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705 - Turd of the Union (2/9/23) (Patreon)

Published:
2023-02-10 02:55:17
Imported:
2026-06

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Content

Review of the State of the Union and recent media hits from Trump, DeSantis, and Huckabee-Sanders. IRL Airborn Toxic Event. The Catturds guard the Bird Site. The Taliban become PMC.

Files

Comments

T

First

Peter Abed

MTG looked like Cruella Deville.

CoatCheckDream

References to Airborne Toxic Event. Was anyone else surprised to find out they did a White Noise movie?

aKg

Seventh.

Jeffrey Miller

Gotta stand with Matt. Turd is a gross word.

Eiden

Let Donald be Donald

Evan Pitkin

I understand the impulse, but making predictions about elections has never felt more pointless.

Kristi

looking up ohio airborn toxic event and only finding a concert

Scot Forsythe

Anyone exposed to the cloud is now incapable of irony

bob dylan

Desantis was grooming girls so it’s fine, they only hate non Herero groomers

Bobi Jon-son Kenobi

All I’m getting from that CatTurd profile is that he’s a third rate AVGN

Bobby Volcano

Just down here in the comments quailing like a veal calf, waiting for the hammer

Phil Kolons

There was an unregulated landfill fire burning in St.Clair County, AL for more than two months before ADEM deferred to the EPA.

justdave

Hardened Taliban fighter, listening to 'Tears for Fears'

Gordon Schmidt

The thing that stuck out to me from the Catturd article in Rolling Stone was how he took care of dogs. If he never watched the news or went on the internet and devoted 100% of his time to taking care of animals he would be so much happier.

justdave

Weelcome bruther!

justdave

They are truly blessed 🙌

Tim O'

Wtf, this doesn't have any bishoprics, arch-dukedoms, or Swamp Germans

jay bone

Call a Crackhead - Clay

Major bit me

Go online young man and lose your mind with the country

Sam Schick

“The left behind equipment and computers were our version of smallpox blankets, they contained PMC radiation” is the play of the game

foxy

the majority of the Taliban are not usually interested in pan-islamism (ISIS/L) , they were reactionary nationalists. Once they had their country back, they kind of lose what they have been doing for the past 300 years of struggle. It's not like the 90s either when they previously had control, because of the internet (as mentioned) and other methods of globalism that forces them to be involved in the world where they probably would prefer not to. I think the next step for them is greater involvement in the pakhtunkhwa in Pakistan, and a bigger resurgence of tehrik-e-taliban pakistan (who were the main drivers of bin laden, and who were harbouring him before. it is a distinct entity from the rest of the taliban, and they did not always both step in line). your mini-analysis from your local afghanistan subject matter expert د خودای په امان

foxy

plenty of arquebussy though

aKg

I counted the reply to the first.

Mr. Lobotomy

“The most combative state of the union speech ever.” - Lawrence O’Donnel. And of course bipartisan support for war. It’ll be either Biden or Trump in 24. America is declining therefore its presidents must reflect that.

Ian H

I regret to inform you that it's "Big! Structural! Bailey!". Explaining what that's supposed to mean would only hurt both of us.

Justin Racine

On topic of toxic air substances seeming shadow banned or unacknowledged. Alot of studies on air pollution from these wildfires are said to be even more deadly then even "normal" air pollutants, and can cause all sorts of heart, lung, and especially dementia inducing brain problems, yet you have to A. Depend on air apps to even know about this shit, which no one outside those studying or experiencing it probably know about, or B. The articles and studies that do mention this shit are only in barely read news and academic sites which require active web searching to even know existance of. Literally no major news outlet I know talks about this shit. "We leave it to the consumer to decide if the air they breath is ok." Fucking dunces.

Ian H

It's true, they'll let Oberst Enzian get away with anything.

Connor Gouge

The best response to the taliban article was just the cover of dune messiah lmao. The Taliban being addicted to Twitter is exactly the fremen living in depressing suburbs

cwen

Will’s voice is as comforting as a steaming pile of mashed potatoes. The buttery kind.

markers

I always like how the cadence of his voice is complimented by his face moving towards and away from the mic

Bob K Ross

man, you guys should record the video of whatever game felix is playing and put this garbage pn youtube so at least we get a little bang for our bucks...

