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Hello my loves.

And now for something completely different.

Well, not THAT different. I'm tired, I'm disoriented, I'm behind, I'm landed in America, I'm taking it easy. I thought a lot about what to thing this month - I could have pulled something out of the archive ( lord knows we have plenty in the goody shoebox), and I threatened you all with a watercolor and poems and I waited, as I enjoy doing, for the last few weeks to direct my art-heart where it wanted to beat.

The final determination was a piece of writing, a little memoir/essay that runs about 2,600 words, called "Hello, My Name is Sonu" (Sorry, I Just Got Here).

READ IT HERE:

https://amandapalmer.substack.com/p/hello-my-name-is-sonu 

I decided to publish this piece on Substack because:

A) It's way prettier and a far more enjoyable experience to read a piece of writing on Substack and 

B) It'll reach the advice column readers, who I assume will like it (?) and if they don't, they can just unsubscribe (99% of them are not "paying" subscribers anyway. 

I get the feeling the Substack will just be a nice free publishing tool for my written work, whether it's Advice Column Stuff or Essay or Fiction or whatever winds up floating my writer boat. I'm floating at the moment. It's nice to have a place to put the  more "real" stuff, leaving this backstage workshop for the messier and more constant output.

I'm open to ideas, different options, whatever, espeically if people are confiused.

But basically: patreon funds everything, and Substack is prettier.

I also recorded the final draft reading for you here on video (embedded)...and I'll send this post/link along to the 200 or so people who ARE subscribed to the paying tier of the substack, just so they don't feel sideswiped. Simple it is not. 

Enjoy the piece. I loved writing it. 

I know I like my writing when I immediately want to send it to my friends. :)

I'm here, reading comments.

And I love you.

xxx

Sonu 

(jk)


———THE STUFF I SAY AT THE END OF EVERY POST———

1. if you are a patron and new to my work, don’t forget your patronage allows you access to ALL of my patreon releases to date. HERE is the link to download my latest big solo record, “There Will Be No Intermission”, and HERE is a link to download the PDF of the art/essay book that goes with it.

2. if you’re a patron reading this post via an email notification, please click through to comment on this post. at the very least, if you’ve read it, indicate that by using the heart symbol. that's always nice for me to see, so i know who's reading.

3. see All the Things (almost 200 of them) i've made so far on patreon:

http://amandapalmer.net/things

4. JOIN THE SHADOWBOX COMMUNITY FORUM, find your people, and discuss everything: https://forum.theshadowbox.net/

5. are you new to my music and TOTALLY OVERWHELMED? TAKE A WALK THROUGH AMANDALANDA….we made a basic list of my greatest hits n stuff (at least up until a few years ago, this desperately needs updating) on this lovely page: http://amandalanda.amandapalmer.net/

6. general AFP/patreon-related questions? ask away, someone will answer: patronhelp@amandapalmer.net


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Comments

Anna McCotter

🤍 😔 for a second I touched it, and held it and felt it. The unbroken reality. Thank you Sonu.

Angel Rosen

I had a little panic moment reading this thinking about how if you had a different name we wouldn't both have A names anymore & my entire life would be me explaining my love for the artist formerly known as Amanda Palmer. But I loved how "you" this feels. I miss you. 💜

Andrew Raymond

Dear, DEAR Amanda, your watercolors could NEVER be a threat (nor would a xerox of your bum be, though I understand your point there.) You are an artist in many media, and that is a beautiful and essential thing. I deeply honor you for the fights you choose to fight each and every day (those you share and those you don't.)

Andrew Raymond

One other thing that deserves a separate comment, though it probably belonged on a past post. From the neurodiversity perspective, I think that Lizzo gave us all a damned clinic on how to deal with that criticism which is often decried as "woke". She listened to the community with an open mind, didn't whine (publicly, at least) about the controversy, accepted listened to their pain, and corrected it. All without a lashing out once. And honestly, I think that if she had calmly disagreed to with criticism I could still have respected her in this.

