Today's writing: Daring Double (Patreon)

THIS MONTH'S GOAL THUS FAR: 31,500 WORDS

THIS MONTH'S WRITING (INCLUDING TODAY): 9,995

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Then, with a shove that made Yearling squeal in protest, he dropped the shield and pushed the two of them through the door, slamming it behind them. 

* * * * * * * 

The snake, letting out an annoyed hiss, wriggled its way backwards into the hole. 

Just before its head sank back through the shattered floor, the moderator called out from the stage, "Er, one thing, sir?"

The snake paused and, with effort, turned to set an eye on the convention staffer. "WHAT?" it asked.

"If you're going to continue to participate in the convention," the staffer pony continued, voice cracking midway through the sentence, "I have to ask that you go to registration and get a badge. It's not fair to the other attendees-"

A hiss louder than a locomotive boiler releasing all its steam at once silenced the staffer. With a final, decisive nod, the snake slipped the rest of the way back into the hole, leaving bits of concrete rubble to slip back inside after it. The last either the moderator or the personal assistant staffers heard of the snake were muffled mutters echoing in the depths: "... ow... ow... ow... sssstupid rocks..."

"Excuse us! Pardon us! Make a hole!"

It might only be Thursday, but the halls of the Baltimare Convention Center were filling fast with people of all sorts. The registration line already stretched in its winding corrals, filling half the lower-level foyer and crowding the small sculpture gallery showing the typical Equestrian family unit of a century ago.

"Hey! That's A. K. Yearling!"

"Hi, Ms. Yearling!" 

"Ms. Yearling, can I give you a copy of my fanfic? It's a whole four hundred and seventy-two pages about what would happen if Daring Do were trapped on a desert island with the Magnus!"

The fact that the hundreds of ponies, plus a scattering of griffons, a couple of yaks and a group of confused changelings were all fans made getting out of the building in a hurry even more difficult. But somehow Shining Armor was managing it, although he mainly seemed to manage it at the rate of one apology every three seconds.

"Sorry about the cape! Pardon me! Didn't mean to make you drop those! Please move! Emergency!" One an opening finally gave him a moment of not saying sorry, Shining turned to look at Yearling. "Here's the plan," he said. "The city hall and courthouse are about five blocks north of here. Go over to the Old Harbor and take Cavalier Street north- you can't miss them. There's a guard contingent in the courthouse. Tell them Royal Guard Captain Shining Armor needs backup for a monster attack at the convention center. They'll keep you safe until this is taken care of."

"Wait a minute!" Yearling shouted, trying to grab him with one forehoof, only for it to slide off his foreleg. "What about all the other people here? Shouldn't we evacuate them?"

Shining Armor opened one of the doors leading out to Port Street, which as usual on a Thursday was full of wagons, carts and hackneys carrying on the business of the third largest city on the eastern Equestrian seaboard. In addition to the usual hum of commerce and tourists walking between the Old Harbor to the east of the convention center and the hotels just west of it, even more fans, many already in costume, were milling around the sidewalks and pavement, bringing the already thick traffic almost to a complete stop. Traffic ponies stood in the middle of the road junctions, struggling to bring some order to the chaos.

"Look," he said. "First, that monster was after you and only you. It left the other ponies alone. Second, the crowd is just too big. We'll need backup from the city guard to make an evacuation happen. If we just tell everybody there's a monster, all these ponies will-"

The traffic pony standing less than two blocks away, at the junction of Port and Cavalier, whinnied in fright as the sewer lid she had been standing next to launched itself skywards on a column of flame and smoke. A moment later the next manhole cover blew off, at the intersection of Port and Sunlight. The one at Port and Celestia went next, directly in front of Shining and Yearling, followed by the one at Hornover Street, then Harp, and Hoofyard. Smoke and flame rose through cracks in the street along the entire length of the convention center. Ponies pulling wagons and carts bolted in panic, and those on foot ran for the nearest building- which, for most of them, was the convention center.

"-panic!" Shining Armor raised his bubble shield again, forcing the wave of ponies rushing off the street to part around the two of them. Looking past the crowds, he pointed to the gap between flames and sky above the rooftops of the buildings opposite the street. "You can fly!" he shouted over the terrified screams. "Just go north of here and get help! Tell them Prince Captain Shining Armor needs backup now!"

