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So hopefully summer break ends soon so I can record again, but in the meantime - why not just stay on the positive side of things and have me say thank you! Thank you for all the comments, sharing your thoughts with me and all the other Patrons. It's been pretty great 🤍 Let's do it some more? I want to textually ramble.I was out and about reaching my now daily 10k step goal (for sunny weather anyway) - and was pondering all sorts of things. Mostly sexuality and gender? These topics are so different from person to person because of palette of reasons, and I keep stumbling upon new thoughts. Let me share a few...I call myself pan sexual only because I want to elaborate briefly on what I mean by "falling in love with anyone". Because so far the only configuration of human being I don't get attracted to, seem to just be hateful ones. But that never shows up until you talk, and well hey news flash, 99% of people I crush on I never get to talk to. They're just cute strangers I never get to see again...Someone's gender identity doesn't really play a role in whether or not I think they're attractive, because I don't know it! It's almost always their self-expression in how they present themselves with their body, clothes, walks, sound, smell, etc. that I get to have an impression of them (and well okay hey, I can consciously or sub-consciously assume their gender, but I digress). The talking and getting to know of their gender-identity happens so rarely, that I can't seem to say "I like men/women/non-binary people". Because they present themselves in countless different ways. I have been attracted to so many different configurations of the human form, that pansexual just sort of fits? Idk. I like people. I think labels can be useful, but I prefer not thinking too much about them when it comes to my own attraction and identity. I'm me, not my name either by the way, the temporal being writing this down on a computer in the evening listening to the cat-water-spout thingy blasting away over the noise of the upstairs neighbours. This being wants to share its thoughts with like-minded individuals who support it in its creative endeavors.That's who I am. I'm temporal. Tomorrow I'll be someone else (very similar mind you) but I change, and keep changing. It's useful to identify myself with my past temporal versions because of well, legal reasons, practical reasons, all that jazz. But past me is different. I knew about past me way way back when I was 13 and wrote my first diary entry down. I still have it, and it's in english. It's basically me regretting the way I thought I screwed up an interaction with a boy I liked. It was fine, we kissed a few days later. I've rambled. Now it's your turn if you want! Tell me your thoughts on this particular topic (or some other topic that's caught you attention lately!)- feel free to ask questions too. To me, or maybe other people here 🌱 lurking is also perfectly ok, you're valid, sending hugs Here's a lil bonus 1 sec loop of me walking in a colorful outfit with my groceries.https://imgur.com/a/4NWgzdz  

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Autumn

Tbh I'm spiralling into full existential crisis mode. I work full time but can't afford to live alone (USA) and it feels like all of my friends are moving on in life without me. The majority of them are in their last year of college (I'm 21) and I'm still stuck in my childhood bedroom with no signs of being able to leave. Trying to save as much as I can

Jam

Well that was a nice read! I don’t really have much to say at this hour - it’s 5AM here, I just wanna say thank you for always taking time to share not only your voice (haha!) but also your rambles on here. Sometimes it gets tiring to read stuff online that’s “educational”; I get info-overloaded. So it’s really nice to just read rambles about anything from people whom you just know are wise. And you are. I hope you know that. Anyways, I’ll be sleeping now! Goodnight. ✨

sera

oh, that diary entry…you need to keep that forever! it’s adorable 🥹 also, you really shouldn’t stress too much about labels. no one should. some people simply don’t want to label themselves and that’s fine!! anyway, i hope you have a nice evening (and thank you for the pretty flower~)

blaze

I've been quietly thinking about going back to grad school but life has been absolutely ruthless to me this year in every aspect. It's hard to keep the motivation up, gonna try to apply for next term tho! Wish me luck Crunchy, hope you get some quiet time one of these days!

