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The end of the Episode IX trilogy (Patreon)

Published:
2020-02-17 21:05:31
Imported:
2026-06

Files

Well. Let’s read Colin Trevorrow’s Episode IX script

Allegedly. If this turns out to be a hoax the worst thing that can happen is that I’ll have read a fanfiction which is also my brand. Click your favorite character in this screenplay: Rey’s colorful sari - https://www.patreon.com/JennyNicholson Tor Valum, who teaches no one the secret to life-sucking for thousands of years and then Kylo shows up deformed and seething with rage and aggression and Tor Valum is like “okay” - https://twitter.com/JennyENicholson Dade played by one of the kids from Stranger Things, which becomes a funnier casting choice with each passing year - https://www.twitch.tv/progamerjenny Hux, just, Hux - https://www.instagram.com/spider_jewel/ The stormtroopers too bashful to interrupt a couple who’s making out - https://spiderjewel.tumblr.com/ Breakout star VX-20 - https://www.facebook.com/JennyNicholsonVids/ HQ First Order symbol by Willy_Breeze on reddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/StarWars/comments/3rvibr/i_made_the_first_orders_symbol_in_high_quality/ Banjo Kazooie footage by ZorZelda - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDUbgbJohT4 Smash Bros footage by Vee - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tC6W8aoP4Cw

Comments

Paulie Paul

Absolute gold. The Tor Valum sequence had me nearly cry-laughing and I watched it 3 times. He died the way he lived. WASTING MY TIME 💀

grant sabadish

Idk dude. In star wars battlefront 2, on the mos Eisley map, you could throw Darth Paul's twin saber and that was fun.

VorpalThumb

Episode X: At World's End

Shaun Cheah

My boss gave me permission to work from home today because of this video.

Luis

Oh no stuck at work but now I have something to look forward to tonight!!

ZBL

YAAAAAS

Shaun Cheah

I don't usually advocate for 2x speed on these videos, but you could theoretically order lunch delivered directly to the office and then watch this entire video on your break with five minutes to spare.

Shaun Cheah

Somehow, Jenny has returned.

Darren Pierce

I should've noticed this on the preview video, but the graffiti wouldn't be in English, right? The visual might still "read" even in an alien language, I guess ... ?

Lea Chinelo

As someone whose knowledge of Star Wars is entirely based on pop culture osmosis and your content, this type of video always leaves me delightfully confused, lol.

Monica McFadden

Yikes, I hate the Poe-Rey relationship in this. This whole trilogy was so disjointed, too. I don't understand why they didn't plan out each character's history and arc ahead of time, for all three movies. More than anything this reminds me of the "round robin" fanfics from the early internet, where a group of friends would pass around a story, each writing their own chapter.

Bryan Sutton

I want to say that I could write a better treatment for Episode IX than anything we've gotten so far. But no, it would probably be terrible and just end up being the subject of another Jenny video.

Jesse Johnson

You didn't like "Safety Not Guaranteed"?

BruceR

I lost it at the Kylo-pig discourse at 1:00. Thanks for this. :--)

Trillion Bones

‘Tor Valum’ (sp?) voice sounds like a blue meanie and I’m all about it. Simultaneously silly and terrifying.

RichterCa

So, I assume Trevorrow named the movie "Duel of the Fates" so that it would end the entire saga with all the thematic resonance of the lightsaber battle between Darth Maul and Qui-Gon Jinn? Clearly the singular defining moment of the entire 9 episodes.

Paul Des Lauries

So at the end, an establishing shot of Rey getting out a starship to show how she got to the planet would have been helpful? The irony!

Spencer Hastings

I wonder if the life giving thing was mandated? This was dated from before tlj right? And luke is a ghost. Maybe those were literally the only 2 things pre planned but not even flushed out.

Meg Fig

He lost the Star war!

Luis

What a wild ride that was! I'm convinced that Jenny could read us the phone book for 2 hours and make it entertaining as heck. Also I didn't think anything could beat Jenny's Palpatine but her Tor Valum was the greatest thing I've ever witnessed.