Dan

I thought that Maddox was Conservative Maddox.

Zach Pierce

Thank you for your service Hog commander

weltysparrow

I'm glad Matt said this about the word turd. I hate that word.

Fernando

Taliban’s story was great.

amit singh

Doesn‘t Matt Sound a bit like Chief Wiggum? Either way, I’m a huge fan of both characters.

yung tiffany

what happened in East Palestine should have happened in brooklyn instead

JV

i unsubbed from the war nerd recently because of how ridiculously stupid they were being arguing it was obviously russia blowing up their own pipeline. interested to see if ames and dolan ever address the hersh piece

Jimmy

I didn't hear about Elon firing some if his last "top engineers" because he is getting less traction on Twitter. What a pathetic little man.

William

After hearing that Taliban article I feel bad for the onion, who’s job just seems to be getting more difficult with each passing day

Ian H

Dude, same. Ames' constant self-flagellation over "being wrong on the invasion" in the form of mouthing pentagon talking points got to be way too much. That Jack Murphy ep was just intolerable.

Damen Irving

The Airborne Toxic Event better be playing the outro to this

Kamran Husain

please bring the hunt for tom clancy on the show he’s the substack goat

Gavin Harmon

Thanks! Ok, now I remember all too well.

brodie

Cat turd = modern Martin Luther?

叔叔六十四 (Uncle64)

The Chapo Boys showing their ignorance again... If they really cared about the LGBTQA+ community they'd know there's actually a critical shortage of Tops.

monastic living

who said will was going to jail last year? if someone has a link to the tweet, please provide.

CT

I just tried checking back in on the event in Eastern Ohio this morning after having first read about it 2 days ago. Barely, if any updates from any significant publications whatsoever. Nothing to see here.

TangiePower

Invite on Matt Farwell of Hunt For Tom Clancy I’d love to hear you guys riff about this

Alexander Fedderly

The Twitter algorithm actually is frustrating as hell though. It only shows your tweets to people who have recently interacted with you, and ghosts any of your followers who haven't interacted with you in a while. I have nearly 10k followers, but a typical tweet of mine gets like 200 impressions. Having the algorithm cranked to 11 so that the only way you get seen at all is if you're getting constant engagement from tons of people is a system that pisses everyone off. So the only way to get consistent engagement is to be a celebrity, essentially, because simply having followers means virtually nothing while the algorithm is programmed this way.

Hassan

The insanity of the 2020 dem primaries broke us all. Hearing that chant brought back awful memories

Isaac

I don’t listen to that shit but Ames tweeted the Hersh story

Jeffrey Miller

Ugh I swear that topic has turned everyone's brain into mush. When that Russian nationalist's daughter got blown up there were seriously people believing it was a Russian false flag.

Isaac

You are exemplifying everything Matt was saying

Alexander Fedderly

Maybe. But I'm just saying, the way the algorithm is designed, it's pretty much guaranteed to breed anger and frustration among the users. In other words, I place the blame on the the system and those who created it more than than I do the users. Matt's point was that regardless of how many impressions someone gets it'll never be enough. And maybe that's true. But the way the system is designed it basically requires constant use, constant interaction, in order to sustain connection between followers. Over time the vast majority of one's followers become "ghosts" because it's impossible to maintain connection with thousands of people over time. So the older your account gets, the less you get seen by your own followers, and the fact of the matter is... that's frustrating. They didn't *have* to design the algorithm this way. They could simply make it so that if someone is following you they will eventually get shown your posts. With 9,600 followers I don't expect millions of impressions. But like... 3000 to 5000 would seem reasonable, right?

