Rogue - Jericho's Boys #2 - ch. 4 (Patreon)

Made some edits to this chapter as I wasn't happy with it before. Still TW: for implied sexual abuse, brief mention of suicidal ideations, and emotional and physical abuse.

Shiloh

Shiloh had only had sex twice, the first time with a guy who’d dumped him immediately after because Micah had written a check. The second, with a guy who had made fun of him the whole time, then bailed the morning after. Again, at Micah’s behest.

Not because Micah didn’t approve, not because he’d been mean to Shiloh, but because he’d orchestrated the whole thing just to humiliate him, to torment him, to destroy any sense of hope that he could ever trust someone with his heart or his body.

He’d tried to have sex a third time, but no matter how it started, it ended up with Shiloh panicking. Sex had become a minefield of anxiety and overthinking, of head games and sabotage. There was nothing worse than knowing he had nobody he could trust. Well, he had Mal, but he had been taken off the board. Now there was nothing standing between Shiloh and Micah.

Shiloh had lost his only protection.

Shiloh’s hands squeezed at the muscles of Levi’s back, trying to push all other thoughts from his head except the heavy weight of him on top of him, the feel of his thighs bracketing Levi’s hips, the way his lips moved softly over Shiloh’s while his tongue explored his mouth.

Levi deserved Shiloh’s undivided attention. He’d earned it. In just one encounter Levi had done more for him than anyone else ever had. He’d protected him. Even when Shiloh had shoved a gun in his face. Even though he’d been there to kill him. Levi had shielded him from the cameras, had kept him from ending up in prison like Mal.

Was that why this felt so different? At least this time Shiloh knew, without a doubt, that the person on top of him was there only because he wanted to be, not because he’d been paid or blackmailed or had plans to move up in rank. He was only there because he wanted Shiloh. Being wanted by someone like Levi was a heady feeling.

“You’re so good for me,” Levi murmured, his lips dragging to press against Shiloh’s ear. “So sweet.”

Shiloh gasped as much from the unanticipated praise as the teeth nipping at his earlobe. How was he being good? He was just laying there, letting Levi take what he wanted. He wanted to do more, make it good for him too, but he was so out of his element, all he could do was cling to him like a lifeline.

Goosebumps erupted along Shiloh’s skin as Levi’s tongue traced the shell of his ear, then skimmed over Shiloh’s throat, stopping to kiss the spot where his pulse pounded hard and heavy.

Levi nosed over the spot, his hair tickling Shiloh’s cheek, words thick as he noted, “Your heart's beating so fast.”

Shiloh couldn’t speak. He was afraid if he opened his mouth he’d burst this cozy bubble surrounding them, making him feel safe.

Levi pulled back enough to look into his eyes, gaze so sincere it stole Shiloh’s breath.  “Are you scared?”

Was he? Probably. He was afraid of everything, but it was hard to form a coherent sentence with Levi gazing down at him, brown eyes full of concern. He was even prettier up close. Sharp cheekbones and long lashes. He had two beauty marks on his cheek. Shiloh reached up without thought, brushing his thumb against them, heart tripping as Levi’s gaze turned greedy, his lips parting as he dropped to stare at Shiloh’s lips.

“Kiss me?” Shiloh asked, hating how needy and desperate he sounded when he added, “Please?”

Levi’s pupils blew wide at Shiloh’s plea.

“Fuck, you’re perfect,” Levi breathed, running his nose along Shiloh’s cheek.  “Ask me again,” he rasped, the sound of his voice dragging along Shiloh’s nerve endings, stoking the desire already pooling in Shiloh’s belly, making him throb with need.

He could feel the flames of embarrassment race up his neck to the tips of his ears, but it didn’t stop him from doing as Levi asked. “Kiss me.?”

Levi gripped Shiloh’s chin like he had that first night, tugging down his chin before licking his way into Shiloh’s mouth. He couldn’t stop the whine that fell from his lips. Levi made his own noise of approval then began to rock his hips against Shiloh’s in a way that scrambled his brain.

“Oh, God,” he heard himself gasp.