Phantasm Cat

Aww, look at you being all colorful and grocery shopping and adorable in the sun (*⌒3⌒*) complete contrast to what I'm wearing/how gloomy the weather is today. Love to see it! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and the pic, and the gif. Yeah, let that play a few more times... okay. Yes. Remembering how I used to think and correlating that to how I think now, I see why people use labels to identify themselves and find/share experiences with like-minded individuals. But along with that, I've always had trouble in the past relating to any single label because, to me, it felt restrictive and my mind is constantly shifting and morphing and exploring new ideas and concepts (not just from the world around me, but to myself when introspection comes into play). Same as you, and I remember talking to someone about this a while back as well, that I'm just me. I am who I am in this moment, and I don't know who I will be 5 minutes from now, but right now, in this second, I am me. I like who I like, I like what I like, I am curious on what I love to be curious about. It's the matter of learning about the other person and sharing this joy in what fascinates them that makes me fall into clouds of hearts and mushiness. This reminds me of something, completely out of sexual identity, but gears are turning in my brain. It also ties in to my identity, meaning my culture and upbringing that I'm still coming to terms with (more positive thinking now, I hope). Growing up as a mexican-american, I always felt confused with how others perceived me, either I wasn't american enough or mexican enough to fit into any one group or another. Because of that confusion towards people and how they feel they can perceive if a person isn't enough of something, it angered me. They don't know my memories, they don't know what I grew up with and what my experiences are, yet they feel they have a right to state what they believe I'm not? Bullockers. In the end of the game, I'm just me. I'm me. I know who I am and I will never fit into any one box that others believe should be constructed in a specific way. I know I have more to write about, but a drawing idea just popped in my head (along with so many other doodles I haven't finished yet..) and I have to start on that before my brain thinks of something else. Thank you so much for sharing, you sweet human being. Stay safe, and fingers crossed all goes well for recording soon 💙

yellow seong

It's always lovely to hear from you, Crunchy! 💛 You've shared your thoughts about this particular topic a couple of times now and idk, how you explain it is always beautiful to me 😊 It's really nice to hear people talk about themselves so confidently. For me though, I think I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. I rarely catch feelings and I find it weird that I've only liked two guys in my life and both were from when I was a kid. I've never really liked anyone (sexually? romantically?) now that I'm an adult? Past relationship doesn't count lmao So far I've only liked people in a "wow u r cool" way but never beyond? I always get jealous when my friends talk about the people they have crushes on. I also want one but no one pops up! Thank you for sharing a piece of you with us, Crunch 🥰

Ange

I love the discourse here, and it’s been feeling very “community” lately, but honestly I am giggling harder than I should be at “walk walk he do be walking” (looking good, Crunch n munch) When do kids go back to school in Belgium? Denmark? Wherever all y’all live? It’s always the the day after Labour Day (the first Monday in September) here and they go until late June. In some US states students are going back mere weeks after kids here have started summer holidays and it’s always wild to me.

Mrs. Dubose

I love this. Thank you for more discussion and food for thought. For my own sexuality, I'm hetero and attracted to men (regardless of how they define their own sexual identity or gender. I am an equal opportunity crusher on cute boys whether they're hetero, bi, pan, trans, whatever. 🙃), but like you said, it's not so much their specific looks as it is their core self. What complicates it for me, though, is that since frequenting nsfw spaces I've realized I'm demisexual, too. I had never heard it defined until I got here. I have to build up some kind of connection with someone first before I actually start to feel the good stuff, and it's so incredibly hard for me to be vulnerable in that way. It ties into affection, too. Growing up I was always the snuggly cuddly child in my family, but... shit happens and things change and I'm a very guarded adult. I have a lot of love to give but it's extremely difficult for me to let it out. Well, in obvious ways, anyway. Acts of service? I'm all over it. Kissing, hugging, touching, words of affection? It takes a lot of time, patience, and trust to get to that point. And it can change even after my brain decides someone is "safe"! I have a joke with a close friend about, drawbridge up or drawbridge down (emotionally speaking). I never know which version of me is going to show up on any given day. ✨️Trauma✨️ The last time I told someone I loved them for the first time it was over text (low risk) and I threw my phone across the room immediately after I hit send because I was SO uncomfortable. I wanted to claw my own skin off. 😂 Which is ridiculous. I wanted to tell them. I needed to tell them. The feelings live inside me regardless of if I say them out loud, or tell the other person, or keep them hidden away. The risk for hurt is the same. And yet that silly old brain resists. The people in my life that I love and care for deserve to know how much they mean to me. So it's a work in progress. One day I hope that my drawbridge is reflexively down more often than it's up. Your ramble is the kind of topic that sets my mind in motion about all kinds of things, so I might be back later with other thoughts. We'll see. And now a question for you, Crunch, and also chat if they'd like. What do you think past you would think of current you? (I'm hoping for a thoughtful answer, not a silly quip.)

