Medical Update & Cisgender Apologies (Patreon)

Content Warning: Misgendering, Medical Trauma, Venting

Today I spent an hour at the Center for Perioperative Medicine, where I was prepped and screened for surgery. They were consummate professionals, and I got showered with compliments for being the healthiest patient they'd seen all week. 

How about that! <3

Still. I arrived dressed for a fight, and brought Alex as back up. 

Why? Because my experience with Urology—while Trans—has been fraught with trouble.

May 18th was when I first was checked out by Urology. I chose to see a PA instead of my regular so I could be seen sooner.  It was a long wait in a cold room.  When finally attended to, I mainly spoke to the back of the PA's head.  I was misgendered about six times, to include my favorite line, 

"You're a man, you get what I mean."

I'm not the person who expects perfection, nor am I looking to feel insulted. I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt, I live assuming people I meet have the best intentions.

Insufficient training (esp in regards to diversity) is a nation-wide problem in virtually every institution you can think of. If I popped off every time I got misgendered I'd be on the news.

She prescribed Cialis for reasons that remain unclear (my PCP was similarly confused) and scheduled a "follow up" for six months down the road. Hurt and embarrassed, I reported the problem, and now I'm serving on The Transgender & Gender Diverse Patient and Family Advisory Council. We meet once a month.

Anyway, yesterday I got a written apology in the mail. 

I've circled the areas I find problematic:

"Preferred Pronouns" if you don't know already isn't really used in the Trans community. At least, not anymore. It's an outdated term from around 2013. When I hear it used by another Trans person, it's typically very early in their transition before confidence has set in. But overall, it's not used.

My pronouns aren't a preference. My pronouns are who I am. They are non-negotiable.

So while I appreciate the formal attempt to right a wrong, it's impossible for me to feel the effort wasn't half-assed considering they couldn't even get my name right. They'll be hearing from me again next week, poor things!

If I'm being honest I'm sick to death of apologies. I hear they so often they've become meaningless.

The good news is:

Alex is taking me out tonight to see a Brazilian Folk Music concert. I'm very excited and absolutely I will be dressing up. So there.

It's a beautiful day out, and I'm off to bask in it. Needless to say it felt great to be seen by a competent medical staff. No pile-drivers or full-nelsons required.

Thanks for reading!

Love,
Jason