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EXCLUSIVE EPISODE: PROJECT HAIL MARY and the Power of Friendship (Patreon)

Published:
2026-07-28 14:00:18
Imported:
2026-07
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How can friends push each other without pushing too much?

In this Patreon-exclusive episode, licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright react to friendship in Project Hail Mary. They talk about how to communicate with people who are different from us, like an alien who speaks an entirely different language, but also humans who are very different from each other. And #cryingwithAlan because friendship is beautiful!

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Comments

Carmen Genovese

Amaze amaze amaze! (Looking forward to this one!)

Aeras

Happy happy happy! I just watched this over the weekend!

Ren

I wish I didn’t relate to grace as much as I do. To believe so innately that you are not capable of doing something anything to the point where everyone around you believes in you and you believe you are going to die trying to do something everyone knows you can do. I feel embarrassed of all the times I didn’t do something because I didn’t think I could even though everyone around me believed in me wholeheartedly. I feel sad for the things I’ve not done simply because I didn’t believe I could. I feel smart dumb.

Carmen Genovese

Love this! I think Carl is portrayed as a bit of his friend, vs friendly mentor/mentee with Stratt. I was very glad Carl wasn't the one to tackle him when I first saw that scene. He doesnt have a lot of lines, but his "you know who you are" struck me as a powerful way of him saying "I believe you can do this." Or maybe Carl is a great work friend.

Scott Rutter

then, rewatch your Spirited Away episode, and compare Grace's spacewalking skills to Chihiro's journey.

Adam Bastable

I'd never have seen this movie if it weren't for Cinema Therapy. When I see one of your thumbnails for a movie I haven't seen, I now go and watch the movie before watching the video! So I'd like to say a big heartfelt thank you for encouraging us at the end of every episode to "watch movies" - it's more than just a catchphrase. (Sidenote: I live in the UK - the final scene of the movie, with the beach with the rock archway, is a real place called Durdle Door. It's a beautiful vista, with a pebble beach and clear seawater, but it's rarely overcrowded except for dog walkers, hikers and an ice-cream van. Perhaps they should put in a life-size statue of Rocky!)

Woodwind

You are definitely not alone in this feeling. All of us have felt this way about ourselves at one point and time or another.

Leah D

A fun fact and then a deep dive moment: James Ortiz, Rocky’s lead puppeteer, said that Rocky senses omnidirectionally — he has no one ‘face’. The only reason he turns in the way he does that suggests he has one is because he quickly leaned that Grace does it as a human with a face and adopted that as a habit to make him more comfortable. My deep dive is the one thing that irked me most about Stratt’s argument is when she says the line about Grace not even having a dog — that because in her eyes he has no ‘attachments’ he should be the sacrificial lamb. For me as an AroAce person myself Grace is extremely AroAce coded and that line really just exemplifies so much of the AroAce experience; the idea that because we might not have a romantic partner that our lives are lesser. People say all the time being in love is what makes life whole, the capacity for romantic love is what makes people human. Grace might not be married or have a dog but he has parents, he has friends and colleagues and value as a human being. Stratt has a difficult choice to make but that felt like such a shitty way to approach it. Like did she really think he would go ‘you know, you’re right I am alone! Send me off into space to die!’ But what I also love about AroAce Grace is it gives the ending and his friendship with Rocky so much more meaning. All too often in found family stories the found family breaks up in the end seemingly because that’s life. All too often in life it’s the common fear of AroAce people that our Allo friends will choose their partners over us inevitably, that there won’t be any more room left for us and that romantic love will always take precedent over platonic love. But Rocky and Adrian don’t do that — once Rocky gets back to Erid he still visits Grace often, he made a whole new suit to be closer to Grace, Adrian works to make sure he’s comfortable, Rocky is happy to have Grace in his life for as long as Grace wants to be. Grace is considered and valued and there’s not one hint that the bond Rocky has with Adrian is given place over his bond with Grace and I can’t tell you how much that means to me to have Grace as an AroAce coded character get that ending.

Alexis Silva

I adore this movie I have bought it after watching it 5 times in the theaters!! Just amazing!

Daisuke Kazamatsuri

To the angelic choir: if you don't pick up on the joke/reference, there's a Catholic prayer titled "Hail Mary" that starts with "Hail Mary, full of grace". So Weir absolutely wrote the ship being full of Grace (spread out all over the place, messy, filling up the empty spaces on the ship) and, in essence, making Grace a martyr (I learned that the gold mission badge is usually given when astronauts return safely, but he has it from the start as a foreshadowing of his going on the mission to die) the choirs being his sort-of theme makes perfect sense.

PrettyOddMoose

It’s funny that Jono compared Grace to Alfred Pennyworth cuz Alfred is canonically a badass on his own lol

Daisuke Kazamatsuri

also, when Rocky (who has been using the closest approximation to the word "Grace" for his name) learns that: - "grace" means "mercy" - "saving grace" is the phrase that means "one good thing in an otherwise terrible scenario" he almost definitely expresses frustration over how "on point" both of these things are

Katie Sanderson

I'm also Happy, Happy Happy! When I saw the movie in the theatre, I thought Rocky was so cute that I wanted to take him home with me! This is definitely my favourite movie of 2026 so far!

