Paladin - Jericho's Boys #1 - Ch. 10 (Patreon)

This book is gonna be a monster. You know the drill.

Ever

Things between Ever and Arsen were…awkward.

That was the only word Ever could think of to describe the last few days. On the surface, it didn’t seem like anything had changed between them. Each day, Ever would sit on the couch in the loft overlooking the garage while Arsen worked down below. He would read his book and covertly watch him work, watch him laugh and joke with Jericho and the customers.

At lunch, Arsen or Jericho would make sure Ever had something to eat. Arsen would sit upstairs with him, watching intently as Ever tried whatever new food Arsen brought for him. One day it had been Indian food—Arsen’s personal favorite—another it had been Korean barbecue. Today there were subs from the place down the street.

Everything had been delicious.

At least once a day, Arsen would take Ever out into the world. He seemed determined that he try one or two new things each day. The activities varied greatly. Blowing bubbles. Trying hot chocolate. Sitting on the roof and star-gazing. Eating ice cream. Even a bubble bath. Sadly, Arsen had left Ever to that particular task alone.

It was all fun—everything Ever never even dared dream of, really—but nothing distracted him from the memory of their kiss, his pathetic attempt at flirting with Arsen after, and the weird tension that existed between them since.

At night, Arsen distracted himself with his video games and his adoring fans. Ever curled up in the corner of the bed and watched from afar, reading his book and casting him and Arsen as the main characters, wishing more than anything he could go back to his seat between Arsen’s knees. He liked being boxed in by him. It felt safe.

And Arsen rarely felt safe. Not that he worried about Arsen or Jericho, but every customer felt like a potential threat. Every trip outside of the garage felt like it could be his last. It hadn’t been that way at first. When Arsen had first freed him, he’d been scared and confused, but elated to be free of Jennika.

But with each passing day, his unease grew. Maybe it was the tension between him and Arsen getting jumbled in his head. Or maybe this was the trauma that Arsen had warned him about. The trauma that seemed to make him untouchable in Arsen’s eyes.

Or maybe Arsen just didn’t want him. Not that Ever could blame him. Arsen had a life. He had a job and an apartment and friends. He had hobbies and fans. Ever didn’t even have a last name. He was a ghost, forced to rely on Arsen and Jericho for everything.

He wanted to help, but Arsen knew the loud noises of the garage scared him. No matter how much Ever tried to hide his discomfort, he jumped at every sound and it was only getting worse. But he had no other options. He had no birth certificate, no birthday, no social security card. All things Jericho insisted he needed if he wanted a life in the outside world.

Did Ever want a life outside? Not really. With each passing day, his anxiety grew, this weird sense of dread that weighed on him, growing heavier each day. Jennika was dead. He knew that. He’d seen what was left of her body. His injuries were almost healed. But the scars remained. And they were ugly inside and out. He was ugly.

Ever shoved the thought away, glancing at the clock. Unease filling him like an icy finger down his spine. It wouldn’t be long until his doctor’s appointment. When Arsen had first told him, he’d just nodded blankly, but now that it was growing close to time to go, he was having a hard time quelling the panic clawing up his throat.

Jericho had made the appointment. Said she was a friend of the family. Jennika had called her doctor friend that too. He’d looked like a doctor. Had degrees on his wall, had all the things he needed to bandage his burns, suture up his cuts, set his broken bones. But it was Ever who’d paid the bill. Did all doctors expect to get paid in sexual favors from children? Had Ever finally aged out?

He wanted to pace. He wanted to tear at his skin or pick at his nails. Something—anything—to drive away the fear. He knew it wasn’t rational. He did. He really did. But he couldn’t seem to get his body to understand. He hugged himself for a solid minute, until something moving below caught his attention.

Arsen. Talking to a boy his age with shaggy brown hair. Panic was replaced by something else. Jealousy. Ever folded his hands on the back of the sofa and placed his chin on them as he watched the two.

Watching Arsen was one of Ever’s favorite pastimes. Every morning, Arsen would start off in navy blue coveralls and clunky oil stained work boots, a headband pushing the hair out of his crystal blue eyes. But by noon, he’d stripped off the top half, tying the sleeves around his waist leaving him in nothing but a tight tank top—today it was black—that showed off well muscled arms and tattoos just as colorful as his hair.

Arsen was really handsome.

No, that wasn’t the right word. Arsen was…hot. With his aqua hair and aqua eyes and that square jaw that always had just the barest hint of scruff on it at all times. His nose was just the slightest bit crooked, like it had once been broken and his rough, calloused hands were permanently stained around his nails, but it did nothing to detract from how much Ever wanted him.

But unfortunately he wasn’t the only one.

There was a parade of girls—and guys—who seemed to stop by the garage for the sole purpose of flirting with Arsen. The girls would wiggle and squirm and put their half-naked bodies in his way as much as possible. The men were even more forward, asking for his number or hinting they’d be interested in…something more.

