Forced to Become the Boyfriend of the Dancer that Buffs everybody Ch.20 (Patreon)

It’s been a little over a week of studying and training with Garnet, and learning Absorb Elements and Protection from Evil turned out to be a lot more complicated than I imagined. But I have no complaints since that makes sense since those spells are one tier above the first ones I got. Still, I can cast them at will now, which makes me magic resistant and turns me into a very powerful tank.

Another good thing is that with Jess running the guild, we’ve actually been getting jobs, even as a party of two. It’s a huge change from last time, when we were kicking rocks. Sana has also become something of a small local celebrity thanks to her amazing dances. People wave at her in the street, and last night a stranger bought her a gift.

I checked it first, obviously, before handing it to Sana. It turned out to be a simple sweet pastry, which she devoured with sparkling eyes.

And so we’re back at the guild, waiting in line for a new quest.

When our turn finally comes, Jess looks up at us from behind the counter, glasses sliding down her nose. “Today, you’ll be babysitting a baby barbarian.”

“...Wait, what?”

“You heard me.”

“Babysitting?” Sana asks, tilting her head. “Like with bottles and naps and stuff?”

“Jess, come on. You know we can do better than that.” Hell, we even got a recommendation from ‘Dorden’. The guild should make an exception for us already and give us a really good quest without needing a third member.

The guildmaster gives me a flat stare. “Did you find a third member? Because if you did, I have a quest here to hunt some ankhegs.”

“Well, no, but...”

...Shit.

Jess doesn’t look impressed or amused at my response. So with the same flat stare, she signs a document and throws it straight at my face. “Then take your babysitting job and shut up. I have teams to take care of.”

It slaps against my visor.

I can only grumble as I peel the paper off my helmet, while Sana giggles behind her hand.

Seriously, fuck that stupid guild rule.

At this point, I’m sure it’s Europa’s petty rules at play because finding a third member is impossible. I’ve been screaming my recruiting offers for over a week now and also posted on the recruiting board of the guild. I really, really had high hopes with the influx of adventurers and newbies, but nobody wants to party up with us for some inexplicable reason.

Nonetheless, I step away from the counter and take a deep breath to make another public announcement. My last-ditch effort is here.

“Looking for a DPS! I’ll pay for their meals too!”

Free food and drinks, no adventurer should resist.

Almost immediately, a couple of heads turn our way, and Sana naturally waves at them with a bright smile. Those seemingly interested were rogues, fighters and even a mage. For a few seconds, I even get hopeful that somebody will finally accept and join us.

But those hopes are cruelly washed away when they all just turn back to whatever they were doing.

“Maybe they didn’t hear you, honey,” Sana offers helpfully. “Do it again, but louder!”

I sigh my disappointment away, though at least nobody has insulted us this time.

But seriously, why does nobody want to team up with us? Am I really destined to form a party with the “bulls”? I really don’t want to do that, we were extremely lucky to not get involved that much with Fief.

Although...

Kuma is also a bull, so things aren’t that bad. And Garnet is… was a bull, and now she is a big help to have around despite not being a teammate anymore or joining us for future adventures.

So maybe I could convince Kuma…

“Anon!”

“Uhhhh, yeah?” I finally lift my gaze and find Sana looking up at me, head tilted. 

“You spaced out, darling.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“So what’s our new quest about?”

“Right. It’s babysitting a baby barbarian, like Jess said.”

“Wait, a baby baby?”

“Yeah, I think so, but a job’s a job. Let’s see here...” I look down at the paper and start reading.

And yeah, it’s a quest to babysit a baby barbarian, although not a literal baby. That’s just what the barbarians call their young members. And according by the quick summary, I understand that they send them to the cities to trade, so our job is to help the baby barbarian sell their goods and buy supplies at acceptable rates. Payment gets handled afterward, and any leftover money goes back to the guild.

“That sounds easy!” Sana chirps. “You’re good with numbers, honey!”

Well, medieval maths cannot even hope to compete with highschool maths.

I rub the back of my neck. “It shouldn’t take more than a couple of hours. Let’s head over now so we can train a bit later.”

“Okay, honey~!”

We head to the southern gate and talk with one of the guards, who quickly guides us out to the baby barbarian. The first thing I notice is a rustic campsite, a lone, decent sized tent roughly stitched together from different pelts and surrounded by sacks.

The guard clears his throat before speaking. “OI YOU MEATHEAD! YOUR HANDLERS HAVE ARRIVED!” Then he turns and leaves without another word.

Rather rude, but okay.

There’s a very loud yawn from inside, and then the baby barbarian steps out.

“Wha...?”

“Whoa...”

I stare, mouth hanging open, as a giant block of a man ducks out of the tent. He has dark skin, red tattoo lines running over his neck and down his well-defined chest and abs. He’s a full head taller than me and twice as thick, his long curly hair tied back in a ponytail, a strong jaw, and a scar across the left side of his head.