Zain Orion

I was so glad there were zero romantic entanglements in this movie. Definitely relate to Grace's unique way of being in the world, and see a lot of myself there. The ending was stunning; I'm still processing it. Few movies stick the landing like this one.

Ren

Thank you for this :)

Carla Cyr

I don’t know that I agree with the idea of Grace being smart dumb. Obviously he’s a smart guy, but that “dumb” feels more like”human” than dumb. It’s easy to say he’s being a moron or myopic about something when you have context/are in the outside looking in… but how often do we all struggle to see the forest from the trees when it’s 5 feet in front of us? I think too, a lot of that “dumb” stems from how little and low he thinks of himself. He says something when they’re initially discussing him going on the ship, that some people are just failures and don’t rise to the occasion, while gesturing at himself. To me, when you pull that mindset of being a failure into his final discussion with Stratt, it reframes it from him being simply obvious and dumb to him thinking that no one is going to care if he says no, no one is going to fight him on it… cause why would they? He’s a failure, he sucks, etc.

Zelda Gilbert

I agree. And I think it was Carl who wrote “Good luck” on the plastic shroud.

Tyluna

I'd like to preface this with: I loved this movie, and will definitely be rewatching it and read the book! But at 26:15 in your vid, where Stratt begins to try and "make him understand" - that part of the movie I took as terrifying instead of "funny". That switch-a-roo of having his choice ripped away, being chased and shoved to the ground, and then forcibly put into cryo-sleep... it made me shudder a bit. I appreciate hearing this different perspective though - will try to look at those scenes differently on next watch.

Jennifer Kenyon Floyd

I definitely read Stratt's singing as being for Grace - to show him that she's human too, and that people can do unexpected things (so he can too!)

Lynettra

I am so happy yall dove into that scene when Rocky learns what “sleep” is and asks to watch Grace sleep. It is the first time I cried in the movie. Having not read the book, the portrayal of Rocky’s deep worry and anxiety in that moment was affecting. I became best friends with Rocky right then.

Annie Irwin

Did I miss remember this wrong; I thought in the book it took about 2 days for them to be able to speak a little bit to each other and that’s when Grace slept. I don’t think he “disappeared” into his ship, he was just up for like 36 hours straight, running on adrenaline from meeting an alien. His software translator idea really got them going on language

Sathone

Thinking about what the meaning of "You believe in God?" "It's better than the alternative" becomes when specifically Eva Stratt says it. Better than the alternative, which is that there is no power in all of this that is higher than *me*

Frost Song

You are definitely not alone - but also give yourself a lot of grace - lol pun right there- we so often unconsciously know we indeed would fail because we are all really bad at knowing how to ask for what we need. Time heals but also grows vocabulary that helps overcome our fears

Ren

Thank you, if there’s anything I’ve found it’s that growing my vocabulary around my mental health and in general is totally a huge help for me, right now I’m reading On Becoming A Person by Carl R. Rogers, it’s a good read and it’s written with the intent of it being accessible to everyone not just people who already have all the vocabulary, I’d recommend reading it to everyone or just reading at all

cheribeanteas

i'd love to see iron lung with you guys, it's basically phm opposite yet similar cousin lmao

Sara Wagiström

I agree. And that is one big difference in book vs movie for me. In the book, I loathed Stratt for what she did, even if I understood the logic behind it. So much so that I was actually kind of happy about the ending because I didn’t want Grace to return to such horrible people 😅 like, they’re sending him to die. For a good cause, yes, but still. BUT Stratt is acted with such warmth in the movie I feel differently about it here, I don’t think that scene is even close to being as gut wrenching as in the book. I don’t dislike the choice of doing it like that for the movie though, or maybe it was just easier for me to like her when I saw an actual person portray her. Read the book, I’m sure if you picked up on similar feelings here that scene will still be quite emotional to read 😉

Sara Wagiström

As a non-believer and quite a logician myself, I would say that in the face of hopelessness you quite easily.. well, hope. Hope that there is a higher power that cares for you, that something or someone is pulling the strings in your favour. Because what else is there to do? We all require comfort, in the end, I suppose. It’s a great detail in Stratts character writing, and it makes her so so human.

JC Where does Riker empty his spit valve

I don't think it's the right call to force Grace against his will. In draft cases, it's proven that those who don't want to fight end up being either really bad at it, breaking down faster or putting others in danger. If this had affected his mental health, she would have wasted this whole opportunity. Now I haven't seen the movie and from these clips it looks like his mind was erased? So I guess it's fine 🤣

