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586 - Christmas in Heaven feat. Danny Bessner (12/20/21) (Patreon)

Published:
2021-12-21 05:02:59
Imported:
2026-06

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Content

Time was, a Will-less episode meant a cavalcade of kids-running-the-candy-store bullshit. But, we think we’ve cracked the code to a reasonably focused Will-less eps with the Chris/Danny sub-in combo. Which of course means you hogs will find something else to complain about here. We’ve got Omicron updates, the BBB implosion, Chile’s new president, tensions in Ukraine, and of course, medieval cum hell.

Tickets for our Southern tour are on sale over at chapotraphouse.com/live

Files

Comments

kmd

Merry Christmas, bitches

Kai Sharpe

Danny should be a regular on the show

Yeahman

Ur mom should be a regular in my bed. Which she is.

Kai Sharpe

Matt on fire in this one

Baron

If you coastal goblins fail to visit Dealey Plaza and talk to Mark Oakes and his video table while in Dallas, there will be Mango-flavored Juul pods to pay.

collapsing

Who rhymes with Fred Kahuna...? asking for a friend

Michael Robinson

I haven't even listened to the episode and I was insulted in the show description. I feel at home

T

Red Kahina

T

"*BEEP*"

Jessica S

IDK I like the kids-in-the-candystore mayhem. 🤷‍♀️

Noneya bezznes

I can't believe you motherfuckers are coming to Charlotte right after I leave NC. I endured 15 miserable years in the middle of nowhere, North tobacco fields where it took 2hrs of country driving just to shop at a costco and literally the month after I move back to my hometown of Las Vegas y'all finally decide to brave the land of cotton. SMDH!

Connor Gouge

He already is, he's gotta have the most guest appearances at this point

Stateside Reds

Jesus Christ y’all, it’s a Monday

Ron Kooby

Why does felix’s mic always sound like it’s clipping?

Shiv

but is there a Jewish medieval sexual goo hell *for girls* I want to know if I have to worry about an egg bath

Shauna Seroquel

I don't think any other person has helped me make sense of the past few years more than Mr. C -- national treasure.

Vincent Utah

I’m calling it: Trump’s base is going to turn on him.

Ben

We love Danny

Bob K Ross

you fucking tards don't know shit about Taiwan. Just stop talking about it. its really embarrassing to listen to. Taiwan has a female leftist president, wheres the fucking solidarity?

Bob K Ross

Danny B. didn't even bother to read the wiki on this one. What a lazy bitch.

A C

Missed chappo the whole of last week - I almost lost my shit, I was acting like Gil from the Simpsons lol

Mitch H.

The top 1% own 100% of the Orcs.

Dr Nermal Funkenstein

My childhood chud friends turned on Trump a while a go, around when he left office. DeSantis is def new hot daddy for those who don't *literally* worship Trump

Bob K Ross

lol its a liberal democracy with universal healthcare and post office banking. also makes 80% of your microchips. fucking bernie bros hate ppl with bernies policies!

Fender Belly

You guys want me to bring some regional sodas to the Charlotte show?

Antipaganda

The Sound of Music twice an hour, and Jaws 1, 2 and 3...

B2B Commuter

A heckin’ female leftist president?!?! Well now I support starting WW3 over an island that China has more claim to than we do to Puerto Rico.

Isaac Jones

I cant be the only one starting to get honorary 4th/5th/6th chapo vibes from Danny these days (depending on Amber and Chris's status)

Isaac Jones

Let's see Taiwan actually declare independence from China first (something theyve never even done) and then we can even begin the conversation over their legitimacy. Until then, Taiwan is technically and obviously China.

Michael

Taiwan is china bitch. Where's the solidarity for actual communist countries?

Bob K Ross

fucking retarded virgin tankies!

Bob K Ross

so, on the record, you don't support universal healthcare and post office banking? or self determination? lets get Pinochet back, he was doing a fine job!

IHaveHemorrhoids

Professor Cushbomb is the most insightful Chapo contributor imo After listening to Hell of Presidents and all the Inebriated Pasts (phone said pasta at first, might be onto something), there's no question. Need to go through these Hinge Points. Been slow on getting to it

Bob K Ross

you dont support puerto rican independence =?

