How are you? (Patreon)

I have two good friends who are very different from one another, but who tell a variation on the same joke. One thinks it is the ultimate fuck-off to tell someone, “Well, I hope you find what you’re looking for,” as you part ways. Like a curse. 

The other friend thinks it is funny to say “I’ve never been better.” When someone asks how you are. “I’ve never been better,” but you say it like it is a bad thing. 

How are you?

I’ve never been better. 

This is as good as it’s ever gotten for me. 

I used to think “How are you?” Was a frustrating question, because how am I supposed to answer that? Same answer every day. Not a happy answer. Conversation dies. But “How are you?” Is a frustrating question because people ask it even though they do not have the tools to deal with any answer other than fine. It’s all just a mess of, “everyone in the world is having a hard time right now.” 

I know that’s supposed to make me feel better. It’s an extension of this weird belief we all have that when someone tells us their problems, we have to solve them. We don’t. It is okay to just listen. 

And I know it’s true that I’m not the only one suffering. There are people who have it way worse than me. I don’t know what to do about that. Mental illness doesn’t go away because someone has it worse. It can make me feel cut off sometimes, that “reassurance.” I know they mean well. I know they just hope I find what I’m looking for.

Joey