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Content

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Religious trauma, vague description of sexual assault, victim blaming, mention of self harm & suicide attempt, cancer, death.

Please use your personal discretion when choosing to read this chapter, prioritize your mental health above all else. If you would like to skip Lily's story, you can scroll to the end, where the text goes from italic to standard, and get the interaction between Lily and Bel.  

Lily's story is not mine, though there are several elements of my story that I adapted for her. Lily's story is an amalgamation of many people's stories and experiences.

I have fretted about this chapter due to the sensitive and triggering nature of some of the elements of it, as well as the personal aspect, and the desire to tell Lily's story well. I worry that I have been too descriptive and blunt, or accidentally glorified something that should not be glorified, and if that is the case please PLEASE let me know, I will make the necessary edits and repost the chapter ASAP. While my main hope is to tell a good and hopefully powerful story, my primary concern is to do so in a way that is respectful. 

Please keep any discourse in the comments respectful of each other. 

I look forward to hearing your thoughts! Word count wise this is the largest chapter so far, almost 7.5k words. 

Comments

Bri_cola

Wonderful writing as always! I'll be honest and say I skimmed the italic parts, but it does feel great to fully have Lily's story out and no question about it. Can't wait to see what comes next!

Peyton Stanley

My heart. I'm so glad that Lil and Bel can be so open and honest with each other. Bel is so fucking sweet I could die and Lil is just so damn strong. As always amazing work, friendo ❤️ 💙 ♥️ 💜 💕

Carrie Brooks

Kat- do we need to send extra tissues yet? I’ve only gone through half a box, so I can spare one! 😁

Cate

Giggling at Lev’s response

Kat 💜

I probably shouldn't have read this one before bed, but crying myself to sleep is normal. My heart is shattered... pain, disgust, heartbreak, anger. Bless Lily. Bless Bel. The socks, though? I sobbed out loud. There is not an adjective in any language to describe Bel for doing that. And, yes, I did notice that you mentioned Greg. But... Lev?? Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion!! Well. Done. You. 💜

Emily Anderson

Love Lily’s story. I think it was very well written. Also the ending was absolutely golden!!!!!

Maida

I can't believe I'm crying cause of *socks*. But those lines, where Bel said she had a warrior's heart and she did the hardest thing a warrior could do (surrender) hit hard too. Beautifully written. Glad it ended on a happy note 😊

Kayla

That was sweet and vulnerable and tastefully written in my opinion. If anything it felt a touch cautious and more reserved than usual but still a beautiful read.

Kirsty Skok

Someone pass the tissues... and perhaps a clean shirt. What a ride! Not a Lily/Bel type ride but the biggest emotional rollercoaster. From full on sobbing to yelps of laughter in one chapter, fucking brilliant!

Joe Beccue

All I can say is well done

Anthony Hobson

Most definitely the best chapter yet! I never thought that I would cry while reading a book but this chapter proved me wrong. Absolutely wonderful!!

Pears

Absolutely fantastic! Thank you for the rollercoaster of feels

malsherlocktyrion

THE SOCKS! (Also, teensy edit. Page 14. The sentence after Mario Kart. You have "and" when I think you meant "had". "Friends and family and lives". )❤️❤️❤️

Carrie Brooks

Jaysea, you wretch! How dare you write such a brilliant story? (Too many thoughts and emotions are tumbling around in my heart and head to try putting together any other feedback.)

Caroline Wurden

This was a good chapter! The length was just right. Can we PLEASE get a scene (at some point) with Lev and Sharkie bemoaning Bell and Lilly's alternative locations for amorous activities? That would be hilarious.

Carrie Brooks

Sorry, I reread parts and used up the tissues, but how about a roll of tp? I’m on the east coast, so how about I just toss it over the mountains to you?