Taylor Zartman

Oh, I love this. Been thinking a lot about rebirth, reorientation, and reconciliation. I find that it feels a lot like adventure. So new, indeed.

Teresa Toro

How disorienting to be back here and driving on the different side again and thinking on the different side too, and not finding places where they're supposed to be... coming from the other hemisphere I guess we could say you've had your world turned upside down? So take it in stride, abide, abide. Sonu knows.

Emma Sharpe

Omg the car back to front thing made me laugh so much. I work for a rental company and the amount of times after driving a certain hyundai for the rest of the day I would be using the windscreen wipers for indicators once in another car. Ive forgotten i was driving manual after and auto and its taken until a scream from the engine to remember on a particularly tired day and I nearly put a car in park at 60mph because the Mercedes have their gears on the right hand stick. Sonu gives me yoko ono vibes :)

Andrea Thomas

Perhaps my favorite thing you’ve ever written. Felt it in my bones.

Kristin Ryan

I haven't watched the video yet, but I've read this gorgeous piece. It broke me, made me think, dug deep under my skin, made my heart frantic and ache. My God, the imagery, the senses. The lines "Nobody lied. Nobody died." hit so hard. All of it especially with the picture of the kitten and antlers. I could go on and on, but I'll stop here. I love you. Kristin Ryan

Martin OHare

Im sonu too. Or i will be. Im being forced out of my beloved flat due to my landlord wanting to increase my rent by over 200 pounds. Some beloved friendships are crumbling and i feel very angry and very sad. Im gunna pack up my shit over this wekend and move to my friends spare room. Putting my life in storage and live im my firneds spare room like a wounded creature and heal. And be sonu. Amazing writing. Great story. This is why i am a patron. Thanks for making me smile during an emotional hurricane.

Anna McCotter

May we all transcend to become Sonu one day.

Martin OHare

You are sonu to. As is ash. Enjoy being home. Xx love. X

Tym Rourke

"I want to change everything so that everything will change." Yep, that about sums it up this week. Welcome back to the American Circus!

Stephanie Rowe

I love this. Whenever it is that I finally get to say hello and hug you in person, we can call each other Sonu. It’s perfect.

amandapalmer

ohhhh thank you. i'm still such an ego-centric fragile little shell. all i need is to hear this from one person to make the whole exercise of sitting down and writing worthwhile. xxx

Wendy S. Katz

I loved this so much. I was totally bought into the name change. I wondered at the end if we all changed our names at once, could we make the magic undoing of the bad things happen.

Paula Ley

I absolutely loved this! I don't know whether it's because I listened to you read it rather than read it myself. Wonderful. Just wonderful. Thank you ❤️

Mel Legget

Love it!!!!! Love the writing, the reading, the thinging! Applause! and super cool to be able to read it also!

Nikki

I got to the end, all sorts of excited to hear a new single drop from an unknown artist named Sonu but no, alas it was not to be.

Megan Angelino

I fucking love this. ❤️ Also, the Ash has a mugshot story - I hope that's told one day!

EmVT

YOU TOTALLY HAD ME :) hah! Sonu *is* a beautiful name, short for something even longer maybe! Loved this so much, especially hearing you read, thank you xo

Rachel Jacobson

Don’t forget the Yiddish: so NU ? (Ref. Guys and Dolls song, Sue Me)

Claire

hi, sonu ☺️ i’ve been gradually making the switch to betty, my preferred name as a child (that no one listened to or respected), even though it’s the more femme variant of my NB-self. i’m sorry you came home to this but knowing you’re here helps me feel seen in some weird, cosmic way. welcome, welcome.

Iris Meyer

Oh, Amanda, I felt you so much in this story of yours, of sonu! All this longing and yearning to finally find the own place in all this "new" of the new times... It soothes my heart and soul to find people like you who share this feelings, thank you so much, love you!!!

Stephie

sonu makes me smile. it's a lovely wortspiel. the piece makes me feel a little melancholy of "what if". all in all i like.