A. K. Yearling stared back at him, her wings slipping in and out from under her shawl in a fidgety manner. "I... I can't!" she shouted back. 

"You've got to!" Shining Armor insisted. "If this is that monster again-"

"DAAAAAAARING DOOOOOO!!!!" The raspy voice of the snake was unmistakable, even with the snake itself nowhere in sight, and it boomed across downtown Baltimare.

"-you've got to go get help! I can't protect all these ponies by myself! Not from something that burrows underground!"

"That isn't what I mean!" Yearling said. "I mean I can't fly!"

"You what??" Shining asked. "You're a pegasus! You've got wings!"

"NOW I have wings!" Yearling said. "But I don't know how to USE them! I've only had them for a day or so!"

"WHAT?!?"

A portion of the roadway began to bulge upwards. 

Shining looked at the street, then at Yearling. "Okay," he said. "Time to hide, then. Wrap your hooves around me and hold tight."

A. K. Yearling looked around herself for a moment, searching for other options, then suddenly reared up and hugged Shining hard around the neck. 

"Don't get the wrong idea," he said quickly. "I'm a big fan, but I'm also very happily married."

"What?"

"Hold on. This may be a bumpy ride."

And before A. K. Yearling could ask what Shining meant by that, his horn glowed with light, and the two of them vanished.

"DARING DO!" the snake shouted as his head finally breached the multi-layer concrete and cobblestone of Port Street. "YOU CANNOT ESCAPE FROM ME! I KNOW YOU ARE NEARBY, AND I SHALL FIND YOU!"

"Here I am, you bad ol' meanie!"

The snake blinked. Its green eyes visibly squinted in the sunlight as it searched around itself. "SHOW YOURSELF, DARING DO!" it shouted. "I SHALL HAVE WHAT IS MINE!"

"No you won't! I'll stop ya!"

The snake thrashed back and forth until its eyes focused on a little figure standing on the cracked sidewalk, all alone, in front of the convention center. It had on a khaki shirt and a pith helmet, and a whip was tied to its waist... and that was where the resemblance to Daring Do ended. The figure's coat was a vibrant, almost blinding maroon. It lacked anything resembling wings. And, not least of all, it was less than half the size of a grown pegasus mare. 

But even as the snake slowly lowered its head for a closer look, it didn't budge. It didn't even smell particularly afraid. 

"Why are you standing in my way?" the snake asked in a softer voice. "You're not Daring Do."

"Can be if I want to be!" The earth pony filly thrashed her head, which made the oversized pith helmet fall off. 

The snake's tongue lashed out, wrapped around the hat, and nimbly dropped it back on the young pony's head. "Stand aside," it said. "I have business with the real Daring Do."

"Really?" Far from standing aside, the filly sat down and looked up eagerly at the snake. "What kinda business? Evil business?"

"IT IS NOT EVIL BUSINESS!" the snake shouted in its former booming tones.

"That's exactly what an evil baddie would say!"

"Hey, you know what this is?" An older colt, wearing a white shirt and ascot and with a five o'clock shadow painted on his muzzle, stepped forward. "I bet this is the announcement for the next Daring Do book! This guy must be playing the new baddie she has to outsmart!"

"Oooh!" The filly jumped back up. "I want to get my picture taken with the baddie!"

"I TOLD YOU, I AM NOT A, what you call it, BADDIE!"

"Hey, I want my picture too!"

"Can I get a pose of you about to try to eat me?"

"Hey, Momma! Bring the camera! Take a picture of us, quick!"

With the sudden switch from panic to normalcy that so characterizes pony culture, the mobs which had crowded into the convention center had begun trickling back out, along with a large number of convention attendees eager to see the new gimmick for this year's con.

The giant snake managed to look embarrassed. "But I don't have time to sit for a hieroglyphic," it muttered. "I'm really busy right now..."

"Excuse me, sir." 

The snake, and about a hundred ponies, turned to look at the staffer and a couple of big, burly earth ponies in SAFETY PATROL con shirts who had walked out of the convention center. 

