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Sam Early Access (Patreon)

Published:
2024-01-16 23:23:32
Imported:
2026-06

Downloads

Content

CW: [discussions of immortality/chosen mortality, loss of agency, depersonalization/disassociation, trauma response]

the youtube version, if you prefer:

https://youtu.be/WX2rdz7hkDM

and the file and transcript have been added to the Redacted Records Index:

https://redacted-audio.com/index

password:

24Redact

Files

Comments

Somnia

When I tell you I ran 🏃🏼‍♀️💨

rachel ♡

just reading the transcript was enough to make me emotional. how am i supposed to handle actually listening to it (⁠ ⁠⚈̥̥̥̥̥́⁠⌢⁠⚈̥̥̥̥̥̀⁠)

Siren

Ohhh this is making me think too much maybe I should've left this one alone (⁠;⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠)

Liv
>>127172157

I am actually sobbing it’s not even funny how could he do this to us

ambrose ☆

i’m so glad we finally get to see the future talk between the two 💔💔 no matter how difficult the decision may be

Locust

i cant do this today 😊👍

rachel ♡
>>127172508

sam saying that no matter what darlin picks, they need to know that he has no plans to live forever kinda broke me ngl. it's so very sam. i feel like there's no easy answer here for darlin. i can't see them giving up being a wolf. it's such an integral part of them, much like sam's healing abilities were for him. at the same time, of course they love sam and want as much time with him as possible. aaaaaaa, my heart.

Toxic Rain

So you just decide to rip our hearts out? Awesome, gonna sit in my corner and cry now./LH (love it erik, thank you for your hard work ❤️)

NathanDean

That last line…. Damn-

Angelixia

I dunno where I started crying... And that last freaking line took me tf out 😭😭😭

Crimson_Bailey

I had a hunch that this would be the one thing they would and should discuss after the summit. It had to be addressed in some way after Alexis dunked her nose into their relationship,believing she could drive a wedge between them. She didn't account for how well Sam learned to face difficult questions and situations head on. Who did she think taught him the hard way after all? It's great to see his open opinion about his life as vampire. He doesn't hate it,but he didn't want it. That's a key thing to know. And on a side note, it's also a big difference between him and Vincent, as similar of situations they've been in on a surface level. Both where injured and didn't want to have their life ripped away from them. Vincent would have definitely died from his injuries without help from William. Sam could have had the chance to try and safe himself. That's what a healer does after all. Help where it's needed,even if it's himself. Alexis forced her will on him, whether he could have saved himself not, believing it was her only chance to keep him with her. William believed he could give a dying man another chance at living out a life he would have lost way too young. Both are similar in a way but also very different. So I think it's a big, big step for Sam to give Darlin their own choice in the matter, however that choice would look like. I believe that, if they said no, they want to live their life together as they are with all it takes, Sam would be okay with that. And if ever something happened to them.... He already hinted he wouldn't want to live forever anyways . It's a dark thought, but a possible one.

Origene

My heart skipped a beat with that last line 😭💛

Bug🐛🪱

I’m very curious how the transition would even work from wolf to vampire. Like magic wise in the world building how it would work. Great audio Erik!

Andromeda

This is such a hard pill to swallow, would you choose the life you know, the power and the people, or someone who dragged you out of a place of self loathing, a place that could be the death of you. It’s hard to think how the pack would feel or act if Darlin’ chose to do that without telling them or if they did before choosing. When Milo wasn’t able to shift, it was a difficult thing to think that he could never do it again, but choosing to lose the power entirely could be worse then the loss of many other things. There is way too many pros and cons of each situation so it makes it way harder to make a clear decision. Not knowing if the people who supported you would still support you is hard, when you have separated yourself from those people, do you know if that would shatter the trust completely or would they try and keep you apart of it? I have no doubt in my mind that at least David, Asher and Milo would help Darlin’ through whatever they chose, I can’t speak for anyone else in the pack, especially the elders. It’s hard to think how that could boil over in the long run. On an other note, I cried listening to this, the detail of the videos and the fact that all of this feel like a life and less like a incoherent story, it makes you so much more invested in the characters that feel like people. I don’t even think any other creator has ever gave that feeling, and I’ve listened to a lot. So, thank you Erik for making the stuff that you do, I am glad to have found what you make.