This is supposed to be a kid?!

The baby barbarian rubs his face and blinks a few times until he notices the two of us. His eyes go wide, then he breaks into a huge grin and stomps over, clapping a hand on each of our shoulders hard enough to rattle my armor and make Sana stumble.

“Kyaaaa?!” She quickly pulls away and moves closer to me.

“Ha! Small ones come!” He thumps his own chest. “Me Tariq, son of Makoa!”

Should I assume that barbarians have limited vocabulary, or he is just a special case with the barbarians?

“Uh, yeah. We’re your handlers for the day.” I answer him since calling use babysitters might not sit well with him. “I’m Anon, and this is Sana.”

“Anon! Sana!” He repeats it slowly, then tilts his head, frowning. “Anon, son of who?”

“...Excuse me?”

“Who your father? You say. It’s name rule.” He points at me expectantly.

“Oh, I know this one!” Sana’s hand shoots up. “I’m Sana, daughter of Ro... Mama! Ehehe~!”

Mama? Why did she abruptly change the name of her mom?

“Sana, daughter of Mama!” Tariq nods with deep respect. “Good name.”

Please don’t ask me next.

He turns back to me, eyebrows raised.

“It’s... a long story.” I say. “Let’s just go with Anon.”

“Anon, no father.” He nods solemnly, looking at me with a sad little frown. “Tariq sorry.”

“That’s not what... never mind. Thanks, I guess.”

Well, for all I know is that I’m an orphan, so…

Then, he points at my helmet. “You head shiny. Why?”

“It’s armor.”

“Ooooh.” His eyes sparkle. “Tariq want shiny head too! Add big horn like chief!”

“Hi, Tariq!” Sana waves, recovering with her usual smile and chancing topics. “Your tent is so cool! Did you make it yourself?”

“Tariq killed bear for it!” He announces proudly, flexing both arms. “Chief said, baby go city, sell stuff!”

Then, without waiting for an answer, he turns and heads off toward the gate with his chin up in pride.

Sana and I exchange a look.

“How is that a baby?” She asks innocently, a small blush creeping across her cheeks.

“I’m asking myself the same thing.”

We walk toward the stables, which sit a fair distance from the gate and are pretty big, with a sturdy fence around them. Plenty of horses are lying around or grazing in the grass, and I can’t help but be captivated by them and get a little closer to watch them. I’m really procrastinating on learning to mount and ride one because it would make travel a lot faster. I also can’t deny that I’d look cool as fuck charging into battle on a horse, with Sana sitting behind me, arms wrapped around my waist.

Or the classic running into the sunset.

Power fantasy, here we go!

Tariq, however, doesn’t walk toward the horses. Instead, he heads straight for the big wooden building beside them, and it has a lot of hay scattered all around its doors, but there is an obvious dirt trail of something heavy going inside.

“CHONKY! COME OUT!” The baby barbarian bellows at the top of his lungs.

Chonky?

Even the horses lift their heads to look at us.

There’s some rustling inside, followed by some strange sounds and a heavy thump, and then something really big walks out of the building.

A pig?

“Eh?” Even my dancer is dumbfounded by the sight.

No, wait… it’s not a pig. It’s way too big, too fat, so fat I can’t even see its eyes since a flop of skin is resting on its snout. And it has long, curved tusks. A boar, then? And it’s pulling a wooden cart with a big wooden box on it, big runes carved into its surface.

Oh. That’s a frigidarium.

Thanks for those history lessons, Garnet. Now, I’m applying your lessons to real life.

Tariq walks up to the unique beast of burden and pats its head, making it snort. Somehow, I can tell it’s happy. “Good boy, Chonky! Come! Time to trade yumyum!”

“Chonky is so cute!” Sana squeals, already reaching out to scratch behind its ear. “Hi, Chonky! Who’s a big boy? You are! Yes, you are!”

Chonky leans into her hand with a contented grunt that rattles the cart.

‘Haaah, cute?’

I guess it’s cute? Probably an acquired taste or something… Yeah, has to be something like that, like those hairless dogs and cat back on Earth.

“Wait… Yumyum?” She turns around, tilting her head.

“YUMYUM!” Tariq nods eagerly. “We trade yumyum and yumyum skin! Very tasty!”

“The skin is tasty too?”

“No! Skin for sit. Yumyum for eat!”

I tilt my head as well, organizing all those sentences, and that’s when it finally clicks. “Sana, he means he’s brought a lot of meat to sell. My best guess is venison, and then sell the pelts.”

“Ooooohhh, okay! Yumyum is meat. Got it~!” And then she proceeds to play with the boar’s snout, which snorts.

I guess it’s just the barbarian’s limited vocabulary, but a deer or stag is the most likely option here.

