Hollow #2 - Chapter 56 (Patreon)

Chapter 56 - Déjà Vu

Underground Tour of the Hellforge

Nyx – The, uh, “current” one?

Woah, you’re back!

I was worried I’d lost you for good this time.

And I had this whole introduction prepared and everything.  You know, since I expected our reunion might be awkward.  We left things on a weird, confusing, and ever-so-slightly crazy note.  So, I took the time to write down my thoughts.  I just wanted to give you a more “normal” experience this time.  You know, ease you back into things slowly.

I know it has to be here somewhere—

Actually, wait.

Is it, uh, just me… or have—

Have we possibly done this before?

The whole Hellforge thing, I mean.  Dark, dusty room.  Huge hole in the ceiling.  And then that anvil – that enormous hunk of metal looming there in the darkness.  It seemed to draw me in, pull my eyes toward it, dread coiling in my gut.  Images flickering and flashing through my fractured, broken mind, but refusing to resolve into focus—

Huh, why are you all looking at me like that?

Why do you seem so confused and worried and… upset?

“Maybe, we should, uh, focus on the tour?” Lili suggested.  Not at all suspicious.

My eyes flicked up to find everyone staring at yours truly.  Fang, Cole, the many other tour-guides.  Although, this time, the head tour-guide was whip thin and wasn’t even paying attention.  He lacked the sort of perceptive emotional insight that would be so useful right now.  That big burly body.  Those thick arms and warm eyes…

Seriously, why did I want a hug so bad?

“Are you alright?” Fang whispered, suddenly by my side and watching the others suspiciously.  “It is okay if you want to go back.  I will not blame—”

As I stared into those big, golden eyes, something weird happened.

I suddenly couldn’t stop myself.  I wrapped him up tight, my arms encircling Fang’s hard, cold, and slightly slimy body.  Could feel it press against the spikes of my onesie – the one that definitely existed.  My totally real arm chain made it easy to keep the trash goblin close when he tried to escape.  Those chains wrapped us up together in the impenetrable bonds of pure bromance.  Ones that definitely couldn’t ever be broken or die.  Ever.

“I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry,” I muttered.

“Sorry?  Sorry for what?  Why are you doing this?” Fang snapped and hissed.

I didn’t know!  That was the problem!

Fang kept trying to free himself, but it was futile.  My [Shadow Aura] was draining his nimbus.   I couldn’t help it.  I just felt so sad and my eyes kept dripping…

And we all know I eat when I’m emotional for some unknown reason.

“Get it together.  You’re going to, uh, miss the tour if you don’t focus!  Or, wait… other people are watching you!  Future friends.  What will they think?” Lili demanded, scrambling for a distraction – any distraction, apparently.

“Wait, are you crying?  Again?  I did not even stabbed you,” Fang growled.

“No… no I stabbed you this time—” I retorted.

Then I hesitated.  Staring into those snake-eyes.

Because this Fang wasn’t dead… was he?

No, he was definitely glaring back at me.  I, uh, I think.

The headache wasn’t helping, the one pounding behind my temples.

Also, his face kept changing – a dozen, a hundred, a thousand possible versions of Fang.  Sputtering, hissing, shouting, stabbing, fighting, and running away.  A hundred thousand versions of this room – all decorated with exceptional taste.  Flaring with flame.  Covered in blood.  Lined with pews filled with an attentive audience.  Garlands of metal flowers.  A familiar poo-crete arch.  That flaming portal to hell.

And all those phantom scenes ended the same way.  With me sometimes standing, sometimes collapsed to my knees, but mostly sobbing over—

Over Fang’s body as his name was etched in blood among familiar pages.

My heart was pounding, my head pulsing with pain, my breath short and fast.

“Nyx, you need to stop!” Lili was shouting now.  Giving up on distraction.

But I couldn’t stop.  Even if it hurt.  Even if it hurt so bad – like my head was splitting open and my thoughts were spilling out.  An incoherent wave of madness.  A million memories.  Conflicting.  Clashing.  Merging and syncing.  Lies.  Secrets.  Betrayal.  My babies murdered by my own hand.  Maribel just a fantasy of friendship.  Lili blinding me.  Fang tricking me… saving me… and ultimately destroying me… with kindness?

Of course, we never saw that one coming.

A billion possible worlds where we were alone.  Leandra stolen.  Our parents dead.  Lili restrained.  Fang gone.  Our babies nothing more than a mad dream.

Where we had no one left…

Nothing left to lose…

Nothing to fill that hollow void inside of us…

Only a hunger for revenge – one that would consume the Five Rivers.  One directed at the culprit – the cause.  At the Flow, which could officially dry up and go fuck itself.

“Fang—Fang help him!”  Lili was screaming, itchy words scratching across my forehead even as my corrupted aura pulsed ominously.  “He’s remembering.  He needs something to distract him now!”

Fang’s eyes went wide.  “I told you this would happen!”

“This isn’t the fucking time—” Lili began.