Valerie Jaruzel

I loved reading this, what a happy surprise. 🖤

Jo

Loved this. X

Tara Goddard

Damn. Just, damn. But also, it made me laugh. As someone who has driven in NZ, I'm convinced that's how any Kiwi can spot a non-Kiwi - if they turn on their windshield wipers on a sunny day, just before making a turn. 😏

Amy Moloney

Welcome to the world Sonu. We will blaze a fucking revolution through this hellscape. And as the patriarchy crumbles at our feet, Sonu will rise like a Phoenix, born of fire and grace. A new world where all beings are flexible and soft as willow with the tenacity and fortitude of Oak that nurtures the little bear upon her bough. Also, hi Amanda.

Auryn

I just read this, at work, on my last day of work for 2 months because I'm for real burning out. My work, the place that my name change Became Real because a new customer asked me my name, and I told him my changed name. It just came out of my mouth. It had to. My old name could not. And then I had to tell everyone. I'm wearing the shirt I wore that day, on purpose. That was 259 days ago. Only last week I decided to stop counting the days until January 1, when I was planning on quitting this body if I still couldn't afford to begin my physical transition. I temporarily quit my job instead. I don't know how many days it is until next year anymore. This piece of writing, this day.... Daaaaaaaaaamn Sonu.

DJAngieC

Why am I crying? 😍 Needed this. Thank you.

Gwendolyn Masin

love the rhythm of this Amanda. it's made me smile tonight. lots of love to you out there in that new country.

Bethany Warnock

What a beautiful ride. Thank you for sharing; I could find myself lost in this beautiful moment where the last few years hadn't happened, and everything is fresh, new...and safe.

Tom Steiger

idk about changing my name, but I did grow a beard during lockdown, and I’m keeping it for much the same reason you spell out: I’m a different person now. But still Tom.

Megana

That was magical, thank you. Lots of love xxx

clav

Join the nonbinary train. It's fun and scary and wonderful. Call me Dori (she/they). <3

gwenivere

Most of the folks in my druid community have magical names. Like, they keep their parentally-given legal names for everyday mundane use, but in more personal or magical contexts they use a different name, consciously chosen or given by a spirit guide. Maybe your magical name is Sonu. Love, —Gwenivere.

Fiona Cameron-Mackintosh

<3 everything about this piece Amanda / Sonu ... including watching you read/write/edit live (my writing process feels the same)

Lisa JW

Love you and I’m really glad you and Ash are back home with the oak and maple trees. Thank you for sharing xx

Isabel Ballan

I just felt my mind explode a little. Comforted and awed. <3

Lynn Parlett

Love this so much. Love you. Glad you are home and sharing the wonder of oaks and maples with Ash. Boy is he going to love the MAGIC of autumn colours. Okay... but did you ever find the hot yoga studio? Do they exist? Will you only find them now you are Sonu?

Moss

Thank you! I needed a distraction and I was so immersed in your story I was really disappointed to be dropped back into real life by you telling the yoga lady your legal name😅

Stephanie Mayer

Oh, I am soooo looking forward to more of this, loved every word of it! Thank you!

Laura Morland

This is a FABULOUS work, Amanda-briefly-Sonu! Truly brilliant: you unpacked the 1/3-of-a-second-diameter black hole to expose the So-New Sun within! May we all get to live, however briefly, the alternative life you imagined.

Laura Morland

P.S. I know you're soooo happy and relieved to be back at home in Woodstock (as I am to be back in Berkeley after roughly the same amount of time away), but I hope that your buds back in Aotearoa won't be hurt by the couple of references I've heard you make to your time in their beautiful country. With the passage of moons, your memories of your exile there may soften. I hope!

