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untitled (demo) - the lyrics explored (Patreon)

Published:
2018-11-01 19:16:34
Imported:
2026-06
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*** lil announcement *** going live on instagram at 11.45pm UK time tonight to count down the release of 'between my teeth' - come join me ! also thanks for the love on your october demo that I put up yesterday.. and thanks for the name suggestions. here's a little more about the lyrics :)


So I had this recently at a party when I met someone I hadn't known before. I told him immediately (as I do with everyone new) that I was a musician & that we were in the middle of a tour. I could quickly tell he was a pensive guy, a proper thinker, and right away he stopped me in my tracks and said - "I'm curious. if you weren't a musician, how would you introduce yourself?".. cue BRAIN MELTDOWN. a total denial of my reliance on music as part of my character. a song idea. 

music is my everything! it’s like being in a semi-toxic, passionate, manipulative but amazing relationship. on most days it’s the most incredible, liberating, freeing thing to wake up and do. but sometimes this job kills me - rejections can line up and really hurt, often you’re spending more money than you’re making, left feeling bruised and yearning for some stability/security.. heck, I’ve been there. 

but I’ve been a musician for as long as I’ve been an adult.. I was lucky enough to roll into it right after finishing school, so it’s quite literally all I know how to do. and that lack of safety net is exciting & terrifying in equal parts ! more than anything music is tangled up in who I am as a human.. as important as my outlook or my sense of humour, it’s part of my fabric, part of who I am. so you can understand why the idea of introducing myself in some other way just knocked me backwards & made me think.

In this song I personified music.. I was in denial about how much I need it/crave it/rely on it for everything from my income to my sanity. 

Is there something/someone you rely on in this way? a hobby, your job, a place, your other half? comment below.. I love to hear if this song resonated with anyone in a different way. that is literally my favourite thing that music can do.. be interpreted in different ways & sometimes brought to life for everyone in their own way! Eeeeek. Yay. 


ENJOY!


lyrics:

i was at a party

tried not mention your name

thats how it started

thats when everything changed

oh i’d be just fine on my own


you’re so selfish

i can never count on you

i never said it

ive never been this

exhausted

locked in

do i even want this?


chorus

I could just run away if i wanted to

except my whole life is wrapped up in you

and you know how i wanna always be in control

and if it all fell apart right out of the blue

i’d freak out and i wouldn’t know what to do

you know i really really 

i hate the way i need you

You know I always wanted an

automatic love

i like a little drama 

But this is too much for me

give me back my sanity


(Chorus thing) 

I hate you but i need you

hate the way I need you

how did you get me to stay?

hate you but i need you

love you but you make me insane

Comments

Janaki Nagarajan

Orla! This is so so cool how you've written about this 'thing' you define yourself as as if you were talking about a person/relationship. What a fresh take on the idea of over-reliance and feeling trapped but needy. Listening to this song a few times I started to think about anxiety. Like, I often feel like anxiety is awful but necessary - like who would I even be without it? Would I be as determined, as perfectionistic, as vigilant if I didn't have it? Would I be as creative? But like also, could do without the panic attacks, fear and oversensitivity. It's a fine line. I just really love this song! :)

john m foley

It’s interesting because I *don’t* relate at all. I’ve always had lots of different interests, ideas, traits... I have wished I had that one thing to grab me and define me—to feel super passionate about and the courage to go all out for. It’s admirable because with that level of commitment, you can’t make excuses for yourself by saying: if only I went for it, then I would have made it. I see where you’re coming from, but I see it as a positive and a reason why you’ve been successful despite the conflicting feelings it may create.

Jenna Nau

This song speaks to me on so many levels. Unlike you, I went the other way. Told myself I didn’t need it, went and got a ‘practical’ job. But it’s always there. You are right to feed it now... then maybe it will never be lost. You’re doing great work.

Chloé Miettes

I think I kind of understand your relation with music how it define you and how it's a part of your life (my best friend is a musician and he really try to live with his music). For me it's a little different I think this song reminds me I'm not really happy about my professional life right now, it's not really what I imagine when I was a teenager. My job is confortable but i'm a passionate person and I miss it in my job. I'm trying to find something that make me happy, that kind of define me.. You're song is powerful and in my way it's talking to me. Thank you for that, keep going.

Jamiinx

my need to do things for other people. I aspire to work in the film business, mainly in the post production/editing part and I know that to reach that I have to keep editing. I keep having these ideas for videos but I never stick around to actually do them. But when someone asks me to edit something for them I'm literally every single time done in one day. And they like the result! My friend for example got a really good grade in her art video project that I edited, with her telling me what she wanted... but I did the editing part and a 'friend' accused her of letting the father of another friend (he works in the film industry) help her... that it looked that good that she a) got a good grad and b) someone thought that it was done by a professional... that made me really happy for her and kinda proud of myself! Last year I had my own art video project for school, got the best grade possible and in my class... and to this day I hate the end result and how the whole project went by. Sorry for this rant... I'm just frustrated but also frankly done.. somehow Orla's demos always show me that I'm not alone with the annoying stuff I feel

Fleur Liedmeier

For me it's double. I find myself going in circles of trying to find something that defines me, getting ideas in my head of where I'll go and how I'll get there, not really dedicating myself to it, giving up and coming to the conclusion maybe I didn't care that much in the first place. Except I do. I think. So in a way I long for something to obsess over, even if it would drain me, something to dedicate myself to, something to define myself as, all better than this ongoing aimlessness. (I am in no way trying to tell you that you should be glad with this feeling, you should not and please take care of yourself, just stating that the other side of the spectrum isn't ideal either.) Thank you for this beautiful song

Mathilde Betis

I relate so much to this song, but kind of on a different. I relied on ballet for so long... For 18 years it was my biggest passion, what I needed and wanted to do, but without hope to become a professional dancer for SO MANY reasons (not the right body for ballet, not technical enough, to many injuries and pains...). During my last years of ballet I started to realized that I was deeply in love with ballet, but that ballet won't never love me the same way. I was ready to sacrifice a lot (like A LOT) for something I wouldn't be able to do all my life. It was not a sane relationship. So I finally understood that I had to let it go, because after 18 years of relationship with ballet I was so freaking tired to fight and hate myself? Don't give me wrong, I still love and enjoyed dancing more than anything. But it was time for me to move on, so I quit last year. But it gave SO MUCH time for music, which has always been a big part of my life too, and I am actually so so happy now that I accepted I don't need the same things I used too when I was a teenager. I started to create my own music and actually just started a youtube channel yesterday. How amazing life is. Oh my god I talked way too much. Anyway, love the song Orla, you're a brilliant musician !

Drew Tepper

I’m still listening to this song. Gold.

Subhraj

Wtf this is so good 😂. Your songwriting is unreal dude.

Anni Fender

i love love love this song so much! did/can anyone figure out the chords for this? would be greaatttt if you could share that! xxx (or tell me where i can fnd them anywhere else on the internet. my own hearing is, unfortunately, not good enough to figure them out on my own.