Selfportraits (Patreon)

Finally, there has been movement in our visa process.

We got approved.

But it’s still too early to celebrate. Ahead of us are the medical exam, the interview, and of course - more waiting. Although this time the waiting feels different. It will be more structured. There will be a date. A near future. Something tangible.

Uncertainty used to really irritate me. I am a planner. The kind of person who feels calm when there is a timeline, a structure, a next step. I don’t love surprises - unless they come with a clear schedule and an estimated delivery date.

When I met my husband and we got pulled into this whirlwind of visa uncertainty, it was hard. But surprisingly, I accepted it quite quickly. Almost as if I accepted that this is simply what our relationship looks like right now - and my task was to find peace inside that. I started seeing uncertainty not as a cage, but as a strange kind of freedom. Yes, it’s hard to plan the future. But why live in the future when the only real thing we have is now?

And then the approval came.

And I got scared.

For the first time in a year, there was certainty. Real certainty. A direction. A timeline. Something solid.

And everything shifted instantly. I stopped seeing Mexico as home. Suddenly I felt like a tourist. The palm trees, the houses, the streets, the people - everything started to feel temporary. As if it already belonged to memory. There was lightness in that feeling. But also sadness. A sense of ending. A quiet awareness that this chapter is finite. The strange thing is - while living here, I didn’t feel that at all. Even though logically, of course, we applied for a visa. Of course this was transitional.

But one message changed everything.

It’s fascinating how a single notification can completely alter your inner state - and the way you see the world around you.