“What am I supposed to do?” 

“I don’t know!  Something unexpected.  Something weird.  He likes that!”

Then Fang looked at me.  Really looked at me.  At the tears streaming down my cheeks.  The corruption threading my skin.  My [Shadow Aura] spiraling out of control, eating away the nimbus in the rock around us, the stones crumbling to dust.  And with each pulse of nimbus, that aura grew larger – sustaining itself.  The other guides had noticed now – had pulled weapons.  But that aura had already reached them, slowing their movements and sapping their strength, funneling all that precious, tantalizing energy to me.

Each pulse numbed the pain – even if only for a brief moment.

“Nyx,” Fang insisted, not struggling now.   “Nyx, look at me.”

He was even… was he hugging me back?

That was enough to grab my attention – if only barely.

And I tried.  To look at him, I mean.  I really did.

But which—which one was I supposed to look at?

“This is real.  Real, Nyx,” Fang hissed, patting my back with his claws.

“No… no it’s not.  My babies are… they’re dead—”

Talking was hard.  Breathing was harder.

“Your babies—our babies are real,” Fang amended.  “I just told you to hide them.  But it is okay.  You do not have to obey the rules anymore.  Call them,” he insisted.

I blinked.  Blinked again.  Looked down at my hand – at the tattoo there.  It kept shifting.  Changing shape.  Disappearing.  But—but I could try—

So, I called them.  Drew on Maribel’s strength.  Clung to that shred of hope.

And suddenly, three sets of blood-red eyes met mine, my babies spawned from pools of shadows.  They seemed confused at first, reaching out for payment—

Only to stop as they saw me standing there.  Hugging their lame-Daddy and crying and eating parts of the room.  Okay, most of it.  Also nibbling on the tour-guides.

Not unusual.  Not that outside the norm.  Not new – not exactly.

But what happened next was unexpected.  Especially for growing teenagers.

They hugged me too – even without getting paid!  Wrapped those furry arms around me.  Gave me their rotten, foul, perfect kisses… and all for free.

“It’s okay, Nyx.  You’re okay.  We’re okay.  Just breathe,” Lili urged.

So, I did.  And the world slowly began to stop spinning.

Those images faded – syncing up into perfect unity.  Into this singular moment.

Because I had an anchor in this life.  I wasn’t alone.  I had something left to lose – many somethings.  A dysfunctional family.  A death wagon filled with friends.  Leaving bloody carnage in our wake… but the good kind, I think?  Or better, at least?  Road trips.  And renovations.  Relationship squabbles and group therapy and even hugs.

“What the fuck is going on?” a voice suddenly shouted.

My eyes snapped open to find the other tour guides staring.  And with my sudden clarity, there was no need to tell a story.  To dissociate yet again.  These were just Guides.  Here to pillage the gate.  To use me and my family.  Their weapons drawn.  Breathing hard.  Their bodies dripping sweat as my aura shrank back to me.

Hmm, they looked angry.  Also, confused.  But, at least, they were still alive.

That was an improvement over last time… or, uh, the other time?

And just like that, those images began to return, swimming and shifting.

“Hey, are you listening to me?” the head tour-guide demanded as he approached.  Sometimes whip thin.  Sometimes covered in feathers.   Sometimes scales.  But most often an extra-wide ship captain, his eyes shining with the promise of friendship.

“No… no keep back,” Fang hissed worriedly as he noticed corrupted energy crawling up my limbs and skittering down my perfect, totally-real arm chain.  “He is crazy—”

He never got to finish.  Suddenly, big bright plumes of glowing green vapor exploded through the room.  My babies had respawned through a series of portals, each armed with a bamboomer, chittering maniacally as they gunned down the rest of the Guides.  They screamed.  Tried to run – to flee – but it was futile.

And only seconds later, the Guides were all lying on the ground.  Twitching.  Paralyzed but still totally conscious—staring at us and pleading for mercy.

Those images vanished again, leaving my heart hammering in my chest.

“For the last time, I’m not crazy,” I snapped at Fang, pulling away from him.

He looked at me – at the Guides – then back at me.

“Debatable,” he muttered then, crossing his arms and refusing to look at me.  Like he was upset.  Although, I swear I saw him smile.

“Does that mean… you’re okay now?” Lili began tentatively.  “Because it seemed like, for a moment there, that you began to remember some, uh, things.”

I went quiet and still.  Ahh, right.  That.

The whole reincarnation thing.

“Yeah… yeah, I guess I do,” I murmured.

The memories were confusing – still jumbled and chaotic.  Impossible to interpret except in bits and pieces.  But Other-Me – Worse-Me – he’d shown me the way.  How to anchor myself to something true.  The bear demon hadn’t been able to lie.  Which meant some things were true – in this life or any other.  Lili’s secrets.  Fang’s lies.  The proof was in the shifty look in Fang’s eyes.  In the way my right hand trembled.

And with those revelations came the same betrayal – the same anger.