IHaveHemorrhoids

I had one scheduled for Friday But I got Omicron as of Sunday haha. Gonna push it out another week or 2. Get in there quickly!

nicedickdude

Anyone who’s antivax doesn’t believe covid is deadly so the press release is still propaganda

Isaac Jones

Damn I'm not eligible for the booster in Wisconsin yet

SF

Just go beat off over Taiwan’s epic girlboss president and stop inflicting your weird yellow fever fetish shit on the rest of us.

SF

who cares

SF

Surprised there isn’t some insane guy with a default fox avatar whose thing is paying $5 a month so he can call you either tankies or libtards over Ukraine

tanmantincan

We love the slop don’t we folks?

SF

Bob K Ross is Noah Smith’s alt

Evan Scott

every country has universal healthcare lmao. taiwan achieved universal healthcare under the epic girlboss leftist one party state of the ... kuomintang

Evan Scott

the dpp is also objectively not a leftist party lol

Jingle Jangler

"A stygian bukakke" is an all time great line from matt

William

Lol this is the funniest shit I seen in a while. By your own admission Taiwan is a liberal democracy- how the fuck do you even become a fan of chapo - they are literally communists

SF

Yeah I wasn't even kidding, this weirdo is probably a Noah Smith sock account lol

Leon Sugarfoot

As someone who used to have a job unpacking trucks filled of $100 Tommy Bahama shirts and overpriced Rachel Ray kitchen ware at a Carson Pirire Scott before the company went bankrupt, Felix you have never been more correct.

Phubarrh

Chicago's Christmas train is now properly called the Allstate CTA Holiday Train.

Michael

A focused will-less episode is a bad will-less episode. Let the boys just chit chat Chris, the podcast is better when there's nothing real to talk about. Oink oink do better

Paul larkin

Bob, it's gonna be okay bud and please stop calling people retarded, not a good look.

Paul larkin

Bob, what happened to you buddy?

Ascetic Blur

I'm a hog and I wish to rant and rave!

Cooper Zilkenat

Really good episode! Bessner is really good at presenting things so my tiny mind can understand them.

blackFFillip

Danny hosting would free up Will to riff, a strength

JV

biden with a serval would be so good

Carlos

bro that song at the middle of the episode (intermission) was a banger. link?

Baron

Let’s go Brandon!

Bob K Ross

who is noah smith? sorry in advance for not being a brony or furry or, most likely, a fucking 12 year old tankie virgin!

Bob K Ross

lol u think china is communist you poor child!

Bob K Ross

yeah the one party state of the dpp u got me there bro

Bob K Ross

25 million taiwanese

Bob K Ross

oh jeez we live in a society

T

"Nobody" by Mitski

Vincent Utah

@Andrew, I’ve been seeing something similar in my neck of the woods.

T

When Biden said he wanted a cat, he probably meant a jazz man.

NukaDirtbag

Yes lets simp for Taiwan which still suffers from the "North-South divide" mindset that they sewed when they effectively invaded the island and then spent 40ish years killing everyone with leftist sympathies, just cuz they have a female president and universal healthcare now.

Mr. Lobotomy

I don't think lockdowns work anyways.

Mr. Lobotomy

I don't think we can mandate vaccines either.

Michael

Did Felix seriously call *china* a kleptocracy? Or was that about Russia and America? Cause if so fucking lmao

etienne

china is not less of a kleptocracy than russia or the us?

Michael

Ya it is. I wouldn't call china a kleptocracy at all lol

etienne

keep it up then. the CCP really needs your help defending their honour.

SF

(Noah Smith voice) Who is this "Noah Smith"?

Michael

Tfw youre a leftist who listens to radio free Asia lmao

etienne

like I mean china has its own domestic Bezos, called Jack Ma, and it has a good old fashioned property bubble where billionaires engineered a pyramid scheme by milking would-be property owners in the cities. Are you saying this is not true, or that this is less bad than the US, or that it's a nonfactor? Would China have a whole class of mega-millionaires trying to get their cash of out the country if it weren't in some level somewhat of a kleptocracy? I don't really read that much about china I wouldn't really buy that it's this much more egalitarian than the US

Michael

"I don't really read alot about china" I know. That's obvious. Also I don't think you know what a kleptocracy is if you think a kleptocracy is when there are rich people. You should read more in general I think bud cause damn lol

etienne

Pls send links. I'm working through a book about the early US Railroads right now because reading aobut hte US is generally more fun

Jonathan G

Can we've danny full time?

