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#000: Son, This Ain't a Dream No More (Patreon)

Published:
2022-04-22 21:53:48
Edited:
2022-04-22 22:13:58
Imported:
2026-06

Content

(how long must I keep my eyes glued to the door?)

To be clear: the show is NOT ending. Presuming my survival, it will eventually get back on schedule, I'm just not quite sure when.

Files

Comments

WokeChickTractFan

Do whatever you need to get better. And if there is anything we can do then tell us, please.

halfsleeper

More cold comfort; apologies. I’ve been through a (very mild in comparison, or more appropriately, incomparable) Percocet withdrawal process and it can be hell. It’s comforting to hear you’ve measured out and planned ahead. Glad you’re making a conscious and responsible effort, given the circumstances. Unsolicited suggestion… as someone with lifelong treatment-resistant depression (refractory MDD as you’ve stated) and constant suicidal ideation, admittedly with prior attempts, IV Ketamine therapy has been the only semblance of relief I’ve found after being on and off almost every SSRI/SNRI and benzo. I found it helped with my physical pain as well. Another listener mentioned kratom - I find it incredibly nauseating to drink, but if you can get it down, the 7-hydroxymitragynine binds to opioid, serotonin, and dopamine receptors without causing respiratory depression. However, I personally find the overall experience subpar compared to other pain medication. Like others have said, you’ve generously provided enough content for a lifetime of reflection, and for that I am eternally grateful. The subscription will remain active in perpetuity, regardless of the circumstances. See you on the other side of hell. Godspeed, you.

Joey da Rat

Love you man you’ve changed a lot of minds and changed the way I see the world. Universe is a better place with you in it and I’m sending any and all good vibes I can your way

Louie Van Patten

You deserve better than this shit, fuck it all.

Joe White

Well wishes always feel trite but I AM sending you lots of love and food energy, Michael. See you on the other side

Robert Maynard

Good vibes and well wishes for your trip through hell.. I'm conscious that "duhh just pick up and move to another country" is never ever realistic and rarely welcome advice, especially since you have friends and a support network where you are, things that are invaluable to survival generally, but .. Christ, man, it sounds like you really need painkillers, and that Place and it's systems are just a cheese grater, scraping and sweeping people off. It's just Horrible. Good luck, we all hope you make it.

nico

msj i love you to death man. i’m so sorry you have to go through this.

John Waaben

Thank you again for everything

Jamie Gomes

You'll be in my thoughts, Michael. I hope the worst of it passes quickly.

John

Sending love from Appalachia

Cojan Rico

Good luck. God knows you’ll need it. We don’t deserve you but I hope we can keep you for a while.

Addison Allen

Hi Michael, I hope you get through this time you‘be been forced to endure. Love your work and wish you well. I hope it’s just a few weeks of feeling shitty as you mentioned.

Prescott Bush

Thoughts and prayers, you’ve been a light of hope for many people. Hoping for a safe recovery and that you get to float with us all here in this nothingness for a long while longer.

Seth Corwin

You focus on taking care of yourself through this period, Judge. We'll be waiting here, patient and loyal, for as long as long as you need; for as long as it takes. See you on the other side

Shiv

You’ve given us so much; hope all our collective good will and wishes for you to persevere can serve as some solace or compensation. Jah speed. Shit I ducking WISH I had any information such that I could bust out the “oh you should try” but this is well out of my league. Pulling for you!!

Divad Kong

All I can offer you Mike, in your hour of need, is my balls and my Benis.

Charlie

Hey pal I know your terrified. It’s an incredibly difficult and painful situation but it CAN be done. ALOT of us have gone through it and you are not alone. I obviously don’t know everything about your situation I.e what other meds you might be withdrawing from but afaik alcohol and benzos are really the only drugs you can die from. Opiates will just hurt… real bad. Like someone else here said if you can get a big bag of Kratom do that! Eat it by the spoonful if you have to it will act on the same receptors as dope but won’t slow your respiratory system and help you sleep/deal with the skin crawling/diarrhea etc… eventually your body will return to normal and you emotions will flood back and THAT is like regaining your soul. Reach out if you need to talk. You can do this

Leonardo DiCaprizoliano

I find it grotesque that nowhere will take him for a detox treatment. And also, someone else here mentioned ketamine for treatment refractory depression, there’s now a nose spray with a ketamine derivative that seems to help a lot of people. Either way Michael, I wish you the best of luck, and we’ll be pulling for you.

warren_

Love you MSJ, you really helped me to make sense of the chaos of the world at a time where I was scrambling to do that and I’ll always be indebted to you for that

Renee Leath

So sad to hear this for you. Withdrawal is scary and I hate that’s what the medical gatekeepers force on us. Take whatever time you need.

vm

I’m sorry you have to suffer this on top of all the pain you’re already enduring. Wishing you all the tender care you need. Much love to you.

Lawn Mall

We’re sticking with you! Hoping for your speedy recover.