After the introductions, we head back into the city and straight to the commercial district to look for a shop that sells meat, in other words, a butcher. Obviously, we get plenty of stares. It’s impossible not to with a giant semi-naked barbarian and an equally giant boar trotting behind him, shaking the cobblestones with every step.

Some of the women we pass slow down to look, and some are shameless enough to bite their lower lips as if they want to taste him.

Yeah, I get it the baby barbarian has that rough handsome look, or the women just like the muscles. But he is a kid… I think, so those women shouldn’t look at him like that. Actually, what is even an adult to them or a barbarian? He might be 20 years old like me, I should ask him later about his actual age.

“Everyone is staring.” Sana whispers, grabbing my arm. 

“Well, have you seen our company?” I’m trying to joke there.

The baby barbarian just flexes his arms at no one in particular, and that causes a woman across the street nearly walk into a lamppost. 

Yeah, no gender is safe in this hentai world.

Sana and I keep our eyes on the shop signs until she points at one with a carved hook and a slab of meat hanging from it. “Anon, Anon! That one has to be a butcher!”

I approach the shop to get a better look.

“Yeah, that’s a butcher.” I turn to our charge. “Wait here.”

“Tariq, wait!” He sits down in the middle of the street. Chonky sits down beside him, and the ground trembles.

Huh, that was easy.

I step inside the shop and find a bald, stocky man chopping slabs of meat behind the counter, surrounded by hanging cuts and poultry. The butcher stops mid swing and looks up. “Oh, hey! Chicken, pork, or cow? Tell me what you need!”

“Uh, no, I’m not looking to buy. I just wanted to ask if you also buy meat.” 

I don’t know where to really sell food stuff, so better just ask.

“Oh, adventurer, right.” He wipes his hands on his apron. “Mmm, depends. What’d you bring me?”

“Eh, it’s outside.” I jerk my head toward the door.

The man sets his cleaver down. “Let’s go, then.”

We step out, and he immediately freezes, taking a step back.

“Wha... You brought a mountain hog?! I mean, sure, I can buy this, but it’s gonna take a lot of work.”

So that’s what this big pig is called.

Chonky snorts, and for some reason, I can tell he’s offended.

“No, silly, the meat is in the cart!” Sana giggles as she points at the cart.

“It’s yumyum!” Tariq thumps his chest proudly as he stands up. “Tariq, son of Makoa, bring yumyum!”

“Yumyum?” The butcher frowns, then his expression changes drastically as he looks at the cart. “Wait a minute. Wouldn’t that be...” He rushes over, climbs onto the cart, and pops open the frigidarium, and his jaw drops. “Holy... this is m-mastodon meat!”

“Mastodon?” I repeat.

“Mastodon?!” A guy walking by turns his head.

“Did I just hear mastodon meat?!” A woman spins around.

“WHAT?!”

The whole street seems to turn at once. People start gathering around us, pushing closer, craning their necks to peek into the box.

What?

Why the sudden crowd and interest? I look at Tariq, who’s grinning from ear to ear, then at Sana, who shrugs, just as confused as I am.

“So you buying?” I ask the butcher.

“O-Of course I’m buying! Why wouldn’t I want Mastodon?! Just wait a moment, let me call my friends too!” The bald man jumps off the cart and sprints back into his shop, shouting names the whole way.

Did all butchers live together or what? Or maybe he did something to call them, whatever.

Within minutes, more butchers arrive, carrying or dragging big frost boxes with them, shoving through the crowd. One of them is wearing his apron backwards. Another still has a sausage in his hand.

“Make way! Make way!”

“I saw it first!”

“You didn’t see anything, Bram, you were in the outhouse!”

“Let me through, I have a noble’s wedding to cater!”

“Anon, look, they’re fighting over it!” Sana whispers, grabbing my arm as three different butchers shove each other to inspect the meat. One of them tries to sniff it. Another slaps his hand away.

Why is everyone behaving like it’s the last piece of meat in the world?

“Why small ones yell?” Tariq asks, scratching his head. “Tariq do something wrong?”

“No, they’re just... excited for your yumyum.” I answer honestly.

“They’re really, really happy!” Sana adds, nodding sagely, like she understands perfectly. “It’s a good yell, Tariq!”

“Ohhh. Good yell.” He grins and joins in, bellowing, “YUMYUM!”

The entire street cheers back at him.

I pinch the bridge of my nose behind the visor.

So I had to ask one butcher who was much calmer than the rest.

It turns out the animal is a woolly earthshaker, an ancient breed of mastodon, basically a woolly mammoth back on Earth. But apparently, it’s one of the most delicious game animals out there. The meat is spectacularly juicy and savory, and it carries properties that temporarily boost the body, granting extra strength and energy, which makes it the most sought after ration for high-level adventurers. And the best meal a noble can have and serve to their guests. Everyone wants it, but it’s incredibly hard to get, since woolly earthshakers only live in tundras and high mountains, and they’re extremely dangerous and hard to kill. 

