Shooting with (Patreon)

Aleksander Stojanov

Over the last month, the topic of value has been coming up around me a lot.

The value of a woman. The value of a man. The feeling of your own worth.

People often say that this feeling comes from your father. That a father gives a child the feeling that they matter, that they are heard, that they are important as a person in this world, regardless of their age. And I always thought this was some kind of constant. Like… if your father exists in your life, if your mom and dad stayed together, if you grew up in a “complete” family - then that feeling automatically comes with it. And honestly, I used to think that problems with self-worth mostly belonged to people who grew up without a father at all. Or without communication with him.

But I never thought that even a full family could create the exact same emptiness.

Because yes - I had both parents. They’re still together. Everything is “fine”. And yet I still spent a huge part of my life trying to understand my own value. Trying to fight for it. And sometimes I still feel like I lose it. Like I forget that I matter. Like I need to earn attention. Earn communication. Earn love.

And it shows up in ridiculous ways.

Like some random drunk man on the street saying I’m beautiful - and suddenly my entire day is made))) Which is honestly insane if you think about it. Because logically, the opinion of a random drunk stranger should have absolutely no effect on my emotional state. And yet… there I am. Walking around happy because a man who smells like cigarettes and poor decisions complimented me. Very stable behavior from me)))

But that realization was actually huge. Because I understood that what matters is not simply the presence of a father. It’s communication. It’s emotional participation. It’s not enough to just technically exist in a child’s life. You have to actually speak to them. Hear them. Be emotionally present.

And I think this is exactly where some of my anxiety in relationships comes from.

That feeling of: “Am I doing enough to be loved?” So I start over-caring. Cooking too much. Constantly asking: “Do you love me?” And all these actions, all this insecurity, are actually about one thing only: Not fully feeling my own value.

But here’s the interesting part.

As a human being, as a person - I do feel my value. I genuinely believe that human value exists simply in being alive. I don’t think a person has to become “someone” to deserve value as a human.

But lately I started questioning something else entirely: What is the value of a woman? And what is the value of a man?

Because when I exist in society, around people, just as a person - I feel completely comfortable in my value. I don’t even really need confirmation of it. But the moment I enter a relationship, where I become specifically “a woman” next to a man - suddenly I feel uncertainty. Anxiety. Confusion.

Because where exactly is that value? How is it defined? And how are you supposed to feel it?

The first logical answer my brain gives me is reproduction. A woman gives birth. A man continues the bloodline. Very biological. Very National Geographic))) And logically it feels like nature placed value exactly there - in those biological roles.

But then what happens next?When a woman is no longer fertile? When a man grows older? When someone simply cannot have children? Do they become less valuable?

Dont think so....

We still see value in older people. We still feel their importance, their beauty, their presence.

So then what exactly changes?

Maybe having children is not actually the value of a woman or a man. Maybe it’s simply a biological function. And value exists somewhere else entirely.

These thoughts have been breaking my brain lately.

Because social value makes sense to me. Creating things. Helping others. Being part of society. Leaving something meaningful behind. Those values feel continuous. But biological value feels like it comes with an expiration date.

And I can’t stop wondering what exists after that.