Devilcat

Holy shit. Just holy shit. So much of my life in there, I love how you wrote this. I think you presented the pain of religious trauma well and the results of it. You had me wanting to rage at the insurance company. Unnecessary tests. I’ve gotten that before. And the battle for treatments. Well written. So much in there for me to process. Thank you

Basil

I was scared I wouldn't be able to get through this but I did, I still live with my parents and have to go to church tomorrow. none of the people at this church have hurt me in the ways other churches have but I still know that even without saying it they all think the same things. thank you for writing and sharing this with us, I'm going to go cry now 💜

Chef Jeff

commenting before reading, I am in the midst of one hell of a storm will read after I make sure everyone is ok.

Kristiane Laucht

Please tell me Dante went on a sock stealing excursion? I would love to see both Lily and Dantes reaction to figuring that out! Also, can I just say how glad I am that this comes out chapter by chapter? Because if I read this all together I think my heart would give out. ❤️

Judy Sullivan

I’m reading this first thing tomorrow! Too many fireworks to pay attention tonight

Catherine Thompson

Taking me from crying to laughing all in one chapter - such good writing, the emotions were spot on, loved it as usual - can't wait for the next chapter.

Syd San99

Why do you make me feel things????

JustSurvibing

I think this is my favorite chapter you've written so far. I started crying at the paragraph of her listing everything she's fought for then didn't stop until the end of the italized part. Then I fucking lost it scream laughing at the socks. That was such a happy cute plot twist I wasn't expecting. Love it. I'm going to go rehydrate now.

Rebekah Neal

Beautifully heartbreaking. Thank you for this.

Sarah Erickson

A rollercoaster - you took us from teary lows to hilarious highs (socks!) effortlessly. Bravo!

Kris

Oh i cried so much. Beautifully done. The socks is what did it. It broke me after all of it. Keep up the amazing work as long as you take care of yourself as well!!!

Lori Wellborn

Well. That had me in tears! What a heartbreaking and difficult life she had. I think you did it justice. Also, stop making me cry at work! My coworker is worried about me. 😂

Marissa Herman

I really enjoyed the chapter, truthfully I had to fight some teariness at work I’m not proud of. Because of my line of work though I feel obliged to add my small piece in case it’s helpful to anyone. I work for a hospice company and I just wanted to let you know that comfort medications are covered by Medicare and Medicaid, they can have hoops to jump through but please if you or someone you know is in Lilly’s situation please ask your local agencies. Love to you all!

Kat 💜

YES! SAME!! Dantè did mention in an episode that he goes to the mortal world for Bel sometimes 🤔

Anjuli

I rarely cry. Yet you seem to be able to get a tear or two from me. Meeting Sharkie and this chapter are my favorite ones! Loved the sock humor.

Elle

You are such a kind storyteller. My parents were never the religious trauma problem, but trying to fit in I tried the youth groups, attended religious schools because they had the best accommodations for my ADHD. But the wear and tear it takes on your spirit to hear the things they say there. Lily is and always has been an Inspiration. You are so generous to share all of her with us like this. Thank you. 💜

Sam

I’m not crying. You’re crying.

Alice

I saw so much of myself and my friends in Lily's story. It wasn't glorified, it was real. Reading this chapter was very emotional, but in a way it almost felt like getting closure? For our lives and the things we lost. Idk. You really are an amazing story teller.

Thomas Forrest

That was absolutely beautifully written. Never before have I been able to feel such emotions from something that I’ve read. It was so touching, so heart wrenching, so… REAL. I definitely needed a good cry, and I definitely plan in coming back to this many times when I need to do so again. As far as the chapter goes, it seemed to pay enough care and sincerity to all of the real and rough issues, without glorifying anything, and without keeping any real emotions and experiences from the reader (at least, in my own professional opinion anyway 😂). I will say, I absolutely lost it when Bel said about the socks 😭❤️. It did my heart so good to know that he would do such a kind and thoughtful gesture without being provoked. I know that you hear it all the time, but once again I just want to let you know that we all take you for granted. You truly have found your passion, your GIFT, and you share it with all of us every single day. We are all eternally grateful, and are forever entitled to you! Thank you for everything you do! I can’t wait to buy this and everything else you release and publish! You will always have a permanent spot on my bookshelf!

Thomas Forrest

YES! Definitely would love to see that Dante and Lily realization, reaction, and follow up conversation!!!

