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909 - A Real Hero feat. Pendejo Time (2/17/25) (Patreon)

Published:
2025-02-18 07:51:46
Imported:
2026-06

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Content

Jake and Thomas return to look at the latest news of Elon’s bizarrely begotten offspring. Plus the jewish guy who shot two Israeli guys because he thought they were Palestinians, Millei’s rug pull, and Bari Weiss’ Free Press asks what exactly makes an American hero (and why does it take place in dive bar bathrooms).

Subscribe to Pendejo Time: https://www.patreon.com/pendejotime 

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Comments

Goonba

Fuck girls all I need is sum lube Felix body pillow and some chapo 😈😈

Trey

Just as I'm climbing into my Matt/Leto II themed god-worm sleeping bag w No Pasarán, you do this shit to me. Dammit!

ilkash

Prediction for every minute after 55: “Uh, uh, we’re running a little late, but—“

Biscuit

I have a white friend named Tyrone

Ligma

If you're one of these women who has mothered one of Elon's sons you are obligated to raise him to assassinate Elon

Last Years Man

Would it be sexual harassment to non-consensually mail your cum to a woman? Asking for a friend.

Matthew

Maximum kudos for the King Missile drop 🙏

Last Years Man

I need a post-apocalyptic sci-fi anime about an entire generation of thousands of Elon children, only there's the one good one who's struggling with it and traveling around the world ronin-style. Or maybe something like Scanners where they've grown up with psychic powers and are trying to destroy the world out of resentment.

K H

First 3 minutes and we are on fire. A lot of truth and as per usual a lot revealed about Felix based on what he perceives as normal.

Jack

The Horse in Motion a.k.a Sallie Gardener at a Gallop was by Eadward Muybridge 🤓

MerkurialMike

I used to work in IVF. Sex selection is not hard. You basically break down a cell of an embryo to look at the chromosomes. It's called preimplementation genetic diagnosis. It's mostly used to look for major genetic abnormalities.

Matelda

I noticed that the hero in the story wanted to help the drug addict on the toilet, rather than starve, imprison, or enslave him. Maybe that's relevant?

mweber

Can the unfunny Pendejo Time guy please resist the need to riff on every second line Will reads out? And can the funny Pendejo Time guy please say lots more? Thanks

Eamon Short

Techno Mechanicus is a real Mad Max-ass name

Brent

Musk’s vision is to make “men are from Mars women are from Venus” a reality, and all reproduction is done via cum rockets between worlds

Kvvvy

"educated kids who like to discuss Homer and Virgil" yeah, homer Simpson and virgil Texas

Doug Cartel

Elon's preferred method of making babies dovetails very well with "Triumph over Violence"'s depiction of marriage under nazi rule- an extremely medical, bureaucratic affair with almost no celebratory affect, which I figure is something apartheid mutants must have loved for the last 80 years

Zach H.

But it’s air burst rockets that rain semen on a crowd with buckets

Mountain Dew Or Crab Juice

Zionists slowly taking each other out via friendly fire as they mistake one another for Palestinians is the best praxis western leftists have gotten in decades

Robert Armstrong

ATLien, here, and GODDAMN don't I love my Hennessy and Pancakes every morning. Starts the day off right!

Gary LaRocca

Children of Musk.... Christ.

Doug Cartel

"Your choices for world government leaders now is either TobleroneTriangular or Moot"

NYCM&AHole

lol Ashley St Clair thought Elon was black because he’s South African.

Jim Chapman

Elon is even more normal than Rod Dreher.

kallampero

At least one mycologist also listens to the show, awaiting the unlikely opportunity to provide ample fungus-related content.

T

"Oh. Hey. You remember on The Simpsons, that, uh, episode where Homer gains a bunch of weight and he pets the dog real hard? Uh. What is the point of that scene?"

Matthew Norton

Thought I'd throw some fuel on the elon robo dick fire.. there's an extremely invasive and horrifying looking implant that is offered for erectile dysfunction as well as used in being used in penises for trans men called the Coloplast Titan. If you haven't had the pleasure of seeing how it works i suggest looking up to promo video

Kelley

Anyone got the clip of that crypto guy freaking out talking about selling his Rolex?