It grated on Ever’s nerves. People complimented Arsen on his long lashes, his full lips, even his perfect teeth. To his credit, Arsen took it all in stride, smiling politely but always brushing them off. If he even noticed them at all.

But Ever noticed. He couldn’t not notice. They were so bold. Far bolder than Ever could ever dream of being. And he did dream. Dreamed of more than just barely there kisses and being held all night while he slept. Not that he didn’t like being held at night. He loved it. Too much. He was starting to think he’d never be able to sleep again without the weight of Arsen’s body pressing against him, his arms around him.

But that was all it was. Sleep. So instead, Ever just watched from the loft, like rapunzel in her tower, letting his eyes linger on the way Arsen’s muscles flexed with every movement, wanting to know how they would feel flexing beneath his fingers.

There was nothing wrong with looking, right?

Ever flopped back onto the couch with a huff. He wanted to do more than look. He itched to touch Arsen like he wanted to. To trace his tattoos with his fingers, to know what his skin tasted like, to know what that scruff felt like scratching its way across his body.

Ever wanted to try the things he’d only read about in books, wanted to try them the way they were supposed to happen. Sex, not assault. He wanted to know what those things felt like with someone he wanted, with someone who wanted him in a way that didn’t hurt. But after the way Arsen had reacted to their kiss, Ever was pretty sure that would never happen.

Ever was too broken, too damaged. Arsen deserved better than a boy who couldn’t leave the house without a chaperone.

Ever’s pulse raced as the door to the apartment opened. He expected to hear Arsen’s voice telling him it was time to leave, but when he looked up, it wasn’t Arsen standing there but the guy who had been talking to Arsen just moments ago.

“Hi, I’m Noah. You’re Ever, right?”

Ever frowned at him, but nodded, then pulled himself into an upright position. “Yeah,” he managed.

He gave a little wave and a warm smile. Ever couldn’t help but notice his freckles. He seemed friendly. But Ever knew looks could be deceiving. “I’m one of Arsen’s friends.” He must have looked skeptical because Noah continued, “Jericho is married to my husband’s brother. I thought I’d come say hi.”

Ever pulled his knees to his chest. “Hi.”

“Can I sit with you for a few minutes?” Noah asked, pointing to the opposite end of the couch.

Ever nodded, but still kept a close eye on him.

Noah sat, giving him another reassuring smile. “Arsen tells me you're seeing Dr. Charon today?”

Ever gave a lop-sided shrug, unwilling to give away any information until he knew what Noah wanted from him.

Again, Noah gave him that encouraging smile. Like Ever was a child. They all treated him like that. He might as well be. He forced himself to focus on Noah as he said, “She’s really nice.”

Ever’s eyes went wide. “She?”

Noah nodded. “Yeah. She’s a friend of my father-in-law. She takes care of all of us when we need non-emergent care. She’s kind of like our family physician.”

Ever frowned. Why did they need an outsider? “Don’t you have an actual family physician? Isn’t Atticus a doctor?”

Noah gave a little laugh. Ever liked the way it sounded. Almost like music. “Yeah, he is. But he likes to spend his time in the lab looking at slides under a microscope more than he likes giving yearly physicals or running labs and doling out prescriptions. He’ll do it, but he’ll complain about it. And nobody wants to listen to Atticus complain. Well, except Jericho. He loves it. Dr. Charon likes what she does and she’s willing to keep our secrets and keep her questions to a minimum.”

“Secrets?” Ever echoed.

Was Noah threatening him? Letting him know that if he told the doctor what he knew about them killing people, she wouldn’t do anything about it? Ever would never tell. They saved him. The least he could do was keep that secret for them. Besides, he didn’t really understand how any of it worked, but Jericho said they only killed bad people and he believed Jericho to be good. He believed that in his soul.

“Mm,” Noah said. “Secrets like how you got here. How you have no name, no insurance. She understands the true meaning of patient confidentiality. You’re safe with her.”

Safe? Noah was trying to make him feel better, not threaten him. “Oh.”

Noah gave him a sad smile, like he knew his tragic backstory. “It’s okay if you don’t believe me.”

Ever studied Noah. Did he believe him? He had no reason not to. Arsen clearly trusted him. Jericho too. But trusting people had never really worked out in his favor before. Trust was earned and he’d only met Noah five minutes ago. “I don’t know you.”

Noah nodded. “Then let me tell you something about myself.”

Ever sat forward the tiniest bit. “Okay.”

Noah took a deep breath. “When I was a kid, I was kidnapped by a really bad man who convinced me that he was my father, even while he did horrible things to me. Things no father should do. Things nobody should do. He let other people do those things to me, too.”