“Feel good?” Levi asked, not breaking the kiss. “Wrap your legs around my waist and I guarantee it will feel even better.”

Levi’s bold words were making Shiloh dizzy, but he was grateful for the instruction, otherwise he’d just lay there, too afraid to move. He was wholly out of his element, terrified Levi would stop at any moment when he realized just how much Shiloh didn’t know.

Shiloh hooked his legs over Levi’s narrow hips, both of them groaning at the pressure of their cocks grinding against each other through their clothing. Levi began to move against him once more, lazily, the pressure and friction making Shiloh whine.

Levi made an approving sound, his tongue fucking into Shiloh’s mouth at the same leisurely pace as his hips. For just a few minutes, Shiloh let himself have this, have Levi. His lips were magnetic, drawing him back to them again and again, until all higher thought processes ground to a halt, leaving Shiloh dizzy and overwhelmed in the best possible way. He wanted more. He needed more, needed Levi to move faster, to do something to quell the desperation curling inside him. But Levi just pressed his hand to his hips.

“What’s wrong?” Levi asked, biting at Shiloh’s lower lip. “Need more?”

Shiloh nodded rapidly, blushing at how quickly Levi had turned him into this whiny, needy thing.

“I want to hear you say it,” Levi said, kissing the words into the skin on Shiloh’s jaw. “Tell me you need more.”

“I need more,” he said, hating how choked up he sounded.

“Say please,” Levi taunted, though not unkindly.

“Please?” Shiloh said, voice catching on a sob.

“You listen so well,” Levi praised. Shiloh buried his face in Levi’s neck. “You don’t have to be shy about it. It’s so fucking sexy. You’re so fucking sexy. So perfect.”

To Shiloh’s horror, tears pricked at his eyes, overwhelmed from the weight of Levi’s words. He tried to blink them away before Levi noticed.

“God, I really want to take my time with you,” Levi said, kissing Shiloh’s temple, the bruise around his eye, then the one on his cheek. “Take you apart all night.”

Shiloh wanted that too. But they didn’t have all night. He couldn’t stay, no matter how much he wanted to, no matter how good this felt, how sweet Levi appeared. He had to go back. Not that he would tell Levi that. Even though Shiloh barely knew him, he knew Levi would try to stop him and Shiloh couldn’t afford to be distracted. He needed to help Malachi.

Levi pushed back, brushing Shiloh’s curls from his forehead as he studied him, his desire morphing into concern, probably at Shiloh’s teary gaze.  “Are you okay?”

“I’m good,” he lied, forcing himself to smile.

Levi smiled in return and, for a split second, Shiloh was certain his heart stopped. Broody, sulking Levi was sexy, but smiley, happy Levi was breathtaking. Shiloh couldn’t handle just how beautiful he was.

He curled his hand around Levi’s neck, tugging him back down, fitting their mouths together once more. Shiloh let himself absorb the feel of him, his blood humming in his veins.

When Levi’s weight disappeared, Shiloh made a sad sound, earning a soft laugh. But Levi wasn’t leaving. He sat up on his knees between Shiloh’s parted thighs, letting his gaze rake over him in a way that made Shiloh shiver.

Levi stared down at him, large hands running soothing circles dangerously high up on Shiloh’s thighs, the heat of his skin bleeding through the fabric of Shiloh’s jeans.

Levi looked into his eyes, gaze holding him hostage as he slowly slid Shiloh’s shirt up, not taking it off, but just moving it out of his way, sliding his fingers up his belly to his chest, then leaning down to press open mouth kisses to each bruise.

Shiloh felt like he had a piano on his chest. Why did this feel so heavy? It was just sex. It was only sex. It meant nothing. People did it every day. People did it with total strangers every day. This was just a hookup. A distraction. A way to thank him for understanding.

He couldn’t stop the sound that escaped when Levi folded over him to scrape his teeth over one nipple, then teased it with his tongue.

“I love your noises,” Levi said, before licking his other nipple, thumbs brushing along his hip bones.

“I don’t make noises,” Shiloh muttered, his whole body flushing at the lie.