Major bit me

$5 an episode too, ridiculous

Saga

Some republican (I think it was Jason Miller) was suing Katherine for reporting on him crushing an abortion pill in his mistress' drink. He involved Will too for tweeting about it, but the case was thrown out. At least that's what I think it was other ppl may have more info

etienne

yeah and then from my pov as a lurker the timeline is always trying to show me some stuff I don't care about, like it'l just pick one account and plaster them on my feed down to the replies, up until I just mute their ass. I think it works well to augment the total participation of the platform because you get more people getting into extremely stupid arguments. facebook has a kind of comparable problem that manifests in a way funnier way. So for example my realname account is pretty well balanced and curated over like a decade and it works good, but I recently created a memepage to shitpost and the feed was like incredibly bad. Every few days it would pick like a subgenre of pages and put a billion of related posts in my feed. So for example one day I'll wake up and check my memepage feed and it would just be like all car review news. I'd "do not show me this" on everything and then 2 days later it would be, say, Cop Memes. same, then later on, just [small village] Spotted pages. Then hip-hop news. My feed would just be almost only posts from a half dozen pages culled from some niche interest area that I would have never interacted with before. Twitter has the same thing but more subtle.

etienne

and then on twitter of course you have the problem where artists who want to just show the thing they do (in my case I want to see animu pinup fanartists post waifu's) whose art/promo posts get buried and their prose shitposts get blasted everywhere. As the saying goes, I specifically requested the opposite of this

J. A.

i saw that fucking blow up dog in a youtube video like a month ago and i spit the cock i was sucking out of my mouth and pointed at the TV.

lolwuthappend

What are they chanting in the clip at 11:15?

justdave

Why aren't more people saying this!?

Dan

Every time Matt says kill yourself someone in the cia gets a promotion

I am become reply guy

He is the perfect man for our time. It’s so fitting that he’s the public picture of brilliance and success, just a brazen crook flailing his arms and hitting the right buttons 51% of the time.

etienne

I would *love* to be the data analyst at twitter charged to setup a big dossier on Musk and sit him down and showing him a huge fat red arrow crashing down and going "look, according to Googoo, Yuhoo and even Vooboo numbers, people overwhelmingly thing you suck and your shit is cringe! not our fault that you're epic fail"

Sifl

Sy Hersh had a single source for his story. He called the source someone who was "familiar with the process". Hersh's reporting on the bin Laden raid and chemical weapons attacks in Syria were a big departure from his prior reporting on Abu Graib going back all the way to My Lai. Hersh has become way to receptive to conspiracy theories, claiming in a lecture to Georgetown students at the Qatar branch that Opus Dei and Knights of Malta had taken over top military brass in order to turn the Middle East into Christians. The nordstream story is so far fetched when you get into the details that I have to wonder whether Hersh is now known within intelligence circles to be someone who can be manipulated into telling tall tales to help advance an agenda. There are certainly hawks in the defense department who are sick and tired of seeing Biden tip toe along arming Ukraine with just enough weapons to hold the line and would like to see a major escalation.

Eric Jacobsen

“why would you pay for twitter blue” I confess that I ponied up about a month before the Elon thing went through. Yeah, it was worth a couple bucks to me to be able to edit dubm tyops. Of course, he immediately fcked up the blue system and everyone enrolled had to re-enroll, and by that point the clown show was in full swing…

Mark Schneider

Will's point about Ohio is dead on, those CHUDs will be happy to have higher enhanced Cancer rates & die for business; as happy as Wisconsin voters were to see their wages driven down by Scotty Walker crushing all the unions while admitting to a fake Koch caller who he did it for. Fun (in a sick kind of way) to see people fight to get their own Darwin awards.

Colin Clark

I missed the part where will said fat Midwesterners are happy to die for business

Nathan

Big structural Bailey. It was a Warren thing.

Mike Mariano

Your overview isn’t really relevant? Hersh has used self-interested sources for years—his bin Laden sources were obviously disgruntled operators who didn’t get to cash out like the heroes of the official narrative. For this story these Navy divers are being denied any respect so it might be some higher-up going to bat for them. In this case a single-source whiner can set a narrative when the alternative is no narrative at all.

dd

The Taliban story reminds me so much of Dune… Muad’dib’s victory and the Golden Path both “end” in boredom.

Post Void

Something very concerning is happening. Nobody knows about this train derailment because all main stream news is profit dirven and this story is not profitable for either side. There was a "controlled burn" after they evacuated the area, that right there proves it was unnecessary to spew that into the Jet Stream. This absolutely is a silent airborne toxic event. This is utterly disturbing and now state media NPR says its OK to go back to (east) Palestine Ohio. All very spooky.

