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We had to hop back on the mic this Friday to cover a slew of downright nasty stories that all broke last night: The Goonin’ Lt. Governor Mark Robinson’s account on a porn forum called “Nude Africa” reveals a number of disgusting comments, conservative operator Chris Rufo’s email among an Ashley Madison data leak, journalist Olivia Nuzzi caught canoodling with RFK Jr., and representative Matt Gaetz revealed to have brought an underage girl to an orgy. We unpack all these stories in all their disgusting glory. Plus, some brief thoughts on this week’s Lebanon pager attack, which we plan to get into more on Monday.

Ordering for Matt’s book No Pasaran! Matt Christman’s Spanish Civil War will go live on Tuesday October 1st at chapotraphouse.store.

Files

Comments

notbrian

lets get it ya bish

Cale

Third

Brent

There’s always room for more slop

Arta

Obama

Schwartz666

Some extra sloppy gravy on our bishkits today

Jordon

1 big dirty pls

Travis

Felix begins speaking at 1 minute and 4 seconds

Jake V

LETS GO WE LOVE BONUS EMERGENCY SLOP

Natalie

thank u for this delicious double dip

Marcel Szabo

Would be a terrible pod to have the Bluetooth disconnect during the intro while sitting In a sold out plane.

Gus Fessant

the singing senators vs the gooning governors

Blank

The guy with the Santa Claus avatar is gonna come for Chris wade for that audio static

Tim O'

Wide bipartisan support for marooning both groups on an island that has one (1) gun on it

Jake V

many are saying this

Thomas Stevens

This is an all timer, we’re all gonna be talking about freak week for years to come.

Norman X. Picklestein

don't forget pod save john was ingloriously the first one voted off the island in the most recent survivor season

plainwrap

In Nuzzi's defense, no social-climbing east coast white woman can resist the chance to unlock the achievement of fucking a Kennedy, no matter the danger or consequences. It's a WASP rite of womanhood.

Tom

feels apt to ask today: are we ever gonna get a comment on virgil?

Matelda

What do you want to hear

William

The episode, or that stuff mark robinson was talking about

Tom Joad

Haven't thought about him in awhile. In the internet age, he has done a great job of totally disappearing.

Tom

Their take on a public figure they were associated with being wrapped up in a scandle with an underage girl. The Chapo formula

Matt T

Great ep guys. Funny reminder that Kath hears these being recorded. What a saint.

Kyle Erickson

What does it say about North Carolinians that they voted a Democrat in as governor but Mark Robinson in as lieutenant governor in the same election?

Jon

Katherine pulled out the rolling pin and shamed Will out of reading the rest of those Robinson posts

Ligma

I feel nauseous now. Thanks!

Zen Ben

Merrick Garland delivered in the final quarter by taking down the right-wing grifter network, including such limitations as Dim Tool, Dave 'Ideas' Rubin, and goofy-ass Benny Johnson at TPUSA. It was like Christmas, Hanukkah and News Years in one day. Vindicated at last!

KatrinaJadeHelm

Sometimes doing a PS4 platinum run means doing something unpleasant. Like being mean to Kim in Disco Elysium

KatrinaJadeHelm

If the Elvira drop has one million fans I’m one of them. If the Elvira drop has one fan, then I’m THAT ONE. If the Elvira drop has no fans, than I am no longer on this earth

Michael

When I hear human shields I think of South Park Bigger Longer and Uncut. Operation human shield, protect our tanks and planes too.

Declan Kennedy

perfect outro music, in high school we used to compete to see who could recite that verse the fastest from memory and it goes without saying that nobody was fucking

Kevin Boyle

Please name one crime that Robinson committed. Please try to name one. If he stays in the race he’ll win 99-1, theyll name him Imperator Vivictus of North Carolina.

William

Beastiality. Have you SEEN the sister in law??

William

North Carolina is a land of contrasts

Kevin Boyle

The man is a professional gooner; he got hard even writing pee erotica about his sister in law. You may salute your betters, sir.

plainwrap

Or, if he loses, he could become the first African-American Daemon Prince of Slaanesh

Rahman

First ever ep I had to turn my car stereo off while filling up at a gas station. Bueno stuff

Matelda

Is there something you think you need to learn about a story from an anonymous person with a kitten avatar that Virgil made inappropriate comments to her on AOL instant messenger (thus i assume in like 2005)? Maybe he's guilty as charged, but i still don't know what you are looking for.

Cumtickles

We haven’t had a Slaanesh episode in a while

etienne

felix 360 no scoped me when he said "he would probably come to one of our live shows"

Marduk

This bonus slop drop was truly extra sloppy today!