Ever’s tongue darted out to wet his suddenly dry lower lip. Was he telling the truth? It didn’t feel like a lie. But why would he just tell Ever all of these things unprompted? Ever flushed as it dawned on him that Noah knew what Jennika had done to him. What she’d let others do to him. Of course, he did. They all did.

Noah’s gaze left him to look at the wall over Ever’s shoulder. “It was so bad that I buried those memories deep down until something triggered them and they all came rushing back.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Ever asked, genuinely confused.

“Because I’m hoping it will help you believe that we all just want to help you. That we can be trusted. That Arsen can be trusted. Nobody in our circle will ever do anything to hurt you. You’re safe with us.”

“Levi tried to steal my food,” Ever heard himself say.

Heat bloomed on his face. Why had he said that?

Noah laughed once more. “Levi has no manners. I heard you bit him.”

“Not hard,” Ever mumbled.

Noah waved a hand. “It’s good for him. Maybe next time he’ll keep his hands to himself.”

Ever’s gaze strayed to the platinum band on Noah’s left hand. “You’re married?”

“Yeah. We got married a few months ago. Finally. We’ve been together for a while but I had to work through my shit and deal with my past before I could officially commit myself to Adam forever. I didn’t want to bring my old life into my new one, you know?”

Ever sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, chewing thoughtfully. Noah had trauma and a husband. “Did Adam know about your past?”

“Yes. Adam’s the one who triggered my memories,” Noah admitted.

Ever’s gaze went wide. “And you…married him?”

“It wasn’t intentional. Well, it was. But he gave me the chance to walk away. I didn’t take it.”

Ever floundered, wanting to ask a million questions but having no idea what questions were out of line. “Did what happened to you change the way he treated you?”

Noah snorted. “No. But you have to understand, my husband, he doesn’t have the same feelings other people do.”

“What does that mean?”

“My husband is a psychopath. He doesn’t feel guilt or remorse. He has no real empathy.”

Ever’s pulse wooshed in his ears. “What does that matter?”

“When people know about your past, sometimes they tend to try to insulate you. They want to put you in this victim box and they expect you to behave accordingly. You’re supposed to have flashbacks or triggers. You’re supposed to fear certain people or hate certain smells. They treat you with kid gloves. Adam never did that. He couldn’t. He wasn’t capable.”

“So after your memories came back you were just…fine?” Ever asked, hating how much he envied Noah.

This time Noah’s laugh was bitter. “No, I was definitely not fine. I’m still not. Certain smells do trigger my memories. I will never have kids because I am too afraid that someone will hurt them like they hurt me. Sometimes when my past comes crashing in, I drink too much and Adam has to wrap me in a blanket burrito and watch hours of cartoons with me until I can pull it together again.”

“A blanket burrito?”

“It’s a thing. Being wrapped tight in a blanket. It has a calming effect. It helps.” Ever nodded, but still didn’t quite understand. “Are you having any…triggers?”

Ever brought his thumbnail to his lips, gnawing it between his teeth for a moment. “I-Not really? I…I’m scared. A lot. I hate loud noises. Mostly I just feel stupid.”

Noah blinked at him. “Stupid?”

“I feel like I don’t know anything. People look at me like I’m a freak because I’ve never had pancakes or my own shampoo or because I’d never heard of Spotify or Netflix. I feel like an alien. I feel…stupid.”

Noah scooted closer without thought, then stopped short, like he didn’t want to startle Ever. “You’re not stupid,” he said sternly. “None of this is your fault. Nothing that happened to you is your fault.”

“That doesn’t make me any less stupid,” Ever said. “I never went to school. I don’t know my real name. I don’t even know where I came from. I don’t remember if I had a mom and dad. If I did, where are they? Are they still looking for me? I don’t even know math.”

Noah waved a hand. “Nobody knows math. It might as well be witchcraft.”

Ever giggled, then slapped a hand over his mouth.

Noah smiled. “I can see why Arsen thinks you’re cute.”

“What?” Ever asked.

Noah shook his head. “Nothing.”

Nothing? “Arsen thinks I’m cute?”

Noah shifted in his seat, peering down into the bay below. Ever did the same, looking just in time to see Arsen quickly turn back to the car in front of him, like he hadn’t been staring up at them.

Once Arsen went back to his task, Noah leaned in, his tone almost conspiratorial. “Between you and me? Arsen thinks you’re adorable.”

Ever’s heart sank. “Like a kitten?”

Noah’s look was lecherous. “No. Definitely not.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Ever said, frustration leaching into his voice. “He treats me like I’m a kid.”

Noah once more glanced down at Arsen, like he worried he was eavesdropping somehow. Once he seemed assured, he said, “He would kill me if I told you this, but when it comes to him, you have all the power. It’s been a week and he would kill for you. He’s…so into you.”

“Into me?” Ever repeated.

