Gurometer: Chris Langan (Patreon)

You might think this update is a little overdue—but that’s only if you’re not accounting for the sheer recalibration required to fit a 200 IQ into the Gurometer. Frankly, it just wasn’t designed for that kind of mental horsepower. And to make matters worse, the only two Gurometricians in existence have a combined IQ roughly equivalent to that of a moderately well-trained chimpanzee. Don’t take our word for it—just ask Chris Langan! So come along, won’t you, for a nostalgic journey as we revisit the Cognitive-Theoretic Model of the Universe, listen to squeaky chair sounds, and attempt to expand our tiny minds.