demo no 85: who am I? (Patreon)

this is not a drill : your april demo has landed. I wrote 'who am I?' with my friends Tom & Victoria and this is my demo. 

I really like this song - it just feels good to sing. I was very inspired by songs like 'Bags' by Clairo and 'circle the drain' by Soccer Mommy  when we wrote this - songs that have a groove and stick to it consistently. No big dynamic leaps, no jumpscare moments from section to section. There's something so pretty to me about a mid tempo, mid energy song that just drives you from A to B. I find when I'm listening to some songs not having too many new sounds / production tricks coming in & out allows me to focus on the lyrics a little more? Let me know if that rings true for anyone else.

Lyrically the meaning behind this one feels pretty clear - sinking into a relationship and fearing you might lose your own identity in the process. I'd love this one to have a place on album 2 - it's shaping up so far to be almost entirely about a relationship and this song on there would provide a different perspective and a tone that so far I feel is missing on the tracklist! I'll keep you guys in the loop with all of that, of course. EXCITING!

If you're new around here plz know that you can stream this demo from this post on the Patreon website - you can save offline on the Patreon iOS app - and/or you can download the below mp3 for keepsies. any issues please do let me know! 

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by the way I'd like to let my gold tier patrons know that your next live stream will be THIS SUNDAY, MAY 7TH AT 7:30PM UK TIME. Please save this in your cals and join me if you're around! I PROMISE I'll be putting some energy this week into road testing my live stream setup a little more to avoid the chaos of previous live streams.. I will not give up on giving u a smoother live stream experience :') and thank u for bearing with me as I strive to really grow into my tech queen title.

a small note for my silver tier patrons - I'm very aware that this tier is in need of some TLC for me so I'm working on the idea of a new perk for you guys. I really appreciate you supporting me that little bit more and I want to reward you better! bear w me for now - working on it. :)

love you SDC - let me know what you think. :) 

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LYRICS:

I cut my hair the way you say you like it

have i got no free will?

took the long way home to make a point about it

now i’m late but what a thrill

you can’t be my responsibility

what if i want someone to take care of me?

when i put it like that

it sounds so fucking bleak

and i want you

but not like this

been trying to be everything

but i can’t be your rock and your lover, your mom, i’ve tried

now i’m not anything

just a painting that’s meant to blend in with the wall, i’m tired

if i’m your everything who am i?

see when you get sad i find it all consuming

so can you just not get sad?

I'll look like a fool, feel like a failure

trying be your saviour

dancing round the room

trying to make you laugh

been trying to be everything

but i can’t be your rock and your lover, your mom, i’ve tried

now i’m not anything

just a painting that’s meant to blend in with the wall, i’m tired

if i’m your everything who am i?

i’ll try and i’ll try

til it eats me alive

and i’ll be what you want

til i’ll someone i’m not

i’d jump and i’d run

to the edge and beyond

and for what? do my best

til there’s none of me left

been trying to be everything

but i can’t be your rock and your lover, your mom, i’ve tried

now i’m not anything

just a silhouette of the person I was, i’m tired

if i’m your everything who am i?

xxxxx og xxxxx