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Lucy, Theo, Andrew, and Ben bring you: Eyewitness reports on the infamous Des Moines "Eastside Funk", one Dutch trick to stop your crime from being investigated, and saying 'no' to negative energy from your pissed-off clients.

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John Harwood

Okay, I’ve been holding this back, but it is plainly time to give you this insight into the Dutch relationship to pigs as an early Xmas present:

CALIFORNIA DEATH WORM

I say “gyro” but it’s just to be annoying. I know it’s pronounced “gyro”

hdx

Snapping my fingers vigorously as Van Gogh gets brutally cancelled, my car drifting right and finally colliding with a motorway support pillar as Theo utters the word "promptsmith"

Lucas White

Re: the heart and soul of western des moines: there isn't one. Cedar Rapids stinks because that's where they make dog food. At least Ankeny smells like the tones seasoning factory.

Steve McPhail

Like... into the renderblended turkey slurry?

Zury Burleson

Zury here, I'd like to clarify two things: Ben paid me 30 USD (thank you Ben), and the drive was four and a half hours each way. Also we just say gyro the correct way

Boonta Vista

$50 in australian! which is the currency i use!

Zury Burleson

The American mind can't comprehend other denominations of currency so I was clarifying for my fellows