Levi pulled back to give him a smug look, then lowered his hand to trace the ridge of Shiloh’s cock with his thumb. Shiloh's breath caught. Levi palmed him, pressing the heel of his hand against his zipper. rubbing with purpose. Shiloh couldn’t stop the moan that sprung from his throat.

“No noises, huh?” he teased.

It made Shiloh feel better that Levi looked a little wrecked too. He squeezed Shiloh’s cock through the fabric, lips parting when Shiloh whined, his hips canting off the bed.

“Fuck, yeah, just like that,” Levi said, surging up to fuck his tongue into his mouth again.

Shiloh just let it happen, let Levi take what he wanted, making another needy sound when he fit their bodies together once more. There was no ignoring the hard length of Levi’s cock resting against Shiloh’s hip. Fuck. He felt really big. Not freakishly huge, but definitely way bigger than the other two people Shiloh had been with.

Almost as if Levi could read his mind, he said against his lips, “I want to fuck you. Can I?”

“I-” Shiloh started then stopped, flushing.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Just say yes.

"You can say no," Levi added hastily.

Shiloh didn't want to say no. He wanted Levi to erase the memories of the two that came before him, wanted to feel him working him open, making him take it, wanted to hear the pretty words and praise he knew would fall from Levi’s lips when Shiloh was good for him.

But giving in to what he wanted would only lead to heartbreak. His. Should he just walk away or just lay there and take it? The first would break his heart and probably lead to more abuse, but the second would feel amazing, until he had to leave and go back to that house of horrors he called home.

It was just sex. He could hear Micah’s voice echoing in his head. Don’t start acting like a baby now.

God, Micah was right. He was an embarrassment. And if he slept with Levi, he’d see it too. He’d see just how little Shiloh knew…about everything.

"I…"

Levi braced himself up on his forearms, studying him with kind eyes. “You…” he prompted.

Shiloh swallowed audibly, then his tongue darted out to lick over his lower lip. He dragged his gaze to stare at a water spot on Levi's ceiling. “I haven’t really done this a lot,” he blurted. “So if I’m bad at it, that’s why.”

Silence stretched like a wire pulled tighter and tighter, panic welling inside him until it felt like he couldn't breathe. Still, Shiloh couldn’t bring himself to look at Levi’s face.

He had no idea why he’d just done that, other than to stave off Levi's inevitable disappointment at how bad Shiloh was at sex. Better Shiloh say it first, than to hear it from Levi himself when it was over.  It was always better to beat them to the punchline, that way he could pretend it hurt less.

When Shiloh couldn't bear the silence one more second, he risked a peek. He found Levi still examining him patiently. Somehow that was worse. He pushed Shiloh’s stubborn curls off his forehead. “You’re so fucking cute.”

“I’m covered in bruises,” Shiloh muttered.

“You're still cute. But that’s not what I mean. You’re just so…sweet.” Levi kissed him again, sweeping his tongue into Shiloh’s mouth in a way that made his toes curl. He couldn’t stop the whimper that escaped. “That,” Levi said against his lips. “That sound right there is what I mean. You’re so…ready. It’s hot. You’re hot.”

Shiloh didn't get why he was being so nice. Shiloh didn't deserve it. He didn't need it. Almost against his will he blurted, “You don’t have to…be nice to me,” Shiloh said. “I’m not going to change my mind.”

Levi froze, sitting up once more, frowning. “What?”

Shiloh squeezed his eyes shut, willing the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Had he really just said that out loud? He couldn't take it back. He opened his eyes again, staring at a spot on Levi’s shirt. “I’m just saying…like, you don’t have to seduce me or whatever. I’m still going to let you fuck me."

The reassuring weight of Levi’s body disappeared, leaving Shiloh feeling untethered. He didn’t go far, just  dropped onto the bed beside Shiloh, close enough for their arms to touch, but not much else.  “I…don’t think we should do this, not tonight anyway.”

Shiloh was cold in his core, stomach churning. This was so demeaning. Was he going to throw up? God, he had such a weak stomach for someone whose life was one disaster after another. It hardly seemed fair. He’d mentally prepared himself for the possibility of rejection, but the moment the word’s left Levi’s mouth, Shiloh could feel hot tears welling. He was a mess.