Carmen J

I was awake early this morning (Oz) and not sleeping so your piece jumped out at me via FB. Thank you, it calmed me and gave me peace. I slept for another three hours before getting up. May you find that calm and peace within too. I love you xx

Pookage

Can you also post it here? Substack are nasty folks and don't wanna give'em the traffic 🙏 EDIT: d'oh! ignore me - I was on the mobile app and didn't realise it was a video up-top 🤦

Jessica-Rose Turner

Hi Amanda, I hope this will bring a bright moment to your day! I went to Shreklesque (Shrek-themed burlesque!) in Melbourne on Wednesday night and got to witness Pinocchio dancing to Coin-Operated Boy. The whole performance was fucking SUBLIME and frickin hilarious. I thought you'd love to know about this. https://www.shreklesque.com/ ps. Full disclosure, I have not yet read your essay, but I shall! 💜

Jen

So beautiful ❤️❤️❤️

Maria

I love it, welcome home. 🖤 Really hoping to be at the November shows, have never seen you perform live and am finally at a good time in my life to be able to do that.

Christian Huble

That was... delicious. Thank you. If there are seconds, after everyone else has had a taste, I would very much like some more.

Katherine Somervail

Richard, Rick, Karen, Kenthigerne, Kaitherne, Kaithern, Katherine, Katherine Lesley. All one! All SONU! And all just Kate (… she really knows who she is! And she loved your Story. Yes - from the other side! Thx! 😇

Coila

This was great! Loved the writing and the story. Loved the life we see for 1/3 of a second! Thank you <3

Laura Morland

Amanda did read it out loud here, unless I've confused my sources. (I do subscribe to her substack -- this is the first I've heard that they are "nasty folks."

Iben Christiane Hansen

I love you so much, I can’t even say why or how or… but that ending. I love you.

Chiara C. Rizzarda

You can make a pdf and attach it to the Patreon post, if the reason is aesthetic. I don't like Substack nor I'm fond of videos, so I probably won't be reading it, but hey, whatever works for you.

Fanny Froeliger

Loved it! Also, "nu" means "naked" in French, so, that fits too ;)

tamara parker

As for “nu,” it does have some other connotations, though. In Yiddish, it can mean many things. “Yes?” “And so?” “Right?” Even “obviously” or “what about it?” So it’s not necessarily such an ugly word. It’s very heimish, or like you’re talking to family or friends, asking about what they’re saying. Just offering this to add a little extra connotation to what you’re saying about Sonu. “So, nu?” almost sounds like a Yiddish speaker translating their comment/question… “And so? Nu?”

Stefanie Oepen

I love this. Thank you for sharing. Everything is weird, life is strange. Love you.

Els Van Haute

Loved it, thanks for reading it out loud! In Dutch nu means now :)

Camille Rose

So grateful for this beautiful video tonight. Gorgeous exploration. Welcome home. I'm sorry it got worse while you were away. Or, at least it got "different". But thankfully we're Sonu we can appreciate it for the little things, right? ;) Thank you for encouraging us all to try.

Laura Wellner

What a lighthearted way to start my day! Welcome Sonu!

Marie O'Reilly

Thank you. I watched your video and things seem more possible and optimistic. One little misheard phrase can bring so much creativity and new thoughts. I love you

Joanna Lindblad

Although Sonu is a meaningful, transformative name, Amanda is beautiful. I love the meanings of names. Do you know the meaning of yours? Amanda means “loveable” or “worthy of love”, and that is you. Much love, Jo XXX

Kathryn Drew

Very clever piece of writing and so good to receive it as a video of you reading it. Left me thinking what an incredible way to demonstrate the extent of information that can flash through one's mind in a third of a second!

amandapalmer

i could! or just cross post. what don’t you like about substack: is is the interface or the company itself?

Jenna Stewart

As an Ashkenazi Jew, when I heard your new name I thought, "Nu?" Which in Yiddish is used to confirm understanding after a statement. Also appropriate. I'm sure there is so much that you are still trying to understand since coming back to Woodstock. Give it time, everything will fall into place.

Brianna Ace-Dodge

I’m so glad I watched you read it, unedited, before I read it. Tears came to my eyes a few times. What a culture shock returning must be for you. Especially during this Summer Of Rage. I felt your rebirth as you told your story, YES! Sonu. Welcome.