Only barbarians can reliably bring one down as adventures have it difficult to reach those inhospitable places.

I glance up at the giant next to me. Now it makes sense why Tariq is so fucking big. If this is what he’s been eating since he was a baby... holy shit.

“Tariq.” I ask, “How did you kill it?”

“I didn’t!” He shakes his head. “Chieftain hit with axe really hard! 

“Wow...” Sana breathes. 

“I TOLD YOU I HAVE PRIORITY FOR THIS MEAT YOU ASSHOLE!”

“I always wanted to eat some!”

With the shouting escalating, a pair of guards appears and push through the crowd, trying to restore order as he starts dragging people away from the cart.

“EVERYONE SHUT UP! One at a time, or I’ll start dragging your asses back to jail!”

The crowd goes quiet.

I step forward before the chaos can restart. “Okay, ummm… we will do this in order so just give me your prices pay and we will divide it accordingly alright?! Also, we have mastodon pelts here, so those who are interested move to my right!”

A dozen move to my right side.

So after that, I started selling the meat in parts, and the price they asked for a single pound was ridiculously high, meaning that they are selling it for even higher markups.

But nonetheless, everyone got to buy some.

So after some numbers and paying the guard a hundred G for the help, we just made seventy for the meat, twenty for the pelts. Ninety thousand G, in total.

For comparison, Sana and I made seventy thousand for that whole sewer mess. I should become a merchant that trades with barbarians, the profits are insane.

Although I’m really curious how that meat tastes. Maybe they’ll offer some of it at a restaurant, or at the inn if we’re lucky. 

Fuck, I should have grabbed some for myself now that I think about it, Tariq wouldn’t have complained!

Dammit, Anon!

“Tariq!” Sana beams as I hand him a heavy pouch with converted coins, otherwise we would have to carry a sack of money. “Look, you got a lot of money!”

“Money!” He opens it, stares inside for a long moment, and then looks at me with wet, shining eyes. “Tariq rich. Tariq buy... Tariq buy strong weapons!”

“We still need to buy the supplies first,” I remind him.

“Ohhh. Right. Chieftain will be mad if I don’t bring list!” He hands it back to me.

With the money safely stored inside my armor, we walk out of the market with Tariq and his pet hog, and that’s when I realize I don’t actually know what he’s supposed to buy for his tribe.

“Hey, Tariq, do you know what we need to buy?”

Better to ask directly, after all.

“Yeah!” He walks back, rips a piece of paper off the side of the frigidarium, and hands it to me. “Chieftain gave me list! Tariq no touch! Tariq eat paper once, chieftain very angry.”

That explains why he stuck it to the cart. But… he ate paper? Is he a special case, or what? I don’t think that’s how barbarians truly act.

I bring the paper closer and lift my visor to check the letter, and it looks... actually pretty normal. Clean handwriting, decent grammar, written with ink and quill. I was honestly expecting rough scribbles in charcoal and lots of broken words.

“Let’s see here... five hundred pounds of vegetables, so that means carrots, tomatoes, cabbages, leeks, five sacks of salt, seven barrels of spirits, ten sacks of flour, five of grain, iron ingots, and weapons...”

I look up at the barbarian’s bright smile.

“Do you even have space for all this? Your cart doesn’t look that big, if you ask me. No, better question: can Chonky even pull ALL that? The vegetables alone would fill the entire frigidarium!”

The poor thing will get stuck on the road with all of this.

Tariq just laughs. “Of course, Anon! Bottomless sacks for that!”

“Bottomless sacks?” Sana perks up, ears twitching. “Ooooh, like in the fairy tales! Do they have sparkles?”

What? Where does that even come from, woman?

“No sparkles. But carry lots of things! And never underestimate Chonky! Chonky strong! He beat a yumyum once!”

Chonky lifts his head with a very smug snort.

Bottomless sacks that carry lots of things? Wait...

“Oh, so you mean bags of holding. Okay, yeah, that’s pretty useful, and now this list makes a ton of sense.”

“You brought a lot of bags of holding?”

“Yeah!”

I look at the hog, who snorts at me, and picture him charging head first into a woolly mammoth and goring it. Weirdly, it’s not hard to imagine. “Okay, that will help us a lot to complete your list. Then where are these sacks?”

I don’t see any on the cart, after all.

“At my tent!”

...

...

I let out a long sigh.

“Come on. Let’s buy the vegetables first, then grab your sacks and buy the rest.”

----------------------------------------

After a few hours of shopping, we’ve covered most of the list. The vegetables, salt, spirits, flour, grain, iron ingots, all of it swallowed up by Tariq’s bottomless sacks. That leaves only the weapons, which is why we’re now standing in front of Esme’s forge.

