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VANCOUVER ! THANK YOU. and virtual signing line. (Patreon)

Published:
2019-06-07 17:19:33
Imported:
2026-06
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Content

(public post)

hallo loves 

the patreon site was down last night after the show so i’m posting this as a groggy early morning post instead of a collapse-in-a-heap in bed post but truth be told i’m just as tired....it wasn’t a long sleep night and we are trundling off to seattle now for soundcheck at the paramount. 

thank you for a glorious and intense show. i joked about it, but i actually did find the venue strangely intimidating. it was so...clean. i tried. 

i hope you all left feeling....something. anything. more. 

i love you all a lot. 

heres the stage photo that michael took 

and here’s me backstage doing my best robert smith impression 

not bad

leave all thoughts here

ill read them on the drive 

i love you deeply. 


x

a


ps THE MONTHLY ALTHING IS COMING. possibly today. stay tuned




------THE NEVER-ENDING AS ALWAYS---------

1. if you’re a patron, please click through to comment on this post. at the very least, if you’ve read it, indicate that by using the heart symbol.

2. see All the Things i've made so far on patreon: http://amandapalmer.net/patreon-things

3. join the official AFP-patron facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/afpland

4. new to my music and TOTALLY OVERWHELMED? TAKE A WALK THROUGH AMANDALANDA….we made a basic list of my greatest hits n stuff on this lovely page: http://amandalanda.amandapalmer.net/

5. general AFP/patreon-related questions? ask away, someone will answer: patronhelp@amandapalmer.net




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Comments

Anonymous

Thank you Amanda for everything that you do. I feel like I've remembered who I am after your show. I'm just about to graduate as a music therapist - as a fellow musician I learn so much from you and just felt... seen. And held. Thank you for doing what you can/must. I will take that forward every day.

Katt

Amanda, you give great Cure! 🖤🥀🎶

Anonymous

A thousand times thanks! You are a rock star, a queen and a familiar friend all at the same time. Last night strengthened my resolve to go into some things and do some things I need to do for myself personally and professionally. "If you can, you must" sank into me deep. You sank into me deep. I've never been much for "fan-girl"ing, but your vulnerability and courage has made me stronger and I confess that because of that I absolutely revere you. The strength and power within you is apparent and tremendous and I will be forever grateful that you use the light within yourself to beam hope (in so many ways) into our hearts. Thank you for sharing your gift, thank you for all. I love you.

Dielle Kay

It was an amazing show, I was sad to have it end. Your first ever solo tour stop in Vancouver was the first cross-country trip I took as an adult, and it amazes me to see how much we've all grown. You constantly remind me that I have will and agency in this world, and that as an artist it is my privilege to use that to do what I can to leave a mark for the better. Much love and gratitude always.

Meg Elliott

Thank you seems like such an inadequate thing to say in appreciation for such an amazing piece of work, but many thanks. I loved the songs all that much more because of the stories and the sadness was both sharper and mellowed by the irreverent laughter and sarcastic perspectives. I brought my 16 year old and she loved it too. We’ve been talking about abortion more lately, what with seeing everything going on in the states, and I’m reminded yet again that you have to choose and advocate and fight for the rights you need over and over and over. Also the conversations about loss and miscarriage and abortion are so important to have; thank you for leading and lighting the way, and for my new mantra: if you can, you must.❤️💜💙

Jamie F.

During A Mother's Confession I was struck by the lines about Ash being left in the car since less than a month ago there was very sadly a baby in neighbouring Burnaby who did die after being left in a car. It was fresh in my mind reading an article calling for compassion (amidst public outrage) for the parents since this is such a tragically common occurrence that it now has a name: Forgotten Baby Syndrome. A sobering story from the Washington Post (from 10 years ago) chronicles the rise of these incidents and profiles some of the parents who've shared that hellish experience, which spans across all classes and demographics. In one heartbreaking passage a dad who's on trial for criminal negligence is approached at a break and embraced by a stranger who turns out to be a mother who went through the same thing. She and another mother united by similar circumstances attended his trial as an act of support and to tell him he was still a good, loving father despite what happened. https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html Thanks for sharing so much truth at your show. I've seen you many times before, but the very first time was at a Fuck the Back Row show in Toronto in 2006. That was first time I'd been exposed to your incredible openness, sharing, intimacy (in any venue), and connection with your audience. It's been a remarkable journey following your music and career closely in the intervening years. All the best.

