Music Through the Bull (April 7, 2022) (Patreon)

Thoughts While Waiting for Files

I’m waiting for files to transcribe. Let me write down some thoughts while I wait and listen to Ben Howard’s I Forget Where We Were album.

Today, I read a passage in Scripture where St. Paul tells his protege, Timothy, to be fully absorbed in his mission as a pastor.

That term, “fully absorbed,” left an impression on me. It’s amazing how a saint from 2,000 years ago could talk about a concept that resonates with me today. And why should that come as a surprise? We have always been connected to our predecessors by our common human experience — emotions, aspirations and all. That’s the beauty of reading books written by dead men; it reminds us that our experience are understood. We are not alone.

I want to be fully absorbed in work I believe in. If I’m being honest, only music has had me fully immersed in it. For the longest time, it’s only music that I constantly think about. To be honest, transcription work — though I am grateful for it — is a necessary distraction. It is necessary because I need the money while I wait for royalties and more streams, and a distraction because I would rather be fully absorbed in my work as a musician.

I just missed a big file. Another scribe beat me to it. That was a few thousand pesos missed. But you know what? I feel an odd relief that I can still listen to this Ben Howard track for some minutes more.

I’m getting the first draft of the mixes on Monday! Even now, I’m so proud. So, so proud.

Last week, I talked about my dissatisfaction. In terms of recording, most of that is gone now. The last session went amazingly. The tracks were recorded excellently. The drum and bass are tight. It formed a perfect skeleton which Jan and I could build on with our guitars and vocals. I sang all the tracks with passion and without weariness, unlike in Reflections on Moonlight & Poetry, where we rushed 13 tracks or so to stay in budget.

I believe the excellence of these trackers are a result of our intense preparation pre-recording: a total of six weeks rehearsals to practice ten tracks before heading to the studio.

Even the post-recording process was done excellently. The tracklist is carefully curated. Out of the 10 tracks recorded, we are using 7 tracks for part 1, leaving the other 3 for a deluxe edition further down the road. The amount of content in this album is on a different level than before.

I’m proud of the team: Bryant, Joric, Jan, Tita Modi, Michael Lorenzana, Alex Villegas, Nikhil Armanani, Sofia Paderes, and others who may join the project someday. And would it be proud to say that I am proud of myself? I don’t think so. I am immensely proud of my growth as a songwriter and band leader.

Even before release, I see this project as a success. I don’t need to wait for the numbers to see the value in this project. It is already my best work so far, and that is something to celebrate.

With that said, I hope it does numbers so that the band and I can experience the fruit of our labor. When I talk about wanting to make a living from the royalties of our songs, I don’t mean to say I wish to live the life of a bum, lazily waiting for cash to enter my bank account. Instead, I want to receive some compensation for the hours of work that goes into writing and producing songs, and I want to be funded to keep doing the work.

If there’s one thing I’m grateful for with this transcription work, it’s that it keeps me occupied while I wait for the release of the tracks. There’s a lot of waiting when it comes to music-related, and I would be tempted to be idle if I weren’t doing other things on the side. I need to keep my mind occupied somehow.

But more than keeping occupied, I wish to keep it sharp. The transcription does that to an extent; the waiting does not. I hate waiting for files. It’s so mind-numbing. I wish files were always available for claiming. It’s such an unnecessary part of the work. But I guess it’s like that with most of the work I experienced: 50% meaningful, and 50% bull[crap].

I digress.

I wish to keep making music. I wish to keep my time occupied and my mind sharp so I can continue making quality music. That is being done, and I am grateful. Even with the bull[crap] of waiting for files to transcribe, I have music to keep me company.

Maybe that’s one of the purposes of music. It’s something that fills the silence, or blocks out the noise. It’s something to make the unbearable moments a little bit better.

I hope I get to make music for people to listen to through all the bull[crap] life has to throw.