My wiener itches

If you do some goofy shit bruh, it’s gonna be 12 less dollars in your wallet and a Honda accord in your future let’s just say that

Riomeow

I KNEW HE HAD BROWN EYES…

Riomeow

never shifting again omfg imagine how confined youd feel as an ex shifter :( trapped in an unfamiliar body :(((

Riomeow

if i was darlin after that id call david like ‘hey can i come over and be weird for a few mins’ and then hug him for an hour while sobbing and not let go

Riomeow

the ending rlly did calm me down after stressing about darlin possibly outliving the pack they just got back in their life </3 the power of a hug from sam fr

Crimson Wolf

Omg such a hard decision to make but as always amazing performance Erik love it ❤️❤️❤️

Jameson

Oh, that last line. 😩 I just... Don't see this relationship going the way of Vincent and Lovely. The idea of Sam absolutely spoiling the mess out of an aging Darlin', the two of them madly in love until the moment Darlin' breathes their last in Sam's arms and Sam following close behind feels... Idk, kinda right for them. Almost a slap in the face to Alexis, but Sam getting to choose THIS part. And no one being able to take that from him. Idk, I just don't think it would be as difficult a question for Darlin' as I originally thought it would. Knowing Sam's thoughts on it, knowing he doesn't even WANT a forever... I don't see Darlin' choosing anything other than living their mortal life with Sam and being at peace together at the end of things.

Panicked Koala

This was hard but beautiful to listen too

Rae C A

Oh. My. Heart. 💔

theSpooder

Oh shit, oh good, oh good, I don’t think any recording has made me cry this much. 😭🥺🥺 thank you for confirming another hc of mine, beautiful brown-eyed Sam. I’m gonna go weep eternally now, until we find a cure for vampirism or die trying.

kousenjuu

oh man GAWD I love my vampire boyfriend holy smokes 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 mister Sam Collins you amazing person you 😭💕💕💕

BlackViolet

Oh..oh Sam. Sugar, that kind of forever would be worth it for a man like you.🥺 Right in the freaking feels. Gee thanks, Erik. 💜

Elliott K.

Sam had been my number one from the first time I heard him. It is so heartbreaking to hear him talk about life, even now with all that has been good, like he wish he could have just died that day of the crash instead of being turned. I don’t think I even cried this much during any of the major events or sweetheart’s panic attack episode or anything. This one had me bawling my eyes out 20 minutes. I want them to be happy, and goddamn it they will be. It’ll be so devastating when the day comes that Vincent has to say goodbye to his friend/brother. I’m making myself cry just thinking about it

al

Ohhhh yeah I SOBBED like a freakin baby the whole time😭 Sams been my number 1 forever, he was the one who introduced me to this world and I will FOREVER have the biggest soft spot for him🥲

just a pebble in a pond

After seeing the tags and reading the comments, I was to afraid to listen so I read the transcript Still almost cried 😭

elvunity

listened to this audio last night and i cried my eyes out. i hope we will get a darlin turned video soon. erik, you're amazing 🤍

The Pixie

Oh this one HURT 😭 excellent work

LatteNight

-grabs pillow and cries- Erik you are brilliant, but OMGODDESS you know how to hurt us! Beautifully done! The emotions and the perspective! Knowing how Milo reacted to not being able to shift and Sam losing so much of himself; this is a majorly heavy decision. I have imagined how this will play out and I know I’m never gonna guess it cause you, Erik, never fail to surprise me! I can’t wait for even more of Sam and Darlin’s journey!

Aiyzen

Not me finally getting to listen to this and crying at work. Cool, cool, cool. So amazing, as always… but now I need to pick myself up off of the floor 🥲

MissRaptor

I remember sobbing when Lovely was forced to become a vampire. Being so immersed in that audio was actually painful. (Read: a fantastic episode that destroyed me in a good way). This has the same energy as when Sam told us about his turning for the first time, I lost it, and he said “Come here” and held us…that one was really tough. A perfect moment, beautifully written and performed. I seriously had to sit with this for about a half hour after it ended. It started with “I didn’t want forever” and I couldn’t stop crying. I can’t imagine losing what makes you you, the warmth of the SUN, the glowing summer leaves…and more importantly the devastation of watching everyone around you *leaving* you. But losing someone you love through the looming threat of immortality? It’d be a horrible choice to make. I don’t know if I could do it, not with being a werewolf. (I’ve loved werewolves ever since I was a kid lol). Giving up a massive part of your identity, losing your power…hellish. But watching yourself grow older, while witnessing your lover being forced to watch it happen is a heartshattering thought. I couldn’t do that either. Especially not with a love that strong. How could you leave the one you love? I don’t think I could. “My eyes were brown” broke my heart. Such a cruel final line. 💔 (Sorry for the extra long comment; it’s just something I’ve always sort of thought about, and this audio struck me on a small personal level, and that was very cool).

Jesper

THE ENDING. Fucking sobbing. Sam 🥹

just a pebble in a pond

As a trans person, the way in which Sam talked about his turning and his body really *really* hit home for me. A lot of the time I cope with existing in my body by reminding myself that it won't always be this way. I'll be able to afford the surgeries I need one day. I'll slowly add tattoos and piercings where I want them. I can cut my hair and change my style as many times as I want. Reminding myself it's a process and I'll get those major changes helps me deal with the now. So hearing Sam talk about a body he's trapped in? A body he CAN'T change? A body that keeps him from some of the things he loves? It broke me. It took me months to be able to listen to ANY Sam content, even happy stuff. Big thumbs up Erik