Labrini

I'm a heterosexual woman in my thirties. I've always identified as straight, but that hasn't prevented me from experimenting, although not all of them turned out well. I've also kissed a variety of people, including women, men, trans, and non-binary. The gender of the person didn't matter because it came from a place of seeking comfort rather than sexual attraction. Despite identifying as straight, I have to admit that when I see someone that makes me go’ Well damn’ gender plays little part in it. For instance, about a week ago, while I was out drinking, there was this woman passing by, the way she carried herself and the way she looked at me? Damn. I can still remember her smile. Would I pursue anything with her if given the chance? No, but that fleeting feeling in that moment was special to me. Does this all make sense? I'm not sure; I'm quite tired. Btw I love these flowers, the name eludes me right now but my street is littered with these trees. Both white and purple. I love these textual rambles… The outfit is a banger. Love the minty green. Is it minty? Looks like minty to me right now. Well, it's time for little ol’ Lab to go to sleep. I started writing at ten in the morning, and now it's past midnight. My mind is fried, and even my fingers ache. Not even a cocksicle could help me at this point. Good night everyone! 💕

Amber

Love the vibes here :) Tbh been thinking a lot about my own sexuality lately and most of my friends know I'm bi/pansexual, but I rarely use those labels. When people ask I usually say that I don't care or do not have a preference, which is true but sometimes I'm like: but what if it's not, do I really like men? Or is it like a safe space bc I have more experience with men? But then again: don't care because if I'll fall in love again, I'll learn and it will be fun and nice and I will be scared shitless but that's cool. Don't get me started about falling in love with people. I will go to work and be like: 😳 who that 😳 I fall in love easily, but most of the time from a distance because scary and what if they don't like me and also it was kinda off-limits for like 4-5 years (bc monogamous relationship) so I'm a little rusty. That's okay tho, there's no rush and it's good to focus on myself for a while. Actually, quite proud of myself bc it's been 3 months now and I'm still single? I think that's a record for me 💀 (the fact that its a record is kind of a major red flag but I'm working on it!! Slowly!!) Anyway, tomorrow work so BYE

Ree

I feel quite similar about my own sexuality I think.. I mean to start, it’s never been something that I’ve felt like I needed to put a label on, and sometimes it almost feels wrong to do so. I know I’m capable of being physically attracted to pretty much any person regardless of gender expression, but sometimes I find myself leaning more one way or the other. Funny to think about it this way, but it’s like if I’m in the mood for sweet or savoury. Sometimes it’s one or the other, sometimes it’s both, sometimes it’s neither. And just because I’m in the mood for one thing, that doesn’t stop me suddenly finding myself falling for random strangers (food analogy over sorry haha) who don’t fit that description c’: People are just really pretty & interesting!! How am I supposed to just choose?? Idk I’ve just always seen sexuality as such a fluid thing, so it’s really interesting to hear other people talk about the complete opposite experience, where they’re firmly planted on one “side”. When I was younger I was convinced it wasn’t real and people were just trying to fit into society’s expectations. Now I tend to take people’s word for it a bit more seriously. Though I do still think there is a degree of fluidity or at the very least a capacity for attraction between all humans. But yeah, I guess I probably would also identify as pan, but I generally just tend to tell people I’m “not very picky” c’: (Did have a male friend I was trying to sleep with think I was a lesbian once though, so maybe labels are useful in that sense haha 🙈)

Hanna Yang

first time sharing thoughts in here so kinda nervous!! I love these discussions of gender and sexuality because I’ve had similar thoughts before, and it’s not something a lot of people like, especially not here… I’ve had my share of partners and friends expressing disgust at the thought that I don’t identify how I look, and that I don’t care what is in my partner’s pants. But the thing is that, humans are so finicky and it changes so rapidly that it gets tiring being one. I often think of myself as a being too, and others are also beings - so my attraction is a being to being attraction, but labels are convenient to explain that I suppose. Even my most understanding friends fail to understand this concept of being an entity in the world, but I’m glad that here I find a community that agrees :) PS: love the colours of your walk outfit and the coordination is chefs kiss

CarelessWhisper

I love reading everyone's comments. ❤️ I am most attracted to masculine energy and if I was asked to articulate what I mean by that I wouldn't be able to. I only know when I see or feel it. I honestly don't like it though when men hit on me. It feels like a threat. But there is this younger guy who is also a manager with my  company and he's not necessarily someone I had much thought about when I first met him but he unabashedly flirts with me in every meeting. He's so ridiculously bold with it. And I just eat that shit up. And now I think he is the absolute cutest and it has everything to do with his personality.