His chest ached, his voice thick as he said, “Oh. Okay, yeah. I should go.”

He sat up quickly, only to have Levi snatch him by the collar and yank him back onto the bed. “Uh-uh. I told you, I'm not letting you go back to that house. Besides, I think we should talk first.”

Frustration burned in his chest and behind his eyes. Levi had seemed to like him, but now he was looking at him like a charity case. Why did it hurt so bad? Why did it feel like he was choking on his embarrassment?

“There’s nothing to talk about. And I really have to go,” Shiloh managed, voice thick with tears.

“Stop,” Levi said again, putting an arm across him. “Don’t make me sit on you. It will be uncomfortable for us both.”

Shiloh shook off Levi’s arm, rolling to sit on the edge of the bed. He couldn't look at him. He sat staring at the far wall, noting the slightly peeling white paint as he willed himself to pull it together.

Your so fucking weak. You can’t even get one thing right.

“Can you please lay back down?” Levi asked gently.

“No,” Shiloh said, almost positive he would burst into flames at any moment from the humiliation coursing through his veins.

Levi gave a long suffering sigh, then the bed shifted. Suddenly his chest was plastered to Shiloh’s back, his legs sandwiched by Levi's. He hooked his head over Shiloh’s shoulder. “This works too,” he said against his ear, hands gripping Shiloh’s hips.

“Are you always this pushy?” he muttered, absently pondering trying to make a run for it. He quickly dismissed the idea. Levi could definitely outrun him, especially after Micah’s last beating. And he still had to retrieve the gun.

Levi laughed. “Only with guys who give me blue balls then try to leave.”

Shiloh crossed his arms over

r his chest. “I maintain you gave yourself blue balls,” Shiloh said, tone sulky. “I was perfectly on board with finishing what we started.”

“Were you?” Levi asked, breath puffing against Shiloh’s ear. “Cause you acted kind of like you were about to be martyred for your sacrifice,” He laughed softly. “And that’s not the usual response I get during sex.”

This somehow felt worse than just having someone make fun of him. He couldn’t even escape. “It’s not nice to laugh at people.”

Levi’s arms came around him, squeezing him tightly. “I’m not laughing at you,” he said, voice dripping with sincerity. When Shiloh side-eyed him, Levi gave him a lop-sided grin. “Okay, I am. A little. But not because I’m making fun of you. You’re just so…”

“So…” Shiloh huffed.

“Adorable? Sexy? Moody? Temperamental?” Levi said. “Take your pick.”

Shiloh wanted to crawl inside himself and disappear like a cartoon character. He’d never been this conflicted in his life. Did Levi want him or not? Did he like him or not? What was happening?

“I’m going home,” Shiloh said, shooting to his feet, hoping to catch Levi off-guard.

Once more, he was yanked back down between his legs. “Oh, my God. Do I have to tie you to the bed?” Shiloh stiffened in his arms, but Levi was immediately contrite. “I-I didn’t mean that. I wouldn’t do that. Okay?”

“What do you want from me?” Shiloh cried, hunching in on himself, like maybe he could put some room between them. But Levi held on tight, like an octopus.

Levi sighed. “I just want to talk about…what just happened.”

Shiloh shot him a mutinous look. “Doesn’t seem like anything happened from where I’m sitting.”

“Can you please just talk nicely to me?” It was on Shiloh’s lips to tell him no, but then Levi was nuzzling his nose behind his ear, holding his hands, threading their fingers together in a gesture that felt far more intimate than sex. “Please?” he crooned.

Shiloh pretended goosebumps weren’t erupting along his arms at Levi’s teasing. Suddenly something occurred to him. “Give me Micah’s gun and we can talk. I’ll answer your questions.”

“All my questions?” Levi asked.

“The ones I feel comfortable answering,” Shiloh hedged.

Once more Levi gave that infuriating chuckle. “Okay, it's a start. The gun is in the top drawer of my desk right there.” He pointed to the small desk with its broken drawer pull.

Shiloh stood and went to the desk, pulling the drawer open and pulling out the gun, giving it only a cursory glance before setting it on the desk.