Sage Erickson

Hey Jenny! I love your shirt, where did you get it?? It’s all I need in life

Matt Reynolds

wow, there's things I like but so much terrible stuff around it that I can't help but think the good stuff happened by accident. I feel like the only way a satisfying episode 9 would have happened is if Rian Johnson made it. still I took a shot at writing up a very quick what I'd do if I made episode 9. I'm not entirely satisfied with it but it's still better in my opinion then Trevorrow, JJ or Alan Dean Foster's ideas.

Matt Reynolds

star wars episode 9 balance of the force episode 9 finds poe leading the reborn rebel alliance with Finn and Rose on a recruitment drive. Rey has isolated herself from her friends to focus on her training. the isolation however creating nightmares. if leia remains alive we learn she's on a mission if her own, reaching out to governments that survived the destruction of starkiller base, hoping to keep the republic alive, 3PO and R2 are with her and will be in contact with the alliance during the film in Leia's place. meanwhile Supreme commander kylo Ren is starting to unravel. the weight of his decisions pulling him down until he's finally confronted by the ghost of his former master Luke Skywalker. Hux seeing opportunity in the situation brings in the knights of ren to take control of the first order, the knights of ren, resentful of Kylo, perhaps for abandoning them, perhaps for leading them to snoke who tortured them agree to help them. The film will see a rivalry between Hux and and poe as leaders of opposing sides one that poe will come out victorious from because unlike Hux he has friends like Fin, rose, chewey and bb8 around him. Rey will feel the pull of the dark side which will bring her face to face with the knights of Ren where we will see an epic lightsaber battle as Rey takes them all on. just as Anakin had in revenge of the sith Rey will see the opportunity through the first order and the dark side to have take away her pain, her isolation. meanwhile Kylo after being betrayed by Hux and the knights of Ren escapes on an escape pod only to end up on dagobah. it's here that he encounters the family he's lost, not just Luke but Han, Anakin, perhaps even Padme and sees the true shame of Darth vader, he also hears leia's voice through all this. he then encounters snoke's spirit and learns that Snoke was an inquisitor jealous of vader who craved power for himself. he was a nobody much like Rey. he then faces a masked kylo ren and in killing him kills kylo Ren and finds Ben solo again. he then realizes Rey is in trouble and goes after her. with Hux defeated by her friends and the knights of ren defeated Rey is about to declare herself Supreme leader when Ben arrives. Ben now carries either the skywalker lightsaber, Luke's green lightsaber or his mother's lightsaber if we've set it up earlier. Ben however puts the sword down and refuses to fight her, he helps her see all she's gained, a family, a father figure and if she can forgive him for what he's done a man that loves her. Ben helps her find the good in her just as she tried to do for him and together they escape before the first order base is destroyed. later they are visited once more by luke who informs them that the dark side was able to grow so powerful and corruptive because of the rules the jedi created, it's only through embracing passion but keeping it in check too can balance really be found. Luke then says maybe he'll see them again one day but for now the 2 of them and their friends have a big adventure ahead of them. he then fades away. The group all celebrate their victory over the first order, rey is with her family, poe and Finn kiss. Ben watches from near by still feeling uneasy when he feels a hand on his shoulder. it's his mother. she hugs him. Ben joins the others, he and Rey finally kiss and cut to black.

Evan Wachholz

I agree with your conclusion. As bad as the Rise of Skywalker was, it was way better than this.

David Wilhelm Beckmann

I lost it so many times over the course of this amazing video. I truly believe Jenny being able to do this reading is the only justification there is ever going to be for the production of Episode 9 and possibly the entire trilogy.

Jake Sidwell

‘Tiny fish jump out of the water and run away’ is the best line of this script.

Avia Lewis

Has anyone pledged at the "Randy Moore, Writer and Director of Escape from Tomorrow" tier yet

Vanessa Júpiter

Jenny's Obi Wan voice makes my life considerably better. (I was trying to remember other times when she did a similar voice cadence in a video, I could remember McGriel from Dark Internet Rituals (at 22:50) and Matumbo's weirdest line in Trigger Warning (at 55:35) -- Can anyone remember any other times when this type of slow smooth old wise man voice was used?) :)

Austin Baker

I really want to see how you would write Episode IX after bashing all of the various IX scripts. I still listen to your Star Wars Story you did a while ago I have it downloaded it's so good! I think it'd be a constructive maybe therapeutic way to channel your disappointment; you might see how hard or easy it is to write the conclusion of a trilogy with absolutely zero direction and no time to change it. I just would love to see a Jenny Nicholson original EP IX. (With Yoda voice :)

Shaun Cheah

You could always suggest it for the ramble if it's not going to be a main channel video.