Conner

Hold the fuck up do I hear Matt’s laugh in the background of some of these jokes?

Mr Boof

Mark Robinson is Corb Fucker!

Schwartz666

Do wah Diddy? Diddy dumb. Diddy do.

Mickey Foley

They should hold a lottery to pick a random fan to be the 3rd mic for each episode.

absoluteboi

extra goon sesh! thanks boys

MLVF

Was cool to hear Matt’s take on the week’s stories. Thanks for sharing Chris.

MCL

Chapo Freak Off 2024

Quadabyte

Nestor should become the new co-host of Chapo, a ward of the pod.

Bamberoni

I thought the same but I feel like a lot of Will’s laughs have the same scratchy sound

Zach Pierce

Do WHAT Diddy? Diddy dumb. Diddy, DUDE!

Sam Schick

After missing Matt’s spiritual guidance on a years worth of world changing events, it’s seems very fitting that his first dispatches are on our gooning overlords. “They’re gooning on us folks!”

Zach Pierce

Chris Rudolph went the Elliot Spitzer route. Ashley Madison gets another scalp

Zach Pierce

Or that they have Asheville, Boone and the Research Triangle schools (Duke, UNC, NC St), Charlotte (mostly transplants in banking) but STILL votes TRUMP….

Zach Pierce

It’s your son, based on the name…

Mike Bess

Y’all are heroes having to read that crazy stuff.

DT

The spirit of Cushbomb pervades this age of bourgeois decadence.

DT

Obamna.

Shiv

chris wade, i respect you so much but this outro music is violence sir

Maxwelle

I started this ep at the same time as I started eating some yogurt and granola and had to immediately turn it off

D

I was just listening to some Zevon deep cuts and realized that Excitable Boy might literally be written about RFK.

chapotraphouse

Honestly a personal fav I’ve had in the holster for a long time waiting for the right shot

Shiv

I won’t pretend I don’t own this on cassette and CD, Mr Chapo. A+ in the deployment dept, my personal jumpscare notwithstanding

Jenkum Terry

The music of manthony pedos is the only way to end this ep imo

Joe

I will never criticize anybody that fights back: beauts.

12345

Biden vs Kennedy whose dog is most likely to bite you?

12345

I reckon biden dog will bite you more, but Kennedy gives you rabies.

C. Ries

Never Goon

Joe

Ps - Went to the Chapo Merch Page; just realized that the background is cosmic blow slowly falling on the background radiation of the universe.

Noah Mingus

Kennedys dog is taxidermied

Noah Mingus

This is some nasty stuff.

Maggie+Al

ok maybe the the Cambodian genocide over at blowback will be less haunting than this

peter_mcc

i hated learning about any of these news items but i’m so glad i now have ‘he takes one huff of her pussy & he starts hitting the walls like he’s a screensaver’ in my consciousness.

Alex Brooks

I can hear Coldplay "Fix You" during Will's Newsroom reference.

Erin Kristina

I definitely heard that, also. Those were Matt laughs

Erin Kristina

Matt laughs? Someone else? Effect button? I kept falling asleep, and starting over when I wake up to pee, as usual because bedtime release, and I kept hearing Matt laughing in my half sleep.

Matthew Krueger

I'm so glad I listened to this before work today and (has already been said) not anywhere where the bluetooth might have cut out. Best moment of the ep was surely Kath groaning in disgust and horror off mic. A perfect metaphor for how it feels to be alive right now.

Jonathan Nathan

Pretty sure Felix has called someone a dunderhead before

LC

baron harkonnen bit killed me

T.A. Martin

The disappearance of Nestor is what happens when uncle magic is used for evil.

HeyB00B00

I know you guys hate Israel but those pager bombs are the coolest things I've ever fucking seen

Peri

personally I’m shocked it wasn’t Louis Money’s song about how Robinson owes him money (“The Lt. Governor Owes Me Money” by the Trailer Park Orchestra)

Michael S. Judge

least favorite Mario Vargas Llosa novel + Univision adaptation

Michael S. Judge

If he'd just run as "The Uncle Ruckus of Nude Africa," I think he takes one Carolina, if not both

Matthew

10/10 ep, would retch again

TC

I was walking down the street and right when the outro music started I came across a chihuahua humping a bulldog’s face who was vigorously licking his balls. The music couldn’t have been more spot on.

