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We discuss the increasingly bizarre obsession around “objects” being shot down in the sky, as well as the insane circumstance around the toxic event in Ohio (and we will have more on that later this week). Then, our annual review of the Super Bowl broadcast & advertising spectacle. Finally, we answer your Valentine’s day call-in questions!

And, a note from Felix:

Hey, this is Felix and I just wanted to get more eyes on my sister Lucy's incredible writing. she most recently put out this essay on the ephemeral and sad nature of devices in our lives that elucidates concepts that I have been struggling to articulate on the show. Please subscribe! thank you https://open.substack.com/pub/lucydiamondb/p/41-one-november-night-15-years-ago?r=3k2uk&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

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Comments

Zane

I’m gay

Toddy Todd

I hope the aliens put all of us out of our misery

Erik Bourre

I for one, welcome our new insect overlords.

Dr Nermal Funkenstein

Fuck that, I'm joining the mobile infantry and killing every last bug I see

HeyB00B00

Ole 1 Balloon Biden

BryceSprungstein

what's going on with these UFO's is that, I suspect, a lot of people are trying very hard to make sure we talk anything except Seymour Hersh's latest reporting, b/c jesus christ if its true, and it probably is, the implications could be disastrous (though I don't think in the immediate term, as I don' think Germany could do anything about it at the moment)

Tyler Sutherland

Felix saying that the CCP has “market socialists” in its young guard is very funny. No they don’t, the CCP is capitalist to its core and essentially it always has been, even before Deng. Pure cope lol

Jon W

You, me, and Posadas makes three

Chance

plz give sources i mean.... it's a globalized world. there's elite educated people from all countries. if you're going to make an argument like "all chinese communists think like this" i'd like a source. it's a hell of an assertion for an episode 20 minutes old you've listened to three minutes of. There's beijingers who think of themselves as new yorkers who are also candidates for party positions down the line, you're being silly if you think china or capitalism are mutually exclusive.

Sam Schick

John Lennon - Matt Paul - Will George - Felix Ringo - obviously Chris

Cole

Chris is more of a George Martin type

Kiva

Someone spell Bob Kerry(?) for me so I can google myself onto another watchlist thanks.

MC Prescott

The war on bugs seduces yet another greasiness human

Gordon Schmidt

I really hope that some weirdo political sect like those "Patriotic Communism" Larouche guys or Avakian's RCP scraped together enough money to buy a spot and put together the most low-budget Superbowl ad of all time. It would probably be one of the most fascinating things ever aired on American television

Nolan

Fallout 4 is a game that shows post-apocalyptic, almost Terminator 2 like destruction but asks the question “what if it was fucking Boston kid?”

Grimm

The CCP literally has Marxist Youth corps engaging in student movements and councils in every city in the country, lmao wtf are you talking about? Seriously can we ban westerners from commenting on China cause this is getting ridiculous you got poggers arguing Marxism is more popular in the US than in China, Jesus christ

skrrt vonnegut

They should have had a Behr weatherproofing wood stain ad featuring Inspectah Deck

Animals in Motion

Very marxist statement like "country x has always been capitalist", that's famously how Marx thought of it, like an eternal essence.

polarkeef

Same here. Dudes being dudes

polarkeef

Just got off cta from downtown Chicago. Noticed a 40% rise in non human possible alien lifeforms. Be safe boys. The simulation is real

Michael Landreth

Along with the military ads, the wokest ads were the JesUS ads, which taken together basically mimics the PR approach of the second Bush administration.

Nolan

Thank you for being brave enough to say what we’re all thinking.

NoPrefect

They could play "Rain on Snow"

S Agsar

Nobody cares anyway, same with the train derailment. They don't need to manufacture a distraction, no one cares - and even if they did they wouldn't do anything about it anyway.

Jessica S

Find the other biters and start a play group. Or hitters or kickers, whatever completely developmentally normal way your kid interacts with other kids. Even if they don’t stop biting, you’ll be around understanding parents, lol. And for Christ’s sake, tell the daycare to try a little harder to redirect and distract the kid. They of all people should know they’ll outgrow it. You’ll need the energy once they can cogently argue back, lol.

Zach Pierce

Pat Tillman was tackled by his own line, is one way to put it.

Graham Mitchell

Very pleased to hear Saskatchewan named for the first time in Chapo history. May Baháʼu'lláh bless Felix, even if he said it wrong.

Andrew Cross

JFK was busted. that’s right, I’m saying it

Proboscis Man

I know The Hat Man, and he told me he was asexual.

