Hollow #2 - Chapter 57 (Patreon)

Chapter 57 - Jamais Vu

Just the Regular Hellforge

The Main Character

 Hmm.  Well, it turns out the story took longer than expected.

 Like, possibly hours?  Although, my sense of time is still a bit sketchy.

 What was that?  Why did it take so long?

 Uh, well, our audience was a little slow on the uptake.  Also, they asked a lot of questions.  Too many really.  In fact, it felt like they never stopped—

“Alright, I think I’ve finally got it,” Cole said slowly, rubbing at his temple.  “There are infinite yous which share the memories of all of the others—”

“Including all future hims,” one of the naked guides chimed in.

Yeah, that’s right.  We’d been at this so long, they’d all recovered.

And once they realized I was wearing a battle onesie and they had no chance of killing me and nowhere to escape, they… well, they became rather invested in the story.  Apparently, some things don’t change.  Except, this time, they were real.  Also, alive.

“Right, because you somehow steal Eris’ ring,” Cole added, pointing at me.

“In the future.” a Guide piped up.

“But also in another life – a past one,” another added.

“Although, that concept has no meaning inside the Flow.” That was a third.

“Actually, it sounds more like all time exists contemporaneously.  At least, for a four dimensional being,” a fourth guide offered.  “Which explains why Nyx’s perception of reality becomes clearer as he chooses a different path – since he’s reducing the pool of possibilities.”

“But isn’t that also a paradox?  Like if he remembers all possible Nyxs, then wouldn’t he also remember any new choices he makes based off those memories?  Why would he see fewer possibilities?  Or none?” That was yet another guide – this one apparently a huge nerd.

Everyone let out a collective groan.

This argument had been going on for a while.

“No.  No, as we already agreed,” Fang hissed in exasperation, “the confused hunter takes the simple, straight path.  It is exactly that paradox that makes Nyx a threat.  That allows him to create infinite new possibilities – essentially overwhelming the Flow.”

“But that doesn’t explain how it’s possible—”

“It does not matter,” Fang hissed back, glaring now.

“But—” Shlick.  A blade of mist was suddenly at the nerd’s throat.  “Ahh, which is just to say that I agree.  Very astute of you,” he gasped at Fang.

“Uh, anyway…” Cole muttered as he watched this exchange, shaking his head. “So, every version of you ends up here somehow – in the Hellforge.  Where you open the gate, unleash some sort of truth demon that pulls out our secrets, and I die—”

“Well, technically, I don’t know that you die,” I interjected, cocking my head.  “Last time, the bear demon’s chains were just embedded in your back and he was using you like a creepy, floating mouthpiece for the tortured souls of thousands.”

Cole’s eyes widened.  “That’s so much worse,” he murmured.

Ahh, maybe he was right.

I mean, technically, he got spirit raped again, didn’t he?

But this time it was by a group, so actually he got gang—

“We don’t know that – not exactly!” Cole interjected, glancing at the others nervously.  A bunch of them were shooting him questioning looks.

Ahh, right.  These Guides didn’t know about his STD yet.

Honestly, it was getting hard to keep track.

“Which is why we should go back to the surface,” Fang insisted, trying to pivot – once again.  Cole was just really hung up on how many times he’d been spirit raped.

“Wouldn’t you be?” the elf snapped, glaring at me.  Then he whirled back to Fang.  “And we can’t go back to the surface.  You heard the other Guides.  Peri said he’d murder anyone who came back empty handed.  This was the sacrificial group meant to slaughter us, use our nimbus to feed the gate, and then test its strength.”

The other Guides went quiet – mostly nodding or grimacing.  Which had also helped with the whole “not-killing-us thing.”  Honestly, what was the point?

“Eh, I think we could take Peri,” Lili offered, text itching across my forehead.

Fang just pointed a claw at my head.  “I agree.”

“That’s not the problem,” Cole ground out.  “He has many others with him.  An army even after their losses.  Plus, he’d have no qualms about killing the other vessels.  Including Fang’s mom,” he added for my benefit.  “And even if we somehow dealt with Peri, there’s still a larger problem—”

“Right, right.  Horus and Eris,” Lili muttered.