From what I’ve learned, the barbarians normally deal almost exclusively with Astrid when they come to Beginera for weapons and armor. Apparently, the busty elf earned their respect somehow. Unfortunately, Astrid is still missing, with no messages or updates, which has Esme down and worried.

That doesn’t stop the blonde from working. She drops another stack of huge arrow bundles onto the cart with a heavy thud, right beside the piles of spears, swords, shields, and axes. She’s wearing her leather apron, as usual, although she has a pair of shorts and she wipes her forehead with the back of her hand, leaving a streak of soot behind.

“Oof, that should be all.” She stretches her back with a groan. “Really lucky we forged a ton before Master Astrid left. If not, you’d be stuck here for a month waiting on this order.”

“Babysitting this big guy for a month would’ve been a pain in the ass,” I comment, arms crossed.

“Hey, don’t be hard on him. He’s a swell guy, just a bit on the slow side.” She taps her temple a couple times.

“Slow side?”

I look over my shoulder. Tariq is laughing his head off as he ruffles Chonky’s tiny ears, while Sana sits on top of the boar, scratching its thick neck.

“Who’s the best boy? You are! Yes, you are! Ehehe~!”

“Chonky best! Sana best! Tariq best!” Tariq adds, throwing both fists in the air.

Chonky grunts in pure bliss.

What an innocent, happy sight.

“Yeah, Master and I have dealt with plenty of barbarians over the years.” Esme crosses her arms under her chest, her expression hardening a little. “So I can tell they aren’t usually like that. Judging by the scar on his face, Tariq must’ve taken a pretty nasty hit at some point. Otherwise he’d be a lot louder. Or you know, handsy.” She makes small jumps, so her breasts jiggle a little. “But his skill and strength must be something else, or his tribe wouldn’t have allowed this trip.”

“Excuse me, what?”

Is she implying what I think she’s implying? No, wait, I shouldn’t be surprised about barbarians being horny beasts. That’s how the barbarians behaved in the game, or at least the ones from Kuma’s tribe.

Kuma was the outlier from that ugly bunch.

“Yep. Honestly, I’m surprised you took a babysitting quest for a baby barbarian. The adults at least have some restraint, but the babies?” She cackles. “Haha, get ready for a fight so that the message gets through those thick skulls. Broken bones, bloody lips, the whole thing. Come on, Anon, why do you think they aren’t allowed inside the walls without a handler?”

...Now that makes a lot of sense.

My eyes drift to my girlfriend. She’d be in real danger around those horny bastards, so I need to get stronger to beat them all back, but Tariq hasn’t tried anything. Not even once. But I’m still definitely complaining to Jess about not warning me about that part. Then again, she isn’t like those two bitches, so she wouldn’t have handed us this job if she wasn’t sure we could handle it.

And Esme did say she and Astrid dealt with them for years, which tracks since Astrid is really fucking strong. She was capable of manhandling orcs with her bare fists, so barbarians wouldn’t pose much threat to her either.

“Now,.I kinda feel bad for him.” I mutter.

He might have been bullied too.

Esme just giggles and gives me a pat on the shoulder. “Don’t be. He’s happy, so be happy for him instead. He embodies the whole free spirit thing of a barbarian, and he’s handsome on top of it, so any girl would happily take care of him if that’s your angle. I wouldn’t mind having him.”

“I guess...”

“Suit yourself.” Her smile softens a little, and for a moment, she looks toward the forge. “You know, it’s nice having you two around. Makes the place feel less quiet.”

“She’ll be back, Esme,” I quickly say. “I might not know her, but I can tell that Astrid doesn’t seem the type who gets taken down easily.”

“Yeah.” She blinks, then forces her grin back into place. “Yeah, she’s not. Thanks, Anon. I guess I needed to hear that again.”

“Esme!” Sana calls from atop Chonky, waving both arms. “Astrid’s gonna be sooo proud of you when she gets back!”

“Aww, you little sweetheart.” Esme presses a hand to her chest. “Okay, okay, enough sappy stuff before I start tearing up.”

She extends her open palm toward me, grinning. “Oh, right, almost forgot. You owe me forty-three thousand G.”

I sigh and pull out the pouch, counting out the coins. “Those prices feel like a robbery, you know.”

“Ha ha, that’s a bulk discount, honey. Be grateful.” She winks as the coins hit her hand. “Pleasure doing business with you~!”

She spins on her heel and heads back into her forge, humming happily.

I shake my head and turn around. 

With the rest of the shopping and her payment out of the way, we’re left with thirty thousand G, which is still a lot of money and which I’ll have to hand over to Jess later, yes I know it could be tempting to skim off a little of that money but I’m better than that and also I’m sure the guild-master will know. 

I can’t help but look at the stack of weapons, and then down at my own armor.

Crazy, the scale of things. The cost of my fully enchanted set could probably supply a small army. That really puts some things into perspective.

