Wish upon the Stars chapter 1203 (Patreon)

Space is big. Now, one might consider that an obvious statement, given the place in question, but you don’t really get a grasp on HOW big until you travel via Domain. Ships are enclosed, it’s like a building, and while you can look outside to see what’s going on, you’re not ACTUALLY in the middle of the cosmos.

Domains are different. My grandfathers Domain was huge, to be clear, at least a thousand miles wide. But even THAT was so insignificant it was basically a speck in comparison to the void between stars. Seeing the endless dark of space flash by outside the Domain’s boundaries was, quite frankly, deeply unsettling. We were moving so fast that I could occasionally catch glimpses of stars in the dark, moving like comets shooting over the skyline of a planet. Only they weren’t moving, we were, and probably faster than I’d ever moved before.

While we traveled, I took the time to look around my grandfather’s Domain for the first time. I’d never been inside of it, or even seen the inside. I had expected something grandiose like mine of Lark’s or even Callie’s, but shockingly, it was mostly just…empty. As in literally empty, his Domain appeared to be a huge open canyon.

“So…” I said slowly as I looked around. “What is this place?”

“Canyon of cleansing,” he grunted, eyes still fixed on the distant starline. “I found that purification didn’t lend itself so well to construction. Rather, I felt more in tune with the idea of stripping away layers bit by bit as I grew stronger. I DID build a small cave mansion at the bottom, if you need to sleep or anything, though I doubt we’ll be mobile for that long.”

I nodded and flopped down on the ground, leaning back on my hands. “You need me to leave you alone while you steer, or we good to talk?”

He shook his head. “Nah, it’s not complicated. Just hard. Like lifting something heavy. I don’t need to concentrate on how, I just need to do it. Besides, I won’t deny I’m worried, I’ve been hoping to check in with you a bit. How is your head?”

“Empty,” I admitted. “But not like nothing is inside. More like it’s full of nothing, if that makes sense. I tried to take up some of the lack of space with parallels, but now that we’re moving like this…it’s sneaking up on me. Don’t suppose you can purify some of this recursion for me so I can focus better?”

He shook his head. “Not how it works. I can’t purify just any old thing. Recursion is tied to stats, and if I could purify THAT…well, let’s just say people aren’t so friendly to those kinds of abilities. They call those ‘refiners’, and they’re considered pretty dangerous.”

I made a mental note. “So what do I do?” I asked him tiredly. “I just can’t focus. My head is a mess.”

“No advice for that, I’m afraid,” he said with a sad sigh. “I’ve been where you are. Celia in danger and unable to do anything. It’s not a situation I envy, but you never know how you’re going to deal until it happens. Everyone processes it different. Some people need to rage, some people need to calm down, some people need to get distracted, some people need to swim in it. I can’t tell you which one you are, much as I’d like to.”

I sighed, not having expected much. “It’s fine. I get it.”

“The older I get,” he said. “The more I realize that all the worst fights of your life you don’t get any backup for. I thought when I got to the top I’d be untouchable, that I could fight anything. That’s why I created my Fist of the Final God. It was a statement. A call to arms. I would impose my will on the world, cleanse anything that stood in my way. I’d be the strongest and keep everyone safe.”

I nodded along to his rant. “Yeah, I get that feeling. I’m the same way.”

“Except the really scary stuff, you can’t fight,” he said sadly. “It feels like there’s always higher to go, like you can keep growing and improving until you can handle anything. But once you run out of room, once you finally slow down, you realize there’s just as much to be afraid of when you’re strong. More in some ways.”

I scowled at him. “You suck at making people feel better,” I said bluntly. “If this is a pep talk, it’s not working.”

“It’s not,” he laughed. “Just honesty. Because you need to know what’s coming for you. You’re a lot like I was, you know. I know you look like Eli, but you take after me in terms of attitude. Your father was always a cold bastard, no matter what his little buddy or your mother tell you.” He frowned. “Truthfully I never much liked him with Sasha. But when those two met…well, you get your stubbornness from Celia, and Sasha puts her mother to shame. So I put on a smile and played nice. Even if your dad is mostly a smarmy little twit I’d like to slap in the mouth.”

I let out a surprised laugh. “Really? You always seem so…relaxed. Even around him. I didn’t take you for the type.” I didn’t point out how similar that sentiment was to my OWN feelings about my father for most of my life.

He snorted. “I’m not made of stone, kid. I’m just more centered than most. Function of my abilities. Cleansing my mind and all that.” He shrugged. “Plus there’s no point in making things awkward with the brat. Sasha’s crazy about him, always has been. Making a fuss would have just pushed her away, and I love my daughter. If I had to smile and play nice with him to make her happy it was hardly the end of the world.”