Which was her fault.  I mean, she wrote the notes.

“You mean I stalled them for ages while you monologued and told crazy, long winded stories to yourselves?  I stalled them for so long that Demi had to send a meteor to destroy our PB&B,” Lili insisted.  “How about some thanks, huh?”

“For what?” I demanded.  “For messing with my mind and memories to help me ignore how I was slowly going insane?  Yeah, real winner play there…”

Lili just grumbled in the back of my mind.

Honestly, neither she nor Fang had been very apologetic.

“Why should I apologize?” That was Fang that time.  “You killed me.  Killed me many, many times.  Infinite times. And I do not believe this other me did what you say.  Sacrificed myself out of… of kindness,” he said it like he’d eaten something rotten.

See?  He still insisted I was full of shit.  Showing him the Book of Grudges hadn’t helped either.  He just pointed at that as evidence that I’d murdered him.  And, of course, that had created a whole new argument.  The other Guides wanted to test the blood and compare it to Fang’s to confirm whether I’d really killed him or not.  And once they had proof it was Fang’s, well… then the nerdy Guide had started in on something about the temporal paradox of having multiple versions of Fang’s blood exist in the same timeline.

“At least you didn’t get locked inside his hand,” Lili muttered, text scrawling across my forehead for Fang’s benefit.  “I’d have rather he just killed me.  Do you know what he uses those for when he’s not making stuff?  Beating his—”

Woah!  Enemies!  She was definitely going to say enemies!

“Speaking of the corrupted spirit, why does Lili not just ask the other-hers?” Fang demanded, crossing his arms.  “Write them a note like she was doing before?”

“Because I can’t,” Lili snapped, flicking off the trash goblin.  “That got patched out as soon as we touched the guidepost.  Apparently, the Flow got wise to what we were doing.  That or it wanted to stop us from coordinating on this gate.”

Fang’s eyes squashed flat as he read those words.  He stabbed a claw at my forehead.  “Then how does he still remember things?  Can he not remember a way out of this?”

“That’s exactly what I was saying!” the nerdy guide spoke up… yet again.  Seriously, everyone in the room winced.  “How can he remember every possible outcome but also create new outcomes at the same time?  It’s just another paradox.”

Huh, actually… that time, he made sense.  The others must have agreed.  Because they were looking at me now, confused and suspicious.

“Because I’m the main character,” I insisted.  “We’ve been over this.”

That didn’t help.  They just looked more suspicious.

Even you all are staring at me weird.  Like you don’t trust me….

I threw up my hands.  “Look, I’ve tried to remember the future, but I can’t.  Maybe I do have a memory of how to get out of this situation – maybe there is no paradox.  But how would I even find it?  One memory among billions?  Trillions?  Some even bigger number with no name?  All I know is that when I do something original and clever and inspired, the other memories fade and it’s easier to think.”

They chewed on that.  Some seemed to be buying it even.

“Then let us do something new and leave,” Fang insisted.

My brow furrowed, my eyes skimming to the exit.

I mean, Fang had a point… which I hated to admit.

Yet, when I looked at the dark passage, it just felt wrong.  I could feel images flickering around the opening, ghostly versions of us walking through.  And the more I pushed, the more that appeared.  With it came that pain that throbbed and pulsed behind my temples.  And the images all ended the same way.  With everyone getting murdered.  Blood, death, carnage, and rage.  A mawing black abyss that threatened to swallow the whole Five Rivers.  Also, a lingering sense that I needed something from this gate…

I shook my head.  “Maybe that option isn’t as new as it looks,” I muttered.

“Great.  Which leaves what then?” Fang demanded.

“We could fortify this location?  Have Nyx craft something maybe—” Cole began.

The others chimed in, but my thoughts were drifting.

I know, I know.  Normally, I’d be all for a conversation about my passion projects.

But, right now, we just needed answers.