Peri

if you’re interested in some more quality seal noises, find the “crybaby learns how to swim” video on youtube and enjoy a seal pup saying “egg” over and over

Dick Waglin

When did we start calling the nazi salute "the romans"? That's some bullshit

Zach H.

I’m not looking it up. I prefer to assume it works like one of those curled up party favors but it flicks semen off the end when it unfurls

Zach H.

Looking forward to when Elon croaks and we have an actual Battle of the Bastards but in probate court.

Rob

Jay Gould is actually a great analogy. The original crypto scammer

Jed Levin

Saint-Claire was given a special herbal drink (w/ Tannis root) every day during her pregnancy.

Do Golems Dream of Ceramic Sheep

Wait..... Is Elon Musk the bad guy from Orgasmo? (l haven't watched that movie in 2 decades but supervillain because of a tech-induced dick malfunction sounds about right)

Folks,,

Please clip the opening of this so I can send it to my female friends and family to help them understand my psyche.

Jaime Christley

surprised that Movie Mindset Will didn’t reference THE DEAD ZONE

Kamran Husain

There is no point in a man’s life when he is not thinking about conflict tactics

Austin Williams

I'm with Will that Arnade's bit of walking a straight line across wherever the fuck is a good one, but the synthesis of your art can't be one more meth safari article for Bari fucking Weiss. Go watch Patrick Keiller's movies and try again Chris.

Jerimiah

Chris Arnade is a former investment banker who uses photography to justify his dive bar alcoholism.

Austin Williams

"broadens the mind but does not deepen it" 👌🍆

Tyler S Bartlett

Would love to see a review of Ross Douthat's fantasy novel, The Falcoln's Children. It's free on substack.

K H

The story about people shooting Israelis for looking Arab is exactly where Israel will end up without Gaza or West Bank. We've seen it. Ideology based on purity will destroy itself because that's all it can do. It can't make anything better, it can only cast out the impure. Liberals tried to co-op this realization in opposition to concrete practical ideology like medicare for all. Israelis themselves are too delusional and stupid to see it, like our own death cult.

delle_chiaie

I've been enjoying your program for many years

Pancy Nelosi

The Erving Goffman of comedy….

TLT

thank you for the seal noises <3

HeyB00B00

I'm catching up on the last like 6 episodes. So nice to hear Matt every now and then

Ian H

Yeah a real conservative hero would have gone the Daniel Penny route.

Dustin Nelson

He sent her a sperm packet like an invertebrate 🤢

Patron

okay this was funny

Enoch

Every Israeli I've worked with lives in Florida. It speaks to the Israeli soul in profound ways

Squeet Deedle

Living in a world that would require constant acts of heroism would suck fucking shit even if we were all getting more pussy and free rounds at the bar in that world somehow.

Mangomoosh

I love Felix’s animal knowledge❤️

king_von_diesel

What if Musk's empire is cannibalized by a bunch of the stupidest illegitimate heirs born since late imperial rome

Studio Novaya by Fredrick Edward

They are all just as disgusting as he is. Cis het women are mostly psychopathic that’s why we are where we are in America.

MCL

How exactly would the robodick work, can u charge it? Does it have batteries? Can u change the batteries? Does it vibrate? So many questions

Travis

Felix begins speaking at 45 seconds

Quinten Monson

Resident of SLC here. Just fell to my knees at the thought of utah metastasizing

R K

anyone got a link to the rug pull rolex freak out guy? thanks in advance

Ana

That's basically what being a trans sex worker is like, and it fucking sucks. That Abel Ferrara shit is only fun in movies, not when you might actually die. Frankly, I think most right-wing male angst might be that the people who actually have adventures these days are like poor women and Palestinians and asylum seekers and shit and not middle class assholes from Colorado Springs. It's like the bizarre right-wing version of 2010s Tumblr teens whining they "don't feel queer enough" because they've never been hate crimed.

Special Adeline

I met a white Tyrone when I was in the psych ward and he was like 70 years old and said he was gonna break out like it was a prison and he was gonna kill his brother when he was on the outside and he made me help him figure out how to call his girlfriend during phone time

Special Adeline

That's why he hates his trans daughter, he's not transphobic, he just thinks it's gay to have a daughter

——

The guy in children of men was a crass memer. Literally a political cartoonish who made fart jokes.