“Do…do you think I’ll be a good dad?” I asked after a moment. “You seem to have it down. Do you think I could be like that?”

“Can’t say,” he said gently. “It’s not something you can predict. There’s nothing quite like being a parent, you know. No way to prepare. No way to be ready. You can’t train for it, at least not the first time. It DOES get easier after you’ve had a few tries. Samuel and I butted heads like you wouldn’t BELIEVE when he was young. It’s harder with sons, I think. Too much like you. Celia was always better with the boys. She and Sasha have their friction, of course. You’ve seen as much.”

I nodded. “I remember. Nothing crazy, but they like to argue. So if there’s no way to be ready, how do I…prepare? Like I can’t just do nothing, right?”

“There is a secret to parenting,” he said after a moment. “Well, not really a secret. It’s pretty obvious. But it’s a good thing to hold onto. If you want to be at least a decent parent, just remember one thing. Love your kids, and let them know it. Don’t assume they can tell, don’t keep it to yourself, don’t let pride stop you from saying it out loud.

“Love doesn’t fix everything, of course,” he warned. “But there aren’t many ways to screw up your kid that can’t at least be mitigated by really loving them. At least in my experience. Try to do right by them as best you can, make sure they know you’re trying, and try to listen to them when they tell you something. Do those three things and maybe, just MAYBE, you’ll manage to raise a kid as amazing as I did. Though, to be honest, your mother turning out the way she did was about ninety percent dumb luck.”

That drew a surprised laugh from me. “Aren’t you supposed to take credit for everything?” I said mildly. “That’s Ascendant 101.”

“Being an Ascendant doesn’t have much to do with being a parent,” he said gently. “That’s another thing to keep in mind. Your kids don’t need power. They don’t need skills or weapons or tools. Not at the start. Giving them those things is great, but if you do it too early, you’re just passing the buck. Keeping them safe is your job. You’re the one who needs to be strong. Their job is to be whatever they want to be. That can be tough to remember.”

My face flattened, the smile fleeing as I remembered the circumstances of this trip. “Yeah,” I said quietly. “I get that too. Seems like maybe I won’t be so good a parent after all. My kid’s not even born yet and I’m already fucking up.”

“I could tell you that you didn’t,” he said bluntly. “But you wouldn’t care. So I’ll just ask the obvious. What are you going to do about it?”

“I’m going to get them back,” I said, a cold, dark anger bubbling in my gut. “And I’m going to tear apart anything that gets in my way. I’ve killed gods before. I don’t care how far they ran, or where they hide, or how many people they have. They took my family away, and I’m going to get them back.”

He nodded approvingly. “Damned right you are. And we should be ready to begin the process shortly.”

I raised an eyebrow at that. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” he chuckled, pointing up into the sky. “That you were so distracted talking about the meaning of life you didn’t notice our approach. We’re coming up on Delraune now. Judgement’s lodge is in a forest on the east side of the planet. As long as we come in gently and land in the right spot, finding it won’t be much of an issue.”

I watched in awe as a shining mass in the distance came closer, enlarging as we approached. A huge sphere of landmass, mostly covered in water. I hadn’t even been able to tell it was a planet when I first saw it. The whole planetary body was wrapped in some kind of shimmering golden mist that I’d never seen before. My grandfather noticed me looking and chuckled. “You can see it, huh? Most people can’t. It’s the mist of gathering Karma.”

We approached the planet in a streak, not heading AT it but slightly to the side. As we did, my grandfather stood, cracking his neck and narrowing his eyes. As we were flying past, he stepped forward, drew back his fist, and PUNCHED. The Domain stopped on a dime. There was a loud crack and the whole thing froze completely, like he’d just LITERALLY shattered the momentum keeping us going. Then he reached up and grabbed the air. The motion revealed a deep crack in space, and with pure, brute force, my grandfather slipped his fingers between the fragments and PULLED.

There was a sort of strain on the air, like someone trying to suck something through a straw, and the whole Domain shuddered. Then we lurched forward, through the cracks in space, and with a pop like a soap bubble bursting, we were suddenly on the ground in a clearing among a whole bunch of very tall trees.

I gaped at him, but he was too busy doubling over, wheezing lightly with hands on his knees. “I forgot,” he panted. “How deeply unpleasant doing that is.”

With a flicker of will, his Domain vanished, recalled into himself, and he groaned and stretched like a cat waking up from a sunbeam nap. “Ugh, holding that for so long was NOT fun. But we’re here now. If my heading is right, we should be going…” he scanned the horizon, then pointed off to the left. “That way,” his tone was firm and confident, though I was pretty sure he was guessing. Either way, I just sighed and set off walking. If we were going the wrong way, we’d figure it out quickly enough. Better than sitting around doing nothing.