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GABBY PETITO UPDATE: Police were told male hit female (Patreon)

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2021-09-27 05:23:52
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2026-06
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GABBY PETITO UPDATE AND PODCAST: John and I were at our table tonight after learning that Moab Police DID hear this information from dispatch: The male (Brian) was hitting the female (Gabby). Dr. John is passionate about domestic violence awareness, and I started asking him questions. We hit record on our phone so you could hear the convo, too.  

John has also started reading The Fight Club--a book Brian Laundrie loved.  He reads a few telling quotes from the book. 



Comments

Aletha Tingey

Loved this late night talk with you two!! ♥️♥️

Chrissy Jackson

Great illuminating chat tonight. Do you think this (objectifying) is learned behaviour by Brian? I find his parents silence very strange and I wonder if that silence is being controlled in their relationship too. Usually if one parent wants to keep a low profile, the other speaks out. But for both of them to be silent shows (IMO) that their narrative (or lack of) is being controlled by the dominant person in their relationship

Julie Holden

This is truly heartbreaking. 😢💔 I myself bought Brian Laundrie's story the very first time I watched the bodycam video. But *why* didn't the police officers know better? Why didn't they have the training? Why didn't they take into account the dispatch report — "Male hit Female"?? I'm not trained. They are! What went wrong?! Here's my history. In the early 70s, my mom had a psychologist photograph and document the abuse my father wrote upon her face. That was fifty years ago. Fifty years! Are we still half a century behind on this?? I'm an independent, strong woman married to an intelligent, beautifully balanced man who admires my independence and strength. Is this a rarity?? In this supposedly post-feminist era, how do we resolve women who are strong in spirit — as Gabby was — with men who would crush that light? Is this an unsolvable problem? Because, on the norm, men are bigger and stronger that women? Are we meant to capitulate to some animalistic "norm"??? Obviously I don't think so, but FIFTY years later, I truly do not understand why we're all — including me! — unable to figure this out. As I said, it's truly heartbreaking. Aren't we smarter than this?!

Rachel Shepard

Well said! Love your perspective! Especially at your table! ❤️ Thank you for your passion! Both of you!!

Melinda Ngawaka

I’m astounded! And feel so sorry for Gabby… to feel unbelieved and judged would have hurt truly deeply😢

Emily

You did write back to me and I value that - thank you 🙏

Emily
>>68621978

I think she would have felt that it was valid at this stage because he had been beating her down and gas lighting her for a long enough period of time. He was also letting her know she was the abuser and she could see the scratch marks and if this was out of character for her then she would have felt so much shame…confusion, sadness and shame! And the shock, repeated shock every time it occurred which feels I guess like disassociation…repeat trauma…just my reflections as a survivor of this…

Melinda Ngawaka

So sad… yes she accepted the blame… thanks Emily… sorry you’ve had to go through this… I pray you can find comfort… Thankyou for your courage to share your feelings to help so many others💜

Leanne Volo

I hate to be the one that says it but, an "Order of Protection " isn't worth the paper it's written on. It gives the victim a false sense of security.

Kat Willhite

Thanks for the informal chat. Very interesting. I think Brian was holding his easy escape from prosecution on August 12th over Gabby's head. I think he was non stop reminding her that no matter what she was to say to law enforcement, they would believe him because she is a stupid crying child and he is a smart and superior to her man. When the incident at the restaurant happened and Gabby went back in and apologized for Brian, that would have been humiliating to him. i think Gabby and Brian were arguing later and he put his hands on her neck to shut her up and she ended up dead. Or Gabby said she was done and she had the means to buy a plane ticket. Gabby told him he could drive the van back to Florida but she was flying home to New York. That put Brian into a frenzy and he beat Gabby to death. I think Brian wrapped her in the tarp from the van and buried her in a shallow grave. As to identification, Gabby wore a lot of jewelry. Lots of rings and a necklace in most pix. Even if she was decomposing, the jewelry and hair could have led to the preliminary identification of the remains being Gabby.

Lauri Bolland
>>68621978

I've felt that, as well. When you know that no one will help you, it really does fill you with deep sorrow and despair. She felt lost and she was lost. Her last chances for help went totally backwards.

RobynB

I agree that the PO’s bias we’re clearly in play. I watched the video and felt Brian left completely empowered and we all know how that ended. So sad. 😢

RobynB
>>68621225

Hi Julie, we have similar backgrounds. My family had emotional abuse w/tons of dysfunction behaviors that imprinted my sisters and my future relationships, fortunately I had it figured out by my early 30’s when I met and married my wonderful husband. I think we do have it “figured out” but it’s a systemic problem in our society. I think education is key, and catching children young. And maybe not glamorizing shows like Mad Men and fight club that marginalize woman and portray men as the creators of our universe?

Marcella Able

Thank you for sharing your thoughts & expertise.

CuriousinColorado

I enjoy these discussions so much. It is clear that Gabby and so many other people have been failed (ex the partner of the guy in Dr John’s story). Thank you for pointing out how complex the situation is. So much to think about. How we choose and train our police officers. How they are people who come with their own biases. As a mother of two teenage daughters, I feel parents also need more training in how to see the warning signs and what to do about it if we see them. Gabby is an adult after all and her parents couldn’t have told her what to do - what could they have done with an adult daughter? Could a man like this developed on his own (books etc) or do the parents have a role in it. Could his parents have done something to stop this trajectory he was on when he was younger, or is it likely something that was part of his family culture?