Josh Watkins

Love and solidarity from the Deep South's asshole. Your mind is burglarproof. Thrive, king.

Tom Clarke

Solidarity from Barcelona. Take care of yourself. We’ll be here, waiting impatiently for your next update. Xx

Shane

Your insights are invaluable, I wish you all the best! Not going anywhere!

Mateusz Krupiński

What you created here is really special. Most podcasts are just distractions for me, but listening to you, Michael, really is different. You made me read fiction and poetry i would've never read, listen to music i would've never listened to and learn history i never would've known about. It's beautiful you are willing to put out so many hours of wonderful material. I wish you all the best, and will be waiting here for the next episode, whenever it comes.

stephen tucker

Sending love, wish there was more I could do. I'm sorry you've ended up having to share more of your personal stuff than you would like but I hope you know it has always made me feel less alone with my struggles and I'm sure other listeners feel the same. Pulling for you to make it through and/or find peace, because you deserve both.

Madra na Móna

Will send best wishes in the form of my favourite Crane poem. Hope sincerely you can find some "unmangled target smile" on the other end of this and that you find yourself in a place where "vermin and rod no longer bind."

Lindsay Hoekstra

I hope you’re surrounded by support and love.. stay safe msj! ❤️despite it all..

Kendall

Ah, Michael. Like the others so beautifully said, I’ll be sending support, love your way daily. In the dark times, I hope you’re able to draw from that well in whatever amount possible. In the very least, on top of your work, look at this community you’ve built! (I use that word without embarrassment, as I truly feel it.) Hell is too small to contain you. We’ll be here—and there, and on the other side—for you, with you. Take care.

frybreadandjam

Praying for you Michael, and sending love.

Will Hinchman

Good luck, and godspeed, my friend. We'll be waiting on the other side.

Tony

It’s been done before and it can be done again: you’ll make it through this, MSJ! “So this pickup group, these exiles and horny kids, sullen civilians called up in their middle age, men fattening despite their hunger, flatulent because of it, pre-ulcerous, hoarse, runny-nosed, red-eyed, sore-throated, piss-swollen men suffering from acute lower backs and all-day hangovers, wishing death on officers they truly hate, men you have seen on foot and smileless in the cities but forgot, men who don't remember you either, knowing they ought to be grabbing a little sleep, not out here performing for strangers, give you this evensong, climaxing now with its rising fragment of some ancient scale, voices overlapping three- and fourfold, up, echoing, filling the entire hollow of the church—no counterfeit baby, no announcement of the Kingdom, not even a try at warming or lighting this terrible night, only, damn us, our scruffy obligatory little cry, our maximum reach outward—praise be to God!—for you to take back to your war-address, your war-identity, across the snow's footprints and tire tracks finally to the path you must create by yourself, alone in the dark. Whether you want it or not, whatever seas you have crossed, the way home. . . .”

aisha sohail

<3 u mj . stay strong .. we + the world need u more than ever

Tribulation 49

Sending thoughts and lapsed-Catholic prayers, all the best MSJ

Ryan Coffel

Good luck MJ. Hope to see you on the other side.

Carine

MSJ - we love you

Sandy

The death drive is something placed in us by the denticulate spider-arms of the machines rotating holes. Rejection of this assignment is an essential rejection of the machine which bears the foundation for its cataclysmic end. Your insight is of invaluable measure. It has a shown me the way to a light I could not have found myself. I doubt that helped, but I hope it did. All I can say is good luck. Ps: the black-star is embodied in the pupils of us humans: ☯️ (a star's star)

Arielle Curtin

I wish you well on your hero’s journey. No suboxone to help out?

William

dude, this show can go fuck itself until you're in a better place. I wish I could say something like, "good luck" and not have it come off as trite or stupid. But I don't know what else to say - good luck; I sincerely hope you make it through

N

I hope you make it. Don't worry about the show...your back catalog is well worth re-listening

Justin Reid

We love you man. Will be right here when you return.

RobotKitty

Oh man it infuriates me that no one will help you. You are unlikely to die from opioid withdrawal but unfortunately, you’ll want to at times. I am wishing you the best, you can do this but it really fucking sucks. I’m hoping the taper takes the edge off - and if you can - have some people to bring you food and keep you hydrated because you won’t want to do shit for awhile.

Bilbo

Take your time and do your best with whatever you have to do, I'm sticking around!

Conor Fowler

Far as I know, alcohol and benzos are the only ones that have a lethal withdrawal. Opiate withdrawal is not fun, and you’ll not be happy, but you won’t die.

Lukas McCutcheon

I wish u could offer anything meaningful and doubt I could about what I know is gonna be a hard time for you, so I’ll just mention I’m relistening (for more than the second time) to the Hubbard eps with Christman and laugh every time at you in Gallagher voice “hey folks, wanna see me destroy a thetan?!”

Danielle

This hurts my heart. Greatly anticipating your triumphant return. These brutish circumstances can’t be what takes you down.