"Excuse me," the staffer said, "but Con-Venture is a private event, for paid members only. As wonderful as your costume is, I'm afraid we must ask you to show a badge or-"

"A BADGE?" The snake reared up a full two stories high, head level with the uppermost gallery of the convention center. "YOU DARE ASK ME TO SHOW YOU A BADGE, YOU PATHETIC MORTAL?"

The filly who had first halted the snake shouted, "You mean you don't have a badge?"

In less narratively satisfying worlds, snakes cannot blush. This giant snake could, and did. "Er," he mumbled, "actually, I don't..."

"Oooommmmmm," the filly sang, "somepony's in truh-bullll..."

A grown pony in poorly daubed blue body paint, a monkey glove tied to his tail, stepped forward. "I'll pay for his badge," he said. "VIP level. Go get the form."

The staffer's jaw dropped. He waved a hoof up and down at the towering snake. "But- but- but-"

"Get the form!" another pony shouted.

"Get the form!" 

"GET THE FORM!" 

In no time it became a chant, as the same ponies who had just run in terror from exploding sewers and bursting streets now surrounded the snake in a protective half-circle. "GET THE FORM! GET THE FORM! GET THE FORM! GET THE FORM!"

When the staffer and the two guards retreated back into the convention center, a loud cheer went up from the crowd, echoed by the hundreds of ponies lining the galleries on the other side of the windows facing what was left of Port Street. 

And towering above them all, swaying a bit from a sudden bout of dizziness, the snake monster muttered, "I always knew the surface world was weird, but not THIS weird..."

"Oh, I'm gonna be siiiick..."

Shining Armor swayed on his hooves, while A. K. Yearling tried to steady him. "If teleporting makes you sick, why did you do it?" she asked. 

"Needed to buy time," Shining grunted. "Did we make it to the vendor room?"

"Can't you see it?" Yearling asked. "Yes, we're in the dealer room. Only half the dealers are here, but you should at least see all the displays."

"Too dizzy," Shining muttered. "My sister was always better at teleporting than me..."

"What are you doing here?"

Shining felt Yearling's body stiffen next to his. "Martingale," she growled. 

"Oh, don't give me that." A gray-bearded earth pony stallion with a cap pulled down hard over his mane stepped around a vendor table loaded with books and walked over to them. "You probably still have a grudge because of that book I wrote last year, but trust me, the real A. K. Yearling had a much bigger one. And we've reached a working agreement. So can you."

It was Shining's turn to tense up. He stumbled away from Yearling and squinted down at her, the dizziness passing quickly. "So you ARE a fake!" 

"No, I'm not!" Yearling snapped. Then, looking at her hooves, she added in a softer tone, "Not exactly..."

"Dari- uh... the real Ms. Yearling," the stallion continued, "had... urgent business... concerning a creature from the underworld who seeks to attack Princess Twilight Sparkle in Canterlot." He pointed his hoof at the Yearling standing next to Shining. "She got Twilight Sparkle to find a look-alike to stand in for her today at the convention. A fan of some kind, I guess."

Shining raised an eyebrow. "I dunno," he said. "There aren't many fans who know enough about the Daring Do books to correct me on mistakes."

"That's because I'm not a fan," Yearling said. "My name really is A. K. Yearling. But I'm an A. K. Yearling from another world."

That bought a few seconds of silence, broken when the bearded stallion said, "All right, I didn't know that."

"I met a group of girls, including Twilight Sparkle, during the filming of a movie about Daring Do," Yearling continued. "And yesterday she called me on the telephone and asked if I'd like to research an entirely new culture. The next thing I know I'm stepping right through this mirror in front of a high school, and then I'm in a palace and my hands are gone and I've got wings I don't know how to use! And then a pony who sounds exactly like me says she's Daring Do and tells me she needs me to pretend to be her for a day!"

"Oh! Of course!" Shining Armor said, rearing long enough to pound one hoof into another decisively. "The mirror portal! So you must be one of those... hoo-man things from the other side!"

"This is all news to me," the bearded pony said. "Could you fill me in?"