Zach B

yeah terrorism fucking rules dude. ⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️

Kvvvy

Listening to this guy's comments feels like the scene in Event Horizon where the original crew are seen sodomizing and mutilating each other on the ship video log

Jingle Jangler

That's literally will and Felix, we obviously know which is which

etienne

doing Tom Clancy type shit to a bunch of dudes having breakfast at their dinner table

HeyB00B00

* a Mass covert attack on Hezbollah fighters. Yes. Fucking ruled

dog stone

i need a shower now

Natalie L

I did not expect to be truly shocked by how revolting those porn comments are but here we are

Bryan Jennings

Always love an episode where Chris is audibly cracking up and having fun in the background because of the quality of the riffs

Dang

Good god the forum comments at 21 mins made me feel ill

K H

You guys are misunderstanding human shield. Human shield means a person you are allowed to kill.

SlamPig

I wanna see Felix's flight sim setup. Does he have a retired mig cockpit setup?

K H

Very bad. Trigger warning. Skip ahead like 4 minutes. Absolutely brutal.

K H

Fake encounter forum poster.

K H

It was interesting but obviously Oct 7th and 9/11 were much cooler and badass. Unfortunate about the human shields injured or killed in those brilliant tactical maneuvers.

K H

Too sloppy.

K H

Bothers me when people express certainty in success when the foundation of so many nations is built on triumph of evil and greed. Glad to see institutional support for resistance even when it fails to adhere to the meek liberal idea of quiet letter writing with a pursed mouth and watering eyes full of pent up ferocity.

Dang

Like I really thought I had a strong constitution for that sorta thing but it's sooooo gross

Chantz

I have a strong suspicion it's a 4th gen American fighter

Colin McFadzen

Really appreciate this reporting. Emergency episode was needed indeed

Michael Branes

kennedies using that black magic, giving rfk superhuman rizz he definitely doesn't deserve

Stevieyall

Was hitting squats at the mark Robinson bit and literally had to bail on a set

Michael Branes

israel is just a serial killer at mass scale. every attack has their name written all over it - in the cases of taking trophies like women's panties, or purposefully maiming palestenians... netanyahu is bile

Clint

Will deserves hazard pay for reading those out loud

Simon Maraya

Cormac McCarthy's Child of God is about Mark Robinson

Reece Coren

imagine sitting at the lunch table with matt gaetz and jerry seinfelds girlfriends

Reece Coren

isn’t jerk off cross country just edging

Stop the Spread

Blackplanet was a basically Black MySpace. In fact it predates MySpace by a few years. There was Blackplanet and Migente. It was not a porn site in any way.

Tim

I was doing barbell rows when Felix said the Hanz Lamda/UPS line and I nearly had a hernia.

James Blackmon

Pardon my ignorance if it isn't feasible, but would Matt be willing to sign the book for a fee?

Billiam

couldve lived my whole life without hearing the phrase “pissy smelling asshole”

chapotraphouse

There will be a limited number (but like, hundreds) signed copy tier

Tristan Abbott

I listened to Will reading the sex posts while I was lifting weights and I swear to god it made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

The Steel Harvest

same... "baron harkonen-esque" was the part that fucked with me

Swintronix

I was doing reverse oblique kettle tension tweaks in the yard and the Robinson comments made me slip a disc.

Jason Matthews

I must part ways with Mr Menaker, here: Robinson is out of Harry Crewes, not Faulkner.

M Varnzo

I’ve heard of gooning (mostly right here on this pod) but this dude must’ve been going into a fugue state. Also, don’t say “politicians and the people who cover them” in this context.

——

“Monumentous”??

Mark Schneider

International terrorism, violating a treaty they signed long ago, not to kill or wound civilians with explosions. I guess that'll go great in the ICJ, amrite?

Miles

That monologue Felix wrapped up the show with made me tear up.

Matthew Krueger

Maybe his almost silent presence is what helped make this ep s-tier. I support this conspiracy theory.

Conner

Exactly, their soft launching his ass by giving us lil tiny bits of his jolly raucous laughter

THEKILLERWHALE

Felix was a live wire on this one. It hit that sweet spot of mid-2000's forum posts, mid-east politics and gooning and he went off like he had adrenaline injected into his heart.

Michael Ouderkirk

Nude Africa is such a bizarre name for a porn site catering to black men. It should be a pulp mag shipped in a Manila envelope in the 1950s for guys who gooned to National Geographic but don't want all those pesky articles.

Mason Coffey

One of the best Felix episodes of late. He was on

Mark Schneider

Regarding the pager terrorism, Alexander Mercouris of the Duran pointed out that there is an international treaty prohibiting these kind of acts specifically. (Italy in WW II would drop pipe shaped explosives on its enemies, as I recall Saddam did this to the Iranians during the war he initiated for the US & Israel against Iran, etc.) Anyway, Israel is a signatory to that treaty. So IF the US ever stops blocking the ICJ & ICC enforcement of any international law against Israel, the Greater Lebanon Pager Massacre is one more count for the ZioNazis who will be in the dock.