But that’s a thought for another time. “Sana! We’re done!”

“Honey?” Sana hops down from Chonky and trots over, tilting her head. “Is something wrong?”

“Nope. Just wanted to say we completed the list.”

“Oh! Did you hear that, Tariq?”

“Yeah!” Tariq jumps to his feet, thumping his chest. “Tariq, son of Makoa, finish list! Big tribe proud! Chieftain proud!”

“Yeah, yeah. Come on, big guy, let’s wrap this up.”

We head back to the southern gate to get back his weapon which was a great axes and then to his camp, which he dismantles surprisingly quickly, rolling the pelts, packing the whole tent into a sack, and tying it to the cart in a matter of minutes. 

So then, we escort him back to the proper road and watch him go.

However, Tariq turns around and thumps his chest again. “ANON! SANA! GOOD SMALL ONES! You come tribe, Tariq give yumyum! BIG yumyum! You always welcome!”

“Bye, Tariq! Bye, Chonky!” Sana waves enthusiastically, standing on her tiptoes. “Say hi to the chieftain for us~!”

I give a small nod and a modest wave.

“Come on, Chonky!” Tariq bellows, hopping onto the hog’s back. And so they head off down the road at a decent pace, much to my surprise.

Something that big shouldn’t be that fast.

But honestly? This whole quest felt oddly wholesome.

“Come on, darling!” Sana tugs my arm, bouncing on her heels. “Time for our reward!”

“Yeah, yeah.”

-----------------------------------------------------------

“Care to repeat that?” I ask.

Jess sighs and pushes her glasses up her nose. “You’ve been called for a quest in Heshbrawn by the guard captain. And he sent a letter via magic, so it’s an emergency quest.”

Shit. How did things turn out like this? I was hoping for another day of simple work, not getting shoved back into the mouth of the beast so soon.

“Dorden is asking for help, darling,” Sana says, tugging gently at my arm. “We have to help. That’s why we became adventurers!”

“I know, Sana, I know. But...” I rub the back of my neck. “Ugh. I just didn’t want to go back there so soon.”

Jess raises a brow. “Is there a problem with Heshbrawn?”

“Besides almost dying to the owlbears? Just a bad place in general. It’s full of criminals and lowlifes.”

And Fief, especially that nympho ninja.

Although, now that I think about it, we haven’t run into many of those problems during our stay there. Dorden warned us about thieves and pickpockets, but we never actually stumbled into any. Maybe that’s thanks to the curfew he imposed, or maybe being an adventurer is a big enough deterrent.

Jess nods slowly. “I understand the apprehension, given the reputation that particular town holds. Which is exactly why Captain Dorden requested you two specifically. He hasn’t given any details yet, but he’ll tell you both once you arrive.”

Dammit. I can’t believe we’re about to test our luck with Fief again. We got lucky the first time, and this is just tempting fate.

“Did he say when we need to arrive?”

Maybe I can stretch this out and grind some levels on the way.

“The letter said to depart immediately upon receiving the news.”

‘Fuck!’

“Damn...” I hesitate. “Just out of curiosity, and very hypothetically speaking, because sure as fuck we won’t do this, what happens if we reject it?”

“Oh?” Jess smiles, and it isn’t a nice smile. “Then you lose your recommendation status and effectively immediately, you will be forced to return your commendation reward, pay a fine of five platinum coins, and have your licenses temporarily suspended. This is an emergency quest summons, after all.”

Fuuuuuuck….

I scream internally. This is the world at play. It’s definitely the NTR world forcing this on me, I need to get stronger so that the next time I encounter Europa, I can punch her in the face.

“Honestly…” Jess adds, tapping a finger on the table, “who would be dumb enough to refuse a quest like this, especially with the high rewards? It would be such a shame for a promising career to end on such a poor note, don’t you agree?”

“Yep!” Sana nods frantically with a strained smile. “We would never!”

“...Agreed.” My shoulders slump, but I regain my composure quickly enough. “Just before we leave, is there anything we should know?”

“Yeah, like big monsters or bad people?” Sana helpfully adds. “Oh, don’t forget small monsters too!”

The guild-master frowns and holds her chin in thought. “Not that I know of. I haven’t received any reports of banditry since those are usually near the frontiers, and the monsters I do have on record are mostly handled on this region’s roads. So besides that incident at the crossroads, there shouldn’t be any problems.”

Yeah, that fucked up massacre.

I stand up. “Okay, thank you, Jess. We’ll head out after packing our things.”

“Good luck, you two.” She is already reaching for the next stack of parchment. “And please, try to come back with all your limbs.”

“That’s not as reassuring as you think it is.” Although my girlfriend will prevent that thanks to her healing spells.

“It wasn’t meant to be.”

We leave the guild and head off to pack out things, check out of the inn, fill our water-skins, and buy some rations before leaving Beginera once more.