Ligma

Did Matt purposefully reference Rick and Morty by referring to Jesus's "cum gutters"?

JD Nonce

I mentioned this on the last episode where Seagal’s Osaka dojo was mentioned but I’ll say again, I am also a Grey Wolf in Osaka so let’s hang out

Max

Your Baby Is Retarded And You Should Drop Him Off At The Fire Department. A Chapo Guide to Parenting This is our generation's Dr. Spock

THEKILLERWHALE

I fucking hate the notion of a daycare dropping a kid over biting. Get your shit together. There are always biters. The other kids deal with it. The parents deal with it. If you think you can just drop a child because of this you are unfit to offer care to children.

Post Void

"Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from Michigan will join others from around the Great Lakes. And you will be launching the largest aerial balloon poping in the history of Mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today."

Pedro

bethesda had to let a white boy cook

Trickster Mickster

Let’s get the Gothic Dark Lord King Cobra as the Chapo wizard. Even though he’s a dark wizard he uses his black magic for good. Circle of Protection upon the Chapos so mote it be in the witches circle 🔮

Kamran Husain

thank you for boosting my rap group our next project “isis - ketamine” drops this april!!

Greg Danielius

"a Vietnamese man walking around with both of his eyes" fucking savage, Will

Josh Tarpley

Wait is that an actual LBJ clip?

Post Void

The B stands for Big.

Luis Zamarripa

You know the whole fucking company was sitting in that room all hands on deck to make the perfect pair of slacks for the presidents giant hog

PublicMarkets

“It’s on sight for all balloons” 😂

Doug Cartel

actually the F22's first combat kill was Starscream in 2006, so it wasnt a waste of money after all

Doug Cartel

Jack? You mind telling me what the hell you're doing on that that that rainbarrel on stilts?

Doug Cartel

there's closets full of skeletons and then there's that world war 1 memorial that's like 300 feet long and it's just skeletons that you can see through the windows

Slik Smoothie

Of course racist bernie bros support renounced afro pessimist jackson mahommes and his WHITE family over the great pan african theorist jalen hurts

Nolan

I love how everyone mentions it as “the airborne toxic event” like it’s the Kid’s Choice Awards.

Zach Beale

I NEED THE LYNDON B JOHNSON UNDERWEAR AUDIO CLIP PLEASE THATS WHAT IM PAYING FOR I BEG YOU

HuffingGasInTheShed

Who’s a guy have to blow to get stav on for the advice episodes? Get me a good email and I’ll take it from there

William

Who the fuck cares you know what he meant

Woody

Sloane before I met you Asia was just my house, but you make Asia my home.

DogCrunch

I got my job through Workday and I have no idea what the commercial was for. It’s like a website that you can use? The most cryptic commercial imo.

Ian H

Kerrey. As one of the earliest SEALS he commanded the massacre ofabout 20 kids in Vietnam, like hunting them down and dragging them into a central hut to be slaughtered, got a bronze star for that action, later a medal of honor for getting his leg blown off, then became a senator.

Daniel Dermont

Can’t believe felix is on deen like that makes my snake solid

Demented Avenger

But did Hurts's dad pitch for the Twins? No. Therefore Mahomes has a link to a greater sport, so I must root for him.

Demented Avenger

Does the gay potion work? Asking for a friend.

carl

True story--I was a biter, and my parents didn't know what to do, so one day I did it and my mom came out into the yard and bit me. And it worked. I stopped. That was right before college.

james petitious

As a woman I actually love that DT calls everyone that opposes him fat in one way or another

Jesse DeStasio

Hector Salamanca (Mark Margolis) lives in my apartment building. Very nice guy, always pets my dog.

Ahmed Razick

Suffer not the alien to live.

poiuytrefvbj55

My friend joined the navy instead of going to college and his first trip out to sea he saw 5 people killed by an osprey accident on his ship. He had to help fish them out of the water. It's a horrible piece of equipment.

Adam Desai

That Deen Squad comment brought back so many awful, awful memories

Connor Green

Matt hitting homers this week

Movie Donkey

What was that Substack Felix mentioned?

Standing the Gaff

Chapo, please write and perform Bank Train. Will, this is how you break into Hollywood.

Damen Irving

Rack up like a 1,000 hours in cities skyline or a paradox grand strategy game. Women love that

SH

Please greenlight Chapo Productions “Bank Train” immediately

Will

Actually Will, true love will find you in the end, but only if you ARE looking can it find you.

