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'boulders' lyrics + explanation (Patreon)

Published:
2018-04-11 13:59:23
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2026-06
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Content

hey y'alllllll!


Thank you for all the gorgeous feedback on 'boulders', your march demo! an old song revisited, this one, the recording itself pulled together on the tour buses and in green rooms around the UK. It was lovely to have a little demo to dip into whilst on the road so I really enjoyed this one! I wrote it about my younger brother Ciarán (pronounced 'keer-awn') !


So yeah, this song's actually an old one that I've always had a soft spot for - when I wrote it back in 2014 I was in the midst of pulling songs together for what would eventually become my Lonely People EP, but this track just didn't seem to fit in. So the original demo sat on my laptop for years & every so often my ears would pay it a visit and I'd re-appreciate it all over again. I guess it just perfectly encapsulates how I felt about my brother back then, and still feel now, in a different sort of way!


My bro and I are 5 years apart - so i'm 23 now and he turns 18 soon! When we were younger the pair of us were thick as thieves.. my poor sister Niamh ticked every box of the 'middle child' stereotype; she always seemed to get left out as Ciarán and I would tear around the garden, playing with dolls and water guns and giant lego. She was the sensitive one whilst us two didn't care much for crying.. we just wanted to explore and run into things again nd again, so we were forever covered in dirt and bandages.


It's weird how 5 years apart feels like a much bigger deal when you hit your teens. When I grew up and left primary school suddenly my little brother felt very little indeed and so naturally, we grew apart. I was too caught up trying to impress my peers whilst Ciarán was still playing, this time with friends his own age. When I left school and moved to London at 19 the gap between us inevitably widened further and it was then I realised I was going to miss a lot of my brother's most formative years. Every time I came home to Dublin he was taller, more spots & chin hairs.. each time his attitude had changed a little, his hobbies had changed, his friend group had changed. I couldn't keep up & hated the idea of knowing so little about his life, and him knowing so little about mine.


The idea for this song was born in a nostalgic moment of looking at old photographs. I was reminded of just how close we were as kids and how distant we now felt.. was I to blame? "I never did take the time to sit you down and understand what you're about". I started to feel a responsibility for looking after him and a guilt for my absence; "you were the one that I was meant to care for". The 'boulders' concept stemmed from a trip home where I felt something was bothering him but I just didn't feel close enough to ask about it.. that really killed me, and so I vowed then to make more of an effort whenever I could.


Now we're a little closer.. there's still that teen brother / older sister dynamic where he's never gonna fill me in on every little detail of life, but on the whole I know what's up. And he asks me about music a lot with super wide, curious eyes, which is super sweet. 5 years apart will soon feel like nothing, so I really look forward to us both getting to know each other again as adults!


***


That's it, folks. Anyone have any stories to share about the relationship you share with your siblings? It can be such a unique dynamic..


x og x




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Comments

Sophie Mattholie

having a sibling is beautifully weird. me and my sister are 3 years apart, so I'm 15 and she's 12, and your thoughts on how the age gap feels different is so true. 3 years is nothing when you're younger, but there was a really awkward time not long ago when she hadn't started puberty and I felt so distant from her. i still had her back though - nobody makes my sister cry apart from me!

Wouter Weggelaar

Hi Orla, I think I have talked about my younger brother a lot already, but I have never mentioned my younger sister. We are 7 years apart, and because my brother has always needed more attention (he has a autism spectrum disorder), my sister was always a bit in the shadows. Also, seven years is a lot. Especially because as a teen I was never really interested in kids. Some folks are naturally good with babies and children. Well, I wasn’t. The worst thing I could think of in my life was kids. So taking care of my sister was never high on my agenda. But fas forward a few years later, and I am quite a bit closer to her now. She’s grown up in an entirely different world. My dad passed away when I was 9, but she was only 3. She has no recollection of him, and I was always the older man in the house. So it took quite some time until she realised we’re equals. We’re good now, but some times, I really think we all missed being a full family during those years. Funny how age differences level out. Just wait until 10 years have passed Orla, and you’ll see everything in an entirely different light again!