As for the trip itself, it is entirely uneventful but peaceful, especially with Sana singing along the way, which is always a good thing.

Now, we’re at the Amber Lantern again. And we got a nice room on the second floor with a nice view. I don’t want to rush things and arrive exhausted, so we stay for a proper night’s rest. Sure, we’ve spent plenty of nights in a tent with Sana’s tail wrapped around me, but a bed is always better, and a bed with Sana’s fluffy tail is infinitely better.

It’s night, and I’m sitting on the floor, taking care of my armor just like Esme taught me, wiping down the plates and checking the straps. Once I’m done, I’ll clean Sana’s chakrams and try to sharpen them a little with the whetstone.

Sana, for her part, is sprawled across the bed playing with a Rubik’s cube. It’s the only one we have left, the other lost forever somewhere in Beginera. However, she’s getting scary good at it, her fingers moving like magic and the tip of her tongue poking out the side of her mouth.

“Hehe, almost... almost... Ha! Look, darling, look! All the colors are in the right place!”

“That’s cool.”

Once again proving the difference between the INT stat and the WIS stat, if solving the 5x5 cube wasn’t enough proof already.

I haven’t forgotten about teaching her a cantrip either. I just need to get her in the learning mood so she’ll accept the magic lesson. Maybe a reward system would work with her, like read one paragraph, get a sweet or a massage or something like that.

However, our peace is interrupted by a firm knock on the door.

I look up. Sana perks up as well, ears swiveling toward the source.

That’s weird. Maybe it’s the hostess?

“Don’t worry, I’ll answer.” I say, putting my things down and getting to my feet.

My dancer just nods and goes back to scramble her already randomized cube, humming a happy tune.

I roll my neck as I move to open the door. Maybe they cooked something and want to offer it or maybe about the hot water for tomorrow.

“Hey, Anon.” A cheeky crocodile ninja greets me with a lazy two-finger salute.

I close the door.

Why the fuck is Fief here?!

“Is something wrong, darling?” Sana asks, not looking up from her cube.

“Yeah. Very much wrong. Get ready to jump out the window.”

That causes her to turn her attention to me in surprise.

“Oi, don’t be an asshole!” Fief yells from the other side, knocking harder. “I know you’re in there!”

“Fief?” Sana sets the cube down and hops off the bed. “What’s she doing here?”

“Hell if I know! Just pretend nobody’s here… Okay, that’s dumb, I literally just opened the door. Maybe she’ll be dumb enough to forget?”

“I can hear you, you know!”

A moment of silence.

“Darling,” Sana says softly, “I think we should at least hear her out.”

I look at her and sigh in defeat, extending a hand. She’s quick to hand me my helmet, and I slide it on.

‘You are making a mistake.’

Only then do I turn back around, take a few deep breaths, and open the door again to face the slutty ninja.

Fief is standing there with a flat stare and her arms crossed in front of her chest (flat). “So, can I come in? Or are we doing the door thing again?”

I want to slam the door in her face, but I glance at Sana, who looks hesitant but gives me a small nod.

‘DON’T!’

With a sigh, I step aside, keeping my full attention on the thief so she doesn’t try anything funny.

Fief strolls in like she owns the place, grabs a wooden chair, spins it around, and sits with her arms draped over the backrest. “Okay, first. You two are assholes. Lying and leaving without even saying goodbye?” She points an accusing finger at us. “Like come on, who does that?”

‘Me.’

“We had a sudden change of plans.” I shrug.

“Yeah! Change of plans!” Sana nods eagerly.

“Ugh, whatever. Let me get to the point.” She drags a hand through her green hair. “I need your help.”

I blink. “What?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. It sounds strange coming from someone as amazing as me. But the situation in town got a little out of hand.”

“What do you mean?” Sana asks, tilting her head.

Fief looks at her and groans, rubbing the back of her neck. “That fake just busted my clan’s hideouts, and since most of my guys are missing in action or arrested, he confiscated everything. Everything!”

“That’s good news, though?”

“Oh, fuck you!”

“What? Come on, Fief, you’re a thief and a criminal to boot. What the fuck did you expect to happen?”

Criminals get their due sooner or later. If you commit a crime, you have no right to complain when you get caught. 

“I don’t steal, that’s below me! I just borrow things!” She jabs a finger at me, as if she isn’t just blatantly and cynically lying. “And I wasn’t hurting anybody!”

I raise my hand and rub my thumb and index finger together. “The world’s smallest violin is playing. My heart bleeds for you.”

“What does that even mean?” The crocodile girl narrows her eyes.

“Yeah, Anon,” Sana asks, blinking. “What does that mean?”

Ah, fuck. That idiom is completely alien to them.

“Never mind. I just fail to see how that’s our problem,” I say, lowering my hand. “I think it’d be best if we just reported you to the captain and were done with it.”