SewTara

Love it!

Chiara C. Rizzarda

Well, I try to stand clear of substack mostly because of some hateful content I've seen circulating over there, but I'll admit that it's also a matter of self-preservation because I would love to support every single creator on earth and my wallet wouldn't survive, so I've decided I'll just focus on one platform. That platform happens to be Patreon, which is far from perfect, but it's a 100% personal choice and it shouldn't influence your decision. I'll gladly keep supporting you even when you create something I don't see.

Gail Gallagher

Well written, well spoken and full of truth. Thank you for this.

Kate Mueller

“Nobody lied” I want to be in that reality. Thank you for that journey 🤍

A

Sonu: Esperanto Verb, imperative of soni — 1. (transitive) to sound, 2. (intransitive) to make noise, make a sound Old Norse Noun, accusative plural of sonr — 1. son(()[())s(()]())[(¹)] Sicilian Noun, singular — 1. sound Turkish Noun, definite singular accusative of son — 1. end, ending 2. consequence, result, conclusion Volapük[²] Noun, predicative singular of son — 1. son [¹(¹sorry, please excuse my OCPD-ish both 2. parenthesizing to indicate the optional metaoptionality of the paracopyeditorial remarks, 4. Pointlessly bringing up weird concepts like parenthesis, recursive metaoptionality, copy editorial remarks, as well as even 6. it containing 1. the even odd order on: 3. these odd lists 5. that include[[s]] a nested list and 7. the footnoted almost equally metaoptional paracopyeditorial remark, (because:) it became so long that it ended up making the actual text impossible to read) ²TIL about Volapük. Yikes. ish.]

Alice Schipper

Welcome Home! I love that Ash is experiencing the joy of the new. As an Aussie I also loved seeing squirrels and the trees especially when they were changing colour. Sonu is such a beautiful name and beautiful writing it will stay with me. Thank you for sharing xo

Skyeanna Malito

Substack IS much prettier, but I definitely forget about it. Thank goodness for email notifications. But watching and listening to you read and edit in real time was quite fun.

Dharma Kelleher

Love this piece. Full of hope and possibilities. Reminds me of when I began my gender transition 30 years ago. Trying on a few different new names. Giddy with the possibilities and at the same time terrified of what I faced.

Len Tower Jr.

a great listen, wonderful read, thanks! love, len

Coila

I think my comment got eaten by some Patreon or something... Anywho, this was engaging! Fun, surprising, suspenseful and very you. You had a moment of knowing what it's like to have a "different" name. I forget not everyone has that experience every time they introduce themselves. XD

Carlos Warner

Amanda- will you buy my record label for $1 if you teach my daughter? “Golden eagle records” I want to pay for abortions. Great idea. Fucking all of them. Let’s have an abortion crowdfund

Carlos Warner

Let’s have choice parties. The Supreme Court is crooked @carlos_warner fellow Amanda and Ash fans.

Carlos Warner

We will raise a billion dollars. Fuck the Supreme Court. I have good ideas but some smart people have to follow through as I don’t know how to crowd fund. I’ve killed more people than I’ve fucked and I’ve fucked a lot. Long story. Maybe Amanda will let the Golden Eagles go on the dolls tour. We will charge Amanda exactly 0. I will perform with her if she likes. Music will heal her. Comedy and God is healing me. Let her be. She is a wounded eagle.

Carlos Warner

The real star is my Daufhter Ellie Warner. Amanda has videos of her music. She is 14 and has at least 3 albums written. Billie eilish is her and my hero. Can she tour with us? My daughter would be thrilled. Up to Amanda- maybe we will just follow her

DebbieG

I forgot to comment but I loved this. Read it first of course, because writing. You do have a signature style which even comes thru in your posts here.

Piper

This was wonderful. As someone who is actually in the process of changing her name. I have gotten 'You look like a Piper' or 'Piper suits you' and 'you never looked like your old name' a lot and hearing that in your piece made me smile.