Autielin_the_witch

Oh this was absolutely awesome! There was so much I could relate to with lily’s story. It both broke and warmed my heart. Bel is the absolute best. He’s been keeping Dante busy that’s for sure. I laughed so hard at that. And poor Lev. Give the demon double spaces. I’m begging for more. I wish it was posted more than once a week but you can’t rush perfection. And this is perfect.

Ashley Poindexter

That was beautifully written. I’ve got to thank you again. You’ve made Lily’s story so relatable again. I’m not sure how you do it, because I’ve not commented it on any of the HB episodes, but Lily’s religious trauma somehow mirrors my own in several ways. I was told my g/r@pe was due to a lack of faith on my part and it took too damn long for me to learn otherwise. In college, I was cornered at a Halloween party, fully dressed as the big bad wolf/red riding hood and stone cold sober. And to beat it all, I can’t remember his face, his name, his clothes or anything. I’ve blocked it out. To note, none of this chapter was glorified. It was real, honest, and raw. You made it feel sincere without going over the top. And my favorite moments were Bel threatening to out Greg out of a job, and his admission of the socks. That made me the embodiment of the 🥹🥹 emoji. Our sweet himbo. I can’t wait to give this book pride of placement on my bookshelf. I’m already planning the custom book stand to display it on. Hopefully I can have it signed one day. I know how easy it is to get stuck in one’s head when it comes to our works, but I can’t express enough that you have a gift. You should feel proud, Jaysea.

Tisha Bell

I was in tears by the end of Lily's story. It was so beautifully written. The section about the youth leader is part of why I don't go to church...heard way too many similar stories from friends and others.

Dalton Marks

Oh god not the double spacing. (Also just saw last paragraph on the first page is missing the o for of in “most of his time”)

C Williams

This also had me in tears. I associated with Lily's story as I am also the oldest of 3 and everything checked minus a trace amount of religious trauma. I loved how well you told the story and your writing ability just keeps getting better with each chapter. Kudos. One typo, during Bel explaining what he wants to do to the youth leader on page 16 middle. One chapter says 'she' and the next uses 'he'.

Peter Psareas

I cannot believe how good this is. Almost every chapter makes me tear up. I sobbed at this one. Lily and all your characters feel real to me. Like they are my friends. I think about them often. I hope this book is the first in a series and that your TT never ends. I found last weeks chapter difficult. Not because of the sex but because it felt like I was intruding on friends. This one shattered me. I felt so bad for Lily and so angry also. Then you told of her brothers and of course Bel. It made me feel better that she was supported and helped. I only wish I , and all of your fans could get a shot at that boy and Suzanne. I hope you realize the impact you have. In case it’s not clear I loved it. Thank you.

Makayla

That was amazing from a sa survivor thank you so much for how you wrote this. I didn't know I could laugh and cry that much in the 19 pages.

pidge

Christ almighty I am Sobbing. I think I cry almost every chapter, tears of all the emotions though. Parts of all the characters' stories I can relate to, or remind me of my mom and her past (my mom is my best friend). We both have religious trauma for different reasons, and I Heavily relate to wanting to Question everything (undiagnosed adhd & autism makes for a Hell of a duo lmao). But questions "against" God/the church was frowned upon in the supposed nondenominational church I went to when I was younger. All of that to say is your writing is craftful and absolutely beautiful

Shay

Omfg I laugh cried at the socks. To be fair, I was already crying through 3/4 of this chapter, but still, socks.

Joedraj22

There is not much in this life that can make me cry, but this did it. Right when Lily told her parents, waterworks. I loved it yet again! Thank you, ma'am.

Ellie

Thank you, tears can sometimes release a whole load of tension. I needed them.

Cooper Smith

That was beautiful. I was in tears by the end of Lily's story. I really related with the part about her parents fighting and with her brothers reactions. I've always been the silent type when it comes to grief and I burst into tears when she was telling her family. I love how angry and supportive Bel is too. You can tell how much he loves Lilly, both in the absolute hell that the scumbag is going to go through, and the drawer full of socks. Thank you for this story, I hope that I can have the book on my shelves one day.

