Selfportraits (Patreon)

Part 2

Today I want to talk about sex.

Yes… you read that right. Not flex, not text, not apex. SEX.

I have girlfriends, and almost every one of them has told me at least once in her life that she had this unreal, magical, perfectly compatible sex - the best sex of her life. And you know what… for most of them, it doesn’t happen often. For some - once in a lifetime. Some are luckier and have had a few truly incredible partners.

But much more often I hear something else:“it wasn’t ideal,”“a lot of things needed fixing,”“it was fine,”“he finished too fast”…you know the list.

At some point, I started wondering - do men even have bad sex?What is the ratio of good sex to mediocre sex for them?And what does “good” or “great” sex actually mean to a man?

So I texted my best friend, who has quite a lot of experience, and asked him directly. His answer was very simple: every third sexual encounter in his life was “nothing special.” Most often because there was no depth with the partner, or because the partner was stiff, passive, and completely unengaged.

That’s when I turned the question toward myself. What is good sex for me? And what is bad sex? My answers are not universal and not “for all women.” This is purely my personal experience - and maybe even a bit childish. But for me, it’s surprisingly simple: Sex that I initiate myself has about an 85% chance of being good. And sex where a man genuinely cares about my comfort and my feelings also has about an 85% chance of being good. That’s it.

Of course, I know that the quality of sex depends on both partners - on how present they are, how they show up, and especially on whether they talk about their desires, preferences, and boundaries in the moment. I’m convinced that many women are not used to speaking about these things - and that might be one of the reasons why we experience truly “great” sex less often than men do.

Which brings me to the main question I’m actually interested in:

Is it possible for sex to be amazing for a woman and at the same time mediocre or even bad for a man? Or the other way around?

I’m not talking about deep intimacy or long-term relationships here - for me, that part is obvious: deeper relationships usually mean deeper sexual connection. I’m talking about casual or “meeting-stage” sex - when two people know each other just well enough to decide to exchange saliva and bodily fluids. When there’s chemistry and curiosity, but depth hasn’t formed yet. At this stage, “mind-blowing” sex often creates a very strong attachment. Strong enough that people stay together for a long time, even while clearly understanding that mentally, emotionally, and psychologically they are not a good match.

So I’m genuinely curious:is the concept of sexual quality the same for men and women?Or are we talking about completely different experiences while using the same word?