Austin Baker

I'm not at that tier unfortunately.

Shaun Cheah

I've got four ideas in the buffer right now but there have been times when I couldn't come up with something to suggest and I just suggested someone else's idea. You could just put the topic into the æther and hope someone in suggestions tier sees it and decides to champion it, I suppose.

nickneverwins

"no one makes their password the date of christmas" cleary you've never met my mum with the hotel safes you get on vacation, because for some reason she thinks her adult children are idiots who cannot be expected to remember four random digits in a specific order unless it's a significant date that we all celebrate every year. she won't even do one of our birthday because it's not applicable to all of us so one of us might forget when my sister's birthday is

Austin Baker

Wanna do a solid and suggest it for me? If you think it's a good idea

Chris M

Since December of 2015, you've put out more good Star Wars stuff than the three sequel movies.

Spencer Hastings

I just remembered Black Moon Rising also had an energy / life sucking plot line. HOW

Shaun Cheah

As mentioned I have my own things for at least the next four months already planned out, but let me know your PayPal and I'll send you $25 so you can suggest it yourself.

Austin Baker

No no no don't do that I don't need it that bad thanks though

Emvee

So was that bit about two of the Knights of Ren appearing to work as a team Trevorrow’s attempt at giving life to the bonkers fanboy theory about the KoR being the Rogue One gang? Also, I posit that the Pretty Woman makeover scene for our lead warrior character was the final straw for Kathleen K., since it carbon-dates Colin’s sense of writing women to literally 30 years ago. Quibble: narrator / stage direction reader would have benefited from a non-Rey hat, imho. The Han Solo hat made me LOL, though – great choice/edit.

Steve Ray

The only topics we need to care about are Dispassionate Stares, Disney+ Animal Movies Ranked, and Disney+ Movies About Willful Technology Ranked ....(a/k/a Herbie the Love Bug Is A Bad Car)

Austin Baker

I don't think there was a way to salvage this movie considering how badly TFA and TLJ conflict with each other (and themselves!) I cannot believe they didn't write the trilogy as a whole and instead basically winged it for each one because Disney went ahead and bought all the December slots for the foreseeable future and there was no way a movie was not coming out when it was supposed to. The signs were there for imminent failure, it was impressive how Abrams pulled off the first movie so well.

pix

I finally got around to watching this and I loved it. Special thanks for the extra hat-related editing work that was required :D

Sordahon

Alternate ending: Rey dies, and her friends find out. They’re all sad, so they go to Maz Kanata to ask her what to do. Maz says “You’ll need help for this one” and then Benecio Del Toro’s character walks down the stairs and takes a big bite out of an apple. Then there’s an episode X where they rescue rey

Shaun Cheah

Afterlife heist? I'm in.

Catnipfairy

I havent seen any of the new trilogy, but I have seen this video, the other video with a rejected episode IX script, and your video about the actual episode IX. I cant wait for all 3 scripts to blur together in my mind in a few years time, and genuinely believe that there are two Snokes and sith face cancer in the final film!

Brandon Blackmoor

I loved every minute of this video. But as dumb as this script sounds, it sounds better than the version of Episode IX (pronounced "episode icks") than my friends have seen and told me about. I never thought I would live to see a day when a Star Wars movie was so bad that it killed my desire to see any more Star Wars movies. But "The Last Jedi" was that movie. If you need me, I'll be in my lush chamber with my vintage lightsabers.

Brandon Blackmoor

P.S. I completely agree with her on the stupid "Chewie finally gets a medal" trope. That's just painfully bad. Personally, in 1977 I just assumed that Leia handed to him because she couldn't reach up to put it over his head. I find it bizarre that some people preferred to think that Leia was a racist.

Aramis Calcutt

What kind of popcorn is it that is making you shake your head? I want to get that kind!!