Esteban Montemayor

Beautiful! Such a joy to read, and even better to be read aloud to. Thank You. I have been there, being or wanting to be SoFuckingNew. Breaking new ground, especially ground that you've previously broken, but has regrown under you, is quite

Esteban Montemayor

confusing, exciting, and scary, too! Is the underground the same as before? Are you the same? Why even break the same ground again?? How about that new ground, over there, as yet undiscovered???

Debra W

Can totally relate to your story. It is transformative indeed and the depths of symbolism are infinite. I have been in NZ so long that is was harder for me to adjust going back to the States and when I returned back to NZ after being in US, it was easier to drive on the left yet I keep doing the turning signal/windshield wiper thing! I crack up every time and appreciate how the bilateral stimulation has provided amazing neural growth and adaptability :). Keep nurturing yourself and all your parts through the unbelievable distortions, projections, and collective traumas ripping through our country. aroha nui <3

Jennifer Gates

This really blew my mind. Thank you for this.

Adrienne Jones

Yes, yes, all of it. Thank you. I love you. Welcome Home.

PINA

Brilliant GN from AZ.

erica munhoz

It took me a while to get to this post because I always want to listen to/read some of your stuff in the right time. You are SUCH a brilliant writer. this is coming from a literary theory phd candidate ok? fucking believe me. (plus, if you believe me I might even believe being a fucking literary theory phd fucking candidate might actually count for something)> Sonu. I love it. The one third of a second makes all the difference. thank you for sharing with us your beautiful secret new name. I think we should always get one once in a while. P.S - the part about the trees touched me. this kind of apparently sidetrack but actually truly metaphorical mundane parts of the stories you write are precious.

Jozias

Love it! Because of the literature effort. The experience was not to smile at. That's what I felt. Sort of a time machine rollercoaster. Getting nausea on the ride... Like where am I, here or in that mirror? At what side will I pop out? Left or right, does it matter? Can't live half out and half in, struggling on these sharp edges. When you froze, I was waiting for more streaming words to bring me back to reality, you didn't. I suddenly popped out your "nothing happened" fantasy, where all was back to normal. I popped back to real, skinless and wounded. We live in a lie, he is back in office, the lie turned to truth, progression was forcefully stopped. Humanities face got one more big scar. Death is death. The audience cries.

Carlos Warner

Love this woke post. Heal Eagle. Love you. Always here for you.

Carlos Warner

Can I change my avitar to an 🦅?

Joanna Lindblad

(Bear with me while I think out loud for a moment.) I was thinking last night while reading before bed, how when I read other peoples work there always seems to be a “disconnect”. Meaning I imagine a tone set by the author that is not necessarily there. It’s probably because I first see the black font on the white page before becoming immersed in the vibrant words, story, and meaning. At that point, everything seems to be either black or white, but not everything is. Don’t get me wrong, as I read, I do become one with the story, so to speak, but I recognized this disconnect more so today because of this post. I read this piece of yours maybe a week or two ago, but only now watched the video. So strange how when I read it, it seemed more quiet and dark, but now after watching the video seems more light and hopeful. Now, connected. Anyways, it’s a beautiful piece that I am glad I read and then watched. Different perceptions made whole. Thank you. Jo xx

Carlos Warner

I agree with this. I’ve been going through shot and Slaughter House 5 has helped guide me. Read it 5 times last few weeks.

Judy Donofrio

Still thinking of this video reading piece over a week later. Thank you ❤️

YoGiada

LOVE this and U SONU SOMUCH! XO

Olenka Fawkes

This made me really reflective. Thank you ♡

Serious Monkey

Love you Tribe Lady. Keep on keeping on

Jozias

Every time listening to this I do the crying part for you when you read this with a smile and even laughter. You're reading and editing like the professional Amanda. Reading this with all the emotions would make you cry also.

Vie Paula

Thank you for sharing my GoFundMe! I appreciate your support. Every bit counts ❤🙏🏼