Post Void

What's not being covered tonight is absolutely appalling. And I know this happens everywhere in the world. And it's coming go your backyard now. Where's your NIMBY now? [Said as a comedy bit tone]

etienne

US media is functionally unable to cover industrial news and when they do even in good faith they get it just weirdly wrong. Trade publications are fully controlled by the advertisers and there is no independent coverage of anything. Railroads got their share of the limelights because of how terrible they've been failing wrt/ how important they are to the economy but every industry has a comparable problem and no one knows about any of it because the media assigns all their resources to cover Horse Race, Culture War, and Sborbs.

etienne

Aaron Gordon at Jalopnik/Vice Mag is one of the rare exceptions that dares to poke down into insider industry news and he got this shit right for years

Marcus

Yoel Roth shoud say: "Can I please have your gumbo recipe?"

Doug Cartel

here's a thought: Hersh's career got made by exposing the My Lai Massacre, and Colin Powell's career got made by covering it up. There's a word for that kind of shit right?

Julie Baxter

It does my old heart good to know the Taliban are sick of the 9-5 grind.

justdave

9 to 5 For service and devotion You would think that I Would deserve a fat promotion Want to move ahead But the boss won't seem to let me I swear sometimes that man is Out to get me, hmmm 🎶

Mark Schneider

So I grew up in Illinois, my best friend moved to Indiana, later in the early 80s I spent a bit of time in Akron and elsewhere in Ohio-- most recently, they voted frickin' J.D. Vance to "represent" them (the only Trump choice to win?), shill for FIRE sectors (esp. Finance, Gold Sachs) & enemy of porn, poor people, & permissiveness. Devo was right back c. 1978 Ohio is all about de-evolution. They embrace it, I just share it!! If you live in Ohio or in West Virginia odds are high your self respect is low. Ingest poison, sir? Well if the economic laws say so, who'm I to argue?

Nathan TC

A other hit when it comes to Will mispronouncing things: "the muJA HAdeen" 🤣

Dan

In fairness, Arabic pronunciation is difficult to replicate for Anglophones. When I try to say "yes" (نعم naeam ), Arabic speakers hear "sleep" (ينام yanam). With great difficulty, I can pronounce Arabic names likes "Fuad" without instinctively making a "W" sound between the vowels. Part of the problem is the spelling of anglophonized-Arabic itself (i.e. "Qatar"), which confuses English speakers. Non-existent consonant and vowel sounds can get added with English spelling: the name "Ahmed" can be Anglophonized as "Achmed", when there is no "c" consonant sound in it. Substituting the wrong vowels in English translations also produces incorrect pronunciation. In fairness to Will, the standardized English spelling is "Mujahideen".

Davíd Esperanto

"We all just quail like veal calves and wait for the hammer" is the most spot-on read of our present moment.

infinitesunrise

Re: the Taliban, what happens when an army of triumphant jihadists win and end up stuck behind desks in a peaceful suburban nightmare is kind of the central conflict of the second Dune book.

CE

They are all white nationalists for the most part; and will blame Marxism and socialism for the deteriorating conditions.

jack

Fuck my ass

Alal Alal

How did Biden "win" anything with that social security trade, when he himself was a strong advocate for cutting social security even though that's unpopular?

PitMommy

No Felix Sy Hersh impression?

AKorgar

You either die heroically in the Korengal Valley, or you live long enough to see yourself become the Yanqui enemy

Jack

Thanks for the shoutout guys

Matelda

Fwiw they just interviewed Hersh & scored his first interview since the piece. I think at the very least you can trust them to reassess their opinions in view of new facts

JV

Fair I should probably check that out

Henry Granville Widener

If Matt hates the word “turd” you won’t BELIEVE how he reacts when he learns the scientific name for the American Robin

Poppy Chulo

Where's the slop? Slop is for Monday nights dammit! We love our slop don't we folks?

Scot Forsythe

Listening to them sip the Taibbi tea was pretty interesting

Bob Sham

I've always been more of a "cum/jizz" guy

Mac daddy

I said this exact thing on Twitter last year and chris liked/retweeted it.. sorry for accidentally jacking your shit brother (tho I think it has 3 likes). Its 100% true, unfortunately there's so many carnival barkers out there that Catturd is not getting the recognition that he would have in Luther's time 😔