"Oh, sorry," Shining said. "Star Swirl the Bearded made this mirror that connects to another world. There's hardly any magic there, and instead of ponies and griffons and changelings and all that, everybody is this weird type of bipedal ape called 'hoo-mans.'"

"Humans," Yearling corrected. 

"Yeah. And the really, really weird thing about the place is, almost everypony you know has a counterpart over there. Same name, same colors, same personality... but they're hoo-mans. Princess Celestia was a school principal there. My sister and her friends were all students. My wife was head of a private academy across town or something. Really weird."

"And Groom Q. Q. Martingale," Yearling said, growling at the bearded pony, "looks just like you if he were a pony. And he writes these horrible thick door-stop books where everyone is cruel and trying to trick everyone else, and all his stories end with everyone either dead or miserable, but there's always unfinished business so he can write yet another book." Her eyes narrowed as she added, "I based my second-tier villain, Dr. Caballeron, on him."

"Really." The word stretched out in a strange accent that made Shining Armor's ears twitch. The bearded pony crossed his forearms and added in the same drawl, "What an interesting coincidence."

"I try to write stories that inspire girls to try new things," Yearling continued. "I want to inspire hope and optimism, to open new horizons to our young people. But the critics keep calling me old-fashioned and hackneyed, while they embrace your gloomy, dreary political tomes that would give a hyena chronic depression!"

"I outsold you by that much, did I?" Martingale purred, teeth gleaming through his beard.

"STOP IT!" Shining Armor shouted, stepping between the two and holding his hooves up. "We don't have time for this!" Focusing on Martingale, he asked, "Why did the real Ms. Yearling need a replacement?"

Martingale sighed. "Because Apep, ruler of the underworld, broke out of his prison in the south."

"She did mention Apep to me," Yearling said. "But I didn't know she meant THAT Apep. He's just an ancient myth of the desert, isn't he?"

Martingale chuckled grimly. "In our world, Ms. Yearling," he said, "you learn quickly that there's very little mythical about our myths. And the ancient past is very much alive... and dangerous."

"Excuse me," Shining said, "I'm kind of lost. Who is Apep, again?"

"In my world," Yearling said, "he's a snake-headed desert god. The ancient god Amon, ruler of the sun- he had a hawk's head- had to battle him every day to get him to release the sun. If he ever lost, it would mean the world would fall into eternal darkness."

"Oh! Like in Daring Do and the Sundered Sisters!"

Martingale flinched. "The real Ms. Yearling and I try not to bring that up in each other's company these days," he muttered. "But yes. The Sister Crown Relics were two of the three tools our Amon used to seal away Apep once and for all. He was buried under the Pyramid of Obtenebra, long before the founding of Equestria, there to remain for all time... or so we thought."

Martingale's frown deepened, and his eyes glared out between cap bill and beard as he spoke. "A few days ago the ponies who live near the pyramid reported an earthquake. There were columns of fire and explosions in the sand. And then the great snake Apep-"

"SNAKE?" both Shining and Yearling shouted. 

"Not just a snake-headed man?" Yearling asked.

"You mean that thing following you is-"

"QUIET!" Martingale shouted, his cap slipping to reveal a glimpse of a black mane shot with streaks of gray. He jammed it back on tightly and continued, "Anyway, he appeared, threatened the villagers, demanding the Ankh of Amon."

"Which Daring Do retrieved from the Necropolis in Daring Do and the Silver Sarcophagus!" Shining Armor said.

"Um, no," Yearling muttered. "Daring Do and the Mummy's Mystery."

"No, I'm pretty sure it was-"

"NOT IMPORTANT!" Martingale shouted again, and this time there definitely was a strong accent in it. Freezing a moment, he cleared his throat and continued, "No doubt Apep wants the Ankh so he can gain the prize he's always wanted. But the Ankh is in the Royal Canterlot Museum, and even if he gets it, first he has to seize control of the sun from the one who controls it today."

"Twilight," Shining gasped, his eyes widening.

"Wait a minute," Yearling said. "You mean there really somebody who controls-"

"But the snake wasn't looking for my sister," Shining said, speaking over Yearling. "It was looking for Daring Do."

Martingale's eyes rose. "What snake?"