Tiffany Nolan

The way you wrote that was beautiful, the emotions all over the place. You’re doing such a amazing job with this book.

Amelia

Can confirm cried a lot

Trish Ramey

Incredible. Loved it!🥰

Tracy Polasek

Totally cried. Loved it! I want to hug both of them.

Alexis Crespo

I never really acknowledged my religious trama but this chapter brought it to the surface. Thank you for sharing Lily's full story. And the ending was the laugh that I needed. I can't wait to have the full book in my Kindle library

Maz

I always love and appreciate your work. All the makeup that was on my face is gone and more than worth it. SIDE NOTE you attention to detail and continuity is phenomenal Bravo Beautiful

Chef Jeff

JC, It was a delight to read this in the dark, the power is out, and there is a tree branch on top of my vehicle. Not much is damaged since it's a military humvee and the roof is off for the summer yeah. Lily's story/life has brought clarity to the triggers of her being. Me not crying writing this dredging up my own deathly sorrows of my long kiss goodbye with ALS. The Church gave it up in 8th grade but still, the ingrained mentality of God will forgive you if you give into God's will.....what a load of shit. Mental damage took years to undo. At least Lev got a report on the inner working of the Hellp-Desk and he probably going to send another letter out about extracurricular activities in the office space. Azzy is checking the camera he hid in Bel's office and hoping the placement is good. Thanks again for sharing

Katrina Tremblett

This is the first time I've commented, but this chapter was amazingly beautiful. It was full of emotions that sometimes can be a difficult subjects to talk about. I feel that you have done so with respect and grace. This story is progressing wonderfully! You are doing an amazing job, and I cannot wait for the next chapter, let alone the WHOLE book. Cheers

Keith Frederick

Wonderful. I have cried more reading your chapters than I’ve cried at any book I’ve read in a while. Usually, I avoid emotional stories. I’ve got too much trauma of my own to deal with, so I try to keep far away. But I’m so emotionally invested in your characters that I can’t imagine turning away from any part of their stories. Oh, and Lily talks like my dream woman and I would encourage you to write as much smut as you want about these two!

Daniel

Wow. This was… perfectly painful. It’s nice to finally know… but it hurts to know

Emma Southwell

It was written perfectly you felt her pain her joy her love her fears. You are a brilliant writer I eagerly await the next chapter each time.

Brittany Ann Thurber

And Bel sending Dante to the mortal world “that one time” is explained!! I love how tiny moments from the series make their way to the story.

Amy Tarleton

GIRL!!!! You are amazing! Aaaack!

Samantha Johnson

This one hurt, as it was meant to and should have. Your character building has always been one of the best things. I can't wait for the next chapter

Thornblade

Finally getting back to reading this like I wanted to and.... Damn. I went from understanding to anger to crying to laughing my ass off and probably every other emotion I forgot to mention. This was absolutely beautiful and incredibly well written. You critique yourself heavily (we're all our own worst critic after all) and while it's said you shouldn't be so hard on yourself I truly think you should be hella proud of this. You mentioned there are parts of your story and others that you've heard and it shows. Whatever parts are you and whatever parts are others just know that you, and they, should be proud of yourselves. Life is beautiful but it sucks at the same time sometimes. Going through any of that can break people and coming out on the other side is a feat. I remind myself of that daily. All that rambling aside I guess what I mean from all of this can broken down to just "thank you". Thank you for sharing your gift for storytelling with the world. Thank you for you ability to be vulnerable. Thank you for being you. Cheers and happy 4th <3

Kali Chamberlain

Omg I'm dying laughing at socks and Lev! I loved lily's story so much amazingly written and I do so hope they get the chance to have their way with them like they want to one day!