LauraK

I was giving the cops the benefit of the doubt. I saw that one of them was obviously biased based on gender and behavioral health status and dismissed her right away, but I was extending understanding that these guys are not trained mental health professionals and probably have little to no training in domestic violence since they behaved more like traffic cops. As well they seemed to try to be compassionate by not slapping the cuffs on (which in hindsight, it would have been best they tried to intervene like that). Knowing now that they did know about the domestic violence report that the male was the aggressor, I am beyond furious. I am completely disgusted by that one jackass who was lying about her hyperventilating and being hysterical and interrupting the other cop's interview of Gabby. I am watching to see what that police department does - do they learn from this and train their officers better?

Chelsea Jackman

The entire situation is tragic and a stark reminder that women have a long way to go to achieve equality. This also highlights the lack of general knowledge pertaining to mental health and the biases concerning mental health issues. When I moved to the US from Canada, I quickly became aware that I would have to become accustomed to not mentioning that I needed my Xanax or antidepressant refilled. It was so strange. Then again, being a single mother in Los Angeles, people were generally stunned that I had health insurance (and a PPO, at that) and that my daughter took vitamins. There are so many stereotypes and assumptions that completely need to be abolished. Gabby’s murder is so sad. I understand her dream was to get 1 million followers on YouTube. If you haven’t subscribed to nomadic statik, please do so. I’m sure her mother would appreciate Gabby receiving whatever it is YouTube awards to creators who amass that many followers, albeit posthumously. Thanks for a great episode, Lauren and Dr. John!

Nicole Plazas

This is the saddest thing. To think this death could have been preventable. I feel terribly sad for her family.

CuriousCat

Thank you for this. ❤️

Tracy Warberg Holliday

Heartbreaking. I mistakenly assumed that the officers didn't have the information that the dispatcher had. I totally bought Brian’s act the first time I watched it. I also thought the police were great at first glance. I don't know if it would have been handled differently if it could have saved Gabby’s life. But maybe it could have if the police had more training regarding domestic violence. The thing that bothered me from the beginning was the way the cops just wrote Gabby off as just another “over-emotional female”.

Crys Learning

I just joined Patreon, so I guess I’m now a self invited guest to the dinner table. I’m stunned that the police never asked Gabby if Brian hit her per the report they were given. Maybe I’m assuming something about how police work is done or not done, but it seems like it would be an important question.

Ann Leary

Thanks for interesting insight regarding anchor effect. The police anchored on her words, “I have OCD”

Debi

The policeman who talked about his ex- wife was very aggressive with Gabby. The first time I saw the tape, I recognized this behavior and wondered “why” he identified more with Brian. There is a systemic culture of aggressive behavior toward women that does not happen with white men. Thank you Lauren and Dr John for pointing this out in your discussion. Whether the police knew about the 911 call or not when they stopped them, that kind of aggression toward Gabby was unacceptable and I’ve seen it too many times too count. It’s a red flag and needs to be evaluated at every level of society.

ShaRee

I love getting mail from HTC. Thanks for the morsels to chew on. The excerpts Dr. John read from Brian’s fav book reminds me of this quote…. ”I can no longer remember the books I have read than the meals I have eaten, but they have made me.” ― Gordon B. Hinckley. One other thought that cropped up, that is random….The policeman who talked about showers to calm him, from his irritating wife, I can’t imagine their marriage got better after she listened to the body cam footage. 😬😬😬

Wendy Lyn Wishart

I’ve always thought book banning and historical book burning was despicable, but if there was ever a book to be burned, sounds like Fight Club takes the prize.

Char

Gabby was terrified during the traffic stop. She took all the blame knowing that, even though she'd 'face the music' because of the stop itself, it would be even worse for her if Brian was blamed. I think that things ramped up again the next morning and if Brian had any inkling that she was thinking about ending their relationship, or even toning it down somewhat when they returned home, he lost it. That was unacceptable to him..... He wouldn't let her go. He owned her (or really, really wanted to) and any rejection by her couldn't and 'wouldn't' happen. Poor, sweet little Gabby.... She was too far from home and her loved ones and was helpless when he snapped. My heart breaks for her and her family. 🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️

Speedbump

I do not want to sound judgmental, I would like to know if possibly the officers are LDS? Only because men are more respected than women.

Bonnie Lucas

I have no words for what was done to Gabby.

Katie Marlowe

I would like to know what the officers who were involved in this event have to say for themselves. 10 years ago, I naively believed that we had made huge leaps of progress in racial and gender relations. It’s just so infuriating and disappointing to know that, in these modern times, biases among men for men are still prevalent. It feels like I’ve been slapped in the face.

Brittany Rohr

I think the officers really tried to do the right thing. They spent quite awhile on scene talking with Gabby and Brian. The officers consulted each other and supervisors. Yes an opportunity was missed but let’s blame lack of training. Sure those officers wish they could go back in time and do things differently. Sadly life doesn’t work that way. My point is I truly think those officers tried to do the right thing. It comes down to serious lack of training