K H

Isn't it?

K H

Too sexual. Not enough NDA paperwork.

K H

Oh, like a vagina?

Watermane

yes, but then again everything is gay

I Let the Dogs Out. Me, Me, Me, Me.

Elon and Immortan DO have the same top-heavy, curdled milk colored, swallowed-a-birdcage-ass (thanks, Matt) torso. George Miller, if you're listening...

Degrassi Knoll

Alternate KM transition: Up My Ass, "An Egg, A Vibrating Egg, Up My Ass"

Marc Silverstein

I can confirm this is true about Miami. I have the sweating disease permanently and have disproved zionism myself biologically

Damen Irving

Gayer than having 13 kids and never once having sex with a lady?

Brian

Check out Chris Watson - outside the circle of fire for similar recordings of weird animal sounds lol

Tim O'

I mean, he IS spineless 🤷‍♂️

Tim O'

I like how this still fits the meter of the Thin Lizzy song

Degrassi Knoll

The Dialectic : Simultaneously being an alpha 13 kid having dude while not ever seeing P**sy

Gert

That is a pretty normal explanation for whatever is wrong with him. He seems weirder than that.

Special Adeline

The world needs fat men, we save other fat men from the door

George P

Musk is so lacking in creativity he named one of his kids after his most recent temporary password

Chris

"Doing No Russian a soon as I wake up"

ts_babyjane

someone tell me what to search for that “im gonna sell my rolex” clip? i cannot fucking find it

kron

What about the small town community man? Who tries to cheat the meat raffle at the Eagles club, or joins a city council sub-committee to prevent a duplex from being built near his house, or has 18 broken cars in his yard. Those are the men we need not the Greek dive bar hero or whatever the “liberal man” is

Instantdumbass

“My boyfriend got his penis stuck in the men’s room glory hole again. Can anyone help us”

William Curley

Is the thumbnail a picture of the bathroom at Mars Bar?

Michael Austin

pendejo rime of the ancient mariner but it's all seal sounds

Boaz Corey

Mystical Shit is an amazing album if you haven't listened to King Missile in a while.

Ben

Really love the transition music about losing your penis

Reece Coren

love when pendejo’s on. also the seal audio absolutely rocked. where else can you get this kind of content? thank you chapo!

Bill Vog

If Elon's dick is broken, this means he is stimulating his prostate to send his jizz to these ladies. Picture Elon doing this, or more likely having someone do this to him. Thank you

Andrew Cross

‘whirlwind romance’ = he has an inspector gadget dick, confirmed

Eamon Short

Shit you're right. And his freak obsession with B R E E D I N G.

Michael

I don’t believe that crypto influencer actually lost any money, I think his whole freak out was an act. The crypto influencers are equivalent to the people who promoted the gold rush.

Stinkamus

the chapo boys started saying retarded exactly two weeks ago, felix's comment on this is retarded

Agent Grange

I think there is a genuine Nazi impulse with Elon genetically modifying his kids, with XE A-12-whatever having suspiciously blonde hair and blue eyes. I doubt his intentions with modifying them end there, for all we know it's just as much about wanting to artificially produce offspring that he thinks won't have his autism and small dick. Problem being I also think CRISPR, like all innovation from the last 20 years, is basically fake and it's all still random chance. I think Elon is doing some Boys from Brazil shit to try to produce a perfect little Aryan heir, but in 5 years the wheels are gonna fall off the CRISPR babies and they're all going to turn into like Akira kaijus.

C. Andrew

My take on Elon with kids is two things: 1) He wants to create a person who will like him 2) this one annoys the hell out of Trump.

C. Andrew

It's crazy it took 13 kids before one liked him.

Liz

I do think of shopping all day. Chapo educating the masses as always 😘

Liz

What was Felix's comment?

Hocho

Or... hear me out... Could he be creating vessels to use to upload his consciousness into? "Neuralink has reportedly killed about 1,500 animals, including pigs, sheep, and monkeys, during its testing since 2018". He's going to need numbers.

Big Bob

Should probably post a chapo survey to see the strangest listener jobs. I run a home daycare with my wife and that's normal if not uncommon in the chapo way of things.