Chef Jeff

All safe powers out tree branch on my vehicle no damage it's a humvee military surplus

Erica Molin

The socks?! I was fine (kinda) through the whole thing but the socks?! That’s what got to me 😭

MzDivaShay

This chapter hit all of the feels for me. The anger I felt when Suzanne dismissed what Lily confided in her did an Uno reverse on her man’s me see red. Bel and his himbo-ness melted my heart. The ending had me laughing with tears running down my face. Thank you for sharing Lily’s story with us. P.S.- I’d make the report for Lev single spaced for ‘shits and giggles’ and to compensate for the interruption. But I’m petty 😂😂😂

Embeth Arreyn

Lily as a toddler, as a child, felt like you were writing me. Thank you, on behalf of all the children, all the girls, who have always been "too much." "Hot but a lot." You make me feel seen. I started crying when you talked about how Lily always fought, and recapped everything she'd fought from nap time to loving herself. I cried right up until the sock thing, and then I couldn't stop smiling. I ended the chapter with tears and a smile. Wonderful from start to finish.

Ari Finnie

This is legit the first book that's made me cry, I cried almost all the way through this chapter but bels himbo-ness made me giggle. This chapter is so beautifully written and everyone in the comments of your tiktok story was correct when they hypothesised they'd need tissues for this one.

Illana Navas

Absolutely brilliant writing, you have a real gift 🩷 the one thing no one else has pointed out yet that’s a pet peeve of mine is: on page 10, “she spent hours pouring over her budget” - that should be poring, not pouring. “To pore” is to read something with great attention and focus. “To pour” is to spill liquid. Homophones are a pain, that one just bugs me!

Van Brewer

Powerful story, told in a powerful voice, and very impactful. I think all of the points you make resonated deeply with me. You are a great writer, telling great stories, stories that connect with real people, stories that really need to be told. As great as your earlier content is, this is where you moved to the next level. Question: did you deliberately set up the socks thing so many chapters ago, or are you just really effectively leveraging plot devices? Anyway, hope your excellent content and story telling allows you to build a life you can both cherish and relish. You deserve nothing less, because that’s what you are helping others do. Saying this in an entirely positive manner, I really do hope you have the day you deserve!!

Ginny susi

Crying and then laughing.

Aj Holder

This chapter was so good the ending was hilarious. Is that what Dante meant when he said he went to the mortal world when bel asked him to to get lily’s brother sock?

Ann Sullivan

To quote Steel Magnolias "laughter through tears is one of my favorite emotions". Still crying. I did see one typo on page 14, She old her brothers. Just missing the T. Absolutely adored this chapter

Mae

Only just started reading all these yesterday and this series has easily become my favourite thing ever. As a cancer survivor you told Lily’s story well. The grief, the ‘selfish’ feelings, the emotions, everything lined up perfectly to my and others experiences. The line “I’m scared” was what really resonated with me. Everything was so perfectly laid out. I haven’t even gotten on to how well you represented religious trauma in the aspect of having a cancer diagnosis. You should be so proud of yourself and your writing. You have represented our stories so well. I have never related so much to a character like Lily before. Thankyou.

Carrissa Schauer

I absolutely love this book, it's just so good!! As someone that has lived through parallel experiences as Lily's childhood at church, it's helpful to have that kind of representation. Thank you

Kat 💜

One small edit, if it's okay. When a word end in S and is possessive, it doesn't need the 'apostrophe s'. Just the apostrophe. So, it would be "Asmodeus' amused drawl..." instead of "Asmodeus's". 💜

Sean Boyd

Considering that Leviathan is a Sea monster in the actual myths, 'tis fitting for them to click.

Sean Boyd

Loved this chapter! I think you hit all the points (and other commenters seemed to have confirmed it).

Kat Brown aka MamaKat

Well done! And I say that as both a survivor and a lay therapist. If anyone has chronic pain or self harm urges, look into getting a Wartenberg wheel (preferably with case). Use it on your palms, arms and anywhere. It won’t break the skin but it will increase dopamine.

Stephanie Della Rocca

Hey. That was amazingly well done. I think you told Lily's story with grace and throughout it all it showed her strength of character.

Raija Salo

I have a lot of big emotions after this chapter and I'm not certain how to put them into words. You managed to describe the pain of the family so well as well as Lily's. I'm not gonna trauma dump, so I'm just going to say that I'm on the third round of watching a loved one waste away. And damn, it hurts, so fucking much. You did a damn fine job writing this chapter. Be proud of yourself.