A___Stick

Etienne, I recommend looking up '72 Chinese billionaires' in google. Should dispel any visions of China being a kleptocracy.

etienne

yeah sure that's pretty hilarious, but would you say that the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia is not a kleptocracy just because MBS shook down a bunch of his cousins by locking them down in a hotel and then hacking off another guy that rocked the boat?

Michael

Again, do you know what a kleptocracy is? Like do you think Xi is stealing money and lining his own pockets like Saudi princes? Are you high or ignorant? Or both? 🤔

T

Maybe "kleptocracy" is just a stupid word that glows in the dark. You could call any government a kleptocracy.

etienne

Please send me shit to read about how the chinese economy functions and stop trying to land cheap dunks. I am begging. of you.

orc

Can we also invade Ukraine? Seems like an easy target

Blake B

33 minutes in and already one of the best episodes in a long time!!

Ernest Ambrus

Wut? Covid can be deadly. Still don't need the shot. Seems a reasonable enough statement.

wonderfell

Awesome to hear that Will is transitioning ❤️

Stormy_Ramone

Please oh please finally do a "Southland Tales" episode. Even if peeps hate it, it would be a great jumping off point to discuss what happens when reality laps satire. I'll leave out a glass of raw water and mango jule pods for Santa Claus.

A___Stick

Well, for starters, they pulled 800 million people out of extreme poverty, built 38,000km of high speed rail (in 10 years), ensured that DiDi (China's Uber) classifies it's workers as employees with min wage guarantees and benefits, electric cars cost $4000, their hospitals offer same day test results and treatment within a week (average doctor visit costs $5), they force business owners to bail out their own companies by selling assets (yachts, private jets), their universities are now more prestigious than western equivalents, and China has by far the lowest Covid Mortality total at 4,640.

Brendan A. MacWade

Drop Will and the show immediately becomes more intelligent. What a genuine surprise. Even Felix toned down his man child humor. What a great episode.

Justin Martin

Love how the White House just gave a big fuck you to all children under the age of 6.

Naked Shitter

What is this podcast and how do I subscribe?

SF

shut up nerd

SF

Hey why don’t you guys go have a fight with Bob K Ross upthread? He’s a different kind of annoying guy. You could yell at and mischaracterise each other to your heart’s content.

Michael Branes

i also blame parks and rec famous line "treat yoself!" that shit's a problem

blackFFillip

Will just needs to be relieved of hosting so he can be free to riff and plan. Better admiral than captain

Steven

So histrionic, "0.00%-0.03% of all child COVID-19 cases resulted in death" CDC, but it's a moot point anyway since there is no policy that would prevent pandemic waves from occuring.

blackFFillip

He always gets in front of his skis when reaching for vocabulary, but yeah, better host

Max Lopez

Nice ep no complaints

Luke

'The saved and the damned' The boys gotta get some shit together on the prosperity gospel!! It will play SO well on the southern tour. Matt's rant about success being measured by social stature is spot on.

rolfesam

I’m sorry this is ep is so much more interesting than another dissecting dumb phrases from a National Review article one or something

A___Stick

No I like this thread.

Rock Wallie

Australian lockdowns were not that strict. You could go to food stores. Retail was closed through strict stages in Vic. There was a 5km travel limit, or however far you needed to get food. The idea was that you reduced everyone's contacts long enough to allow the contact tracers to catch up. It worked, until too many people got sick of it. Most people think it was the right thing to do.

The Big Other Pod (edited)

Comment edits

2026-09-17 02:00 Australia's population is also *tiny* compared the USA despite roughly the same land mass.
2021-12-22 01:31

David Cox

Classic 70s era 'Antidote' to wealth=virtue notion: A remembered mantra of Maoist left: "Chairman Mao started with a pencil and small desk and now look what he has accomplished....!"

Greasy_Jones

*raw-ther*raw-ther*raw-ther*

Jenny K

Trueanon would come to Austin Tx

William

Well, a place other than a cancerous tumor I suppose?

Rock Wallie

Yeah but our cities are a decent size compared to many US cities - Melbourne, Sydney about 5m . Control covid in the cities and you don't need to worry about the regions.

