Voiceramble (July 16th 2021) (Patreon)

hallo loves

i made you a little early-morning just-woken-up voiceramble today. i sent it to queen alex and he transcribed it (read below) while i went for a walk with ash and neil.

here's the soundcloud link if you want to listen there, or download it directly:

https://soundcloud.com/amandapalmer/voiceramble-july-15th-2021/s-X5jOL76yQe1

,,,,,

here are some photos from where we are, frmo yesterday and today.....mostly from glenorchy. we are here:

a hilltop labyrinth....

feeding pigsy last nights' table scraps......

the tiniest church. open 24/7 to all denominations, community-funded:

ash's artwork on simone's fridge...

in the hut down the hill....

mrs wooly's general store....

sigh....

lunch at katherine and john's house...

this place is truly healing my heart.

things are changing inside.

here's the transcript from the voice ramble.....

......

Hallo loves.

It’s 7:15 in the morning. July… somethingth. 17th? 18th? 19th? 20th? 

I’m on the South Island, at my friend’s house. And I think I’ve talked about this before, but especially since lockdown and moving around all the time, and living in different houses, I’ve had this phenomenon happening where I wake up and it takes me a couple seconds to know where I am.

And I’ve been thinking lately that I’m getting further and further away from what I used to consider “home base”. I’m in a bedroom that’s not the bedroom that I’ve been sleeping in for the past week, in my friend’s house near Queenstown, because Neil got in last night, and he snores.

It’s like I’m so many rooms adjacent from living in my actual house in Woodstock, New York. I’m not in Hawke’s Bay, where I originally landed when we got to New Zealand. And even in Hawke’s Bay, I lived in two different houses. And then we moved to Waiheke, where I’ve lived in two different houses.

And now that I’m not even on that island that I’ve moved to. I’m on the South Island of New Zealand, in a friends’ house, and in a new bedroom.

And I woke up this morning, a couple minutes ago, and definitely had to think about where I was.

I’m not in that other bedroom in someone’s house outside of Queenstown on the South Island of New Zealand.

I’m not on Waiheke Island in the house that I rented back in January.

I’m not in Hawke’s Bay in the house where I lived for many months after moving out of another house that I’d lived in during lockdown.

And I’m not home.

But this friend that I made, Simone, I met her on the South Island when I was on this hiking and yoga trip that I wrote to you guys about. She’s adopted me and allowed me to adopt her, and my whole family is staying in her house.

And we’ve been eating and making these beautiful family dinners, with candles on the table and neighbors coming over. And there’s a dog named Bruno who just got over having a broken leg and so he’s back outside. And there’s a pig to feed. There’s two cats. There’s an old pinball machine in the living room that Ash loves to play. There’s a lot of paper to draw with. And there’s Cluedo.

And it feels like home.

And if you were wondering, or if it’ll make you feel happy somewhere inside, I’m feeling… deeply content. And somebody’s got my back. Somebody’s taking care of me.

It’s the best feeling in the world.

It’s the.....best feeling.

Victoria, my new friend from Waiheke, has been babysitting Ash, and she came down on the trip with us. And then she got the flu for a week, so she’s been laid up in bed, and she’s finally emerging.

Nothing will make you feel like you’re really in somebody’s house like being with someone who’s sick, and the whole house is sort of buzzing around and moving around, but also everybody’s job is kind of to take care of the sick person. I know everyone can relate to that.

And also, important constant sidenote, given that we’re in New Zealand nobody has COVID. No one’s all that worried about COVID. It’s just so far outside of our awareness. It’s so weird.

Anyway, Victoria and I were talking last night. We both took back-to-back baths, which is a real luxury because up on Waiheke Island there are almost no bathtubs because the water is so scarce. And down here the water runs free off the mountains. And Victoria’s from South Africa, she’s also far from home, she’s here because of COVID. And we were talking about how bittersweet and delicious and painful it is to be in a house that’s such a home, after being so far away from our homes for so long. And you wanna luxuriate in it, and yet it’s so confronting when you’re homesick.

I’m really homesick.

But I’m also well trained in homesickness and attachment. 

And I will tell you the secret...

I’m homesick, but I’m also home. It just happens to be Simone’s home. But I’m home. 

Sometimes you just have to do some acrobatics in your head.

I love you all so much. It’s so beautiful here. I wish I could bottle up these mountains and this air and send every single one of you a bottle.

I’m feeling so far away from everyone. I’m feeling far away from my Patreon, I’m feeling far away from my life. But this is just the way it is right now. It’s all good.

Wherever you are, whatever’s happening, whatever it is, whether you’re home, whether you’re not, whether you’ve found a new home, whether you have to just sit on a cushion and close your eyes and click your internal Dorothy slippers to get there…

Know that I love you. I really love you.

It’s gonna be okay.

And I love you from the bottom of my heart.

That’s all.

Goodbye, my loves....goodbye.

xx

AFP

....

ps ash on simone's couch. the best.