Jes Land

Very well done.

Jordan Yeager

I loved lilys chat with lev at the end but I feel like asmodeus should’ve just done a better job of getting him out of there!!! I know he’s been in the same situation

Jordan Yeager

I didn’t mean to imply I didn’t love the whole thing though! But I’m glad you threw in some lightness at the end! Still though asmodeus is a terrible wing man

Chana Lerner

Amazing! I don’t tend to comment much, preferring to be a silent stalker in the purveyance of fine literature, but I need to comment because this broke me on so many levels and I love it; every moment of Lily’s story made me feel all the feels. Being a beta reader is now my favorite hobby! I jump on this every time the update comes on my email. Slight typo: when Bel is talking about the revenge he’ll take on Suzanne, he says “I may need your forgiveness for what I’ll do to him when he gets to Hell. I’ll put Greg out of a job.” The switch to masculine pronouns was a touch confusing. Sitting on tenterhooks for the next chapter!

Sophie

Asmodeus snuck an evil clown to Penny's "House Party" I'm pretty sure he would value the humour of Lev staying over maintaining the mood. :P

Ben Preheim

Amazing! Well done! just a couple of typos: last paragraph of p1 "most *of* his time 4th paragraph of p14 "handled the news differently when she *told* them.

Caroline Kruk '18

Such a great job. You had me both bawling and smiling. I could see myself in Lily, as well as her strength I wish I could have. Can’t wait to read more

PunisherLuv

Please tell that there is a plan to bring this to leather bound hardcover print when you finish writing it id definitely add it to my small bookshelf it the wheelhouse

Van Brewer

If not we can band together and get a group deal with a bookbinder somewhere.

Marloes

I was close to crying and lost it at the sock thing. Bel ❤️

Peter Psareas

I think Bel meant the man who assaulted Lily. He thought Suzanne’s reaction was shitt

Sarah Holden

Beautifully written! I’ll let you know when I stop crying 😂💛

Tina

So many women that I know (myself included) can relate to Lily and her life experiences. Beautifully written 💕

Sunita Buddhu

Wow! That did not disappoint. There was a lot going on in the chapter. It was a heavy read in the beginning, so the comedy the end with the scene with Lev was very appreciated.❤️❤️

Renee Johnson

I’m pretty stoic when I read. But I am not embellishing when I say you had me balling. Thank you for adding the comedy at the end. And thank you for sharing your amazing gift with us

Jess Mesick

I have just binged this entire book all today, currently 10:45pm. I found you from your series on TikTok, which has become an inaugural part of my day patiently waiting for each new episode, and I am absolutely floored by the amount of talent that goes into your work. I am so hooked on this, i cannot wait until the next chapter comes out, and i will be deeply sad during the weekdays that i dont have something similar to read for the time being. Amazing talent across all boards 💜

fruity judy

man. I’ve only read mainstream middle grade books and a handful of others, but I know this story is the kind of thing that can be so important and helpful to people. I relate to it in the bisexual, church-raised, rebellious daughter way. oh plus the mid level job my family thinks I’m too good for. I haven’t moved out yet, so I haven’t come out, stopped going to church, or gotten a tattoo, but I feel really close to getting one without telling them right now. this story is inspiring. actually everything you talk about is inspiring to me—like you are literally shaping my beliefs because they resonate really well. thanks for sharing the language for a bunch of stuff

Daniel Mann

I know there are times and chapters you struggle with. It’s ok to feel that way. But this chapter,,,, OMG JAYSEA!!!! You did such a great job telling Lily’s story! And Bel’s Response?!?!? 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘 and the ending?! Perfect. The only complaint I have is this: I NEED MORE!!!!! Phenomenal job madam! Can’t wait for more!

Candice Carman

Yooo!!! The Horse Whisperer! I have that book, watched the movie(baby ScarJo!) and I stopped reading the chapter just to comment that! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Candice Carman

Though I’m also so scared of where this part of the story came from 😢 I stopped at page 7 so I need to keep reading but 😢

Patricia Volpe

That was amazing. Btw now we know what Dante was doing that time bel sent him to the mortal world. Lmaooooo

Kim Bowie

Every chapter gets better!