Bob K Ross

(noah smith (doing noah smith voice)) I'm a tiny sexless 28 year old who knows who noah smith is

Bob K Ross

Mc tague or whatever the 80s called and wants its history and probably the fake shirts you buy on etsy back, you little dicked tankie

Bob K Ross

william, what country do u live in? better be cuba lol

Bob K Ross

sorry paul your mom kept me busy!'

Julie Baxter

Joe Biden is driving the hearse.

J Fitz

Feel like I've had just enough Dan "well actually" Bessner on the show this year

J P 3

It's worth remembering that Trump did invoke the Defense Production Act, but it wasn't with respect to N95 masks, or other safety gear. He invoked it in connection with slaughter houses and meatpacking. e.g. because there was a lot of profit to be made in selling food domestically and overseas. The profit maximizing route in the aggregate probably would have been getting COVID under control globally as fast as possible. However, the economy and global order isn't organized to produce aggregate global profits -- it's organized to maximize the profit of individual private firms that are situated in the largest and most powerful economies.

SF

It’s so fucking miserable dude

Shake zula

I think I've made more jizz than anyone else here but like that's not cool if I have to swim through it in hell....

etienne

no yeah its a great ep but while that was a throwaway example i think the last NR reading series about WEB DuBois was far above par

Rock Wallie

you are right, the council estates approach was fucked. I am in Vic. I have been hearing a lot of misinformation on US podcasts about our lockdowns though - I think this has travelled via Sky news' internet reach. I am correcting it when I hear it because it drives me crazy.

Eric Murphy

My friend, think about the people you're talking about here. You're not top 20

Poppy Chulo

"and only 4,640 Chinese people have died of Covid" lol

SF

The Taiwan guys and the China guys in this comment section should go find a discord to scream at each other in. The “you’re all libs” and “you’re all tankies” guys should do that too.

Mitch H.

The Chapo SoundCloud comment sections

Mitch H.

They should all buy a house and live in it. Make a sitcom. Get schizophrenia like Roseanne.

Mitch H.

If you drink enough of it you can probably get your feet to touch the ground

Jenn

100% the reading series' are just repeats at this point

Mr. Lobotomy

CDC admits around 20-30% of US covid deaths are not people that died of covid, rather they're people that died and had covid

Mr. Lobotomy

Also some experts say a third of the US covid deaths could have been prevented if we had universal healthcare

Mr. Lobotomy

A lot of experts, even Fauci at one point, have begun saying that covid is becoming endemic, so maybe we just have to accept that and try to adapt

BL

People who die of cancer often die of heart failure after the cancer has become very advanced, but they still died because of the cancer.

Mr. Lobotomy

that's interesting, I would think both might be listed as a cause of death then, alas I'm not a medical expert

Raymonz

Danny is annoying

Yup

You guys need to keep Danny and Chris on the mics. Best ep in a while

Yup

Nah

Mr. Lobotomy

Matt, great point about Latin America being the most actively Left currently

Mr. Lobotomy

Also great point about the US electorate's liberal narcissistic politics

Brent in TX

I hope they go to the Oswald house near Bishop Arts

Hector Jaime

Wow, lots of long winded gymnastics at the beginning just to avoid admitting without qualifying it that Biden said the right thing this time around.

Alec Foy

Great ep. Thanks gentlemen.

Michael

So what Matt is saying in regards to Obama and his viewing habits is that the former is president is basically Will Menaker.

Tom Clarke

You haven’t cracked the formula and it grates to hear you saying that every time you do these poor episodes.

Tom Clarke

Also of course China is trying to project power overseas. All countries do it.

Paul larkin

Bob, come on man, the best you can do is a Mom joke? Ain't nobody keeping you busy bro, you sound like a miserable virgin with no prospects. Sad.

Paul larkin

Bob, are you ok bud? You seems upset and hurt? What happened to make you this way and how can we as a community help you get to a better place?

Adam Sullivan

Our assigned value has shifted, from worker to consumer, but somehow the organizing never shifted with it. The old days of shaming ALEC members or pipeline divestment campaigns are fading, partly because of schizophrenic popular controversies and dissolved attention spans, but also misplaced organizing. Consumer unions, backed up by public banking, could subsidize low income cinsumers and allow everyone to participate. Imagine being able to pick one evil company over (Shell over Chevron, General Mills over Kelloggs), save money in the process, and force real change through targeted attacks. Argue with me about how it isn't possible or would be bad. Its fun to be a contrarian, go for it. Or, ask me to provide examples. The competitive market is just getting more imaginary over time.