Angela D. Mitchell

The one thing about Rocky that I haven't seen you guys address in either video is that he is so desperate to stay close to Grace (and especially to watch him sleep) -- because he was alone in space for 46 years before Grace showed up. Jono, I agree with Alan that Strat sang a little bit for Grace, but mostly for herself -- for what Grace reminded her of, her sense of hope -- and of what she needed, a moment of communion with everyone there. (And yes, Sandra Huller is amazing!) I was so glad you pointed out that Strat is not necessarily "cold." She is the right person for an utterly terribly hard, sad job, and she is going to do it. She's dedicated to that absolutely. She has sentiment and emotion, but she is not going to let them govern her work. Which makes it mean more when she sings for them -- or when she actually breaks down a little when telling Grace why she's doing what she's doing. When she says she's doing it not to betray him but to show her belief in him is an incredible moment, because I know she means it! As someone on the ace spectrum, I was so glad the book and film didn't make Strat and Grace romantic. Yes, I think they care deeply for one another (even if Strat tries to hide it), but for me it is never romantic, and I was so happy for that. And pairing that with Grace's friendship with Rocky as his driving force, it's just a lovely and unique choice for this story and one that is so little seen but necessary and beautiful. Alan, I would love to see more movies like this, about smart people solving the world's problems -- but also, smart, kind, compassionate people solving the world's problems. Because both Rocky and Grace have been so alone, I can feel how important their friendship is to them when we see them on Erid at the end. There is such palpable closeness when they sit alone on the beach together. And then we get the absolute joy of that final moment, realizing Grace is teaching, and seeing the little Eridians leaping up and down to answer! And he laughs and it's just this delightful moment of total happiness. Grace is where he was meant to be, doing what he was meant to do. And he is surrounded by people who love him.

Angela D. Mitchell

You're not alone in this, but please give yourself a break and remind yourself that this self-doubt is just you being unfair to yourself. You are capable of so much! Even if you don't believe in yourself yet, try acting as if you do -- do the things you would do if you believed in yourself, and see what happens! Hang in there.

Angela D. Mitchell

I'm on the ace spectrum as well, and I was so absolutely thrilled that Strat and Grace were not a romance. Yes, I think they're good friends (something she doesn't allow herself often), but never romantic, and I treasure that about this movie. The friendship with Rocky and Grace, and its importance in the story and to each of them as people moved me so much as well. The ending on Erid is perfect for me exactly for the reasons you describe -- they simply love each other and treasure spending time together. It's especially moving to me that Rocky is so excited to see his friend every day that he knocks on Grace's door early. He can't wait for the day to begin. And it's even more touching because of the subtext -- Eridians live 600-700+ years. Rocky doesn't want to waste a moment of his time with Grace. I love that they take a moment, sit on the beautiful beach, just being there. And that feels like something they do every day. The ending was so beautiful for me for that and so many other reasons. And the final realization that Grace is teaching the little Eridians -- when we see how excited they are to be taught by him, leaping around in delight -- it's just the most magical, wonderful moment. And when Grace laughs it's in pure joy, because he is doing what he was meant to do. He has everything a person could want. I love that so much.

Angela D. Mitchell

I absolutely do think Carl was Grace's friend. And their bromance during the first part of the film was so effortless and so much fun. That was why it meant so much to me that Carl's last words to him were, "You know who you are. You'll do great." Carl believes in Grace as much as Strat does, Grace just doesn't see it that way (yet). I always hope Carl was nearby all those years later when Strat got the samples and videos, so he could see how Grace came through (and get that glimpse of his friend again).

Emma Ahlquist

For Rocky's language, I believe they did have a consistent language for him! You can always hear the 'question' double note with his questions (along with the double foottap) and when Rocky is calling out to Grace during the centrifugal force scene, you can hear his noise for Grace's name in what he's screaming. They really just put every ounce of possible love into bringing Rocky to life. Something I love about Rocky and Grace's relationship is the accommodations they make for each other. The directors have stated that Rocky is meant to be a little bit on the Autism spectrum. He doesn't understand what hugs are meant for, for example, but he's so willing to learn. He hugs Grace because it helps Grace. But Grace does the same with the sleeping. He will never know what it feels like to be an Eridian needing someone to watch. But Grace accommodates that feeling. I think it's a beautiful example of how people with two Neurotypes and needs can take care of each other without really understanding the weird thing the other person needs.

Emma Ahlquist

YES I'M SO PLEASED!!! I KNEW ALAN CRY OVER THE ROCK SPIDER (at least tangentially)

EeeeeVvvvaaaaa

Can Eva Stratt be a real person? In the real world, I don’t know how she knows how to be so firm in her resolve if the situation was more ambiguous, like not the end of the 4 billion people / other life forms on earth. Or is she really just suited for scenarios where decisions need to be made logically and with a level head

Blake Howard

This is my first video after joining Patreon! Thanks for this channel, it is awesome!!!

Zain Orion

To paraphrase the Beatles, he got back to where he once belonged. Even though it was a place he'd never been.

Beth Palladino

This is one of the best movies I've seen recently.

CTsquad501st

Maybe im not understanding the implication behind "coded" but grace isn't aroAce. At least not originally. Because he had someone, and then that person didnt stand by him. Either that left him jaded, or otherwise accepting that he would be alone. Maybe being fine with that because of his insecurity or "not good enough" mentality. Something i resonate with. If thats aroAce then oh well but otherwise its a bit of a jump in conclusion to put a label like that on things.