"Radiant" and what this painting means to me. (Patreon)

Hey guys, emotional post today, trigger warnings for talking about death and illness (not my own; talking about my Dad who passed a few years ago)

I have been holding off on talking about this for a long time, the origin of the painting "Radiant" and just how much you all mean to me. This is a quite emotional post and I'm probably going to be crying a lot typing it out, but I have been thinking about it a lot lately as this time of year is really difficult for me.

As some of you may know, my dad passed away from cancer a few years ago. Around this time he was at his worst, and going to pass shortly after (October 6th, 2023). At the time my husband and I were going though a lot of financial fear/insecurity on top of all of the emotional turmoil. My dad was hospitalized for one of the last times around Labor Day, and I remember I was so afraid to go visit him, just because I knew deep down that the end was nearing.

Out of that fear and anxiety, watching the clock tick away, I decided to paint Astarion, who was a character I was genuinely quite desperately clinging to (and BG3 as a whole) during that horrible time in my life.

That day, I decided to paint "Radiant."

I posted it right before I went with my husband to visit my dad (my dad being jovial and in high spirits as ever, making jokes while we all sat around). At the time, my social media presence wasn't great, my income wasn't great, and overall I had been feeling hopeless which feels like an understatement.

I came home emotionally exhausted and was shocked to see how much this painting EXPLODED online. Many requests for prints, which I had never done before, and I decided to start hatching a plan to sell them because I really really needed the money.

I never expected how well the print would do. The support from everyone was insane, and for once I felt like I could breath again when it came to financial worry. I had just started printing and packing near the end of September. Early October, I got terrible news about my dad from my mom. I had been visiting a lot more frequently and we knew he was having a harder time.

I actually had foolishly brought a pile of shipping labels to the house to sit with my mom when my dad was declining, stubbornly set on making sure my customers hadn't been let down by delays. He passed away at home, right when I arrived.

Later that evening, I went home numb and my husband and I packed orders. It was something to do with our hands, and comforting in a weird way. I painted and painted and painted during the time afterward, feeling immense comfort from those who were interacting with my work and resonating with it.

I will always feel a pang of pain that my dad never really saw me successful. I had always dreamt that he would see me hit those milestones, but he did see how excited I was about my print orders coming in and he was so proud of me. He did get to see at least that I was in better spirits, more confident.

My dad always supported my creative endeavors and loved my art, and I really miss him. He was such a cool person, an amazing guitar and cabinet builder and chef and musician among so many other things.

All of the support from all of you over these years, especially during that time changed my life. It kept me going. It allowed me to finally be able to get my own house a few years later. Of course, I wish my dad could see it all, but I like to think he can, somehow. I get sad about it a lot.

You guy's support, from subscribing to my print clubs or even just commenting and sharing my work has genuinely changed the course of my life from a dark pit I never thought I'd be able to escape from.

I really cannot articulate how much it means to me. I really do love you all, and the fact that anyone would toss any amount of support my way regularly shocks me because I know I 'm far from perfect.

I just really appreciate everything you all do for me, it means the world to me.

Much love to you all, I hope you are able to find and make time for your dreams, and be kind to yourselves.

XOXO

Lily