“Satisfied?” Levi asked.

“Sure,” Shiloh said, voice dull.

Levi snagged him by his wrist and pulled him back once more. “Now, when you say you haven’t done this a lot, what does that mean exactly?”

Shiloh rolled his eyes. “Just what I said. I haven’t done it a lot.

“Are you a virgin?” Levi asked, voice lower than it was a moment before.

“Are you?” Shiloh shot back, in flames once more.

“No. Definitely not,” Levi said. “Haven’t been in a really long time. But let's save my childhood trauma for our second date.”

Shiloh snapped his head around to look at him. Levi’s smile was bitter. Shiloh knew that feeling better than anyone. That acidic humor that only came from being truly fucked up, from living a life so bad that you could only laugh or die. All the fight left him then. “Okay,” he said, turning forward once more.

He settled his hands over Levi’s where they were wrapped around his waist, threading their fingers together again. “Just ask your questions.”

“Are you a virgin?” Levi asked again, softer this time, lips pressing just behind his ear.

Shiloh stared straight ahead. “No, I’ve done stuff. Done it. Just not a lot. And not with a lot of people.”

“Ballpark it for me.”

“It’s rude to ask about someone’s body count,” Shiloh snapped.

“Depends on the type of body count you mean,” Levi reasoned. “If I plan on having sex with you—which I do, eventually, just so we’re clear—it would be nice to know exactly how careful I need to be with you.”

Shiloh’s skin was feverish. “Do I look like someone who can’t handle rough sex?” he asked to hide his embarrassment.

Once more, Levi nuzzled him. “That’s not what this is about. I just don’t want to hurt you. Why are you being so stubborn about this?”

“I’m not,” Shiloh lied.

Levi sighed. Shiloh knew he was being difficult but he couldn’t stop. He needed some kind of distance between them, emotionally if not physically. How many scabs did he have to rip open in one week?

“Have you been with more than one person?” Levi asked.

“Yes.”

Levi held him tighter. “More than two?”

Shiloh sighed. “No. Okay?”

“Were you dating them when you were…with them? Is that why you don’t like talking about it? Bad breakups?” Levi asked, keeping his tone conversational, like he was afraid of setting Shiloh off again.

“No, I definitely wasn’t dating them. Do we have to talk about this? It was a really long time ago.”

Levi frowned at him, grip tightening. “What’s a really long time ago?”

Levi really wasn’t going to let this go.  He might as well just rip off the bandaid. “Back when I was fourteen. After that, I just…stopped trying.”

“And how old were they?” Levi asked, voice going cold.

Shiloh shrugged. “I don’t know? Nineteen? Twenty? One was my brother, Mal’s friend. The other worked for Micah.”

“Micah’s the one who hurts you?”

Shiloh nodded. “The first one, Mal’s friend…Micah caught us together and offered him money to walk and never come back. He took it before the sheets had even dried. The other one had been a set-up from the jump. Just another way for Micah to torment me. After that, I realized sex wasn’t worth it. Not when I couldn’t trust anyone.”

“Mal is your brother in jail?”

Shiloh nodded. “Yeah.”

“How did he feel about his friend having sex with his underage brother then breaking his heart?”

How much could he tell Levi? He worked for a killer. There couldn’t be many things that shocked him. Would Levi judge him? Would he judge Malachi? Shiloh’s brothers were both vicious. But one used that bloodlust to destroy him, and the other used it to protect him. They were not the same. “Like I said, it doesn’t matter. It was a long time ago.”

Levi shook his head. “It does matter. You were a little kid and that guy was an adult.”

“Was being the operative word,” Shiloh mumbled, just so Levi would let it go. “He’s not anything anymore.”

Levi fell silent for a long moment before saying, “What does that mean?”

Shiloh turned his head to meet Levi’s gaze. “He…had an accident.”

“An accident?”

“Mm. He ‘fell’ off his balcony,” Shiloh said, releasing Levi’s hands to faintly hook his fingers in the air.

“Micah?” Levi asked.