Eric Valentino

＋１００００００　Ｓｏｃｉａｌ　Ｃｒｅｄｉｔ　Ｓｃｏｒｅ

Michael

Lol Eric Valentino, your fico credit score just went up 8 points for being such a good lil imperialist bitch boy

Minaisen

The more interesting potential Trump hingepoint that wasn't discussed: what if covid happens 6 months earlier and unfolds exactly the same way, except the vaccines come out in August/September and Trump gets to take full credit for them. Do his supporters turn on him for promoting vaccination, or does he become our god emperor?

Matt Crossin

some real bernie cope in this one 😴

SF

The real cope is when online anarchists counsel everyone to "read moletesta" or whatever

William

Ah yes. "Suppose there is a consumer union backed by public banking " glad you imagined away that irrelevant shit, like, you know, organizing the unions, maintaining them, getting public baaanking passed - you know, reality type shit

Carboniferous

This is a really interesting question imo. Alright, so, coronavirus is first detected end of June, early July, then starts becoming a pandemic 3 months later in October 2019. First wave hits higher numbers over winter into 2020, meaning more deaths and more hospitals get closer to outright collapse. Lockdowns over Thanksgiving and Christmas piss off way more people and lead to disillusionment even sooner. I guess it's then about if Trump gets coronavirus earlier then. I think if it spreads like wildfire over winter and people are already sick of lockdowns and are breaking them by then then he'll have a high chance of getting it a couple months before he would have, even taking into account the 6-month delay. Does the cocktail of drugs and adrenochrome to save him exist at that point? I'm not sure and can't be bothered to google it. I guess we'll assume he still gets it and still survives. I think the chapos made a great point when they said that Trump's base only really has one point of contention that they could actually break with him with, that being vaccines. But I don't think that effect is enough to meaningfully deter the hordes of old people and used car salesmen with nothing better to do than vote. I think what happens is that Trump does what he's doing now: he brags about how he made the vaccine happen, but then adds a bunch of fluff about how "it's your choice to vaccinate and you shouldn't be forced to". I think the greater effect on the election is actually how the Democratic primary proceeds. Bernie has quite possibly the best situation in a century to advocate for universal healthcare - instead of it being a pandemic in the future whose potential scope is only just being comprehended by the time that Obama phones up Pete and Amy on Super Tuesday, he has the mountain of corpses to point at. On the other hand, he doesn't have a volunteer army, which is how his campaign functioned - he didn't get any help from the media and didn't plan to. And also there's how the virus and lockdowns affect the process of voting in the primaries, because if there isn't mail-in ballots and Bernie has the same basic compassion for people and doesn't command people to go out and vote like Biden and Perez did, then that fucks up his chances even if it's worth in for the reduced death toll. If there are mail-in ballots, then that kinda nullifies the effect of the Party closing voting booths in progressive strongholds (and Iowa is probably even more of a shitstorm). The final contest is then Trump with the bonus from being seen as the dude who developed the vaccine but is somewhat hamstringed in that he can't flout it all the time without pissing off his base, versus Bernie, who can just gesture around him when asked why universal healthcare is a requirement for a functional country to exist but has the entire weight of the media and party undermining him like Corbyn was in the UK, and writing articles like "Voting for the lesser of two evils must stop for democracy to continue" and "Why vote for two misogynistic old white men when Jill Stein is here and ready to shake things up in Washington?". It's definitely close, maybe even as close as Biden vs Trump in our universe was, but Bernie edges it out. And if it's Biden vs Trump in the other universe, Biden loses. Trump's fuckup can be obscured by the beginning of the vaccine rollout, again like the UK with the Conservative Party leaving one of the highest per capita corpse piles in the world in their wake and then doing a successful vaccine program to "make up for it"

The ATL Bike guy

Can y'all please unlock this episode? I want to send this episode to everyone I know

chris dray

dog, it's an even ep, they have it on the yt

The ATL Bike guy

Thank you, I didn't know that! Although listening to a podcast on YT is a chore if you're on mobile.

The ATL Bike guy

Cool! I appreciate that man, I'll download it for personal use. But I want to send the episode to friends who don't listen to Chapo and downloading videos doesn't seem to be an option with this app. Telling them to also download an app to listen to it is no bueno. But I am glad I know about this app now so I can't stop watching ads.