Selfportraits (Patreon)

Lately, I’ve had so many thoughts I wanted to share — but they just refuse to turn into words. They circle in my head, heavy and alive, as if they’re afraid to be heard… or maybe they just want silence for a while. So I’ll let them rest. And instead, I’ll share this shoot — and the little story behind it.

I never mentioned it here, but since this spring I’ve had a Fujifilm GFX100RF. I can’t say I ever dreamed of owning a medium format camera — they always felt too heavy, too slow, and for someone who travels as much as I do, that’s a serious burden for my delicate back. So when my fiancé saw the release of this new, lighter version — he couldn’t resist. (Probably because when we travel, he’s the one carrying the backpack full of gear anyway 😏)

So, yes — it’s light. Yes — it has an insane number of megapixels. But shooting wide on medium format when you’ve spent your whole life framing everything at 50mm… that’s another kind of challenge.

The first time I tried it was in Kyiv, shooting a model in the botanical garden — and honestly, I regretted it immediately. Nothing worked. Not the width, not the color, not the depth. I didn’t feel it, and I doubt I’ll ever show those shots. But I’m stubborn when it comes to cameras. I always try to find a way to make peace with the tools I already have. When I look at my gear, I know exactly what each camera can do that the others can’t. They all have their purpose — even if I don’t find it right away.

So I decided to test the GFX100RF only on myself. To shoot self-portraits, to search for that balance and understanding.

These are my first self-portraits with it. I’ll share the second attempt soon (it’s better — I started to “get” it, and I’m definitely cropping more aggressively now 😅).

But honestly, I still don’t feel this camera. I see its power — but I don’t yet know how to make it mine.

Still, I’m not giving up. I’m taking it with me to Italy, hoping that in open spaces, without walls, something will finally click.

Fingers crossed… because, really — a camera that expensive can’t possibly be useless to me. There must be something about it I just haven’t unlocked yet.

P.S And this photos i almost not croping - because i havent figured out how to change digital croping during shoot in app on that moment.