Shiloh shook his head. “Micah forgot about him the minute he paid him off. It was Mal. I mean, I can’t prove it, but it was. He’s really…protective of me.” Suddenly, his heart rate shot up and he grabbed at Levi’s hands, squeezing them hard. “But he’s not like Micah,” he swore. “He wouldn’t hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it. Please don’t think of him like that. He’s not bad, he’s just…wired wrong.”

“Wired wrong?” Levi repeated.

Shiloh nodded. “He says it’s like those black and white skits from the old days where there’s an operator that’s just pulling cords from one hole and sticking them into another connecting random people together. That’s what he says his head is like, just someone pulling a thought from one part and plugging it into another. He says it's why he’s so…weird.”

“Oh,” Levi said. “Thank you for answering my questions.”

“You’re welcome,” Shiloh said reluctantly.

“How about you and I get some sleep and revisit our kissing situation in the morning.”

For the first time since the conversation started, Shiloh’s lips twitched in an aborted smile. “Kissing situation?”

Levi fell backwards, high-kicking one leg over Shiloh’s head before lying down, then dragging Shiloh with him, maneuvering him until they were lying face to face. “Yes, the kissing situation,” he said, dropping a kiss on Shiloh’s nose as if to make a point.

Shiloh’s heart flip-flopped in his chest. “There doesn’t have to be a kissing situation. I’m not a charity case.”

“You were the one acting like you were ready to fall on your sword.” Levi broke into a smile. “Or my sword, I guess.”

Shiloh couldn’t help the grin that split across his face or the cackle that escaped. It was such a stupid pun, but Shiloh had been stuffing everything down and down and down for days and now it was all bubbling to the surface in the form of hysteria.

When he realized Levi was staring at him, mouth gaping, he abruptly stopped laughing. “What?” he asked, pressing a hand to his face.

“You…you have dimples.”

“O-kay?”

“They’re…I just never noticed.”

“Is that bad?” Shiloh asked, still touching his face.

Levi dragged Shiloh against him, slanting their mouths together for just long enough to make Shiloh long for more, then he pulled back. “No, it’s not bad. It’s good. We’re good. You’re just so fucking pretty.” Shiloh started to protest but Levi cut him off with another kiss. “Bruises and all.”

Shiloh fell silent. “Oh.”

Levi gave him a smile. A genuine smile that felt like it kicked Shiloh right in the chest. “Get some sleep, dimples. We’ll talk in the morning.”

“Okay,” Shiloh lied, then closed his eyes.

As he laid there, he counted to a thousand slowly, then cracked his lids open. Levi was asleep, chest rising and falling rhythmically. Shiloh rolled his weight back and forth to see if Levi would stir, but nothing. He waited another five minutes just to be safe, before slowly getting off the bed.

He picked his jacket up, then slid it on, eyes on Levi the whole time. Once it was in place, he slid the gun into his pocket, heart in his throat. He just needed to get out of there.

He was about to walk out the door when he looked again at Levi’s sleeping face. He looked really young when sleeping, his face relaxed like he didn’t carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. He was the pretty one. So pretty. He tried to look his fill, to commit his face to memory. He wasn’t coming back, not if he could help it. If he could just be brave.

He had his hand on the doorknob when he spotted it, the pad of sticky notes and the markers in a cup. He walked back to the desk, grabbing a thick green sharpie and a hot pink square, writing:

I CAN’T STAY. HE’LL HURT MAL. I’M REALLY SORRY.

Almost as an afterthought, he added, ~XO, SHILOH

He gave Levi one last look, then winced as he opened the bedroom door, relaxing when the hinges didn’t protest. When he made it to the living room, Nico was still there, eyes glazed as he watched something on television. He gave Shiloh a curious look but didn’t ask any questions.

Shiloh was grateful. He had no answers. Once he shut the apartment door, he sprinted down the stairs and out of the building, running three blocks before he stopped to suck air into his lungs, his ribs and organs protesting beneath his bruises. He looked back, half expecting to find Levi behind him, but there was nothing. Shiloh stuffed down the knife sharp pain that stabbed through him.

It was better that way.