Anonymous

The sterility and blankness of the Chan as a venue only added to the experience, in my opinion. Without the distraction of guilded and funky theatre surroundings, our attention was fully focused on the sound and the performance. The nuance and rawness of emotion that emanated when you sang and spoke and played didn't get muffled or diluted by the surroundings. The spotlight was entirely on you Amanda. I have seen you perform here in Vancouver three times now and I honestly feel that this was the best performance. My former Bostonian-American now Canadian husband and I thoroughly enjoyed the performance and the message "If you can, you must" is now firmly entrenched in my psyche and heart. Thank you for sharing your life openly with us.

Anonymous

When I first saw you at a #ninjated I was 10 weeks pregnant, had decided to keep my baby, but was still in the overwhelmed stage of horrified about all of what was happening. I came out as a lesbian when I was 19, when I was 24 I found myself knocked up by a dude that I was very casually sleeping with. The condom broke. I took the morning after pill. I wanted to stop sleeping with him after that - it wasn’t worth the risk of pregnancy. We ended our 5 months of casual sex. One we later we found out we were pregnant. When I saw the + sign on that damn stick I had no idea what I was going to do. Me and the now baby daddy deliberated for several days about ALL. The. THINGS. How would this work - how would that work. We were never planning on being together, though we were great friends, so we figured if anyone could do it - we could. When I walked into the vogue theatre all wet from biking there in the rain 3 years ago- you were holding 9 month old Ash and hosting the wild variety show. I already knew you were a big reason that I decided to keep my kid. I saw you do motherhood differently and that gave me permission to do the same. I am a wild creative, like yourself, always painting things, pressure washing art, putting mandalas and galaxies on bodies, and in the sand, doing large scale performances pieces. I knew after seeing you say yes to your journey, that I could do it too. But the thing that really struck me about being there that night watching you breastfeed your body on stage, drinking red wine, bands on stage, nanny on stage, baby awake, baby napping, that night was the first time that I actually started to feel excited for the new babe I was bringing into the world. The other night at the Vancouver show you just sort of walked up to me and my bestie Julia while we were getting our bearings. You gave me a high 10. I harshly fangirled you and went straight for the hug (sorry). I told you that you were one of the main reasons I decided to keep my kid. You and Sarah Blackwood. I don’t have a good relationship with my mother so I never felt like a ‘mother’ and you changed that overnight for me. I now have a 2.5 year old son named Bowie. A co-parent that adores him. I often get time to myself, I still get to date. I still get to create. And now I have a dream career running a massive arts hub in Vancouver. Next year at TED - please consider doing a ninjated at The Beaumont Studios. I chatted with Michael a fair bit at the show. We have a capactiy of 800 people over a 2 building, 40 artist studio artist sprawl. If our organization makes it 2020 (we might not - ugh Vancouver’s property taxes) then I will do everything in world to get you in our space someday as TED comes through. We don’t have a curfew. You mentioned a few times at the show about you never know what the performer was going through. I can’t help but think that those comments and the Robert Black vibes were more than just you being OG Amanda. Sending you and your team so much love as you continue on this wildly important tour.

Anonymous

Ah Vancouver how I love thee, let me count the ways....