Jack Hand

I agree with you. Another point: if they can get personal pager bombs to Hezbollah why are they dropping massive bombs on a captive population? Death to Israel.

Jack Hand

Death to Israel. Go fuck yourself.

HeyB00B00

Yas! Holocaust no. 2 coming soon hopefully

K H

Came at such a horrific price though. Some cthulu level posting. Pissting. Like if you read the unreadable texts that is probably not far off. I'm antisex now. It needs to be stopped. We're done with it. It was a mistake.

ohnoitsthefuzz

Omw to the gym and just started listening. First gag @ "pissy asshole" before I've even gotten on the bus. Not looking good.

ElverG

The gooning allegations got half of the chapo community sweating bullets 🫢

ElverG

Lmao

IronNosy

Only noticed half way through (in a good way) that it was only a duo episode. Nice job you two!

Robert Ritchie

"I never thought Black Planet would make national news" Ah, the soft bigotry of low expectations.

Drunk Millennial Parent

Okay it's kind of funny that Mark Robinson is so gross, he even grossed out Will. The politics is that grotesque now. Wow.

Geronimo

Very informative comment thank you 🫡

Hell Naw

I used to play online poker professionally, so over time I developed a decently sized Rolodex of folks within the “very online” community. The noticeable majority of these folks are 1) exceptionally nationalist 2) exceptionally into crypto and 3) exceptionally into trans porn. Among all of the conservative issues that have been on their pressing list lately, I am absolutely convinced the one that is the most “telling on themselves” is trans stuff.

D

Black Planet was founded by Omar Wasow, who also wrote that academic paper people were talking about during the George Floyd protests about black protest and the 1968 presidential election.

Elliot Imes

"Funky juices" is going to live in my brain for an unfortunate amount of time

Zach Pierce

Drea Di Matteo from the sopranos is MAGA posting about the UN 2030 Agenda. CHRISTIFUHHH… take care uh dis

Jean-Antoine

Will you be able to ship the book overseas ? (in the EU specifically, at a reasonable price) Thanks !

Eric

my only point of reference is Get Em High where Kanye goes “you know how girls on BlackPlanet be, when they get bubbly”

Chad Dopamine

The first segment was like listening to one of the true crime podcasts where they get way too into the grisly details of the heinous crime

Rick Grimer

I've been saying for years now that Republicans think trans people are degenerates because most of the time they've actually seen trans women is while gooning.

Ryan

Not everyone has to resistance train to talk about gooners, it's not a matter of growing up tbh

Dang

Lol exactly. Part of being an adult is being able to say "well this shit is gross I'm out" when you want to

Caesaro

Ugh this one was pretty tough to listen to, so gross lol

Natalie

Will it's time to put a quarter in the slur jar

Burrito_Bandito

Dude following her has been such a blast she is hilarious

Tristan

The episodes where they just read posts by gross horny people rule so much.

Gucci Brandt

Pissy asshole? Wtf? That’s a good thing?

Julian Hall

Idk why but when Will reads Mark's posts I'm imagining them in Casey Kasem's voice

Studio Novaya by Fredrick Edward

Okay so Lucas what you’re describing is basically the post #metoo doubling down of men who choose to be violent supporting one another. They’ve always been this way. Now, they’ve just all agreed that since they can’t achieve privacy for it anymore that they’re just going to ignore it. None of this is unique nor new, it is just more public.

K H

So you are dumb enough to equate Hezbollah with ISIS. Shouldn't you be jerking off a corpse or something with the rest of the Israeli Spurty Dozen?

MKatieUltra

Mark Robinson's train fetish where he'd slip under the tracks and feel them rumbling over him reminded me of this (beautiful) tweet: subway rat made eye contact with me and said “join us. when the train comes we slide under the tracks and feel it rumble over us like a warm thunderstorm. we live forever and we love to live” I said no thank you I am too large he turned away from me I cried

JASON

All kidding aside, I need to see Mark Robinson’s sis in law’s juicy fat ass

JLV90

trainenteringtunnel.gif

Equality State Of Mind

To be fair, most slave owners were in debt, and the most prolific were on the verge of bankruptcy. Plus, they mostly outsourced their violence to local lunatics and the cost thereof to the local government.

Violent Delights

Waking up to this from a nap-dream where I trained a rat to help me steal is truly surreal.

Muovi

Inbred Braithwaite reference. Felix has outdone himself

king_von_diesel

KK in the background groaning in the background in disgust took this slop to another level

dongfeng bong᷍gringø

why does this thumbnail photo look like the back of an early 70’s jazz album