He pulled his phone from his pocket, then called for an Uber. He didn’t have to wait long. He kept his eyes closed, his head resting against the cool glass the entire ride back to the house. A sense of dread settled deep within him, like milk curdling in his stomach.

There were lights on in several rooms, but in a house as big as theirs, it didn’t really mean anything.

Shiloh pushed open the heavy wooden door, praying nobody waited for him. But luck was never on Shiloh’s side.

Micah sat in the parlor, slouched in a fancy wingback chair, jean clad legs crossed at the ankles, a whiskey glass in his hand. When he saw Shiloh, he grinned. Not the one he gave right before he beat the shit out of him, but the smug one he saved for when he felt he’d won some victory against him.

“Did you do what I told you?” he asked.

Shiloh didn’t answer, just stalked across the room and slammed the gun down in front of him. “Here’s your gun back.”

Micah picked it up, pointed it at Shiloh’s head. “I asked you a question.”

Shiloh was too tired, too angry, too everything to even care about the gun pointed at his head. One of Micah’s less creative intimidation tactics. “And I didn’t answer,” Shiloh said.

It was easier to be bold after a beating. Micah usually pretended to care for at least a few days afterward. Shiloh knew it was just a strategy. A way to lure Shiloh into a false sense of security. But he didn’t have the brain capacity to worry about Micah’s motives. His time with Levi had left him feeling like one giant exposed nerve.

He just wanted to sleep. He needed sleep. A deep, dreamless, drugging sleep. He opened his mouth to say so, when Micah pulled the trigger.

Shiloh startled at the sound of the gun dry firing, his heart thundering in his ears as he stared at his brother in horror. “You could have killed me.”

Micah chuckled, releasing the magazine, showing him it was empty. “I know the weight of this gun loaded or empty. Besides, if your little boyfriend had even half a brain, he would have made sure the bullets were gone before he gave the gun back to you. I know I would have.”

Shiloh just stared at his maniac brother for a full minute while he waited for his heart rate to return to normal, then he turned on his heel to head out of the room. “Goodnight, Micah,” he managed.

Micah chuckle was borderline deranged. “You didn’t answer my question. Did you do what I told you?”

“You got your gun back,” Shiloh muttered just loud enough for his brother to hear.

“Did you fuck him or not?” Shiloh just kept walking, keeping his eyes on the stairs. “Oh, come on. You don’t have to be such a baby,” he called. “You’re the one who said I ruined sex for you. Now you have my blessing. This is a good thing.” Micah’s laugh was malicious. “Kids, today. They’re never happy,” he mused as if talking to himself.

Shiloh didn’t stop moving until he was in his room with a chair wedged under the doorknob. It wouldn’t stop Micah if he was truly determined, but the chances of him coming after Shiloh tonight were slim. He was still patting himself on the back over his perceived victory.

Shiloh supposed it was a victory of sorts. He’d gotten his gun back. Shiloh knew where Levi lived. Levi seemed to trust him. All the things Micah had encouraged Shiloh to do before he let him off the roof.

Well, almost all of them.

He’d wanted Shiloh to fuck him, said if he did it right, he’d be loyal, that he’d tell Shiloh inside information Micah could use to get closer to Jericho.

Shiloh fell into bed fully dressed, dragging his pillow beneath his head before he burst into tears. He wasn’t going to do it. He wasn’t going to let Micah use him, use Levi.

But he had to.

Micah was dangling Mal over Shiloh’s head. He said he’d pay his bail if Shiloh did what he asked, that he’d be free until the trial. He’d said he’d even get the charges dropped if Shiloh agreed to do anything he asked. So he had. And he felt like someone had dragged his heart over a dozen razor blades.

This wasn’t fair. None of this was fair. Shiloh sat up, opening the drawer and taking out the prescription bottle, and dumping an unknown number of tiny white pills into his hand before swallowing them dry.

The one good thing about being crazy was there was a drug for everything. Even one that made the world just fade away for a day or so. If someone took enough of them, the world might fade away forever.

One day.

One day he’d have the courage to take the whole thing, but today wasn’t that day. Maybe once Mal was free. Maybe then he’d have the courage to follow in his mother’s footsteps. At least she’d gotten away from Micah once and for all.