Greyson

It’s taken me a couple days of processing, but I feel like I can finally put my thoughts and feelings into words. I bought tickets for your show in Vancouver months ago. I didn’t really know what to expect. I’ve been a fan for a long time now and have seen you perform at the Commodore Ballroom with the Grand Theft Orchestra and Neil for a night with the two of you. I brought my partner of five years to this. It wasn’t planned. My brother was supposed to come with me but his dog got sick and he couldn’t make it. So I asked my partner if he wanted to go and he said "sure." He was not familiar with your music and was apprehensive but curious. By the end of the night we were both in tears and feeling closer than ever. What you are doing is truly beautiful, profound, important work. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You took us into the dark and shared some really personal trauma with us… I feel compelled to be honest and raw with you, and with this amazing community here. I’ve never told anyone this. I was sexually assaulted in grade school by a peer who asked me to hang back after class one day. After everyone had left, he closed the door, turned off the lights, and pinned me in a corner where he proceeded to stick his hand down the front of my pants grabbed my dick and began stroking and groping me. I was 10 years old, scrawny and awkward. He was 9 but a lot bigger and stronger than me. I had zero concept of sex or sexuality or masturbation. I remember him asking me if it felt good. I was scared and confused and didn’t know what to think or say. It did kinda sorta feel good but it also felt really wrong? He asked me to do the same back to him. I refused. He got angry and insistent, I still refused. He grabbed me by the shirt, got right up in my face and threatened to beat the shit out of me if I ever told anyone. He left me alone in the dark. I don’t really remember the details of what followed. I can’t remember if I sat alone and cried or left to play with friends at recess as if nothing happened. I never told anyone. Neither of us spoke to each other about it ever again. We continued going to grade school and then high school together. We had the same friends, were in a lot of the same classes, and eventually graduated together. For the most part I blocked it from my waking mind but occasionally memories of it would come unbidden to me, usually in those weird almost unconscious moments when your trying to fall asleep and I would fall into the dark. Remembering it feels more like a bad dream than something real. When #metoo happened, I ended up thinking a lot about it. I was almost tempted to tell this story then but couldn’t find the courage to say me too to the world. Almost 20 years later and I still couldn’t bring myself to acknowledge it, to put it into words. Years of self loathing and feeling confused and trying to figure out my own sexuality and relationships and sex. I’m in my thirties now and finally at a point in my life where I feel confident and proud in my own skin, but I still couldn’t put into words what had happened to me as a child all those years ago. And now you all know. The past few years have been rough for my partner and I. He was raped by a mutual friend of ours at a convention in Seattle four years ago. I was at home in Vancouver because of work. He called me in the middle of the night after it had happened sobbing, barely understandable, desperately apologizing for having “cheated on me.” I still regret not being there for him. I sometimes torture myself with thoughts of how different our lives could have been if I had just been there. I can’t help but think I could have saved him from being raped that night. It took him months to come to terms with what happened. There’s a terrible stigma attached to male on male rape. After admitting to himself what had happened, he tried to call out his rapist and our community turned on him. There were some who believed and supported him but a despairing number rallied around his rapist and said the most terrible disgusting things. We tried reporting the rape to the police, but it went no where. It led to him suffering a severe mental health crisis and deep depression. He tried to commit suicide twice. There were times where I had to physically restrain him to prevent his self harm till the police and paramedics could arrive. He left his job, withdrew from friends and family. I’ve never told him this, but it nearly broke me. I remember calling my sister crying in the rain standing outside the hospital emergency room not knowing what to do, not knowing if I could keep being strong for this person I loved dearly. I was terrified that if things got to the point where I felt like I would have to leave him for my own mental health and safety that he would succeed in killing himself and it would be my fault. It took a long time and a lot of love and patience and therapy, but he survived and got better. We survived. We’re still going strong and very much in love and I’m thankful for every day we get to spend together. I will be forever grateful that we got to see you perform this show together. We needed to see you again. So my partner called in sick to work on Friday, we bought last minute tickets to your show at the Paramount and drove down to Seattle making it just in time to see you perform again. It was just as profound and cathartic the second time around. (but let’s be honest here, the Chan Center in Vancouver might be plain and “clean” but it was intimate and SOUNDED 100 TIMES MORE AMAZING compared to the Paramount’s echoey ornate cavernous depths!!!) We cried again. It was totally worth the spontaneous trip to the US. You mentioned near the end of the night in Vancouver that you were thinking of doing a victory lap through the states that are banning abortion in the US after your European tour. If you can find the strength to carry on, please do. People need to hear what you have to say! Also, I know it is a lot to ask after you’ve already given so much of yourself to us but if you can film or podcast or record in some way one of these shows at some point, that would be amazing. There are those who can’t make it to your shows who could really do with some light in the darkness. There are so many others in my life that I wish I could share this experience with somehow. In recent years I’ve often wondered what was going on at home that led my abuser to corner me in a dark room after class. He was only a child same as me. Where did he learn how to stroke and grope me like that? Who was abusing him? I can’t help but feel like he was also a victim here. So this idea of radical empathy and compassion towards those who’ve done us wrong doesn’t feel entirely new to me. But given our current political climate I also think I need to work on it because it’s probably the only thing that’s going to save us. Amanda thank you for your strength. Thank you for your honesty and compassion. Thank you for your voice and incredible power. I see you. I feel seen. Thank you for taking us into the dark and making light.

Anonymous

So sad I wasn’t able to come to this show. But I am a Patreon now! Woo! I’ll see you next time! I’ve seen you twice so far over the years. Always is amazing.