Elle

for the first time since I started reading this book, I fully sobbed. this is an absolute masterpiece of a chapter. thank you.

Veronica Gordon

My heart just breaks for Lily I’m so happy she’s happy now. Another spectacular chapter!

jessiee

Wow, WOW. this chapter gave me all the feels. I can really relate to some of the religious bullshit though that is depicted in this chapter and it STUNG more than i could’ve ever imagined it would. it also makes me so endlessly grateful that i live in the UK and we have the NHS. had it not been for them they never would’ve found my cancer as there’s no way i could’ve afforded to pay for the testing or treatment that i’m currently receiving. no way on earth could i have afforded these past 3/4 months in hospital on treatment to get “better”. treatment has been painful and hard but had i been in the states i would’ve been in a very similar position to Lily in this. I remember the church finding out that i was impure and had bad thoughts when someone in my youth group told them i had kissed a girl…. being told to pray for forgiveness and “repent” for my sins. i felt the anger like it was yesterday just in the way you painted it with your words. But i had to laugh when Lev knocked on the door, and the two girls next to, and opposite me looking confused and asking if i was ok, laying there half dead cackling in my hospital bed and i had to give a little background to them on what’s going on in the story (they both read it on AO3) and trust me when you wrote the last chapter - my nurses heard about it for days and so did my consultant, who found it hard to keep a straight face when asking why i was so cheery and me proudly telling him what i’d read haha! I will be telling my names nurse when i next see her and she asks why i’m smiling. I tell her to read it every time i see her - i don’t know if she will or not. but i do know she found Hells Belles on TikTok as she talks to me about it every time i rewatch it when i feel really crappy and want a pick me up. This chapter was amazing Jaysea, absolutely amazing. beautifully written as always and making my face ache with a smile at the end - making me feel the salty tracks of tears rolling down my cheeks, but most of all letting me feel things and making me FEEL like i am still human, not just a bunch of machines pumping me full of drugs making me feel better - it’s also reading this, a balm for my soul, a balm of happiness and emotions that makes me feel ALIVE. thank you Jaysea, thank you for making my chronically ill ass smile and cry in the best ways possible ♥️

Kat

Goodness, how do you get me from crying buckets of tears and then wanting to take a bat to someone's knees to holy hotness? You are amazing. I love that Bel had the teen demons to take the socks. Thank you for these words. I have so much shame about sex, and these words help me heal. Thank you!!! Your words and videos do more than you will ever know!

Vanessa Whitehead

I am so dead.... over the hill, over the moon dead! I love this! You are such a talented writer. Such deep emotions and ending it with a touch of light brevity. I LOVE this!!!

jessiee

it is going ok at the moment. finally found one after lots of first line treatments that is slowly kicking it’s ass

Claire Moores

I thought that the he referred to the person who assaulted her at the party. Maybe I’m wrong

C Williams

Hmmmm. This may require further research. Oh darn, this means I need to reread it...for scientific purposes. 😉

Wodan Walkure

I just had therapy working thru religious trauma and grief from losing my grandma....this hit all the trigger points and I cried all the tears....you're a phenomenal writer!

Only Slightly Venomous

I couldn't tell you why the part about Bel and the socks made me cry, but it had me absolutely sobbing. This is utterly fantastic

Carla Vickers

I had to read this in pieces to take mental breaks cause I saw a lot of my adolescence and teen years reflected in Lily’s story. The writing is beautiful and feels very honest. You can feel the compassion you have for those who can relate to troubles similar to the ones reflected it was beautiful truly beautiful

Alexa

I hope we get to see what bell does to her attacker on hells belles. F that guy. This chapter was amazing!