Ian H

Ettingermentum, it's the same guy as that cityAfreaks account Felix was talking about around the midterms. Articles are all paywalled after a couple paragraphs though.

blazed uncle

Matt nailed the UFO thing out the gate. The Biden admin felt embarrassed that they had to wait a few days to shoot the weather balloon so now they’re blowing up undergraduate research projects.

Brendan Kawakami

Will - Mormons (or members of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints as they prefer to be called) can and absolutely do drink soda, including coke and Diet Coke. The Word of Wisdom DOES say refrain from intaking stimulants, but for whatever reason they have just whittled that down to coffee and tea. There was a ‘hot beverage’ prohibition in there but they drink the hell out of some cocoa. But dirty sodas were created here in zion.

Saga

I love Darkplace, but how dare you besmirch Matt Berry like that

etienne

JFK was bussin

Saga

Really good article by Felix's sister in the description. I remember about 10 years ago, I accidentally deleted the entirety of my computer's main hard drive - all my music, all my photos, gone. I remember feeling so despondent about it, until I realised about 80% of it I never actually looked at. It was like I'd outsourced my memories and emotional attachments to my computer, and deleting everything made it feel like that part of me was gone too. It was a good lesson to learn early on, and I've tried to view the devices in my life as tools rather than extensions of myself. But it is starting to feel like I'm just going against the grain on that one.

Graham Mitchell

Win not wan: as in "Sas-kat-che-wIn was the first province/state to have an elected socialist government in north America"

Garrett

I really like the advice here I feel like them as I’ve come out on the other side of not thinking I’d ever be able to have sex.

Greasy_Jones

i don't know, sometimes i do regret the things i doo doo

Marcus

The fail-kids are in charge of constructing reality.

etienne

abysmal dating tips. "just don't want it too much" "adopt a hobby and get really into it" "just shoot your shot by saying to her that there's always been a tension you felt" okay fine. I will simply just have sex with gay men instead. much higher chance of scoring

Gengeros

Yea the Chinese ballon shit is 100% a psy ops. None who is left should support this crap. I doubt there even was one to begin with. Imagine calling yourself against the “msm”, except on this. This is 100% getting Americans into a race war frenzy fir the Chinese. I even heard one person at my job call them “a nefarious race.” Oh but vote democrat cause they are the not racists.

Gulb

Look, here's the deal. Dunkin' Donuts? It's not good folks.

Gulb

The only way it could possibly be proven is if someone visited the site and there was some evidence. The only people who would do that are the Russians, and America and it's allies would just say they're lying. Maybe it will be proven in 50 years when everyone can just say "that's in the past"

Jimmy McMillan

I don't mind the Jesus gets us commercials. The people who will have the biggest reactions to them are right wing reactionary christians complaining that they maid Jesus woke

MKatieUltra

Don’t they go hard on sweets and weird sweet drinks?

Enoch

Mormons love soda more than any other group on earth. Now that the easy opioids are gone it's their drug of choice.

MKatieUltra

Will is right, cooking a nice dinner and getting a fancy pastry (from an actual bakery) is so the way to go on Valentines Day. Just sear some scallops and make a vegetable. It’s thoughtful, fairly cost effective, and not cheesy.

Jaime Christley

Dunkin' sells the best bad coffee in America. It's a dubious honor, but an honor nonetheless.

Zachary Sloan

Regarding the biting baby, confused why no one mentioned the most obvious solution - simply remove his teeth. The great thing about being a young child is that they'll just grow back in the next few years.

Zachary Sloan

I think it confuses cause/effect. The "not caring" happens because someone's life becomes good in other ways, like having a good job, etc. It's the life that causes those feelings (a life where you're living in a major city with a high income, in the case of the Chapos) + the influence that has on a person's behavior (having lower stress and generally being happier) that attracts people, not the lack of caring itself. I stopped caring around 12-13 years ago (37 now) for different reasons, and I absolutely had more luck with women when I was a neurotic mess as a young man, because at least those feelings kept me socializing with new people (I still never dated anyone, but I at least had other people interested in me). Just "living your life" absolutely does *not* work unless you're just incredibly lucky or some sort of public figure. It is necessary that you keep actively trying, even if it risks making you seem "desperate." I found out a while back that people at work had all assumed I was married and had kids - this is what actually happens if you just "stop trying" as someone who's over the age if 25-30.

Peace (edited)

Comment edits

2026-09-09 10:00 I need you guys to do more shows where you just talk about current events. Your irreverence helps me cope with the insanity of it all and it so much cheaper than therapy. Thanks.
2023-02-15 02:59

Justin R

Sloane, what if I told you, there’s two mufuckin governments inside the government

Breakaway

The rumor I always heard was that the church started allowing “cold caffeine” after investing heavily in PepsiCo. Mormon friends have told me that’s not true, but who knows.