Freya Sweeney

Ahhh when my brother Max left for college, I had the same deal - but from the younger siblings perspective. We’re 5 years apart as well - almost 18, almost 23, Still kill each other though 🤘🏻

Lauren Phongphachone

This song is the sweetest thing. My brother is 20 and im turning 18 soon as well. Our relationship is quite the opposite of yours. We were completely different people as kids and now he’s in college we’ve been getting a long well w/ jokes and keeping in touch often. I got this vibe that you’re the coolest sister to them. Sending love x

Orla Gartland
>>11477596

It's so weird how that time gap just feels shorter with time. That's really interesting & I'm glad you're closer now :) it's mad how much our childhood goes on to affect us as adults!

Orla Gartland
>>11477806

:) Lauren this made me smile ear to ear. So cool that you & your bro are so close, that's awesome and makes me happy! x

Hannah Schlueter

I relate to this a lot. My brother and I are 18 months apart however he is on the autism spectrum, which makes us feel years apart. When we were younger we were really close and liked the same things, but now that we’re older I’ve moved out and changed interests while he’s stayed at home. We’re still close in our own way but we are FAR from a ~*typical*~ sibling relationship. But at the end of the day he’s still my brother and I will fight for him forever and ever.

jamie hanif

i relate to this! my sister is 5 years older than me and we used to be really close as children. we grew apart during teenage years but within the last 3 years we've grown closer again because we've both matured a bit so clash a lot less. me and my younger brother (7 years difference) argue all the time though but he's still my brother at the end of the day. i actually came out to him as trans a couple of days ago and his reaction was "so i finally have a brother?" which i thought was cute

Rebecca Beckery

Me and both my siblings fought a lot when we were growing up, mostly learned behaviour from our Mam (who has thankfully matured since lol). My older sister is 4 years older than me and my twin, and even now I still get on better with her than I do with the twin. Growing up I absolutely hated having a twin, having to share everything and not getting things I wanted for my birthday because I had to share (ik, child me was v selfish 😂), we’ve gotten a lot closer since we left school 4 years ago and when both came out, me as a biromantic asexual, and them as non-binary, I guess it was something that connected us? 😂 We still fight obviously, as siblings do, but before I never would have ditched friends who made fun of them, and now I would in a heartbeat. The lyrics to this song I definitely connect with! x

Judge

Just had a weird flashback to an old "yellow wall" video where you're interrupted by Ciarán singing Bastille's Pompeii outside your room during your talkie bit - classic sibling moment!

Gaëtan Perrault

My brother and I were 10 years apart. So we lived parallel lives in somewhat separate universes. We did things together. I helped coach his basketball team with our father sometime around high school. We would play Pokemon cards and eventually Magic cards together. I remember when he won his first tourney. But 10 years is a long distance. So I was working a full-time job and building a normal life and he was still in high school. Our father died in January of 2006, in his 50s. He was 16, I was 26. It was a very different experience for both of us. It was hard. Our mother was terribly unsupportive. They coped with substance abuse. As a family, we would all take off January 8th every year in honour of him. And on that day 7 year later, my little brother died in an accident while snowboarding in the Canadian Rockies. When I think of what he went through with very little support, I can still feel the weight on his shoulders and on mine. We wanted to coach a basketball team together and we never will. "And I never did take the time to sit him down and figure out what he was really about." 😢

Rose

This really does hit me too! My brother is two years younger, and when we were small we were absolutely inseparable and told each other everything. Now I'm 25 and he's 23, and it's normal to have distance I think as you grow. But things have happened, like family issues and such, and we both went through the same pain, but would never, ever talk about it. Which sucks! And aside from that, I just want the best for him and to protect him, but he's an adult now who makes his own choices and that's something I just have to realise! I have to trust him. :D but honestly, the line "look up, look up, the world is at your feet you know" gives me this feeling, it's like a tug at my heart that I can't even describe! Music is amazing.