I’m actually bluffing there. I really don’t want to piss her off for real. Even if Dorden is stronger than her, nothing would stop her from getting revenge before the captain come save us or after escaping him.

“Don’t you dare.”

“Why not?” I smirk under my helmet.

Fief slumps in her chair, dragging both hands down her face. “Alright, fine! I can live without that stuff. I still have plenty of other places to crash. I just need you two to legitimize my adventurer status.”

“What? Explain.”

That just came out of nowhere.

“Look, I’m technically an adventurer, but on a provisional license ever since I graduated from the Rogue Academy. And since I’ve never completed an official quest, because they demand all these stupid rules, I’m stuck in limbo on provisional status indefinitely. So yeah… Technically, a simple civilian right here.”

I didn’t know that.

“Okay? Again, why would we help you, and how would that even help you?”

“Because I don’t want to get beaten half to death and arrested, duh!” She throws her arms up in exasperation. “That fake has been doing a lot of that lately, and I know I’m next. But if I formalize my status, I’m just an unruly adventurer, and I will face some fines or a few days in jail at worst, which are pretty acceptable terms for me. So if you let me join your team, we can clear the stupid rules which I’m sure are busting your balls by this point.”

“Hey! Don’t say things like that.” Sana complains.

...Why does the universe have to deliver it in the worst possible package? Sure, it would help us with the whole stupid guild rules thing, but Fief is the last person I’m looking to form a party with.

So searching for an answer, I look at Sana, who seems pensive but shrugs after her outburst.

“Alright, but why would we help you?”

“Eh?”

“Again. Why. Would. We. Help. You.”

“Oh, come on, guys! Aren’t you the type to save people in need? I’m your damsel in distress here!” The ninja gestures at herself.

“Haha, funny. Last time you pointed a dagger at us.”

“And you tried bad things on my darling!” Sana adds, puffing her cheeks.

“REALLY?! You’re still hung up on that? I told you already, water under the bridge!”

“That’s not how it works, you know that, right?” I deadpan.

“Ughhhhh, fine, fine….” She leans forward, and her whole expression shifts, a smug grin creeping across her face. “One of my places hasn’t been hit yet, and luckily, it has some really cool stuff. I’m talking enchanted weapons, nice magic trinkets like nice earrings that boost your magic and a couple of bags of holding. Pretty sure you’re interested in those, yeah? Oh, and you can keep some of the money too. It’s a freebie as my personal thanks.”

That’s actually a very interesting offer, especially for bags of holding. After seeing how useful they were with Tariq, son of Makoa, in storing the supplies for his tribe, I cannot just brush that off. I wouldn’t have to carry my giant backpack around anymore.

Of course, the enchanted stuff is a good reward, even if we don’t end up using them we can sell them off for premium prices.

“Got your interest, didn’t I?” She grins, showing off a few too many sharp teeth.

I turn to Sana, whose ears are standing straight up, so I tilt my head and pretend I’m just rubbing my neck.

Message

“What do you say, Sana?”

“Ummm, I mean, we’d be getting a lot of things,” she responds, fidgeting with her fingers. “And bags sound really useful for us, darling.”

“Yeah, but Sana, be honest. Do you want to help Fief?”

That seems to give her a moment of doubt. Then, her expression turns firm.

“Yeah. We made a promise, remember? We help people, and people can change.”

I let out a sigh. Realistically speaking, now that Fief is here, we don’t have much of an option here. If I reject her, she’ll just attack us and force us to accept her deal, or worse, and we’re still helpless against Fief in that regard. So accepting is the best move. Besides, we squeezed that slutty ninja for a lot of rewards already.

Even if I don’t like it, at least I will get something out of this bad situation.

“Okay, Fief. You got yourself a deal.”

“Neat!” She jumps up from the chair and strolls straight toward the bed. “Scoot over, foxy, I call the side by the window.”

“Hey, hey, hey, hey!” I move fast and grab her by the collar of her skin suit, lifting her off the ground. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Hey! Put me down!”

She kicks me in the chest, forcing me to let her go with a grunt.

“What’s with the faces? We’re teammates now, so we should sleep together in the same bed, right? It’s called team bonding, look it up!”

Oh, you bitch...

“Get out.” I point at the door.

“Ah, come on, Anon!”

“Out.”

“Say something, foxy! Don’t you wanna have me around?” She wiggles her eyebrows. “I might need some heals in my sleep.”

People change my ass.

Sana just sticks out her tongue and pulls down one eyelid. “Bleh~!”

“Gaahh, you guys really are no fun!”

With one last cry, she stomps her way out of the room, tail swishing in annoyance and hitting a shelf.

I quickly lock the door behind her, put a chair against it and then make sure to properly lock and close the window before heading to bed early and sleep with one eye open. I can finish the maintenance work early in the morning.

And Sana clings to me the entire night. 

No complaints there, though.