And if my mind was broken and Lili was banned from the spiritual forums, well… there was only one option.  So, I did what I had to do.

I [Phoned-An-Asshole].

“Well, well, well, the prodigal-me finally woke the fuck up.”

“I think you mean, the Better-You,” I shot back, glaring.  Because I could see him now – Asshole-Me.  Nyx α.  The original.  His ghostly self was just standing there amid the crowd, smirking at me and tapping his foot impatiently.

Why did I have to be such an asshole?

“What?  Who are you talking to—” Fang hesitated, his eyes widening in realization as he observed me talking to the air.  “You phoned Asshole-You?  Why?  He will just give us a riddle or sabotage us or make me dance for his amusement.”

“Why would I do that?” Asshole-Me demanded, glaring at Fang.  Lili helpfully scratched out the words along my arm so everyone could follow along.  They were now huddled close – too close maybe.

“Because you were the first to kill me, weren’t you?” Fang shot back only moments later, screaming into my ear for some reason.  “You could explain so much but you hid it all.  Why?  What game are you playing?  Why do you pretend you are better than my Nyx?”

Ahh, that was actually kind of sweet—

“He does have a point,” Cole interjected slowly, his brow furrowed in thought.  “The original Nyx must have had some goal in sending his memories into the Flow – which is still unclear, by the way – but he must have failed, right?  And every other Nyx after that must have failed too or our Nyx wouldn’t have their memories.  So, can only one Nyx ultimately succeed?  And if they all exist at the same time, what happens to the others if he does?”

Everyone got really quiet at that.

Even Asshole-Me hesitated, looking everywhere but at me…

Ahh, maybe—maybe this had been a mistake.

“You know what?” Asshole-Me demanded, standing in front of Cole and trying to ghost stab him with his spear.  “Fuck you, Nerd.  You don’t know that’s how this works – none of us do!  Besides, maybe it’s worth it, huh?  Maybe we’re fighting for something larger than ourselves?  Did you ever think of that?”

Frankly, he looked a little worked up – stabbing and ripping and tearing at Cole.  Almost like maybe Asshole-Me hadn’t fully come to terms with the existential horror of being a side character.  One that might simply cease to exist when I was inevitably victorious.

“He’s trying to stab me right now, isn’t he?” Cole asked.

I just nodded distractedly, my thoughts wandering.

Cole raised a fair question.  One I really, really wanted to ask.

Why?  Why do this to us?  Why go through this torture life after life?  Cycle after cycle?  An infinite loop of pain and suffering?

Because I didn’t remember.  Like I said before, there were a LOT of memories – an incomprehensible amount.  And it wasn’t like I could just look up any answer I wanted.

Unfortunately, I only got one question.  And we were facing a more pressing problem at the moment.  Like the fact that we were sandwiched between a crazy gold-ranked elf and his much smaller army, two closeted lovebirds, and a corrupted gate.

Despite the stress and constant revelations, I was also feeling pretty good.  Better than I had in ages, honestly.  Clearer at least.  Amazing what you could do when you stopped running away from your problems and faced them head on.

I waved off Fang and the others.

“Then prove it,” I demanded, crossing my arms.

Asshole-Me hesitated, turning slowly.  “Prove what?”

“That you’re not just in this for yourself.  Answer my question for real.”

This was my one question – my one chance to poll the audience.  And Asshole-Me knew it.  I could feel the heaviness in his gaze – the weight of it.  We might not be aligned.  Not friends.  Not exactly.  I didn’t have any clear blackmail on him.  But he was still me.  And he was right.  I could feel we still had a goal – something in common.

Something that had to do with Leandra.  I hadn’t forgotten that.

Lili stirred uncomfortably, my hand twitching as she anticipated my question.

I understood where she was coming from.  Trust didn’t come easily to us.

Hell, we couldn’t even trust ourselves.  But still…

“What should we do?” I asked.

Asshole-Me sighed, took a deep breath, then raised his eyes to meet mine, his ghostly complexion deadly serious.  And then he provided this helpful, insightful advice.

“You already know the answer.  Go with your gut, it’s worked so far.”