Noah nodded emphatically. “Mm, beyond. He’s just freaking out over the kiss.”

Ever could feel himself growing hot all over. “You know about the kiss?”

Noah winced. “He was live streaming, remember? About five hundred people witnessed that kiss.”

“Oh, my God.”

Noah waved his hand. “It's no big deal. Trust me, there’s entire accounts that livestream way dirtier stuff than that—You know what? Forget I said that.” Almost as an afterthought, he said, “But, if it's any consolation, you do have quite a few fans of your own now.”

“I do?” Ever asked, bewildered.

“My point is, Arsen doesn’t want you to think that you owe him sexual favors in exchange for food or clothing or shelter. He doesn’t want you to feel obligated to…’earn your keep’. He just really likes you. And from what I know about Arsen, he doesn’t really ever like anyone in that way.”

“That way…”

“Like a boyfriend way. Like a dating way. Arsen’s never had a serious boyfriend, but I definitely think he wants that with you.”

Ever shook his head. Arsen liked him? Arsen would kill or die…for Ever? Arsen liked him in a boyfriend way? That made no sense. Arsen didn’t even know him, couldn’t know how completely unworthy he was. He probably just felt sorry for Ever.

He said as much to Noah.

Noah gave him this soft look. “He is sorry for what happened to you. That’s true. We all are. But Arsen is the polar opposite of my husband. Arsen feels everything. He wants nothing more than to make the world safer for people like you and me. He will never stop worrying about you or your feelings. Not because he pities you but because he wants you to be safe. That’s just who he is as a person. Don’t you want the same for him?”

Ever blinked at Noah. Would he be crazy for saying yes? They’d literally known each other a week. “We barely know each other.”

Noah shrugged “You two are bound together by this completely bizarre shared experience, this crazy, fucked up thing that happened to both of you. There’s no getting around that. Adam and I are too. We shared this tragic connection that shaped who we are as people. The world would definitely say that my marriage is toxic.”

“They would?” Ever asked.

Noah laughed. “Yeah, definitely. Like, take right now. I bet if I took my phone from my pocket, my husband, who has the emotional intelligence of an inchworm, has probably texted me ten times and called me three, because I’ve been away from him for an hour. Is that healthy? No. Do I find it weirdly hot? Yeah. Because nobody ever cared about me before Adam and nobody will ever care for me like he does because nobody understands how fucked up I really am like he does, ya know?”

Ever nodded slowly. “I think so?”

“Our relationship only has to work for us. And any relationship you have with anybody else only has to work for the two of you.”

Ever shook his head, unable to move past Noah’s monumental confession. “Arsen likes me?”

Noah nodded. “Very much so.”

It couldn’t be true. “Like…in a boyfriend way?”

“Yes.”

“But he won’t do anything about it because he thinks I’ll feel obligated to have sex with him because I don’t have a job?”

Noah seemed to bite back a smile, but said, “Yes.”

“So what do I do?” Ever asked.

Noah tilted his head. “What do you want to do?”

“I-I just want him to kiss me again,” Ever blurted.

Noah grinned. “Then tell him that. Directly.”

Ever felt his eyes bulge. “What? Like just say it? Out loud?”

“Well, he’s clearly not able to read your thoughts,” Noah said.

Ever frowned. “People can do that?”

Noah laughed. “You’d be surprised.”

Ever let that go. He didn’t have time to wonder if the supernatural was real. Instead, he sat chewing on his lower lip, contemplating Noah’s advice. “Are you sure he likes me like that?”

“I would be willing to bet a kidney, maybe even my own.”

“What?” Ever said.

“Nothing,” Noah said quickly. “But if you want something to happen between you and my bleeding heart friend down there, I’m afraid you’re going to have to be the one to make the first move. He’s too sensitive.”

“I don’t know if I can,” Ever whispered.

Noah hopped to his feet, giving him two thumbs up. “I believe in you. If you need to talk, just use Arsen’s phone and call me. Oh, and don’t be scared of the doc, she’s good people. Also, they’re probably going to make you see a therapist. You will feel like its not helping but I promise it work—”

Noah cut himself off, looking down at his pocket. He pulled his phone free and grinned, showing it to Ever. An unnaturally beautiful man stared back at him, above his picture was his name. Adam. Noah shook his phone at Ever and grinned. “See? He can’t live without me. Bye.”

Then Noah was gone, leaving Ever sitting on the sofa in a daze. Had that conversation really just happened? Could Noah be trusted? He seemed so…normal. Likeable. But what if he was wrong? What if Ever asked Arsen to kiss him and he refused and made him leave?

Even as Ever thought it, his heart rejected the thought. Noah was right about one thing, Arsen was a bleeding heart. Even if he rejected Ever, he wouldn’t kick him out. It would just get even more awkward. If that was possible.

But the rejection alone might kill him.