But I pushed it away.  I was stronger than the Worse-Mes.  Better.  More emotionally stable and well-adjusted.  [Therapy] had helped with that.  Besides, there was a larger problem at work here.  If some of those memories were true, then were the others?  Of Horus and Eris and Demi?  If they were, then that meant there were many mes – possibly even too many.  Those memories splintering and fracturing my [Broken Mind].

And yet… every time I made a choice – a new decision – hugging Fang or incapacitating the guides, those images faded and my mind cleared.

Each time I forged a new path.  My path.

Which could only mean one thing.

All those other-mes were just watching me.  Remembering my life.  My journey.  My babies.  My family.  My wagon.  Watching.  Laughing.  Crying.  And wishing.

Wishing that they could fucking be me.

Which was overwhelming, irrefutable evidence.

Proof, once and for all, that I’m the main fucking character.

Oh, don’t look at me like that!  You know it’s true!

And as that realization settled over me, the whirlwind slowed further.  This reality was real – it was mine.  And I could change it.  Could alter the outcome.

I’d achieved a sense of balance – of stability.  If only for a moment.

And then, of course, fucking Cole tried to ruin it.

“What’s going on?” the elf muttered, holding his shirt to his mouth to ward off the toxic smog that was slowly dissipating, filtering out of the huge hole in the ceiling.  “I don’t—”

He was suddenly wrapped in corrupted energy, my [Shadow Aura] flaring.

Just, uh, in case, you know?  I might have some trauma.  I’ve been gaslit before, which may have created some minor trust issues.  But I’m definitely not paranoid!

Another truth – in this life or any other.

Seconds later, my energy retreated.  And the room was the same.

Okay.  It was safe.  No illusions.

“Sorry, just making sure you aren’t gaslighting me,” I explained.

“You ate my clothes!” Cole snapped back, covering himself with his hands.

Wow.  He was really, really pale.  And skinny.  I’d actually removed the top layer of matter on every object in the room.  So, uh, most of the guides were naked too.   It wasn’t intentional!  You just couldn’t be too safe…

“Lili, does he know what’s going on?” Fang whispered in my ear suddenly.  “Maybe you should make him drift again… for, err, his safety.  Also, ours.”

My first impulse, of course, was to get upset.  To lash out.  You know, since this was proof that Fang and Lili were having private conversations without me.  Lili even tried to stop him, to raise a hand to ward him off or scrawl out a new message.  But I stopped her with a surge of my now considerably larger pool of nimbus.  Instead, I just stood very still, my eyes vacant and staring at my babies… as well as our twitching, naked tour group.

“What are you doing?”  Lili demanded – talking just to me.

I didn’t even need to answer.  I mean, she could read my mind, right?

“I, uh, I can.  But I really don’t want to do this—”

Except she owed me, didn’t she?  For keeping secrets?

“You need to hug him again!  Now!”

The words scratched reluctantly across my skin.

Several long seconds ticked passed, but nothing happened.  Nothing.  No movement.  I couldn’t even hear Fang breathing. I couldn’t turn to look either.

Because, uh, obviously that would give me away.

“Are… are you sure?” Fang insisted eventually.  “It is weird.  He is very large, my arms are short, and his onesie is sharp.  Too sharp.”

Wasn’t loving any of that.

“You have to.  He’s about to lose it.”  That was Lili again.  “It helped before.”

And then I finally felt the smooth, cold, slimy embrace of consent.

This time, he’d done it willingly.  Because he cared about me.

After all, we knew he had a heart now.  We even had firsthand experience.

Fang would have loved that joke if he’d had more context—

“I told my mother you only like younger women,” Fang hissed suddenly.

“What?  Why would you tell her that—”  I began, whirling.

Only for the clone to break apart and to find my bromate standing several feet away.  Glaring.  Those golden eyes squashed into suspicious lines.

“I knew it was a trick.  You are fine,” Fang sniffed.

“I don’t know if I’d go that far,” Lili muttered.

Wow.  Was this really better than devouring the Five Rivers?

“Wait, you devoured the Five Rivers?” Cole muttered, tugging on some of the remaining clothing he’d gathered from the other tourists’ packs.  They were super baggy.  Seriously, I needed to remember to serve him second helpings.  Maybe even thirds.

Cole just glared at me.  Woops.  Guess that one was out loud too.

“For the last time, will someone please explain what’s going on?” he demanded.

Fang sighed.  “That is complicated…”

“It really isn’t,” I interjected smoothly.  “I’m the genius who invented reincarnation.  And now I remember everything,” I explained like it was obvious.  Because it was.

Although, for some reason, Cole just looked confused – glancing between me and Fang… who also looked a little lost now, shaking his head and his eyes all narrowed.  “Uh, what?” the elf muttered.  “What’s reincarnation?”

Ahh, right.  They couldn’t read my mind…

Okay.  Hmm, maybe this would take more explaining.  Which was fine.

After all, I love telling stories – I’m not sure if you knew that about me.

Besides, how long could it really take?