GLO, RARE and TMI (Patreon)

Just reposting here from my reader group for anyone who might need to see this. Sorry in advance.

Announcement:

Gather round, children. It's time for my semi-annual TMI message about my personal life and mental health.

Trigger warnings for unaliving and mental health issues.

If you don't have the emotional bandwidth for these things the TL;DR version is I will not be attending any cons this year including GLO and RARE and I'm really sorry.

If you would like the more in depth version of this as to why, proceed at your own risk.

As some of you know, in September of last year I got covid and it knocked me for a loop and I ended up with some major health issues from it on top of the ones I was already dealing with (high blood pressure, auto-immune issues, chronic pain)

Then, in November I met with my new psychiatrist who in one visit recklessly decided to stop all three of the psychiatric meds I'd been stable on for several years telling me that I had been misdiagnosed as bipolar (for the record I agree with that part but the meds were for my anxiety and depression)

In the first week, I really didn't notice any difference. But by week three, I was having major setbacks: massive anxiety attacks, major depressive episodes lasting for days, pain so bad I didn't get out of bed.

Over the next four months I went from mildly depressed but coping to dissociating so badly that I started to tell people I didn't think I was a person anymore but an observer of people. That I didn't think happiness was something real for me, that I only existed to make other people happy not myself and that I didn't really care if I didn't wake up in the morning.

I had reached a point where I would have probably unalived myself if a) I could bring myself to do that to my family and b) I wasn't too depressed to even bother.

I was not getting out of bed, not brushing my teeth, not brushing my hair, barely showering. I didn't leave my house for months. The only reason I kept publishing was because I have a huge team behind me that took on the brunt of the work while I spiraled quietly. I kept writing because I had to. This is my job.

My family was terrified.

Two months ago, my daughter, in an act of desperation, finally took matters into her own hands and got me a new psychiatrist who was alarmed at where I was mentally and how I got there in the first place. Even my therapist was two seconds away from having me baker acted.

This new dr. has gotten me on meds that seem to be working, though its really only been six weeks and medication takes a long time to do its job.

I also found a concierge physician who has managed to regulate my meds for some of my chronic health issues. I'm very slowly starting to feel like myself again.

However, because I had what's known as 'passive suicidal ideations' I have been put on a safety plan which is just a fancy way of saying I have professional babysitters for a set amount of time until I'm deemed okay again.

I had every intention of going to Australia, but recently I've been backsliding a bit, having massive panic attacks, paranoia and all kinds of fun stuff, so my family and my medical team thinks its better that I do not travel to a totally diferent continent for the foreseeable future.

I am working really hard to get better so that I can go next year but for now, I'm doing what my doctors tell me. Just getting the bookboxes and Paladin out are my main priorities as its something familiar and right now I need familiar.

I'm sorry for dumping all this on you guys but I feel like you have a right to know why I've been so quiet, why I had to push back Maniac and the bookbox releases. I have kept this quiet even from people closest to me because I hate talking about my problems (Everyone has them)

Even now I feel horribly guilty for all the things I'm not doing for you guys. I have big plans but my brain is just not cooperating but I swear I am getting better, just not as fast as I want.

I hope everyone understands.

Thanks.