to go into rough neigbhorhoods with my "please rob me" t-shirt, and wads of $100 bills spilling out of my pockets, just aimlessly wandering for hours. The terror is so intense that I sometimes can't help but lay on the sidewalk, and take a nap just to deal with the fear.

etienne

oh man that reminds me of that non official episode where they interview a trad cath guy who was drunk and will was trying to corner him to say he wants to send women who get abortions to prison. it was so bad they decided to never to adversarial guests ever again. real heads know

Simon

the show suffered an immediate decline after the collapse of the 2020 Sander's campaign as (imo) after that they had no idea what a path forward could be that they could be excited about, and the show never recovered from it (But I'll still keep drinking that garbage)

Alex

I also agree with remarks on message discipline and the Media Booths being an excellent tool to utilize. I reminded of Matt’s Inebriated Past episode about Upton Sinclairs campaign for California governor and the formation of the media strategy of seeking the most agitated or unscrupulous person and defining the movement around the outliers

Edmond-Charles Genet

Trump has one recently where he says “I don’t know, I guess I’m just built different”

TFARR

Alex really is on his way to a permanent mic 👌👌

Yacobum

The older generation participated in protests, largely as a form of self actualization, as a way to prove to themselves and others that they were worthy. This younger generation participates in actual solidarity and feels no internal or external obligation to justify their actions. At least that’s what I hope.

glaourgbn

what is this ending

ADIFT

Alex is quick with the wit. One of the best guests.

B P

Whenever Alex isn’t on the mic, the other hosts should be asking, where’s Alex?

Paul F. Holzfäller

Did they really have to use that beautiful white bird for war? *poignant piano music begins to play*

Paul F. Holzfäller

Luckily his mother’s womb caught the sperm of a passing truck driver and we were all able to receive that important insight from that great man.

Natalie

I am a newer listener but I've enjoyed hearing some sane coverage of the news

etienne

non exhaustive list of terms felix has used as a euphemism for sex: - clown - toon - strange -

T

Felix is horny for Handsome Pete, the strange clown toon

jfk truther

“No you don’t understand bed wetting, hurting animals, and setting fires is rural culture”

K H

It's me. I'm buying the tents. Not even joking.

Louie Luke

I grew up in a rural area. It is not normal to kill and cook someone’s pet as a “prank.” Also no one I knew would so callously and needlessly kill a dog. Maybe my rural community just wasn’t filled with psychopaths.

Natalie

I think alek had the right take, if you have a farm you definitely have a local vet, no reason to have to double tap your dog. The dog didn't die right away. That's just torture. Put them down like a humane and normal person. Save the bullets for the zionists

Natalie

It's common antisemitic stereotype that there's some international Jewish cabal exerting influence onto the world, but then zionists go and say Iran is doing the same thing to fear monger for the American public . I took that as the intention of the joke.

Natalie

I am a huge cat lover and don't know your situation obviously, but maybe you could've just brought your cat in the house

Jay-Z Pants

Song at the end was a banger

Paul F. Holzfäller

It’s been a while since I’ve simultaneously laughed and cringed, but that stupid bitch crying about the protestors not talking to her really did it for me.

burrito bronson

Love Alex he's funny after. Keep him around

Logan

It's the musical arrangement composed by John Cage that was discussed early in the ep.

Neuradink

Lol fucking Alex opening up with both barrels god damn

Wilko

The point of the piece 4'33 is that the performer does NOT get to dictate what the content of the piece is going to be. Otherwise Cage could've simply recorded four and a half minutes of bird noises and people coughing. That man is a music professor?? What a fucking hack.

James Burkeen

My favorite Trumpism that I still use: (After a coughing fit, or sneezing) “I’m going out like Stan Chera!”

JJ Moffett

God yes that was my exact thought in the first 10 minutes

JJ Moffett

Please upgrade Alex to semi-permanent third mic. The increased diversity and frequency in guests has been amazing, but Alex kills everytime and the whole time. I love his distinct personality and the way it interacts with the rest of the crew. I'm never mad at hearing more Alex.

Marcel Szabo

LMAO at the white Obama of India joke

Daffy

Huh? Like what do you expect? Trump on Truth doesn't work, Elon deliberately ruined Twitter, and Brandon mumbles so much you can't even understand half the pablum. The whole fucking society is phoning it in, brother. Stop complaining and go organize a Starbucks.

NoPrefect

That was so awesome

EaZy E

Yeah, big fan of his and hearing Amber on the regular again now too.

Chase

Alex and Ettinger have been great semi regular guests

Ricardo

Gotta love Alex man, wish he would become a regular in the show :)

Frank Taylor

Any reference to cognitive ability I say “person woman man camera TV”

RG13

John Cale’s BF Lou Reed wrote how the International Jew ran through Descartes to Hegel, the National Jew ran thru Hegel and Nietzsche.

Kevin

You know what it is, Chris, a Dry Boy mentions Hasan you have to know I’m gonna say get my boy back on the show!

NostromoDreams

https://www.wral.com/story/organizer-of-viral-fundraiser-for-unc-frat-rager-creating-board-to-plan-party-give-to-charities/21410859/ John Noonan, the organizer of the campaign, Noonan, a Washington, D.C., defense consultant who has advised moderate Republican presidential candidates on national security issues, is a frequent commentator on defense issues on social media. He isn’t affiliated with any of the fraternities mentioned in the campaign messaging, and he says he organized the fundraiser independently. Felix, you got your wish. Lol

Mangomoosh

I thought Felix was making Duolingo jokes when he says double XP. I guess he’s not learning Esperanto.

Boaz Corey

As a Space Cowboy, this episode offended the shit outta me.

Ed Kurz

Ed Gein - the Shadow Butcher......omg I'm dying

Collin

Being raised Catholic, they don't do river baptisms anymore they use full-leaded tap water that they say a prayer over after at least a hundred people have dipped their hands into... a freshly cracked bottle of glacier freeze is probably a more sanitary option to baptize with if we're being honest

William

Wait, how does this guy on bill Maher know what’s “reminiscent of Nazi germany”? Did his grandpa tell him what it was like

Reece Coren

Alex was like Raptors Kawhi in summer 2024. What a run

Reece Coren

she’s not killing enough so we had to put her down is the perfect summation of kristi noem’s politics lmao

Hardcore Virgin

The woman crying at the Columbia protest is choice