DS

I write regulations for employment based immigration programs. Shit is getting weird.

eduard karpoev

Pendejo Time eps are like the opposite of Seeking Derangement eps. They speak the Cis het audience of the show.

Maggie+Al

If the Dems were serious they would send child protection to save those kids

grant brown

I like when Thomas says stuff

etienne

big fan of the barman in this story who while 10 guys were busy giving themselves injuries ramming his door was just T-posing with an amber ! above his head

Jack Ross

I love Matt so much he is such a treasure of a person

Trevor Wookfield

What's the roid freaks name who plans to hunt down the meme coin freaks who made him pawn his Rolex?

Keith Benoit

Just when you think that you might unsubscribe...

MATT TRIANO

This is the first Stroke of Genius that honestly sounded entirely coherent

eduard karpoev

A french guy smoking cigs and yapping about shit he doesn't really know about is so what I aspire to he 😭

Ryan Gullage

We might know the same guy. Last name Shoelaces?

Agent Grange

I'm pretty sure "Jewish Liar" is a class you can play as in MYFAROG

Mazetrol

Eeeyyy Bad Bunny mentioned Wepa!

Noctor

Ashley st. Clair now makes the pilgrimage to Dosh Khaleen

Marshall Steinbaum

Ahem the scams are not in Salt Lake City. They’re in the suburbs/Utah County around Provo.

AbsenteeUncle

This motherfucker is still engaged

M Varnzo

Ladies, I’ll guarantee you I could’ve kicked that door in with one good front thrust kick.

Richard Cochnar

To be fair, Felix called Adam Sandler a 9/11 retard (referencing Rain Over Me) in a very early episode.

Benny G

The ole mail and bail

triplevalaska

I work in northern alaska in the oilfields

DrFunkPhD

I listen to Failure whenever I need a pick me up

Michael S. Judge

I'm in the abandoned foodcourt where zombies huff Freon and I'm going Mousie Cheese mode

John Leavitt

Most authoritarians, that is people who are into to authoritarian ideals, don’t want to be in charge or right, they want to be *normal*

Khemith

Remember to take pictures so you can level up. We'll need you to clear the atrium.

glaourgbn

14:30 hey this is that "birthing fetish" thing I keep hearing about hey? like his kink is to make someone have an entire child. This is like Hitler level of anti-human.

etienne

il est tout comme moi pour vrai

Gooch Immane

"Rebecca B" is Amber R, the "seals" are Matt

M

Yeah it’s absolutely a breeding fetish, makes them feel powerful in some perverse way

M

XE or whatever the fuck his name is will become the monster at the end of the Substance and Americans will immediately elect it president.

M

Fun one to do at karaoke

Cormac O'Brien

autistics catching a lot of strays for this Elon Musk asshole

Equality State Of Mind

I hate a Glock. Worst fuckin gat in the whole goddamn world. The safety is in the trigger. You have to touch the trigger to take the safety off and on. NONSENSE!

Edgar

Stroke of genius 😂

sailor corellia

Most of the podcasts I listen to can be described as "penis podcasts". I'm a woman. Fuck.

yea

I rebuke the Grimes slander in this eppy, she made visions so she's absolved culturally from all deadbeat mom allegations

Aaron Enold

Good to hear Virgil started doing poetry!

Tucci

it has been a really long time since i heard "detachable penis"

Paul F. Holzfäller

Elon does have an auto aim torso. It’s great that Felix is able to put words to things that I simply can’t.

Noctor

So the conclusion of the reading piece was that D&D crossbred with neoliberal atomism and imperialism and reduced the number of Jungian archetypes we can choose from the collective unconscious? Or did I miss it completely?

Noctor

Obligatory “this is my safety right here!” (Insert image of index finger)

Dan J Johnston

I wasn't a fan of the Pendejo Time boys when they initially turned up, but this episode was gold. Jake is a little too keen to talk, but he can be funny, and everything Thomas says is magic..

Tea for the Tillerman

Played by Michael Caine one of the most legendary twitters/a meme in himself.

Jacob

God that misuse of erving goffman is atrocious

shawarma drip

the stroke of genius is one of the most beautiful things i've heard all year. thank you matt!!