_S

I think I've always identified as a straight woman. I suppose there were times when I did question whether I was interested in women, but I don't think a person or opportunity ever came up for me to consider it seriously. A fairly boring answer from me unfortunately 😅 But as a personal struggle growing up (and even now) was my overall lack of ambition, or purposefulness. There are many people in my life who are very goal-oriented, like in their profession or just life generally, and I used to think there was something wrong with me for not being like that too. There are so many things out there that feed you into thinking there's a "dream job" out there for you, and it's not always the case. Didn't help that I met a lot of people in my field when I was still training that were very "I love my job, work is life". I've realised that as long as I have a job I can tolerate and pays enough, I can use the time and money outside of that to find happiness elsewhere. Travelling, cooking, reading, gaming, plus some other hobbies here and there. I had someone comment recently that they were impressed I had so many interests, but honestly I think I just have too much time on my hands. Or rather, I focus my time on leisure rather than an ambitious goal. I guess all this is to say sometimes I think I'm mindlessly cruising through life and feel like "what is the point of it all" or "I should be more productive than this". But at the same time, I am content with where I am too. Anyway, enough rambles from me. Time to get out of bed and go to work 😮‍💨 Sleep well ❤️ EDIT: Also forgot to say since I'm a crazy plant lady I always appreciate pretty flower pics. I could spend all day in a garden or conservatory just staring at and taking photos of flowers. 🌺

Acedia

The kids went back to school like two weeks ago, here. Summer breaks seem to get shorter and shorter. But atleast it doesn't affect me much. To me this, is the worst part of summer. It's too hot to do anything here. And I got absolutely mauled by mosquitoes over the weekend. I just want to stay inside in the air conditioning 😭. I was looking up stuff about 'dog days of summer' which apparently ended last week. I've always heard you're not supposed to swim during them, and I just learned that the saying is based the sun's proximity to Sirius the dog star, and actually has nothing to do with the temperature or the quality of the water. Huh. So, can I go swimming or no? lol Still, I can't wait until fall really settles in. Bring back light jackets, cocoa, and cool fall walks pls. For the gender and sexuality topic: I know I'm a bi woman who's mainly attracted to masculine/dominant people. And that's about as far as I got trying to label myself. I still haven't quite figured out the bi/pan split but reading this I think I kinda understand it more. Hope everyone is doing well. Stay cool, stay safe 💙

Frowning Clown

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, crunch! 😊 I always like hearing other people's perspective on the spectrum of self identifications. On the topic, I definitely feel pansexuality fitting myself as well. I live in the realm of being very attracted to queer people and it doesn't matter which direction that lands. I've accidentally found attraction to gay men and I don't think I would be on their radar because I have a female shaped body, though I forget that 99% of the time. It's like, what do I do with this information, brain? Lol 😅 Anywho! Hope everyone has a great week!

Lindsay Graff

I'm just so jealous of you living in a walkable city. With cool weather you can be outside in and not melt and pour gallons of sweat just by stepping outside the door. I'm so ready for summer to be over and autumn to be here. Out of curiosity, how big of a deal is Halloween in Denmark? Obviously, it's a huge deal in America. One of the VERY few good things about living here. It's my favorite holiday and my wedding anniversary. Follow up question is: Has Crunchy ever gone Trick or Treating??? 🎃

kimmie 🫶

I don’t *love* labels, they’re kind of problematic as they sometimes make things more complicated than they need to be. but if I had to put a label on it, I would say that I’m also pan. I suspect that there are a lot more of us out there than we realise, it’s just that societal expectations just kind of make people less inclined to explore their own curiosity… they stick with a more ‘normal’ label instead. having conversations like this is really great, bc it reminds us all that the world is changing slowly and we’re not alone:)