PunisherLuv

i apologize for my confusion but Bell is planning to take justice on suzanna and not forgive her but in episode 6 of HB Lily gives her to sky daddy dungeon lava pit dungeon i think

Peter Psareas

I think he was talking about what he would do to Lily’s attacker. Bel was referencing Suzanne saying Lily’s husband would have to be a forgiving man. Bel was saying he would not be forgiving when the boy showed up. I really hope Lily’s vision is exactly how the afterlife works

Stace

So this had me sobbing then laughing at the end, you have so much talent! An incredible amount you should be so bloody proud of yourself

Scarlett_loves_Loki

I’ve had to take breaks too. I’m about halfway through but it’s been surprisingly difficult. I think the most shocking thing so far has been reading these comments though. It’s insane how universally shitty Christianity treats people - especially women. I always felt alone as a young person it’s been shocking to realize how universal some of these experiences are. Shocking and sad.

Jennifer Cathren

Amazing! Absolutely beautifully written! I can’t wait for the next chapter! And oooohhhh the socks!!!!

Hannah Gibson

YOU ARE AN AMAZING STORY TELLER! The socks literally was like a beautiful knife to the heart in the best way!!!

Nihyae Jones

That was amazing! I cried so hard.

Ashley

Cannot wait for the next chapter and am so excited for your works to be printed. I need it in actual book form to keep forever 🖤🖤🖤 you are an amazing writer and I will be a loyal follower!

Talia

I didn't even realize I was only a couple of inches away from the screen by the end, and I think I broke my scroll wheel trying to read more! You are such a stunning writer. All love!

Alexis Harris

Ack! I caught up…. I so can’t wait for the next chapter!!

Mandy Warneke

this was absolutely incredible. you made me cry, you made me smile like a fool. your writing is just stunning. i see a lot of myself in lily, especially the part about wanting and not getting to start a family, and her and bel’s story soothes something in me that i can’t quite name, so thank you.

Jazzmyn Winkley

I finally caught up and oh my god I love your writing. It's so easier for me to read (I have ADHD) I don't stay focused for long but I could actually visualize what was going on as I read!!

Nicola Allison

I was ready to bawl. And then I cackled at that last line. Well done!

Cassie Tudor

I think that was very well written and someone who has a lot of the same story I think it’s very important to shed light on a lot of those aspects even though they are uncomfortable to talk about.

Shawnee904

You had me crying through most of that chapter. But the ending was perfect.

Charlie T

I don't have religious trauma but that point in the teenage life felt like I'd written it. How it had felt and the terrible things done to try and make it easier to deal with, so someone might be able to know something was wrong. And then the reminder of mortality making life something so so so much more to live for. Was genuinely gonna cry, and realized I didn't need to stop myself and then the socks thing happened XD

Deborah saunders

I've felt the guilt and anger too. You are not alone

Lena Hanouna

Oh my good such a good chapter ! Made me cry a little to be honest. Loved the fact that her parents took her books away as a punishment, such reliable content ! 😂

Jett Gibbs

Oh such a good chapter. I really felt how hard her life and final choice was. It made me sniffle - a lot

Felicity Shields

You made me laugh and sob simultaneously. You are an amazing writer. You aren't alone. We love you

Samantha Pare

I have no idea how you managed to make me weep so hard I can't breathe through my left nostril for like 10 min and then laugh so hard I'm covered in snot and tears from the "make it double spaced" less than 2min after the weeping stopped. ALSO FUCK SUZANNE WITH A CACTUS

Peter Psareas

Rereading chapters and comment. Jaysea created a community of fans. I do hope you are well. Treatment over and cancer beaten

Smuttasticreads

This chapter brought on all the feelings 😭🤣😅

Kimberly Ann

OMG! I’m not crying, you’re crying!! And then you throw in the whole “make it double spaced”!!! This is priceless! ❤️

JunShelley

How did Jaysea write this chapter and made it feel like she wrote for me?! I am buying the ebook, Audiobook, and HARDCOVER copy of this.

Isabella Bechsgaard

I was not expecting to end this chapter laughing, considering that I had to stop reading at one point, because I was crying, but oh my god😂 Poor Lev😂😂 Extreme well written, fuck an emotional rollercoaster

Ana Ramirez

The roller coaster I just went through is crazy to me…. I was laughing and crying so much