DS

I miss my college days smoking Marlboro reds and citing Nietzsche and Foucault for every thought that ever came into my head.

protob1

The autist wanted to procreate and the dumb whore wanted money. It's not that complicated.

Arid

That article you read about personality archetypes was painful. "World is too complex for local moron, needs to boil it down to 6 types of people, max"

Arid

Local idiot can only imagine 5 personalities, maximum.

Brian Jerse

Is that a picture of the infamous scary bathroom that Thomas used

Noctor

Yes but all are a cross between “the orphan” and “the hero”

Hudson

I don't know about the overall fanbase, but there appears to be only 3 personas in the comments here: the normal just happy to be alive guy who heard something he liked, the creepo who wants to fuck, kill and eat you (not necessarily in that order), and the crotch-maven sycophant who would have your children and not go public

justdave

Im Fuck>kill>eat, just in case any ladies read this

bruce

Literally the only difference between the Trump and Milei crypto stuff is that Trump did his right before inauguration, so he wasn't the "sitting president"

glaourgbn

that was fucking fire when felix went off

Earthstrike

The “IM SORRY!!!!” had that Matt energy

YIMBY 4 HEAVEN

"Every picture i see of a manatee just looks like an old friend" LMAOOOOO

Robert Aitken

the fuck is a “crotch-maven”. actually do not tell me and go think about your life

Robert Aitken

the nazis called it that because they’d invented the idea that it was something romans did

Robert Aitken

think it’s some games workshop shit

Hudson

Bruh crotch maven should be self explanatory let me know if that synapse ever fires. If not, you can always suck a dick to get the gist

Roger Peet

We've been trying to reach you about your robot dick's extended warranty

R J

Strong episode start at least. I would have liked to hear Thomas more.

Sean

Everyone knows that when ODing while pooping your supposed to climb into the poopy abyss...

justdave

What an ugly, stupid thing to write

Hudson

Says the 'fuck, kill, eat' guy... lmao

Dame

those seal recordings sounded like veteran-era JPEGMAFIA

justdave

For you it's "eat, kill, fuck guy" thank you very much

MATT TRIANO

Also these are coherent, fun. Seeking Derangement eps are like riding shotgun in a slow car with squawking birds

Mortagh

Will called Odysseus Ulysses like 3 times

Katie Doyle

So one of Elon’s kids with Grimes is a girl and I think the sex of one or two of his more recent kids hasn’t been revealed. Also, it’s worth noting that gender selection is illegal in Canada, which is probably relevant in the case of his first wife

Last Years Man

Yeah it didn't ring genuine to me either. Surprised people are taking it seriously. It is pretty peak Internet though

Sarah S

So strange how people who use some slurs won’t use all the slurs. Wonder why

Ivy Green

Love the poems Matt 🤘🤘

Ardy Rezv

They did it all the time until the audience yelled at them

BlackWolfSkinwalker

Was considering this concept earlier this week, so the cold open really got me

BlackWolfSkinwalker

He revealed that he is just like me, a fellow normal person

K H

I like the idea of Intrusive thought operatives trying to bring him in. Introopers. But they can't compete because they only have 40% intrusive thoughts and he is able to improvise in ways they never thought to. Like using babies as nunchuks.

Sisyphus

Love those guys. Now I want a sound bite of Felix going “.. ooohh oh ohhhh okay…”

Gulb

Is Felix is thinking of Eadweard Muybridge as the guy who did the picture of a horse galloping ?

Jackson

I also spent 14 months listening to chapo from McMurdo station last year, probably even met Rebecca B! I'm convinced the podcast kept me sane

low_art

Crotch mavens and one night stands

DS

I could only find the very graphic video of him shooting himself in the head, which is still up on instagram, if it's the same guy. Mistafuccuuu or something like that.

Trelhouse

Came to vote up the horse whisperer.

Sierra Bangs

Girls also think about being attacked constantly 🤔 #littlegirlythings

Conor Daly

Luv when Thomas speaks up

Hardcore Virgin

I’m a woman saver. Ocular Assessments on point dawg!!🇮🇱🇮🇱🚬🚬😷🦔🦔🏄‍♀️👄💨👄💨