Nation Garza

I'd put Matt as George purely because he's on the verge of proliferating some eastern religious cult.

Katie Doyle

Lol I’m Canadian and didn’t even know it was pronounced like that

Katie Doyle

I think if the sister’s friend is still frequently talking to her ex-friends brother who is 10 years younger there has to be something there

THEKILLERWHALE

Now that I am permanently settled, once a year we go through our photos and print up an album. Highly recommended if you have the means the the curation time. It is the only way you will keep these photos and actually look at them.

Shiv

i was reading about single kitten syndrome earlier bc i have a lone, now 8 yr old who sometimes chomps when playful. same advice, funnily enough. put them with the biters and they’ll learn!

Shiv

potato face (im half irish so it’s cool)

Shiv

yes and Chris Wade is our lad for forcing into our ear holes

Shiv

👁️ wise

AKorgar

Hell yeah punch that little bastard in the chops

blazed uncle

Yup. Plus as long as he’s not creepy about it, a mid-20s to mid-30s age gap is no big deal and possibly even a little exciting.

Brendan Kawakami

Absolutely. Sugar in all of its forms is the Mormon drug of choice. There are multiple chains of ‘dirty soda’ restaurants here in Utah with lines around the block all day.

Scooter France

What is the substack article about Beto O'Rourke that Felix recommended? I couldn't understand what the author's name was.

Bobi Jon-son Kenobi

I drink that sludge almost every day, can’t get enough

Seri The Doll

The absolute disrespect to Jason Kelce shows you know nothing about football. Stick to pop politics boys, that’s why people listen to you.

Josiah

lmao

MKatieUltra

There was a real doctor, Henry Cotton, whose thing was completely removing teeth (because of bacteria) and did it to multiple members of his family. He was played by John Hodgeman on The Knick.

Josh Woods

I expected someone to photoshop the cube from the new Zelda trailer over Vancouver or some shit by now. very disappointed

Michael Branes

someone probably already said it, but weather balloons change shape when they change altitude because of physics and shit

Luis Zamarripa

it’d be funnier to photoshop tingle from majora’s mask being obliterated by an f-22

Josh Woods

hey, I'll take what I can get in terms of Tingle murder. not because I hate him, but because he's silly and that means anything that happens to him is inherently funny

Axel H.

*Gomer Kelce

M.R. Alchemist

It would be a pretty cool to have first contact at this exact moment in history.

J.W.

Co-signed. My virtual buddies who can't hear my responses.

Mic Volks

Balloons distract from the fact that Ukraine lost the US's proxy war. Just kidding

etienne

"look we brought this one into a grudging standing war of attrition but trust me bro ... we can fuck up china whole shit if you just let us, this one is different"

Valentino

Dear Chapo, I recently quit smoking and now feel a constant hum of anxiety that is pushing me towards a January 6th style act at my nation's capital. Given your experience being at the real Jan 6th, what kind of potential romantic partners can I expect to meet at said event? Or, how do I stop feeling like I am going to explode?

Yup

not me getting parenting advice from the dry boys

Derek Kelly

Wanted to throw out a piece of dating advice to non-sex-getters: if you go on a date, try to spend as much time, if not more, asking your date about their life/interests than talking about your own.

orc

Salvia Girlfriends is a great band name

MTH

Whelp, Matt was right about the balloons

etienne

YES. thank you

J.P. McD.

Sister’s friend guy and anyone else with someone from the past or a DM buddy: stop overthinking it, just ask them if they wanna grab a drink. You don’t need confirmation or an elaborate plan. If you haven’t spoken in a while, DM them on some pretense and chat lightly a bit before you ask (it’s fine if this is broken up over a few days). Now the “date” itself might be scarier than it should be if you haven’t gotten your reps in on first dates from online, so start doing that ASAP if not. In most of these cases she is into you or will be if you’re decent to talk to.

J.P. McD.

Also def need an update from him

J.P. McD.

I’d unironically recommend How to Win Friends and Influence People which taught me this at like age 10

etienne

yeah online date is like video game, it's understood that if you fuck up and get frag you can just load savegame ... uhh I mean just say sorry it doesn't work out and/or ghost

J.P. McD.

I def think of “grinding” swipes on the apps the same way that I thought of grinding out full seasons of NBA Live, and online poker tournaments. Dunno if I’m ND

Alal Alal

That steak talk was like 15min too long imo

Khemith

or be rich. People will listen to you all day if you're rich.