Honesty Time (Patreon)

Content Warning: I have ADHD, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, Anxiety, Depression, and PTSD. This post is perhaps too blunt.

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I don't know when my Depression came back exactly, probably January? I do know that it steadily worsened until March 15th when I had to make an emergency call.

I'm back in therapy now. They're having me go once a week to lower my various metrics and scores until I am not a danger to myself. Only way I can afford this is because I qualify for financial assistance.

I am not suicidal, but I experience Suicidal Ideation every day. I liken it to having visions in the sense that - were it up to me I'd stop - but I'm not yet able to say I can do that. They are varied, regular, sometimes very violent. I'm now considering partial hospitalization.

A lot of excellent things have happened this year. Anita Sarkeesian has one of my books. I got approached by a major publisher, and pitched them last Friday. I've had book signing, lead workshops, seen my work shared all through out Pride Month.

I wish I could reason my way out of depression. Despite everything I've accomplished, and the supportive words from people around me I am truly struggling. I can't hide it anymore.

If I get a chance to do a graphic novel then obviously I'm taking it, but I needed a backup plan. 

I'm standing on a path. And that path branches out into so many different possibilities that I've stopped moving forward. Maybe that's a good thing.

We'll see I guess.