Cool Bean

Pansexual I usually have a crush on someone everywhere I go but its about 1-3 people per place. Usually based on if they seem nice, confident, + well dressed/wearing clothing that complements them. All determined by how they seem from far. If I speak to someone and learn their personality that can make change perception of how attractive they are. I think it affects how I see myself as well. I look cuter to myself if I’m happy/wearing complementary + comfy clothing. I think I come off slightly fruity but usually the thing that tips people into the know is my support for the community. Its how the guy at work that i think flirts with me started questioning

Juls

Hello! I hope you get some quiet time soon. School stated here last week in Northern California. It’s an adjustment as it still feels like summer because it is! I have never lived in a city where I can just walk to get groceries. That’s sounds amazing. I love your colorful outfit you make me smile. I really love thoughts and having conversations like this. I don’t really have a label for myself. I have always liked men, but I also have always liked women. It doesn't really matter their gender. It can be anything that first catches my eye, a smile, a look, the way someone carries themselves or expresses themselves through their clothing or hair style. I feel like I have always been drawn to people who are creative and eccentric. Kindness and communication are important to me to continue into any kind of friendship or relationship. I have a lot of thoughts as I have been thinking on this since you posted yesterday but I am having a hard time typing them out without going into so much detail. Honestly that’s why I’m usually a lurker as I completely overthink what I want to say so I end up never posting it.

Marie-Andrée

Hi made-up-in-my-mind-with-limited-dated-data-iteration-of-the-temporal-being-i've-come-to-associate-with-the-capitalized-word-Crunchy 🌼 it's always so good to hear from you 💝 On temporal beings, idt I usually go as far and abstract as you do on these thought journeys (although I wish I could tag along! 🤍 where's the "philosophical coffee "date" with crunch" patreon tier already?? 🙃) but getting through a huge burnout and a somewhat soul sucking long term relationship, I've been extra numb for.. Like years now lol and as much as I didn't recognize myself during that time, now that my ability to feel stuff is back, I realize how I'm just pretty much the same person deep down. Most things that bring me joy again today are newer iterations of things I've liked when I was younger. I find this dichotomy of being an arguably very different person than when I was a teenager, and at the same time successfully being able to piece myself back together by basing myself on who I used to be, as it remained very similar if not the exact same, very interesting. I agree that we become different beings every second of every day. But very deep down, I feel like things usually remain the same. Like, keep the same root. They might be expressed differently, but save for a big trauma i feel like certain things are just foundational in our identity. Things that, in my opinion, are too specific to just be brushed off as "human nature". Well, that's my experience so far anyway, and how I currently interpret it 🤔 Ughh but I'd love to take that line of thought further with you bc it doesn't feel like you see it the same way. Similar to how you (used to?) interpret consciousness, which is very much the same topic I guess. I hadn't quite grasped 100% what you meant when you mentioned it in some audio, but I know it's different than my conception of it and gosh I want to dig deeper pretty please 😅 About sexuality and gender, I think I've always considered myself heterosexual, but somehow always questioned it. And I think labels probably hindered a lot of self discovery for me in the past? But ya I keep an open mind and do question myself a lot bc I'll get hints of attraction with some thirst trapping lesbians on tiktok 😂 but other than that I don't usually crush on girls the way I do with boys, even if I find a girl sooo pretty or drop dead gorgeous, or if she has the sexiest brain around, I feel like it's more admiration than lust. I'll probably want to know more about them (at least their fucking skin regimen 😂) but I don't yearn for getting physically closer, catching their smell, touching them... I don't focus on their eyes and lips the same way I do with cute boys... I don't get flustered by their smiles... And even similar platonic showings of physical affection feel different to me. Until my guy friends are definitely for sure friend zoned, there's always a little hint of yearning in hugs. I also wanted to say, I really appreciated your underlining of how a stranger's gender identity is always assumed but not actually known, hence how it's most likely impossible to put a 100% accurate label on who anyone is attracted to at first glance. It makes perfect sense to me to justify your use of the term pansexual but it's also something I want to ponder on some more regarding different social issues and my own perceptions. Like, in theory I could've told you the same thing, it's not new information, but you happened to spell it out just right for me so it resonated 😅 Ok, you're cute, goodbye 😘