Then the asshole just vanished.

A moment of silence as those words itched their way across my skin and then…

“I fucking told you!” Fang hissed.

“Every single time,” Lili muttered.

Even the guides were exasperated, muttering and murmuring.

I got why they were all upset.

It was another riddle – at least, from their perspective.

But I knew what he was trying to say.

It was the reason my eyes kept wandering back to that floating ball of darkness in the center of the room – the same one that Worse-Me had used to open the gate.  Yet, strangely, there were no phantom images flickering around it.  Which was weird, right?  I mean, hadn’t all the Worse-Mes used it?  Or most of them anyway?  But maybe none of them had remembered our other lives before entering the gate?  Had known about Fang and Lili’s secrets?  In which case, was this whole situation new?

And I still couldn’t shake the feeling we needed something from the gate.  I mean, it could forge dreams out of the souls of thousands.  That’s crafting and recycling.

Which meant maybe the best option was to enter the gate?  Again?

But how would that help?  Wouldn’t it end up the same way?

Unless… unless we changed something—

That’s when it hit me.  A plan.  Epic in its scope.  But also perfect in its utter simplicity – the culmination of everything we’d gone through.  All of those million, billion, trillion changes across countless lifetimes.  All leading to this single moment.

This perfect, flawless, A+ run.

“What is this?  Why are you smiling?” Fang insisted, his eyes suddenly looming close – too close.  “I do not like this.  No one does.”  Indeed, the other guides looked nervous.

That was okay.  People always reacted this way to new ideas.

“Uh, Nyx… this seems utterly batshit, even for you,” Lili murmured as she reviewed my glorious new plan.  “Also, I don’t think I would describe it that way—”

No, don’t listen to her.  It’s absolutely perfect.

“Will I die again?” Fang demanded.

“And will I get raped?” That was Cole that time.

“And, uh, what about us?”  That was the Guides.

Hmm.  Not the rousing support I expected – that I deserved.

But you know who was supporting me?  My perfect, beautiful babies.  They stared up at me with those gleaming, blood-red saucer eyes – the ones that stared straight into my broken, corrupted soul.  The ones I’d ignored.  Mistreated.  Thrown under the metaphorical and literal tracks of my own emotional issues.

It wasn’t my fault, obviously.  I’d been having a mental health episode.

Parents are real people too.  We have flaws.

But it was possible to mend the rift.

“I have a mission for you.”  They looked skeptical.  “And it will come with food.  More food than you’ve ever seen before.  And, this time, you can eat as much as you want.”

Oh, shit.  I had them now!  They were all drooling.

Which was good.  They were a perfect fit for this mission.

Uh… but the others were watching uncomfortably.  And, as I’ve mentioned before, Morale is really critical in any new project.

So, I leaned in close and whispered my instructions.

Only moments later, the babies all chittered happily and skittered out of the forge, disappearing into the darkness of the doorway.  If they used the tunnels under the warehouse, they could avoid Peri’s party on the surface.  They’d be fine.  Worse-Me might have been lying about spies, but he wasn’t lying about how the tunnels connected.

“What is this?  What are you doing?”  Fang hissed.

When I turned, I found the others watching.  Waiting.  Sweating.  Shifting nervously.

I guess this was it.  Time to reveal my brilliant plan.  “Fang is right.  I have a solution to all our problems.  A way out of this predicament.”

They were all attentive, some even leaning forward anxiously.

Probably because we’d all die if this didn’t work.

Actually, some would probably die anyway.

“We’re going to enter the gate,” I announced, smiling.

The wave of crushing sound that met my announcement was disconcerting.  Also, disappointing.  The shouting and screaming and yelling.  The many and unnecessary uses of words like “Crazy,” and “Asshole,” and “Should we just kill ourselves now or wait to get spiritually gang banged to death?”  For the record, that last one was Cole.

Yet I didn’t let it bother me.  My smile just got a bit wider.

 And this time?  This time, it didn’t even hurt.

Because this time was going to be amazing.

They just didn’t know it yet.